


time stays, we go

by andtheny



Series: The Bootstrap Paradox [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Drama, Companion Piece, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Good Intentions, Good Sibling Number Five | The Boy, Miscommunication, Number Five | The Boy has PTSD, Number Five | The Boy-centric, One Big Happy Family, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 131,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28610337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andtheny/pseuds/andtheny
Summary: Five and his siblings are living peaceably in an unchanged 2019 after preventing the apocalypse. Well, somewhat peaceably... okay, there are problems. A lot of problems. But Five believes he can fix everything. He has a plan.___________________Or, Five is a problem solver at heart.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy)
Series: The Bootstrap Paradox [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2180217
Comments: 54
Kudos: 71





	1. April, May, and June

_A man is worked upon by what he works on. He may carve out his circumstances, but his circumstances will carve him out as well._

_― Frederick Douglass_

It was easy to be happy, when they first got back. 

Everyone was relieved to see the other side of April 1st, 2019. To be home again. 

But then Allison left. 

"I need to see Claire," She'd said. "Just to make sure she's still… I need to see her." 

Luther drove her to the airport himself. He stood and watched her board a plane and imagined running up to join her at the last minute.

Like in one of her movies, Allison would laugh and embrace him. Maybe even… maybe even kiss him. 

That's what would happen if they were in a movie. 

But movies don't pay attention to airport security. 

"Sir, do you have a plane ticket?" The security guard reached for a taser, visibly put off by Luther's height and bulk. "Sir, you need to stay on _that_ side of the line." 

"Um, is it too late to buy one? A ticket?" Luther watched Allison disappear into the long tunnel that led into her plane. 

The man looked from Luther to the plane and back again. "You don't mean for _this_ flight? The one that's already boarding?" 

"Nevermind," Luther said. He could feel the crowd turning towards them now, the way people craned their necks to gawk up at him was uncomfortably familiar. "Um, have a good day." 

The security guard seemed to realize he was holding his taser a little too obviously. He strapped it back onto his belt as Luther stepped back and belatedly responded, "Have a good day, sir." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It wouldn’t be accurate to say things had gone back to normal. How could life be normal, with Dad gone? 

There were no missions, now.

And there was no impending apocalypse.

More than anything else, Luther found himself missing Mr. Ruby. The routine he’d built up around the man’s business. It had been easy, then. To win fights and act the part of bodyguard and chauffeur. 

What the hell was he supposed to do _now_?

“Alright,” Five said. “This is just odd. You’re not Klaus.” 

Five had teleported into Luther’s room without warning and yanked the curtains open, then stood looming over Luther’s bed with his arms crossed.

Luther rubbed his eyes. “What about Klaus?” 

“It’s past noon,” Five said. “And I know this isn’t your normal sleeping pattern.” 

It wouldn’t be accurate to call what Luther had just been doing “sleep.” He’d been wide awake, but hadn’t really seen the point in getting up. 

Luther sat up to frown at Five. “Does it matter?” 

“Of course it matters,” Five said. “So let’s hear it.” 

“Hear what?” 

Five made a circling motion with his hand. “Just get on with it, tell me what you’re sulking about.” 

Luther stared at him, nonplussed. It wasn’t like Five to engage in “emotional displays” or to ask how someone was feeling. 

“Why are you asking?” Luther said. 

“As I said,” Five huffed. “This is odd. What are you doing in bed at this time of day? I swear, you’ve been moping about ever since we got back. I’m here to put a stop to it.” 

Awkwardly shuffling off the bed, Luther smiled at Five. “Wow. Um, thank you.” 

Five rolled his eyes. “Don’t thank me. Start talking.” 

Not used to being put on the spot like this, Luther cast about for a way to stall a bit. He went to his closet and pulled out some proper clothes. He’d spent too long in over-sized sweats, hadn’t he? Maybe that was why Five was getting worried. 

“Luther,” Five said, impatiently. “I said start talking.” 

“Maybe I should shave?” Luther said, fingering his scruffy chin. “And get dressed? Would that make you feel better?” 

“What?” Five said. “It doesn’t matter how _I_ feel.” 

“But you’re worried that I’m letting myself go, right?” Luther gestured at the clothes in his hands. “Here, let me get dressed.” 

“That would treat the symptoms, not the disease,” Five said. “You have to tell me what the disease is.” 

Luther chuckled nervously. “I’m not sick.” 

“It’s a metaphor, you dolt!” 

The way Five glared up at him, fists clenched at his sides and chin jutting out as he lost his composure, was oddly endearing. Luther was used to seeing Five like this, mean and spiteful, but it was like looking at an angry kitten.

And maybe it was just because Five looked like a little kid. Maybe it was nostalgia; Five was still wearing the Umbrella Academy uniform. He looked just the same as he had back in the good old days. 

Either way, Luther was flooded with a surge of affection. He wondered how Five would react to a hug. But there was no point wondering, was there? Five would just teleport away from it.

“That is an unsettling smile,” Five said. “The hell are you thinking about?” 

“I’m feeling a lot better already,” Luther said. “Thanks for checking up on me.” 

“Uh huh,” Five said. “So you don’t want to talk. Fine, I’ll get out of your hair.” 

“No, I just-”

“No need to sugar coat it.” Five turned away from Luther, adjusting his tie. “Carry on, shave your face. I'll pay you no mind.” 

Before Luther could respond, Five warped out of the room. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Whenever Diego stopped by the house, he made a big show of slamming doors open. 

“HEY MOM!”

He’d shout like a lunatic, stomp around, and otherwise do his damnedest to be as noticeable as humanly possible. 

“MOM WHERE ARE- oh. Hey, Five.” Diego picked at his nails to feign nonchalance. “You seen mom?” 

“She’s not here,” Five said. “So pipe down, would you?” 

Diego stiffened. “What do you mean she’s not here?” 

“She’s at the grocery store with Luther." Five smirked and added, "She’s fine.” 

Diego deflated. “What do you mean she’s fine? Of course she’s fine.”

“Yup, she’s fine.” Five made as if to turn away, but Diego grabbed his arm.

“Hey, I think it’s good,” Diego said. “That she goes out now.” 

Before the old man died Mom had never left the property. It was an order embedded into her programming. But Five had deleted it. 

Among other things. 

“Uh huh,” Five said. “She’ll be back in a half hour or so.” 

“Oh yeah? Guess I’ll hang around for a bit then,” Diego said. “So what are you up to?” 

Five glared at the hand on his arm and Diego released him, smiling sheepishly. For some reason Diego had a bad habit of… well, it’s not that he was touchy. _Klaus_ was touchy. Always slinging his arms over Five’s shoulders or resting them on his head.

No, Diego had a way of grabbing that grated on Five’s nerves. It was always a restraining hold. 

Like a perp walk.

“Five? What are you up to?” Diego squinted at him. “You good, bro?” 

Five tried to formulate an inoffensive response.

“I’m good,” he said, carefully. “I was about to leave the house myself.” 

It was Thursday, which meant a trip to the library. 

“By yourself?” Diego said. “Where you going?” 

Five crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Yes, by myself. I don’t need a chaperone.” 

“But where are you going?” 

“What’s it to you?”

“Look, there’s this turf war going on,” Diego said. “Between these two gangs. So I just-”

Five laughed. “I have killed more men in one sitting than you’ve scratched in your lifetime.” He sneered at Diego’s scowl. “You should worry about the fool who’d try to take me on.” 

“Fuck you!” Diego said. “You think you’re hot shit, but even you-”

Five warped out of the house.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was different living with Klaus and Five. Technically he’d lived with them before, but that had been when Dad was alive and the Umbrella Academy was still intact. It had been a full house and though Luther liked both of them well enough, they weren’t the siblings he’d ever sought out.

That had always been Allison. And Diego had been a big part of his life too, back then, because Diego was always approaching Luther. Even if it was just to pick fights. 

Still, after years alone in the mansion it was really nice to have his brothers back.

Klaus had initiated movie nights. Sometimes, they all ate dinner together. 

But then there were times that Klaus left the house to do god knows what. And Five was usually holed up in his room. 

In the week since Five had bullied him out of bed, Luther had been making an effort to stop sulking. But he still didn’t quite know what to do with himself. 

What did Five do with all this free time? Luther knocked on his door, steeling himself to ask. 

“Fuck off, Klaus!” Five yelled through the door. 

“It’s not Klaus,” Luther said. “It’s me, Luther.” 

He heard a chair scraping against the floor and what might have been the tale tell electric crackle of Five’s teleporting. Then the door was opening and Five smirked up at him. 

“Ready to talk, then?” 

“Yeah?” Luther scratched his chin. “Can I come in?” 

Five graciously opened an arm to gesture into the room. “You can sit on the bed.” 

“Thanks.” Luther glanced around as he sat, noticing the walls of Five’s bedroom were still covered in the scribblings from his last visit. “Hey, do you want help repainting your room?” 

“No thanks,” Five said. “Let’s not get distracted, now.” 

Five turned his chair away from the desk, pointing it toward the bed and sitting with his fingers steepled together in his lap. “Well?” 

“Oh. Right.” Luther scooted forward a little, so that he was perched on the edge of the bed. It was easier to keep his back straight that way. “I wanted to ask you what you’ve been doing.” 

Five raised an eyebrow. “Pardon?” 

“Well, you’re not working right? Not like Vanya and Diego,” Luther said. “I know Klaus isn’t working either, but he has his hobbies. I think he goes out to visit friends and stuff. He’s out right now.” 

“I don’t follow,” Five said. “Just tell me plainly what your problem is so we can work towards a solution.” 

It would sound stupid if he said his problem was boredom, wouldn’t it? Luther could imagine Five spitting out some kind of scathing remark. Like: What, you want me to entertain you? Get a goddamn hobby. Or a job.

“I don’t have a problem,” Luther said, instead. “I’m just curious about… about you?”

Five glared at him. “You’re lying,” he said. “Look, is it about Allison?” 

Luther winced. “No,” he said, too quickly. “I don’t mind that… I talk to Allison all the time. On the phone.”

All the time was an exaggeration, but they did make the effort to call each other at least twice a week. It was nice. It was enough.

It would have to be enough. 

“You could go to California,” Five said. “She lives alone anyway, doesn’t she? Just ask her if you can move in.” 

“She’s dealing with a lot right now,” Luther said. “That whole custody battle thing. And she has to go to court mandated counseling.”

“So?” Five said. 

“She started filming a new movie.” Luther started to lean forward, momentarily resting his elbows on his knees, but then he wondered how that would look to Five and straightened back up.

He suddenly wished he could just stand and clasp his hands behind his back, like he had done during his debriefs with Dad or Mr. Ruby. 

“So Allison’s filming a movie, she’s going to counseling.” Five ticked the points off on his fingers. “Probably spending a fair amount of time in court or else strategizing with her lawyer. Alright, I guess she wouldn’t be home much. But so what? You’d still see more of her if you were there than if you were here. And what are you doing here that you can’t do there?” 

“It’s not that simple.” 

Five looked annoyed. He always looked sort of annoyed, but now he was rubbing his temples. Like the conversation had given him a headache. “It _is_ that simple.”

“Do you want me to move to California?” Luther said.

If so, it was kind of hurtful. Like Five couldn’t stand him anymore. Like Dad, after the accident. Being sent off to California was nicer than the moon, at least. But it was a pitiful banishment all the same. 

“It doesn’t matter to me where you live,” Five said.

 _He's speaking carefully_ , Luther thought. _Trying to sound neutral, like he isn't invested in one outcome over the other._

But Five wouldn't insist on it in the first place if he didn't have a stake in it. 

“If it makes things easier for you,” Luther said. “I can ask Allison if she wouldn’t mind letting me stay with her. Until I can find my own place.” 

He still remembered the look on Mr. Ruby’s face after he’d thrown that fight.

And Five’s face, when he’d refused to help him stop the apocalypse. At the time it had been easy to wave away Five’s concerns. How could the world possibly be ending in 1963? If that was true none of them would have had lives in 2019. They wouldn’t have even been born. 

“Get your own place?” Five said. “Why would you do that?” 

“I don’t want to be a burden,” Luther said. “She has to prioritize Claire.” 

“Wait, back up.” Five stood and started pacing. “Why would that make things easier for _me_? Walk me through your train of thought there.” 

“Because you want me to leave?” Luther stood too, but then he sat back down. He didn’t want to crowd Five. 

“I said I don’t _care_ where you live,” Five said, throwing his hands up. “If you aren’t going to live with Allison, what would be the point of leaving?” 

“Diego’s always saying I should’ve left home and made a life for myself,” Luther said. “Isn’t that what you’re getting at? That I should go do something?” 

_Maybe I could find another Mr. Ruby to work for_ , Luther thought. _Things are different in 2019, but that line of work is still a thing, isn’t it?_

“We’re rich,” Five said. “We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to.” 

“Well yeah, but-” 

“So you don’t want to live with Allison,” Five said. “You’re fine with the way things are.” 

“I’d rather live here at the Academy,” Luther said. “Unless you have a problem with that.” 

Five put a hand on his chin, like he wanted to stroke a nonexistent beard, and hummed thoughtfully. “You asked me what I’ve been doing. I’m going to turn that question back around. What have _you_ been doing?”

Luther winced. “Well… why do you ask?” 

“Just a thought. Nevermind.” Five looked at his watch. “Vanya will be here soon, so we’ll have to table this for now.” 

“Oh! You guys are training today?” Luther said. "Hey, do you need any help with that?"

“No, I've got a handle on it. See yourself out, won’t you?” Five blinked out of the room. 

“Right,” Luther sighed. “Bye then.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Meditation was torture. A necessary evil, as far as Five was concerned, but torture all the same. 

It helped Vanya center herself before training. 

It struck Five as funny that it had never occurred to the old man to foster any sort of peaceful environment for his most volatile weapon during their training sessions. Instead he’d barked at her like a drill sergeant and then had the gall to be surprised by the explosive result. 

And Reginald Hargreeves had thought himself intelligent. Five scoffed to himself and then winced, opening his eyes to peek at his sister. 

Vanya’s eyes were still closed, but her lips were twitching.

Five was tempted to interrupt their meditation session to ask her if she was doing the breathing, if she had a clear mind, if she could hear… whatever it was she was supposed to be hearing. 

But to speak would defeat the whole point of the exercise wouldn’t it? 

In any case, it looked like she was breathing just fine. 

“I can feel your eyes,” Vanya murmured. 

Five tutted and closed his eyes without responding. 

Meditation was torture. 

But he had to hold himself still until the timer went off. It was a mere five minutes of stillness. Five could spare that much. All he had to do was breathe along with her. It was a tedious non- task, but one that had already proven itself fruitful. 

Slowly but surely Vanya was wrestling her powers into submission. 

And Five was determined to bear witness. To make sure the bomb of the apocalypse was effectively defused. To fix what their father had broken. 

Five had always been a problem solver. 

A do-er. A fixer.

Sitting compliantly in the training room while Vanya’s little device (she’d called it a phone, but it did not look like a phone; more like a slab of plexiglass) played calming ambient noise was the last thing Five would call productive. 

But it _was_ productive, he reminded himself. It was a vital component to Vanya’s training. Allowing her the emotional control she struggled with after years of numbing anxiety medications.

So when the timer finally went off Five did his best to school his expression. To stand slowly, to maintain his calm breathing. Calm was the important thing here. Calm was the whole damn point. 

Vanya smiled at him. 

“Alright,” he said. “Today, I thought you could try levitating Luther’s weights.” 

She had levitated their brothers, and himself, on that fraught night at the Icarus Theater. It had been a strange kind of telekinesis. Not something he would have anticipated from her powers, which had seemed more like super charged sound waves than anything else. 

“Oh. Um, I don’t know how to do that on command,” Vanya said. “I’ve only done it...” She winced. “The one time.” 

“I understand,” Five said. “But it wouldn’t hurt to give it a try, hmm?” 

Vanya nodded. 

Two hours later and their progress was minimal, but it was progress nonetheless. She hadn’t been able to lift anything clear off the ground, but she’d sort of… nudged the weights. Displaced them slightly. 

They had been moved, incrementally, from where they had originally sat. 

It would have to do.

While they were at it Vanya had also shattered all the light bulbs, but Five waved away her stammering apologies. A few broken light bulbs were peanuts compared with the moon she’d once decimated. 

The timer went off again and Five sighed. They closed each training session with another five minute meditation. 

So he sat with her. Crossed his legs together, placed his hands in his lap. He did not fidget. Did not open his eyes, much as he was tempted. 

Simply sat and breathed. 

Alone with his thoughts. 

How did five damn minutes stretch so long when one did nothing at all? 

Just focus, you idiot. Breath. 

Meditation was such a Vanya thing. It did not surprise him that she found comfort in the activity. Like many of her… past attempts to self-actualize, it was a quaint idea. Right up there with therapy and writing. 

He liked the way these things made her familiar. She’d begun to feel like another person. Like a stranger. Especially when he’d found her in the sixties. The amnesiac Vanya had little regard for Five. She’d thought him a rude little man. He’d seen it in her eyes. 

And she’d laughed in the face of their petty family drama. Five would never forget the nonchalant way she’d shrugged her shoulders at the little explosion from her powers at that dinner table with Reginald. How she’d demurred an amused little “Whoops.” 

That was before she’d known. Before she’d remembered. 

The good old American government had certainly slapped that nonchalance out of her when they’d-

The timer went off. 

Five opened his eyes and found that Vanya was smiling at him once again. But there was a wrinkle in her brow, a tense set to her jaw. 

It was a smile, but a nervous, hesitant little thing. Nothing like the defiant scowl she’d directed at him before that incident. Before her memories were thrust upon her like a dead body to a grave digger. 

Was she really better off like this? 

“Good work,” Five said. “I’ll see you next-” 

“Do you want to eat dinner with me?” Vanya said in a rush. “Uh, before you go?” 

Five blinked. “Sure.”

The two of them made an odd pair when they ventured into the public sphere. Him in his schoolboy shorts and her in her tasteful button ups. She was too young to be his mother, he was too… unruly to be a student. And yet they stood too far apart for siblings. There was discomfort in the air. There was tension. 

They ate their food in silence, regarding each other from across the table. And once again Five was alone with his thoughts. 

Dolores wouldn’t have allowed it to drag on like this. 

“I’ve been meaning to ask you this for a while,” Five said. “But I thought it would be too advanced to… pursue. I decided to table it.” 

“What did you want to ask?” Vanya’s little frowns were more familiar than her smiles.

Klaus told Five that she’d "partied" with him and Allison in the sixties. They’d gotten drunk and danced around in a hair salon. 

He couldn’t picture it. 

“Harlan,” Five said. “How did you give him your abilities?” 

Vanya bit her lip. “It was an accident.” 

“I’m aware of that,” Five said. “But what were the… circumstances of that accident?” 

She considered the question for a moment, glaring down at a bread roll. She tore the bread into little pieces. A nervous habit. 

“Nevermind,” Five said. “We can-”

“He was in the lake,” Vanya said. “He almost drowned.” 

Five nodded and gestured with a hand. Go on. 

“I think it happened when I was trying to revive him?” Vanya touched her lips. “Mouth to mouth resuscitation. There was this… this glow. I could see it flow into him.” 

“It was instinctual,” Five said. “Do you think it’s what saved him?” 

Vanya scratched her cheek. “I like to think it was the oxygen that saved him.” 

Five hummed. “I suppose gaining your powers was more of a… byproduct.” 

“It’s like it infected him.” Vanya rubbed her arms, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “I hope that’s not something that could happen any time I try to k-kiss…” 

She trailed off, making a face. 

Five blanched and cleared his throat.

“But it could be useful,” Five said, trying to change tracts. “It’s like the inverse of Lila’s power. The ability to lend someone your strength.” 

“Maybe,” Vanya said. “But it was impossible for Harlan to control. I wouldn’t want to burden someone with that.” 

“With forethought and training-” Five began. 

“No,” Vanya said.

Five frowned at her. 

She glared at her crumbled bread roll, picking up the pieces and smashing them together. “I don’t think it’s something we should experiment with.” 

“Alright,” Five said. 

It was better to guide than to push. If Reginald had understood that from the start, perhaps they’d all have been better off.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Have you taken a look at your holdings?" Five said.

Quickly swallowing his mouthful of cereal, Luther said, "Holdings?"

"The accounts, the properties, the royalties," Five said. "You know… your _inheritance_?" 

"Oh," Luther said. "Sorry, I haven't really… thought about it." 

Five grinned. "I suspected as much." 

He set a stack of folders and journals down on the table. "Well, the good news is the Academy is already good and paid for. The only concern is property tax and that bill seems to be set up with some sort of computer that just… pays it when it needs to be paid."

"An automatic payment," Luther said. "I've heard of those." 

"Right," Five said. "Most of the mechanisms, money in and out, are automatic. But some of them need a more… human touch." 

"What needs a human touch?" Luther said. "And, wait, how are we dividing it? Is there a check or something everyone was supposed to get?" 

"Dividing it?" Five said. "We're not dividing anything." 

"We're not?" 

Five tapped at his chin. "Well, I suppose you can, if you'd like. But you'd need to liquidate the properties first." 

"Liquidate?" 

"Sell them." 

"What properties exactly?" Luther picked up a folder and opened it, as if it would have the answers. But trying to read the papers inside felt like opening a book in the middle: he was missing a lot of context. "Why do we need to sell them to split them?" 

"Maybe I should have led with this," Five said. " _You_ would need to sell them. Or not sell them. The entire Hargreeves fortune, all its assets, are owned by you and you alone." 

Luther stared at him. 

"Just me?" Luther said. "Why just me?" 

"I thought that would be obvious," Five said. "You're Number One. And the only one of us who remained loyal until the old man's bitter end." 

If Luther hadn't already been sitting, he would have sat down. As it was, he felt out of place sitting at the breakfast table with a spoon in one hand and a random folder in the other.

His cereal looked sad and soggy, the other folders and journals: intimidating. 

Luther stood up. "We should have a family meeting." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"You can keep his goddamn blood money," Diego spat. "I don't want a cent!" 

"I'll gladly take Diego's half," Klaus said. "Along with mine, of course." 

"None of you have a half to take," Five said. "Luther's the only heir."

Allison's voice felt small and airy from the laptop speakers. As if she were trying to speak from the far end of a tunnel. "We all know Luther is more than happy to share." 

"Why would you need any money." Diego was glaring at her grainy image on the screen. "You're already rich." 

"You're right," Allison said, glaring right back. "Guess I'll give my half to Vanya then?" 

Vanya jolted, startled to be roped into the argument. "Oh no," she said. "That's okay. I don't need anyone's half." 

"The whole fortune is blood money," Diego snapped. "He worked with the Majestic 12. Who knows what kind of shady businesses he was operating?" 

"Right," Five said, rifling through one of Dad’s journals. "Here we’ve got solid evidence that he nefariously flipped houses. The horrors of capitalism at work." 

"Uh guys?" Luther wished he had that whistle Dad had always used to settle everyone down. "I think the main thing-" 

"It's not like he'd keep a record of his crimes," Diego growled. "You wouldn't find it with his-"

"At the end of the day, money is money," Klaus said. "It's fine if you don't want it, Diego, but the rest of us-"

"Everybody shut up," Five said. "Luther's trying to say something." 

Luther smiled at him, touched by the intervention. "Thanks Five." 

"Go on then," Five said. 

Everyone looked at Luther expectantly. 

"Right. Um." 

Never being one for patience, Klaus broke in before Luther could get his thoughts in order, "Can I have Ben's half?" 

Five and Diego both smacked him: Five upside his head and Diego on his shoulder. 

Klaus whined like a wounded cat and Luther sighed. 

"No, Klaus," Luther said. "Just… no."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A normal person might use a phone if they wanted to get a hold of someone. Since Five refused to acquire one, his siblings had learned to contact him through Klaus or Luther.

Failing that, he could typically be found in his bedroom, the library, or the training room. 

But no. 

Though Diego was a simple man at heart- the sort to run into battle with a straightforwardness that forwent any kind of thought or strategy- when it came to matters that were more… civilian in nature, he would bumble around in as indirect a way as possible. 

Diego planted himself on the stairs and talked to Klaus at a volume which was louder than necessary. "... but, you know, Al practically begged me to do it. How could I say no?" 

At first it wasn't clear, but eventually Five realized Diego was trying to get _his_ attention specifically. 

"As you already know, my dear brother." Klaus spoke in that theatrical way he used when he wanted to make a joke of his situation. A sort of conspiratorial bad acting, done on purpose. "Luther and I are both beside ourselves with excitement." 

He heard a thump and a yelp and guessed that Diego had punched Klaus, probably sensing the sarcasm. 

"It's no big deal." Diego delivered this line in an angry, threatening tone. 

_We can't all have Allison's talents,_ Five thought, rolling his eyes. 

"Oh, but Diego!" Klaus adopted a more sugary tone, simpering and high pitched. "Did you tell _Five_ about the match?" 

This sort of pretend conversation had been repeated in various locations throughout the house. But this was the first time one of them actually let his name drop. 

"Huh," Diego said. "You know, I forgot all about him." 

They would probably continue the farce for days if he didn't put a stop to it. So Five put on an aggrieved smile and teleported onto the staircase with them.

"Forgot me, did you?" 

Klaus overdid his surprise, gasping and tilting back over the banister. The idiot might have fallen clean over the rails, but Five grabbed him by the shirt and tugged him back into his feet. 

"Be careful!" Diego snapped at him. "Goddammit Klaus, you almost fell!" 

"Whoopsie daisy," Klaus giggled. "Great reflexes, Fivey." 

Five huffed. "Tell me about the thing already." 

Diego hesitated, glancing between the two of them as if unprepared to actually go off script. "Uh." 

Klaus rescued him. "A boxing match!" He clapped his hands together. "After years of mopping the blood off the ring, our Diego is finally getting a chance to shed his own blood _in_ the ring!" 

Diego glared at him. 

"Is it not called a ring?" Klaus said. "I thought that was the term. Is it a rink? I thought that was ice skating." 

Shaking his head in bemusement, Diego mumbled, "Yeah, the boxing ring." 

"Sounds like a real..." A real what? Five couldn't think of a simile, so he abandoned the sentence and cleared his throat. "When's the match?" 

His part in the whole charade taken care of, Klaus started making his way down the stairs, saluting them as he went. 

"The 26th." Diego casually leaned his elbows on the stair banister, looking out over the foyer. "Mostly everyone's going. Well, except for Vanya. She said she had a thing." 

"Ah." Five said. "The 26th falls on a Friday doesn't it?" 

Diego straightened. "Yeah, so?" 

"She's been meeting with me in the training room," Five said. "Twice a week, every week, since we got back from the sixties. Friday is one of those days." 

"That's her thing?!" Diego curled his fingers around the railings now, squeezing with a tight knuckled grip. "I thought she meant a work thing!" 

"It _is_ work," Five said. "Important work."

"But you guys could skip a lesson." Diego huffed. "Allison's even gonna fly in from California." 

They _could_ do that. But if Vanya had already turned down the invitation, shouldn't he do the same? She had clearly prioritized the training.

Would she resent him if he canceled it for a day? Perhaps think he didn't find it important? Didn't consider _her_ important? 

"That would… set a bad precedent," Five said. 

Three weeks into their training sessions and Five was already learning how important her emotional balance was to the nature of her powers. Offending Vanya could be a dangerous set back. 

"Forget it," Diego said. "You guys have fun." 

Five recognized the bitterness in his tone for what it was. "We'll be there for the next one." 

"There won't be a next one," Diego snapped. "I'm just filling in for someone." 

Crap. "Oh. Then-"

"I said forget it," Diego said. "You better not show your face at the match. Either of you." 

Diego had always been a sensitive one, hadn't he? It was one of those details Five would forget until reminded. 

"We can go to the match," Five said. "Like you said, we'll skip a-" 

"I don't want you there!" Diego said. "Forget you even heard about it, alright? Christ." 

Arguing the point would have the opposite effect, so Five shrugged. "Alright."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


One thing the old man had been right about was the human need for structure. Without a constructive schedule, without a tangible way to compartmentalize problems- to untangle them from each other- they’d clatter around at the surface. They would trip each other up.

In the apocalypse that meant carefully deciding when to buckle down with his equations and when to search for food. When to sleep and when to migrate for better weather. 

Things were simpler then. It was easy to decide which issue needed immediate attention and which should be tabled.

But now his problems came attached to his siblings. Siblings who were alive and could not patiently wait beneath the rubble for him to get his life in order. 

So how to organize them? By number?

Except Vanya took priority, of course. That was a no brainer. Twice a week, Tuesday and Friday, for two hours a week. She made it simple for him by deciding on the schedule herself. 

Five spent more than the allotted two hours on the issue, of course. He prepared himself for their lessons by reading Reginald's notes on her childhood training. He was determined to learn from the old man’s mistakes and gave serious thought into creating his own sort of training plan. A plan that was perfectly tailored to Vanya’s temperament. 

Luther’s main issue was aesthetic. Five found their father’s old notes on that shoddy healing serum and was taking pains to scrutinize the formula. If he could fix the serum, perhaps he could reverse its effects. 

He arbitrarily selected Monday as the day to dedicate to that project. 

Diego was mostly fine, as long as he had Mom. Five was giving her manual a more thorough study. He wanted to understand the way her mind worked. To give her a tune up, if possible. 

This task was assigned to Wednesday. 

Allison was still embroiled in a custody battle with her ex-husband. He kept tabs on the court proceedings (all public record, and a click away on those fancy computers at the public library) and read up on the minutiae of custody options in the state of California. 

He made those library visits on Thursday. 

Klaus’s newfound relationship to sobriety was shaky at best. He had a tangible motivation now (some ghost he was trying to contact?) but Five did not trust his brother's willpower. He strong-armed the idiot into enrolling in Narcotics Anonymous and personally made a point of escorting him there every Saturday. 

And then there was Ben. 

On Sundays, Five worked on a probability map. How would the timeline be affected when he saved Ben? How would the Commission react? They’d been effectively neutralized, last he saw them. Their board of members wiped out. Their field agents massacred. Even the Handler was dead. 

But time flowed differently for the Commission in that it didn't flow at all. They existed outside the timeline. Even if it took them years to rebuild their staff, they could return in an instant. 

They could turn up to re-instigate the apocalypse. 

Five had lost sleep to the possibilities, those first few nights back from the sixties. It drove him crazy because he couldn't see an effective way to plan for the Commission's return. 

After all, what could he do? Fortify the Academy like a bunker in a war zone? Sequester his siblings, stock up on weapons, and wait for the enemy? 

Five knew none of them would have cooperated. He discarded the idea. 

No, better to make the first move himself. To provoke the Commission into revealing their hand. He still had a briefcase. Five was determined to use it. 

And he was determined to save Ben. 

But he needed a plan. 

Sundays were dedicated to the probability map, the timeline, and scrutinizing the immediate events before and after Ben's death. It took considerable self-restraint to turn away from this task on Sunday's end, but Five knew it was the smart thing to do. 

His time in the Apocalypse had taught him that the human brain could not single mindedly narrow in on a single problem for days and years on end without driving itself mad. The mind needed… a diverse field of stimuli. It had to change tracts. 

"Like a computer program running in the background," Five murmured. "Some of my best ideas were had when I looked away from the problem. When I let it steep in my subconscious." 

"Meditation can be good for that too," Vanya said. "But you need to stay quiet, Five." 

Five opened his eyes in surprise. For a second there, he'd forgotten she was in the room with him. 

"Right," Five said. 

Today was Tuesday. It was Vanya's day, so Five consciously steered his thoughts back to the task at hand. 

How long had they been sitting here anyway? Did Vanya forget to set the timer?

Meditation was torture.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“... visit sooner.” Diego was in the kitchen with Mom. “I just thought, after everything, that we’d decided to put more effort in. To act like a proper family, you know?” 

Five’s stomach growled, but he did not want _any_ part in this conversation. 

“Sweetheart, proper families have relatives who live out of town,” Mom said. “And they have designated holidays for gatherings.” 

If he knew what was inside the fridge, if he had the exact placement of the desired items and visualized them in his mind, Five knew he could pluck them through a portal and get away unseen. 

“Holidays, huh?” Diego said. “Hey, isn’t Mother’s Day one of those holidays? It’s coming up.”

The turkey should be in a bottom drawer. But was it the left or the right drawer?

Mom giggled. “Yes it is! Should we invite everyone for dinner?” 

It would be easier if he had an object he could swap out with his target, but Five didn’t have anything on hand. Unless he used his shoe? 

“Everyone but Allison, I guess,” Diego said. “She probably has plans with her kid.” 

Fuck it, he could do it without a swap. But where was the bread? In the pantry, but which shelf would it be on? It was difficult to guess. 

“She probably does,” Mom agreed. “But we can call her and say hello.” 

He created a tiny portal into the fridge and tugged, but he grabbed a tub of butter instead of the desired turkey slices. 

“Did you hear that?” Diego said.

Five sighed. 

He gave up and walked into the kitchen in time to watch Diego examining the contents of the fridge suspiciously. 

“Five, hello! Are you hungry?” Mom said. “I’m making chicken alfredo for lunch.” 

“Then I guess I’m eating chicken alfredo for lunch,” Five said. “Is it almost ready?” 

“Don’t rush her,” Diego said. 

“It’ll be ready in approximately seven minutes,” Mom said. “In approximately seven minutes. In approxima-”

“Mom?” Diego grabbed her shoulders and gave her a little shake. “Hey!” 

Five calmly returned the butter to the fridge while Diego fussed over Mom. But he kept an eye on them in his peripheral. 

Mom laughed and ruffled Diego’s hair. “Hello!” she said. 

“Are you okay?” Diego said. 

“Of course, silly.” Mom glanced over Diego’s shoulder. “Five, hello! Are you hungry?”

Five studied her expression. “I’m a little hungry,” he said. 

“What do you think I should make for lunch?” Mom said. 

“You’re already making something,” Diego said. “Chicken alfredo, remember?” 

Mom looked around and spotted the noodles, which were being boiled on the stove. She opened the oven and found the chicken. “Oh! I’m making chicken alfredo for lunch.” 

“Maybe you should sit down,” Diego said. 

“Let her continue.”

Diego slammed his fist against the fridge. “Lunch doesn’t fucking matter, Five!” 

“It’s not about the food, you idiot,” Five said. “I want to watch her go about her business so I can see if she has any other symptoms.” 

“My little technician,” Mom said. “Five is a very good doctor, Diego.” 

Five winced. 

“What’s she talking about?” Diego was wound up tight, jaw locked, fists clenched. 

“I’ve been helping her with maintenance,” Five said. “Since Dad isn’t exactly around anymore to help her sort out her… bugs.” 

Diego crossed his arms in front of him. “What bugs? I thought she was fixed?” 

Five threw his hands up. “Who do you think fixed her?” 

Initially, Pogo had been the one to sort her out whenever there were problems. But he was gone now. Five had been keeping tabs on Mom in his place.

“Now now,” Mom said, offhandedly. “Don’t fight.” 

She was stirring the noodles, acting perfectly normal. She grabbed a strainer and drained the water from the batch. “Lunch is almost ready,” she said. 

Diego sat down with a huff and they both watched her bustle about the kitchen in silence. 

When Mom opened the oven to examine the chicken again, she tutted. “Needs a bit more time.” 

Five thought carefully before speaking, but finally he prodded her. “How much time?” 

Mom straightened. “Approximately three minutes,” She said. “Approximately three-”

“Fuck!” Diego said, shooting out of his seat. Five warped in between them, shoving Diego back as Mom continued to repeat the phrase. “The hell did you do to her!”

“I tested a theory,” Five said. 

“You’re the one who fucking broke her!” Diego said. “Goddammit!” 

He could be right. The last time Five had poked around in her programming he’d deleted a few more things. That might have upset the balance.

“I’ll fix it,” Five said. “Just-”

“The hell do you know about robots?” Diego said. “You shouldn’t have messed with her head in the first place! She was fine, she’d finally-”

“She wasn’t fine!” Five thought of all those rules that had weighed her down, trapped her, and couldn’t bring himself to regret his actions. But he should have been more careful, perhaps. “Diego, she-”

“Boys!” Mom interrupted. “That’s enough fighting!”

Diego shoved Five aside and flung himself at her, hugging her tightly. “Mom?”

“Yes, Diego?” 

“Are you broken?” 

Five watched her calmly rub circles into Diego’s back and frown. She seemed to be giving serious thought to her answer. She made eye contact with Five over his shoulder and subtly shook her head. 

Diego pulled away from the hug. “Mom?”

She smiled. “I’m getting old, that’s all.” 

“You’re not old!” 

Five snorted. “Technically speaking, she’s younger than you.” 

Diego latched onto the fact. “Right, yeah, did you hear that Mom? You’re the youngest in the family.” 

Mom cupped Diego’s face in her hands. “You’ll always be my little boy. You were so small…”

The chicken was in danger of being overcooked. Five took it upon himself to don oven mitts and rescue it. 

Mom noticed. “Thank you, dear.”

“No problem.” 

She clapped her hands together. “Diego, go let Luther and Klaus know lunch is ready, hmm?” 

He looked between her and Five. “But-”

“I’ll do it,” Five said. 

“No,” Mom said. “Diego, please?” 

He glared at her, but there was no heat in it. It was more of a pout. “Mom-”

“Diego.” 

He sighed. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll go get everyone.”

Reluctantly, he stalked out of the kitchen. 

Mom looked at Five expectantly. 

“It’s not a solution, you know,” he said. “It’s a bandaid.” 

“I know,” she said. “But you’ll find a solution later, won’t you?” 

“You know I will.” 

“Then let’s use the bandaid in the meantime,” Mom said. “Okay?” 

“Alright,” Five said. “Fine.” 

He held out his hand and she took it, allowing him to teleport her directly to her charging station. 

She didn’t need to be charged, but hooking her up to the equipment made the process easier. Or rather, it made it faster. 

Essentially, whenever Mom had problems she would shut herself down and wait for Five to turn her back on again. A soft reboot of her systems. They could do it without the charging station, but it would take twice as long. 

When Mom opened her eyes, she did not smile. She didn’t frown either, but she looked down at her hands contemplatively and kept her gaze there for a full minute. 

“How are you feeling?” Five asked. 

“Better, I think.” Mom made a show of dusting off her dress. “Let’s go back before Diego notices.”

So he warped them back into the kitchen and she carried on with her day as if nothing had happened.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Klaus could not let even a second pass in silence. No, he had to open his mouth as soon as he did the car’s door.

"John agrees with me!" Klaus declared. “Adeline thinks we’re full of shit, but she was outvoted in the end. So, there’s _that.”_

Did Klaus really expect him to remember the names of the reprobates in his support group? Five did not, and would not, spare them a thought beyond their purpose to Klaus. He certainly wouldn’t keep tabs on whatever petty squabbles they might have among themselves.

Klaus buckled into his seat, babbling all the while. "And, in fact, he sees it as a step in the right direction. And, and didn't you say something about incremental progress? Huh, Five?" 

Five gave him a flat look. "The hell are you talking about?" 

"Alcohol, my man! The good old fashioned, legal and ethical consumption of-"

"Klaus." Five kept his eyes on the road as he pulled into traffic, but he knew he had his brother's attention just from his silence. "If you go on a bender I swear to god I will disown you." 

"What about drinking in moderation!" Klaus sputtered. "What about-"

"You wouldn't know moderation if it crawled up your ass and spawned in your stomach," Five growled. "You tell John the next time you see him that he can take his ideas with him to an early grave if he's so passionate about them." 

By now Klaus had mastered the art of the put upon sigh. "You're an absolute delight, Five. Has anyone ever told you that? Just the sweetest- ow!" 

Five glanced over. "I didn't hit you." 

"Ben did! What the hell, man?!" 

Five blinked, peering into the back of the car where he presumed Ben's ghost was. "He can hit you?' 

Klaus shuddered. "It was more of a zap. He claims it was an accident, but- ow!" 

Five smirked. "Good job, Ben." 

"You're both so mean to me!” Klaus said. “He says the second one was on purpose, and I for one-" 

“Shut up,” Five said. “You’re giving me a headache.” 

Klaus did not shut up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Occasionally, Five would get pulled over by the cops. This time he was alone in the car, so they’d insisted on driving him to the police station. One officer taking the wheel of his vehicle as his partner followed behind. 

“This is why you shouldn’t go out on your own.” Diego sauntered into the station with the delight of a man who is rarely proven right. “You’re technically a minor.” 

“And _you’re_ technically a janitor,” Five retorted. “But these halfwits still let you run around with knives, don’t they?” 

One of the halfwits in question, a plain clothes detective, laughed good naturedly. “Kid’s got a point, Diego. Maybe we should confiscate those things.” 

Diego made a show of aggressively ruffling Five’s hair, barking his own laugh. “Ignore my _little_ brother,” he growled. “He’s just a bitter old… young guy.” 

The detective raised an eyebrow at that. “Right, well, you’re gonna have to ground him or something. This is the third time they caught him driving and this time he was alone. That’s a big red flag.”

“You act like I’m some kind of delinquent,” Five groused, fixing his hair. “I was just going to the library.” 

“Sure, kid.” The man gave Diego a look. “Seriously, you’ve got to be careful. This is the sort of thing that child services takes note of. Your dad’s gone, right? Who’s watching this kid?” 

Five bristled at the implication. “This _kid_ -”

Diego clapped a hand over his mouth. “He lives with my other brothers,” Diego said. “Luther and Klaus.” 

“Klaus the _addict_?” 

Five shoved Diego away from him, but reined in his temper. He knew attacking a police detective, even verbally, would be foolish. Especially in a fucking police station.

“He’s clean now,” Diego said. “Look, you don’t gotta-” 

“I’m ready to go home,” Five announced. “Alright? Am I free to go?” 

The detective patted him on the shoulder, smiling apologetically. “Of course you are, ki- I mean… what was your name?” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Five said. He didn’t have time to confuse police officers with his identity. 

“His name is Five,” Diego said. “Long story-” 

_“Diego.”_

“Alright! Jeez.” Diego nodded at the detective. “Thanks for calling me, Beaman.”

“Anytime.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The drive home was eventful. 

“So I was thinking,” Diego said. “Why don’t we go to one of those miniature golf courses? You, me, and the guys. A group bro date.” 

"What about Vanya?" 

“What about her?” Diego’s grip on the wheel tightened. 

"Is she one of the ‘guys’ or…?" 

“No, Five,” Diego said. “She’s a girl.” 

“Well, she should come too,” Five said. “We’re not excluding her anymore, remember?” 

“We’d be excluding Allison too,” Diego said. “Sometimes brothers want to do things with just _brothers_ , you know? It’s not about-”

“Allison is in California,” Five said. “Vanya isn’t. If she found out-”

"What about your bro dates with Klaus?" Diego said. “You invite her to those too?” 

"That's different."

"It's the same!"

"It's a bargain I made with him," Five said. "Outings of his choice in exchange for his participation in NA." 

"He's trying NA again?" 

Five tutted. "Figures he'd leave that part out." 

"So you'll only hang out with us if you get something out of it?" Diego said. "Is that it?"

"Look, I'll do whatever you want. Golfing or frisbee or whatever." Five noticed Diego was going over the speed limit and thought about pointing it out, but thought better of it. "As long as you invite Vanya too."

"You know what? Forget it," Diego said. "We'll go without you."

"No skin off my back.” If it was just the three of them Vanya would be less likely to take offense. Five could pretend he hadn’t been invited either. 

Still, the rest of the drive was palpably silent. Five wondered if Diego might be appeased by a counter offer. An outing with just the two of them, perhaps? But doing what?

Before he could think of anything, they arrived at the Academy. Five got out of the car and Diego drove away.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a Sunday afternoon. Five was scrutinizing his probability map, frowning at the numbers. 

There was so much that was uncertain, and he was running out of space. Though he supposed he could get himself a chalkboard, when it came to that.

Someone knocked on his door. "Go away, Klaus!"

"Um." Vanya's voice barely had the volume to filter through the door. "It's Vanya, actually." 

"Oh." He warped to the door and opened it. "Hello." 

“Hi," Vanya said. "How… how are you?” 

Five glanced at the wall where he'd been writing, then back at his sister. “I’m well, thanks.” 

A pause. 

“How are _you_?” Five said. 

“Good,” Vanya said. “I’m good.” 

“That’s good.” Five put the cap back on the marker in his hand. He had a feeling this might turn into a long conversation.

Vanya peeked around him. “What are you doing in here?” 

Five frowned. “Nothing you need to concern yourself with.” 

Vanya hovered in the doorway. 

“Do you need something?” Five said. 

“Do you have some time today?” 

Five dropped his marker. “What happened?” 

“Huh?” 

They both looked at each other in confusion. 

“Um, nothing in particular?” Vanya says. “I just wanted to… hang out.” 

Five blinked. 

“But I can see that you’re busy,” she hastened to add. “So don’t worry-”

“I’m not busy,” Five said. He glanced at his work. She'd caught him halfway through an equation and his fingers twitched at the sight of its incompleteness. “I mean, this can… I can spare an hour or two.” 

No one would ever accuse Five of being a dumb man, but he knew he lacked a certain finesse when it came to social niceties. Leave that nonsense for the politicians, he'd always thought. Why should it concern him? 

But these days it _did_ concern him, in more ways than one. His responsibility to Vanya- to her happiness and emotional stability- extended far beyond familial bonds now. 

After all, the fate of the world rested on her shoulders. 

“Are you sure? This all looks, um, kind of complicated-”

“It can wait,” Five said, firmly. “It’s alright.” 

She looked uncertain. 

"What would you like to do?" Five said. 

The shy way she pulled a pair of tickets out of her pocket hit Five with a jolt of nostalgia. It was such a Vanya thing to do. If he'd sent her away she would have gone home and thrown the tickets. She would have bought another set on another day and tried again. 

"There's this play I was curious about," Vanya said. "It's not, uh, super high quality or anything. It's being put on by this, like, community college? But I thought it looked interesting…" 

"Great," Five said. "Let's go." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Maybe it was foolish to think the play would make Vanya happy. Things were never that simple.

As they walked away from the performance he studied Vanya's stooped posture. The way she kept glancing at her phone. The beaten scabs on her lips, which she gnawed at with a nervous energy.

“Something on your mind?” Five said. 

“Uh, well it’s already been an hour and a half,” Vanya said. “And you said you could only spare two hours. Sorry, I didn’t realize the play would be that long, and it'll take at least twenty minutes to get home from here… sorry, I didn't mean to cut it this close.” 

He'd forgotten how easy it was to worry her. He shouldn’t have imposed a time constraint. 

“You weren't meant to take me so literally on that,” Five said. “I’m not in a hurry.” 

She looked relieved, finally pocketing her phone. “Oh,” she said. “Well, in that case…” 

“Yes?” 

“Well, you’ve gotta eat, right? It’s around dinner time anyway…” 

“I do have to eat,” Five agreed. “Where would you like to go?” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“How’s the orchestra?” Five said. 

"This thing looks a lot prettier than it tastes." Vanya poked at her artful pastry, wrinkling her nose. 

"You can blame your plexiglass," Five said. 

"My what?" 

"The phones. They're also cameras, apparently." Five gestured to the teenagers two tables over, who were treating the café like their own personal photo shoot.

Vanya glanced at the table in question and then back towards her dessert, puzzled. "What do phones have to do with it?"

"Businesses adapted to cater to the new clientele," Five explained. "Clientele that prioritize visuals over flavor." 

"Oh." Vanya delicately tore her pastry apart and squinted at it. "Well, I guess the chocolate in the middle is good." 

"Small miracles," Five muttered. 

"And the sandwiches were good." Vanya offered this fact up to him like a consolation prize. 

He sighed. 

"They were good, right?" She scrutinized his plate, where half of his sandwich had been abandoned. "Oh no, did you hate it?" 

"I liked it," Five said. "I'll take the rest to go." 

The look on her face told him she didn't believe him.

"Did you like the coffee?" The pastry was crumbling in Vanya's hands, chocolate tacky on her fingers. 

Five handed her a napkin. 

"The coffee was fine," Five said. "You didn't answer my question." 

Vanya avoided his eyes. “Which question?"

"How is the orchestra." Five enunciated with careful patience.

"I’m not… I’m not in the orchestra anymore.” 

“What? Why not?” 

“Well, I kind of quit?” 

“You quit?” 

Vanya winced at his volume and glanced around. The teenagers were snickering at them, but Five didn't give a damn.

“Why the hell would you quit?” Five demanded.

"It's not a big deal, I just… I just quit."

“When did this happen?” 

“As soon as we got back from the sixties.” 

“Why?” Five said. 

This didn’t make any sense. 

“I didn’t deserve First Chair,” she said. 

“What makes you say that?”

“The actual first chair was murdered, Five,” Vanya said. “That’s the only reason I got the spot.” 

Oh. Helen Cho. That's right, he'd found her body in Harold Jenkins's attic. 

"Be that as it may-" Five began. 

"And it isn't safe," Vanya added, firmly. She was lifting her chin now, straightening up in her seat. "It was the right thing to do." 

Five took a moment to admire this flash of confidence before he considered her words. He liked it when Vanya stood up for herself. She'd made a decision and backed up her reasoning. Good. 

Misplaced survivor's guilt aside, it was also true that her violin had become something of a weapon when paired with her powers. Five should have taken this into account with her training plan.

Why weren't they using her violin?

"Probably for the best," Five said. 

Vanya sagged with relief. 

"But you'll go back, won't you?" He added. "When it's safe." 

Vanya plopped a big chunk of her crappy crumbled pastry into her mouth and carefully chewed, buying time for her answer. 

Five allowed his eyes to wander as she thought and noted that the teenagers had multiplied. This entire café had a 4:1 ratio of teenagers to adults. 

What were they all doing out here on a Sunday evening? Didn't these kids have school in the morning and parents to get home to? 

The incessant camera flashes from a particularly boisterous patron was getting under his skin. He imagined ramming a fork through her jugular and rolled his eyes at himself. 

"Five," Vanya said. 

He gave her his full attention. 

"How will I know when it's safe?" 

"I'll tell you when it's safe," Five said. "We'll incorporate the violin into our sessions." 

She shook her head. "That would be too dangerous for you." 

Too dangerous. 

As if he really were the child he looked and not a man who had lived in a world on fire. As if he weren't a man who had killed more people in five years than most serial killers could achieve in a lifetime. 

"I recognize that smile," Vanya said with a sigh. "Anything I say against this will be pointless, huh?" 

"I'm glad we're on the same page."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego insisted they celebrate Mother’s Day. 

“It had to be on a Sunday,” Five muttered. “Of fucking course.” 

He had forgotten about the stupid holiday. 

“What’s wrong with Sundays?” Vanya said. 

“Nothing. Nevermind.” 

They were gathered haphazardly in the living room. Five sat with Vanya and Klaus at the bar and they watched Luther and Diego argue over how to mount the new TV onto the wall. 

“Like paintings,” Mom was saying. “And the radio, but combined!” 

“I can’t believe Mom’s never seen a TV before,” Vanya said. “I wish I’d thought of that.” 

“Your gift is adorable,” Klaus said. He was hugging said gift to his chest. It was a big teddy bear with a smaller teddy bear sowed in place, so that the bigger bear was eternally hugging the smaller. “I just got her a card!” 

It was an arbitrary rule, but Sunday was the one day of the week that Five allowed himself to obsess over the timeline. He would scrutinize every public Umbrella Academy mission after Ben’s death and try to predict how Ben’s survival would affect things. 

“It’s the thought that counts,” Vanya said. “Man, I just can’t believe we never thought to celebrate before. I guess we didn’t really think of Mom as a person when we were kids? Or as, like, a real mom?” 

The real question was, how would Ben’s survival have affected Vanya? Or the course of events that caused, and then prevented, the Apocalypse? 

Diego strode over to them with a self satisfied smirk and pointed a remote control at the new TV. It switched on and Mom gasped in delight.

“We were little shits,” Diego said. “But things will be different from now on.” 

“Oh, don’t talk like that, Diego,” Mom said. “You were delightful children.” 

“Nah, we were gremlins,” Klaus said. “But any-who! Awesome TV!” 

The TV was playing a commercial. Some generic car ad, with a happy family carting themselves off on some kind of vacation. Five hated the smiles on their faces. 

Luther rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. “I just thought a TV would be nice.” 

Maybe it would be wiser to just pull Ben away from 2006 altogether. How old was he then? Seventeen?

“Yeah, yeah, your gift is awesome,” Diego said. “Whatever, here’s mine.” 

Diego presented a heart shape locket and everyone gasped and cooed over it accordingly. Mom kissed him on the cheek and held her hair away from her neck as he put it on for her. 

Five tried to picture Ben in the room with them, looking like a seventeen year old. Would he be uncomfortable with the age gap? Would he feel out of place? 

“Your turn, Five,” Diego said. 

Five raised an eyebrow. 

“A _gift_ ,” Diego said. “Didn’t you get Mom a gift?” 

“Oh,” Five said. “Hmm.” 

He opened a tiny portal to his room, instinctively grabbing Vanya’s memoir. It was the only sentimental object he had left, and he always knew exactly where it was. 

He held the book out to Mom. “You can have this, I suppose.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me right now?” Diego growled. “You call that a gift?!”

His copy was old, older than anyone else in the room, and its beaten cover showed its age. Diego snatched it before Mom could and flipped it open, pointing at the pages. “You’ve written all over it!” 

“Don’t be rude, Diego,” Mom chided him. “Give it here.” 

For once, Diego didn’t do what she wanted. He closed the book, but held onto it. “He didn’t get you a gift, Mom.” Diego glared at Five. “He doesn’t even care.” 

It was true that he hadn’t planned a proper gift. And already Five was regretting the whim of offering his book to her. He’d kept the damn thing all these years and wasn’t entirely prepared to let it go.

But that was silly. He could easily walk into a book store and buy another copy whenever he wanted. 

“Is that…” Vanya tried to grab the book from Diego, but he wouldn’t let it go. 

“Yeah, it’s your stupid memoir.” Diego waved the book above their heads. “You’re the only one he cares about, I guess!”

“Hooo, boy,” Klaus said. “There’s a lot to unpack there.” 

“Diego, could you calm down a little?” Luther said. “I think-”

“No, Diego’s right.” Five warped onto Diego’s shoulders and grabbed the book from him. “This isn’t a gift.” 

He jumped to the other side of the room while Diego swore. 

“I apologize, mother,” Five said. “I came empty handed.” 

“That’s okay, dear,” Mom said. 

“It’s not okay!” Diego shouted. “Why the hell would it be okay? Even _Klaus_ managed to bring something.” 

“Hey!” Klaus waved his birthday card in the air. “This isn’t really a gift either, you guys! I’m still a fuck up!” 

Vanya’s startled laugh was brimming with tension. The bottles in the bar behind her clanked with vibrations. 

“You know what?” Five said. “I don’t have time for this.” 

He teleported back to his room.

But Diego wouldn’t let him go that easily. “FIVE!” 

Five could hear him pounding up the stairs. “GET BACK HERE!” 

In times like this, Five wished Dolores was still around. 

Diego pounded on his door. “FIVE!”

She would have reminded him to get a gift. She would have-

A knife poked through the wood. 

Five warped to the other side and wrestled Diego to the ground. “Calm down!”

“Fuck you!”

“I’m sorry, alright? Just-”

Diego flipped them over and then there was a knife under his chin. They both froze as it nicked his skin. Diego’s eyes widened and he pulled it back. “Shit.” 

“Diego-” 

Diego stood, shaking his head. “Fine, let’s just forget it.”

Five sat up. “But-”

“Forget it, Five.” All the anger had drained out of him. Now Diego walked backwards down the hallway, still shaking his head. “I’ll let it go.” 

Five stood and warped again, so he was directly in front of his brother. He grabbed his shoulders. “I do care. I _do.”_

“S-sure.” Diego bit his lip. “Sure, y-you... do.” 

“I did everything I could!” Five insisted. “I did the impossible, because I needed you to be alive. All of you-”

“Alive. Right.” Diego wasn’t looking at him. He directed his gaze at the ceiling, lip trembling. “We’re alive all-alright. I guess that’s all that matters.” 

“Isn’t it?” 

_“Sure,”_ Diego spat. “That’s all that matters.” 

There was that bitterness again. Five tried to puzzle it out, tried to come up with the words that would fix it. It was so much easier with everyone else, but Diego had never been easily pacified. 

Diego shrugged him off. “I’m going back downstairs,” he said. “Do whatever you want.”

“I’ll go back,” Five said. “I’ll go with you.” 

Diego scowled. “Fine.” 

“Is that not what you want?” 

“I don’t know, Five!” Diego spun around, stalking back down the hallway. “Do. What. You. Want.” 

_I want to rescue Ben_ , Five thought. _I want to bring him home. He should be here for Mother’s Day too._

That goal was far off. Maybe by next year, he’d have done it. But today? He had to take care of the family in front of him.

“I want to join the family,” Five said. “If you’ll have me.” 

Diego glanced over his shoulder. His jaw was still tense, muscles tight, but he was slowly loosening. “Come on then, jackass.” 

Five smiled ruefully and hurried after him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Eventually, it was agreed that they should sell all of Dad's properties. Allison recommended he hire a broker to put everything on the market, so Luther did. 

At the time, he didn’t realize how complicated the whole process would turn out to be.

“Why don’t you just sell to the first bidder?” Klaus said. 

It had been a few weeks since their family meeting. Klaus was annoyed with the lack of results.

“Mr. Claremont says it’s a bad idea to do that,” Luther said. 

Mr. Claremont was the broker. 

“He’s just trying to wrangle a bigger paycheck for himself,” Five said. “Don’t let him drag his feet.” 

The three of them were eating dinner together. It was something Klaus tried to get them to do every day, though Five often ignored him and ate in his room.

“But doesn’t he get paid the same amount no matter how long it takes?” Luther said. “He’s not being paid an hourly wage.” 

Today they were eating a macaroni potato salad. It was one of those new dishes Mom had been experimenting with. 

“No, he’s working for a commission,” Five said. “Which means he wants to hold out for the best deal possible. Because the more you get for a property the more _he_ gets.” 

On a whim, Luther had brought crackers with him to the table. He liked dipping them into the salad. Though, more often than not, they would break before he could get a scoop of macaroni and cracker into his mouth.

“That’s good and all,” Klaus said. “But can’t he hurry up? I need money.” 

The result was broken crackers sprinkled all over his macaroni potato salad, but Luther liked the added texture. And he could scoop everything up with a spoon anyway.

“No you don’t,” Five said. “You’re already using Luther’s card however you like.” 

Luther looked up at Klaus. “You took my card?” 

“You lent it to me.” Klaus gave him one of those guileless smiles. “So I could go shopping with Five, remember?” 

Luther glanced from Klaus to Five, uncertain. 

Five rolled his eyes. “I did not go shopping with you.” 

“Well, we can fix that,” Klaus said. “Let’s do that for our next bro date!” 

The whole bro date thing reminded Luther of those times everyone had snuck out to Griddy’s Doughnuts without him. They’d said he couldn’t be trusted not to tattle tell. 

“What, so I can be your pack mule?” Five said. “I don’t think so.” 

“Aren’t you tired of the uniform?” Klaus said. “You’d look so good in-”

“If you valued your life,” Five growled. “You’d stop throwing clothes at me.” 

“Hey, I was thinking,” Luther said. “You know how there’s that plaza? The one with the laundromat and the Chinese restaurant and stuff?” 

Klaus was easy to distract. “Oooh, is that the same plaza where that badass hairdresser works?” 

“Yeah, the same one.” Luther took a deep breath and looked at Five. “I was thinking of maybe selling the lots to the business owners. But Mr. Claremont thinks it’s a bad idea because none of them could afford it.” 

Five snorted. “Of course he thinks that. Obviously, you’d just have to lower the asking price so that they could.” 

Emboldened, Luther grinned at him. “Yeah, that’s what I was saying. To Mr. Claremont. Because, I mean, isn’t it the right thing to do? Those guys are doing all the work anyway. Shouldn’t they be able to own their own business? Without needing to pay rent to be there and all?” 

Klaus dramatically raised his cup of apple juice. “Here here!” he cried. “I bet Dad would _love_ that!”

Luther winced. “He probably wouldn’t care… I mean, he would, but-” 

“It doesn’t matter what he would think,” Five said. “You know what _I_ think? It’s a good idea.” 

Luther stirred his macaroni potato salad for something to do. “It _is_ right?”

“Yeah,” Five said. “And it’s an easy way to get rid of that damn plaza.” 

Klaus hooted. “So we can get our monies! Woo!” 

With that settled, Luther scooped a big spoonful of salad into his mouth. Hungrier, for some reason, than he’d just been a moment ago.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They were making remarkable progress. The violin was more than a weapon. It was an antenna, able to funnel her raw power, to channel it in a clear direction. 

Now Vanya could actually aim at a target. Though whether that target would get levitated or shattered was still up in the air, at least now her power wasn't widely flung around the room at large. 

And knowing that Five no longer had to constantly dodge around sound waves of raw power had allowed Vanya to further relax when using her abilities. To build confidence. 

Things were going _well._

They were meditating after a particularly fruitful session when Luther's lumbering footsteps disrupted the ambient noise.

"Are you guys done yet?" Luther said.

"A few more minutes," Five said. 

"Sorry," Vanya said. "Do you need the gym?" 

"No, uh, we're about to watch a movie," Luther said. "Do you guys wanna join? We'll wait for you." 

Five opened his eyes and saw that Vanya's grin was beatific.

"Yeah!" Vanya said. "I mean, I do." 

She glanced from Luther to Five. "What do you think, Five?"

Vanya had not yet been subjected to Klaus and Luther's abhorrent taste in film. 

But he knew how to read a room. 

"Sure," Five said. "Why not." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


After an agonizing two hours of poorly choreographed fight scenes and sex jokes, the movie was over and Five made a hasty exit. 

Spatial jumps allowed him to skip the insipid shuffle around the couch, or the post-movie interrogation from Klaus, who wanted to know what Five thought or what he liked or (in a display that often struck Five as strangely masochistic) what Five hated about the movies he deigned to watch with them. 

And conversations like that could go on for hours. 

When he jumped into the kitchen it was empty, and Five thought this was all the better. He went about making himself a sandwich. 

He'd already sat down to eat when Vanya wandered into the room. 

"Hey, Five?" 

He spoke around a mouthful of bread. "You're still here?" 

She chuckled self deprecatingly and he winced at his word choice. 

He swallowed. "Are you hungry?"

"No, I just, I thought you might be in here," Vanya said. "I wanted to say goodnight." 

"Oh, goodnight then," Five said. "Get home safely." 

"Thanks," she said. 

But Vanya made no move to leave. 

"Was there something else?" Five said. 

"Do you have plans this weekend?" 

He pursed his lips, mentally reviewing his self-appointed schedule. 

"Klaus has a monopoly on Saturdays," he said. 

She blinked. "What, like… _every_ Saturday?" 

"I'm afraid so," Five said. "I drive him to his NA meetings." 

"Oh," Vanya said. "Oh, that's… that's nice of you." 

"He's like a dog," Five groused. "It's like dragging a mutt to the vet with its tail between its legs." 

She laughed at his griping good naturedly. 

"But he can be trained like a dog too," Five said. "Positive reinforcement works best." 

"So you reward him for going to the meetings?"

"Usually eats up the whole day," Five said, nodding regretfully. "Last week he dragged me to an aquarium." 

"Sounds fun," she said.

"He made me touch a stingray." Five let his disgust be apparent on his face. It dripped palpably into his voice. "Their skin is covered in a layer of _mucus_." 

Vanya laughed again and this time it sounded more genuine. "You bore it bravely." 

"It was cruel and unusual."

A girlish giggle, the sound nostalgic. It reminded him of his childhood. How easily Vanya could delight in such simple things, back then.

"I doubt he'd object if you tagged along this week," Five added. "The more the merrier and all that." 

"You think so?" Vanya fiddled with her ponytail, loosening and tightening it. "I wouldn't want to intrude-"

"No, no, I'm sure he'd be thrilled," Five said. "Though I leave the arrangements to him, so I can't warn you what our torture will be." 

She beamed at him. Five studied the smile. 

Huh. 

Maybe she could use some positive reinforcement too. 

"But there's also Sundays," Five said. "I can give you Sundays." 

His heart ached for Ben, but this was not a loss. He would not be neglecting Ben, Five reasoned, because he could rearrange the schedule with Ben as a priority. 

A priority under Vanya, at least.

Ben could have Wednesday from now on, Five decided. He was almost done reading Mom's manual anyway. He would reassign her to Thursday, share that day with the custody law research-

" _Every_ Sunday?" Vanya lost volume when she was nervous, voice shrinking as if to hide from the listener. "... math stuff. Five?" 

"Don't worry about my 'math stuff,' Vanya," Five said. "Though, of course, I wouldn't want to disrupt your weekends. Do you think every other Sunday works better?" 

She blinked at him. 

"Perhaps the first Sunday of every month?" Five checked his watch. "I don't want to rush you, but doesn't the subway stop running at a certain point? We should wrap this up." 

Instead of answering him, Vanya walked around the table and pulled up a chair next to him. Then, tentatively, she lifted an arm. Five watched her hand slowly inch towards his head and raised an eyebrow. 

She blushed at his expression, but carried on with her movement, carefully placing her hand on top of his head. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Um, in the movies..." Vanya's hand was hovering over his head now, in light contact with his hair. 

If her mortification wasn't already plain on her face it would have been obvious in the way she's begun whispering. Five had to strain his ears to catch her words. 

"Like… a head pat?" Her arm was trembling. "I wanted…" 

Affection, Five realized. She was attempting to show him physical affection. In her own clumsy way. 

"I suppose you can spend the night here," Five said. "It is Friday, after all." 

"Oh?" 

"It's too late for you to be wandering about," Five said. "And if you're joining the bro date anyway-"

"Bro date?" Vanya snorted. "You did not just say that." 

He huffed. "That's what Klaus calls it." 

"It's unnatural hearing the word 'bro' coming from you." Vanya smoothed the hair back from his forehead with a jolt of confidence, hiding her smirk behind her other hand. "Bro date!" 

"Anyway, Klaus can lend you something to sleep in," Five said. "I'd offer you my own pajamas, but I only have one pair." 

"But then what would I wear tomorrow?" Vanya finally pulled her hand away from his head and rubbed at her chin. "We'd have to stop by my apartment, in the end." 

"Or you could borrow something from Mom?" 

She gave him an unimpressed look. 

"Perhaps not," Five said. "From… Klaus?" 

"We can figure it out tomorrow, I guess." 

Five preferred to figure things out ahead of time, but he was learning to be flexible. 

"Alright," Five said. "Tomorrow then." 

They regarded each other. 

"Do you need blankets, or…?" 

"I'll go ask Mom," Vanya said. "Don't worry about it." 

He nodded. "Then goodnight?" 

"Goodnight," Vanya said. "Um… I love you." 

"I love you too, of course." Five did not hesitate with the phrase, but he realized as he spoke that he had not said the words in years. 

"But we should say so more often," he added. "Oh, and are we agreed on Sundays?" 

"Sure, Five." Vanya put a delicate hand on his shoulder. A feather light touch, at first, but then she gave him a squeeze. "We're agreed." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego couldn't quite put his finger on why, but it felt weird to be standing outside Five's room like this. It would be even weirder inside the room, he figured. 

Maybe because this bedroom had been something of a monument to their missing brother for all those years. 

The last time he'd gone in there Pogo had scolded him for fighting with Luther. Five hadn't even been there for that, but he was embarrassed by the memory. He'd said some ugly things that day. Wasn't that the last time he saw Pogo?

 _You're being stupid,_ Diego thought. _Fucking knock already._

He did and Five's irritated voice snapped out an immediate response, "I swear to god, Klaus, if you knock on my door one more time-"

"It's Diego, jackass." 

A flash of blue and Five was standing beside him. "What happened?" 

Frowning, Diego fingered the oversized scarf he'd brought to show him. "What makes you think something happened?" 

Five smirked. "Why else would you come to me?" 

As much as it would smart to prove Five right, Mom's well being was more important than his pride. He offered the scarf to Five. 

Five took it. "I'm going to need some context." 

"It's super long," Diego said. "Ridiculously long. That scarf is the length of five scarves put together." 

Five examined it, nodding slowly. "Mom made this?" 

"She was sitting there in a daze, just repeating the motions. If I hadn't interrupted she probably would have kept going until she ran out of yarn." 

"Understood," Five said. "I'll take a look at her." 

Diego glared at him. "She's not a car, you know. You can't just pop the hood and-"

"Diego, when a person is sick they go to a doctor, yes?" Five shoved the scarf back at him. "This is the same thing." 

"I just don't like the way you treat her when she's glitching. You act like-"

"Do you want my help or not?" 

Diego gritted his teeth. "I want your help." 

"Good." 

Then the son of a bitch disappeared.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I spent the weekend with my brother,” Vanya announced.

Her new therapist smiled indulgently. “Oh? Which brother?” The woman glanced at her notes. “You have four of them.” 

Therapy was one of those things that was hit or miss. Vanya knew that. She also knew that a lot of people believed its benefits were more of a placebo effect: if the patient believed therapy would help them, then it helped them. If they had a negative mind set, it usually wouldn’t help them.

Vanya did a lot of research on the topic to try and get Five to try it out. If the facts were on her side, she’d thought, then Five would be too.

But then it turned out the facts were still undecided. 

“Mostly with Five,” Vanya said. “Though we hung out with Klaus too.” 

“Ah, Five the favorite,” the therapist said. 

Vanya winced. “Please don’t call him that.”

It was true that Five was her favorite, but it was embarrassing to hear it said out loud like that. 

“My bad,” the woman chuckled light heartedly. “So what did you do together?” 

“Well, on Friday we watched a movie,” Vanya said. “A bunch of us, actually. With Luther and Klaus and Mom too. She said it was her third movie.”

“Ah, they were having a movie marathon?” the therapist said. 

“No, she meant, like, it was the third movie she’d seen,” Vanya said. “Ever. Cause Mom didn’t watch any movies until… until recently.” 

This was not the first therapist Vanya had worked with. It wasn’t even the second. Still, she felt like she was a bit rusty with this whole therapy thing. It had been a few years since she’d… since she’d needed something like this. 

“Oh, of course,” the therapist said. “I suppose a robot wouldn’t have much interest in movies, would it?” 

“She’s not an it,” Vanya said. “And she liked the movie.” 

The therapist nodded. “What else did you do with Five?” 

“On Saturday we took Klaus to his NA meeting,” Vanya said. “Klaus is in Narcotics Anonymous now.” 

“Good for him!” the woman crooned. “It’s important to have a support network.” 

“Uh, yeah,” Vanya said. “And then afterwards Klaus took us to a waterpark.” 

“Perfect time of year for waterparks,” the therapist said. “I’m sure you had a lot of fun.”

“Yeah,” Vanya said. “Yeah, it was fun. And Five didn’t have a swimsuit, so Klaus bought him one in the gift shop. It was one of those swimsuits with an animal theme and it had stingrays.” 

Vanya laughed, remembering the look on Five’s face. 

The therapist nodded, still smiling that indulgent smile of hers. Like she was humoring a little kid who was bragging about a favored toy. 

Vanya cleared her throat. “But on Sunday it was just the two of us. Me and Five, I mean.” 

“You spend a lot of time with Five, if I remember correctly,” the therapist said. “Tuesdays and Fridays, every week, I think you said.” 

“Well, yeah but.” Vanya scratched her cheek. “That’s different. That’s for training.” 

“So this weekend felt more special?” 

“I mean… yes? I thought it was special,” Vanya said. 

“You sound uncertain,” the therapist said. 

It was hard not to be uncertain when talking to this woman, Vanya thought. She had a way of poking at Vanya’s words. Of… of prodding. And Vanya knew that was the point of therapy, but...

_“Have you ever thought your attachment to Five is a tad unhealthy?”_

“Is it unhealthy to want to spend time with my brother?” Vanya said. “Is that so wrong?” 

The therapist sighed. “I did not say it was unhealthy.” 

“Last month you said it was,” Vanya said. “You said-” 

“Let’s pause for a second,” the therapist said. “Take a deep breath, Vanya.” 

Vanya did so, and she noticed the ringing in her ears by its absence. 

Oh. She’d been rattling the room a bit, with her power. 

Shit. 

“I’m sorry,” Vanya said. 

“It’s alright,” the therapist said. “No harm done.” 

“Still.” Vanya fiddled with a hole at the hem of her shirt. 

“Let’s get back on topic,” the therapist said. “What did you do with Five on Sunday?” 

“I took him to an animal shelter,” Vanya said. “I think I was feeling a little competitive.” 

“Competitive?” 

“With Klaus,” Vanya said. “Cause apparently Klaus gets Five to himself every Saturday.” 

“Oh, is that so?” 

“Yeah and like.” Vanya noticed the ringing in her ears this time and took a deep breath. “Klaus already _lives_ with him. Him and Luther, technically, they can hang out with Five whenever they want. None of them have jobs! They could just, they could have movie marathons all day every day if they wanted. But Klaus also gets Saturdays and he gets to drag Five out of the house and… and go to water parks and aquariums.” 

“You were jealous,” the therapist said. 

“Just a little,” Vanya said. “Just… just a _tad_.” 

The therapist pursed her lips. “That’s natural.” 

“It _is_ natural,” Vanya said. “Anyway, I was feeling competitive so I thought, well, Five didn’t like the stingrays. He hated the stingrays.”

The therapist nodded. 

“But at the animal shelter there’s Cat Castle,” Vanya said. “I thought Five would like cats because they’re soft and they’re… they’re calm.” 

“Did he like the cats?”

“He _loved_ the cats,” Vanya said. “I… I think he loved the cats.” 

“You mentioned you find Five difficult to understand,” the therapist said.

“Five is hard to read,” Vanya said. “It was easier when we were kids, but now he kind of… his default expression is kind of grumpy, so it’s hard to tell.” 

The therapist nodded sympathetically. 

“A lot of the cats were kind of desperate for affection,” Vanya said. “I think because they’re shelter cats, so they don’t get that much attention? They were rubbing up against our legs and when we sat down there were a few who would just walk up onto our laps.” 

“That’s sweet,” the therapist said. 

“And Five let them,” Vanya said. “So he must have liked them.” 

“He probably did,” the therapist reassured. “It sounds like you had a very nice weekend.” 

“We did,” Vanya said. “And Five said he would give me Sundays from now on. So.” 

The therapist smiled and Vanya thought it actually looked genuine this time. It was a bigger smile, with more wrinkles in her cheeks. 

“What is it?” Vanya said. 

“Hmm?” 

“Sorry, it’s just… you smiled like…” Vanya tried to put it into words. “Like you were thinking of something nice.” 

“Oh!” the therapist chuckled. “It’s just the phrasing. It reminded me of my son.” 

Vanya blinked. “What phrasing?” 

“That he would give you Sundays,” the therapist said. “On Mother’s Day, years ago- when my son was still in high school, he felt bad that he’d already spent all his allowance. He couldn’t buy me a gift.” 

Not knowing what else to do, Vanya nodded encouragingly, the way the therapist usually did.

The woman noticed and her smile widened. 

“So my son said, ‘Mom this year I’m giving you Saturdays! For the next month you can make me do whatever you want on Saturdays, I’ll do extra chores or I’ll go bowling with you’- he hates bowling- ‘or I’ll do whatever you tell me to do,’” the therapist sighed wistfully. “It was the greatest gift I’ve ever received.”

“Wow,” Vanya said. “That’s… yeah. It’s a good gift.” 

“Your brother loves you, Vanya,” the therapist said. “And you love him too. This is a good thing.” 

Vanya frowned. “But?” 

The woman crossed her legs together and sat back in her chair, lips pursed thoughtfully. “I chose the wrong words, when I said your attachment was unhealthy. I apologize for that.” 

“But…?” 

“The concern I was trying to express,” the therapist said. “Is the fact that… well, you put a lot of pressure on yourself. And on him.” 

“What do you mean?” 

She steepled her hands together. “He was missing for seventeen years, correct?” 

“Yeah,” Vanya said. 

“It was a traumatic event,” the therapist said. “And we know now that Five did not mean to leave. We know where he was and why he couldn’t come back sooner.” 

“Yeah…” 

“I have a theory,” the therapist continued. “That there is a part of you, a subconscious unacknowledged part of you, that is not swayed by the rational explanation for Five’s disappearance. A part of you that is convinced that you have to work hard now that Five is back. To work hard, so that he won’t leave again.” 

Vanya blinked. 

“But it’s just a theory,” the therapist said. “Something to think about.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Vanya was painfully aware of Five's posture while the movie played. Of the way he smirked at math references that went over her head and how he tutted sympathetically when Benedict Cumberbatch's character was threatened. 

The Imitation Game was the perfect movie for Five, Vanya thought with some relief. The biopic certainly catered to his interests better than that action flick they'd seen at the Academy. 

In fact it was a little too perfect. How would she top this? Maybe next time they could watch another biopic, but what historical figure could possibly be better than Alan Turing? 

"It's pathetic isn't it?" Five said. 

Vanya jumped. "Wh-what? Me?" 

Five waved an expansive hand at the screen. 

"Those idiots could have lost the _war_ , Vanya." 

"Oh yeah?"

"Just imagine if Turing had been publicly outed before M16 approached him," Five said. "Hell, even if it had happened afterwards. Even if his methods had already been tried and tested, and the tide of the war was already turning, the entire thing could have still been unraveled."

"It was a delicate, uh, a delicate process," Vanya said. "That decoder machine." 

She wanted to contribute to the conversation, but she was a bit distracted. Would Five like a movie about Stephen Hawking?

"And for what?" Five plowed on. "Something as inane and inconsequential as the man's sexuality?" 

"Oh, yeah it really was horrible back then," Vanya said, thinking of Sissy now. "I wish it didn't have to be such a, such a political thing? Because, relationships… they shouldn't be restricted like that. Needing to keep it a secret, it's… stressful." 

"Exactly," Five said. "Of course, you would know better than I do. You and Klaus." 

Five shook his head, sighing ruefully. "Still, it continues to baffle me. The sheer stupidity of it all. It's ridiculous." 

He reached for his coffee mug and harrumphed when he found it empty. Vanya scrambled up to get him a refill and then she wanted to slap herself. 

Was she really trying too hard? Was this unhealthy? 

Vanya was so distracted by the thought that she didn't properly look when she poured, and the coffee ended up… 

She suppose some of it got on him, but Five immediately teleported away, so most of it got dumped directly onto her couch. The flash of blue light startled her into dropping the pot and she stood there staring at the mess in dismay. 

"Alright," Five said. He was calmly removing his blazer and sweater vest. "Let's hear it." 

"I'm so sorry, Five," Vanya said. "I'll lend you something to wear, I'll-"

"You misunderstood me," Five rubbed at his forehead, teeth grinding audibly. "I don't want apologies. Tell me what happened." 

"I'm sorry," she said reflexively. "Shit, I mean, I just wasn't looking properly, I-"

Another flash of blue and Five was directly in front of her now. He put his hands firmly on her shoulders. "I am not mad at you," he said. "You don't need to worry." 

"Okay." Vanya took a deep breath and gave him a look over. The coffee hadn't burned him, had it? 

Then she spotted the blood stains. "Five," she gasped. "You're bleeding." 

He gave himself a cursory glance. "No, I'm not. Those are old stains." 

Looking closer, she saw that he was right. The blood had a faded look about it.

"Oh," she said. 

A pause.

"I'm going to lend you a shirt to wear," Vanya said. 

He opened his mouth, maybe to protest, but she cut him off. "And you should throw that one away. Please." 

He pursed his lips. "Fine." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It wasn't until she was standing alone in her living room that she noticed the television screen had been shattered. 

Whoops. 

That is a problem for later, Vanya told herself firmly. 

She turned to her couch instead, removing the stained cushion. But before she could make much progress there either, she noticed the blazer and sweater vest. 

Five had left them on the floor. She picked them up and scrutinized the material. 

Now that she was looking closely, Vanya saw that, besides the coffee, they both had a few blood stains too. It was subtler, and mostly disguised by the dark color of the fabric, but they were there. 

Why was Five still wearing these uniforms anyway? She'd asked him once. 

"They get the job done," he'd said dismissively. "I don't care about clothes anyway." 

And Vanya had thought, well, it's Five choice isn't it? Maybe he even liked the uniform. 

But were they all blood stained like this? 

Five emerged from her bathroom in a gray button up and black slacks. He adjusted the shirt cuffs and frowned at her. 

"What?" he said. "The shorts wouldn't work with this shirt, so I took the liberty of borrowing some pants while I was at it." 

"That's fine, Five." She tried to school her expression. "Uh, I'm just surprised they fit you." 

"We're the same height," Five said. "Essentially the same size." 

"That's good," she said. "You know, in that case, do you want to…" 

She hesitated. 

Five massaged his forehead. "Please complete your sentences," he said. "You're giving me a stress headache."

"Sorry." Vanya said. "Do you need a belt?" 

Five pulled at his waistband thoughtfully. They were the same height, but he was a lot skinnier than her.

"Sure." 

He followed her into her bedroom and watched while she rummaged in the closet. 

"You have good taste," Five said. "Very respectable." 

"Thank you." Then, with confidence this time, "You can borrow stuff whenever you want." 

"That's not necessary-"

"I know but." Vanya shrugged. "Well, I just wanted you to know. It's an option." 

"Alright." 

"Or maybe we could go shopping some time?" Vanya said. "So you could-"

"Oh, stop it," Five said. "You're trying to distract me from the problem at hand." 

"Huh?" 

"Vanya," he said, sounding exasperated. "What _happened_."

"Um." She handed him a belt. "I just missed the mug." 

"Bullshit." Five angrily slotted the belt through the pant loops. "You've been acting weird all day." 

"No, I haven't," Vanya insisted. "I just spilled some coffee." 

"You were a little off on Friday too," Five said. "But you were fine on Tuesday, so when did it happen? On Wednesday? Thursday?" 

"When did what happen?" Vanya slammed her closet door shut. 

She hated it when he got like this. 

"You tell me!" Five snapped. "Did you have an unruly student this week? Did one of the parents yell at you?" 

She sighed. "No." 

"Is this about the orchestra?" He said. "It should be safe to go back soon-"

"Five-"

"Or maybe it's Allison," Five said. "Does she call you? Luther's always on the phone with her-"

"No-"

"I'll tell her to call you," Five said. 

"What? No, Five, she _does_ call." Vanya could hear that ringing in her ears again. "You don't need to-"

"It would be a lot easier for both of us," Five said. "If you would just tell me -"

"Shut up!" As soon as the words were out Vanya clamped a hand over her mouth and stared at him in horror. 

She shouldn't have said that.

Five rolled his eyes. "You look like I just killed a puppy in front of you." 

"I'm sorry," Vanya said. "Look, just… um." 

"No, no," Five said. "Far be it from me to poke around in my sister's business. I'll just show myself out." 

She surged forward and grabbed his arm. "Wait!" 

"What?" He said. 

"You can't just… just leave!" 

Five gave her a look. "Can't I?" 

"It's Sunday," she said, plaintively. 

He looked at her. 

She let go of his arm. 

"Are you hungry?" Five said. 

"Huh? Um, no." 

"Well, you will be soon enough," Five said. "Let's go somewhere." 

Crisis averted, Vanya took a moment to calm her breathing. She glanced around warily, looking for broken light bulbs or other evidence of… of wayward powers. 

"Where do you want to go?" Vanya said, calmly. 

Everything looked fine. Was everything fine? There were tiny little cracks in the walls. The closet door was wide open. It had slammed open, hadn't it? Why hadn't the movement registered while it was happening? 

Dammit, whenever she started to think she finally had control things like this would happen. And that control slipped through her fingers without her even noticing. 

What if- 

"Vanya," Five said. "Look at me." 

Reluctantly, she met his eyes. 

"You've made remarkable progress," Five said. "All this?" He gestured at the room. "This isn't something to worry about." 

"But-"

"No, _listen_ to me." Five ran an agitated hand through his hair. "Think of it like… like a pond." 

"Five-"

"Bear with me," Five said. "Your ability, it disturbs the water, right? Like a boulder, like a cannonball, it makes a splash." 

"Sure," Vanya said. "I guess so." 

He held his arms out, grinning broadly. "And this? This was a pebble compared to what you're capable of." 

"But I keep _leaking_ ," she said. "I'll never-" 

"If you'd just take a step back and look at this logically," Five said. "You'd see that these episodes of yours have decreased in both magnitude and frequency." 

"Oh my god," Vanya said. "Sometimes I wonder if _you're_ the robot." 

That got to him. He glared at her. "Excuse me?" 

Deep breaths, Vanya. Deep breaths. 

"I don't want to fight with you," Vanya said. 

"Did you think _I_ wanted a fight?" There was a dark glint to his eyes now. "Because this is not how I would fight." 

She winced. "I didn't mean… I don't think that." 

"What do you want from me, Vanya?!" Five threw his hands in the air in a way that reminded her of Klaus. "What do you want me to say, hmm? Do you want me to put on a smile like Mom and say 'hush now silly, everything will be alright'? Should I burp you too?" 

He was seething now and Vanya realized with a start that she hadn't seen Five this mad since they were children. 

"Um," she said. 

"News flash," Five said. "I'm not Mom. And I'm not Allison, I'm not Klaus- " 

Not knowing what else to do, Vanya grabbed Five by the shoulders and pulled him into a rough hug. He stiffened and there was a faint buzzing crackle in the air. A glint of blue. 

_He's leaving_ , she thought, and squeezed him harder. Was there a way to force him to stay in place? 

How could Vanya ever hope to hold onto someone who could jump through time and space at will? 

But Five didn't teleport out of her arms. Maybe he'd thought about it. Maybe he'd started, but changed his mind. 

"Thank you," Vanya said. "Please don't go." 

He didn't answer. 

But he didn't leave either. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"So I thought about what you said," Vanya said. "I think your theory… might not be... entirely wrong." 

"Did something happen?" The therapist said. 

_"Tell me what happened."_

Vanya winced. "Sort of." 

The therapist nodded, but she didn't say anything. 

Vanya wondered how long she could get away with just sitting here in silence. If it would make the other woman uncomfortable, the same way it did to Five. 

"Five hates meditation," Vanya said. 

The therapist smiled indulgently. "Alright?" 

"I'm only bringing it up because we meditate every week," Vanya said. "It's part of the training." 

"Did you get into a fight because of it?" The therapist said. "Because Five hates meditation?" 

"No," Vanya said. "We… we did fight. But no, it wasn't about that." 

Vanya took a moment to close her eyes. To listen to her heartbeat, her breathing, and the ambient sounds of the room. 

She could hear the therapist's breathing too and the way the woman was shifting in her seat. 

Vanya opened her eyes. "Meditation was Five's idea," Vanya said. "I didn't notice, at first. That he didn't like it." 

The therapist hummed thoughtfully. "It's been helpful to you?" 

"Really helpful," Vanya said. "But Five's not like me. He… he's kind of a restless person." 

"I see." 

"I think that… Five keeps a lot of things to himself." Vanya fiddled with a button on her sleeve. "On the surface he acts kind of harsh sometimes, but he does these little things for me and then… and then I start to worry that I'm not doing enough for him." 

"What was the fight about, Vanya?" 

The button on her sleeve came loose and Vanya looked down at it in surprise. 

Then she almost dropped it. 

"Vanya?" 

"Um, I spilled coffee on him," Vanya said. "And afterwards he made a big deal about it. He thought something was wrong with me." 

"And it offended you?" 

Vanya frowned. "It didn't offend me." 

_Had_ it offended her? 

"I just thought… I just wished." Vanya huffed, unable to find the right words. "He gets, like, single mindedly focused on me sometimes." 

"In a way that overwhelms you?" 

"Yeah! It was overwhelming," Vanya said. "That way he looks at me sometimes. Like I'm a puzzle. Or a… a problem. That he needs to _fix_." 

"I see," the therapist said. "He puts a lot of pressure on himself too, then." 

"I guess so," Vanya said. "So what do we do about it? How do we…" 

"Fix it?" The light hearted laugh felt real this time. 

And Vanya wanted to laugh too. "I guess it isn't that simple?" 

"No, Vanya," the therapist said. "I'm afraid not." 

"But then what was the point of your whole speech last week?" Vanya huffed. "All that stuff about how I'm putting too much pressure on myself and on him?" 

The therapist's grin was all teeth now and Vanya had the distinct feeling that she'd walked into a trap. 

"Well," the therapist said. "I've noticed that you and Five have a way of dancing around each other. Of worrying about each other. But you don't communicate." 

"We communicate," Vanya said, defensively.

_"It would be easier on both of us if you would just tell me."_

"Mostly," Vanya said.

Her therapist gave her an unimpressed look. 

"Five walks around in bloodstained clothes!" Vanya blurted. "And he thinks I have the problem?! He has a problem too!" 

The therapist nodded sympathetically. "You _both_ have problems," she agreed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Things had gotten awkward between them. Their training session on Tuesday had been a stilted affair. The only words exchanged were basic instructions. 

Five had done most of the talking. 

On Friday, Vanya was determined to say something. 

Something… meaningful. 

She waited until they were done meditating. It gave her the chance to psyche herself up. To practice her speech. 

When the timer went off Vanya took one more deep breath and opened her eyes, regarding Five with determination.

"I've been going to therapy," she started. 

"I know," Five said. 

"I didn't want to tell you because… what?" 

Five frowned at her. "Was it a secret?" 

She gaped at him. "Yes?" 

"Vanya." Five pinched the bridge of his nose. "It was on your calendar. Wednesdays at 12 p.m. Therapy." 

She blinked. "Oh, um, I didn't think you would look at that." 

"You hung it up on your fridge for the world to see!" Five said. 

"I don't usually have guests over!" 

"Okay," Five said. "Alright. So Sunday, that incident, it was because of your therapy?" 

He was regarding her thoughtfully, with that familiar furrow in his brow.

Vanya closed her eyes. 

Deep breaths. 

Stay calm. 

"Yes," Vanya said. "It was because of my therapy." 

"That's easy then," Five said. "Just stop going." 

She opened her eyes. "What?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You have a better solution?" 

She sputtered. 

"It seems simple enough to me," Five said. "That therapist bothered you, or offended you in some way, and you let it…" 

Vanya frowned at him. "I let it what?" 

Five took a moment to consider her. 

"I let it _what_ , Five?" 

"You let it interfere with our work here." Five gestured at the training room. "We've been making progress and whatever that was, on Sunday? It… it just seems counterproductive." 

She stared at him, completely flummoxed.

"What?" Five said. 

"I'm not quitting therapy," Vanya said, shoulders tensing. 

She braced herself for an argument. 

Five rubbed his temples. He opened his mouth, but then he closed it. 

He cast his eyes about, as if he was looking for an ally. Or for patience. 

Finally he took a deep breath through his mouth and let it out through his nose. "Alright," he said. 

Vanya blinked. "That's it?" 

He glared at her. "What do you want me to say?" 

"I just thought…" Vanya tried to figure out a tactful way to put it, but then she gave up. "I thought you would call me stupid." 

Five scoffed. "You're not stupid." 

"I'm… I'm not?" 

Now he looked offended. "When have I ever called you stupid?"

Vanya noticed the way he emphasized 'you' and realized that she'd seen him call a lot of people stupid over the years. But he'd never actually directed the sentiment towards her. 

"You're too young," he'd said once. "Too naive. I should have known you wouldn't understand." 

Young. Naive. But not stupid. Was there a difference?

"So you're just going to accept it?" Vanya said. "And that's it?" 

He ran a weary hand over his face. "I don't understand you. Do you want me to argue with you?" 

"Um, no," Vanya said. 

"Then that settles it," Five said. "But tell me this, at least." 

Five warped and suddenly he was standing so close to her their noses were almost touching. 

His grin was all teeth, manic. "What exactly did that woman say to you, hmm?"

The little laugh that escaped her was more of a wheeze. She almost choked on it. 

Five took a step back, eyes narrowing. 

"She said she could tell that you love me very much," Vanya said. "And that's a good thing, but…" 

Now he looked confused. "But?" 

"But we need to communicate." 

He scoffed. "Well, I could have told you that." 

"Yeah." Vanya smiled at him. "I think you did. In your own way." 

Five tutted. "Okay, well, much as I love you." He gestured at his watch. "We also have a schedule to keep and right now we're falling behind." 

"Oh! Right." Vanya knelt by her violin case and opened it up. "Sorry about that." 

Five waved her apology away, like he always did. 

"And I love you too," she added. 

"Of course," Five said. 

And that was that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The first time he saw Five without the uniform, Luther did a double take. 

Five was wearing a gray and black plaid button up with black slacks.

He looked like he was in a good mood too. He was helping Mom put away groceries. 

"Such a handsome young man," Mom was saying. "Growing up so fast." 

Five snorted. "I'm going to delete your compliments algorithm if you keep it up." 

She giggled and pinched his cheek. Luther watched from the doorway, frozen, wondering if Five had spotted him yet. 

"You going to make yourself useful, or just stand there?" Five called. 

Luther startled. "Oh! Uh. You guys need help?"

"There's more groceries in the car," Five said. "Go get them, won't you?" 

When Five gave orders like that, Luther was tempted to reply with _yes, sir._

Instead he said, "Sure." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Sometimes Five still wore the uniform shorts, or the blazer, but he never wore the whole set together anymore. Luther wondered if this meant that Klaus had finally succeeded. They must have gone shopping. 

But then he realized there was something familiar about Five's new clothes. 

"You know, I steal from Allison's closet all the time."

Klaus was standing outside Five's bedroom, seemingly talking at the door. 

"She's got such sparkly clothes," Klaus continued. "But Vanya? Her stuff is… well, the opposite of sparkly." 

Vanya favored gender neutral button ups and jackets, Luther realized. And Five had been wearing the same. 

"Or what about _my_ clothes?" Klaus said. "Hell, one of my crop tops would fit you like a regular t-shirt!" 

"I wouldn't touch your clothes with a ten foot pole," Five called through the door. "Let alone wear them." 

Luther frowned at Klaus as he walked past. Were they really having a conversation through the door like this? 

Should he intervene? 

Klaus winked at him. "Just humor me a little. Let's have a little fashion show! You look great in anything, but you'll look amazing when I'm done with you." 

"Fuck off!" Five shouted.

On an impulse, Luther picked Klaus up. 

"What the- hey! Luuuther!" 

Despite his shouting, Klaus was a compliant passenger. He let Luther drape him over a shoulder. 

"Where are we going?!" Klaus whined. "Luuuuuther." 

"Let's watch a movie," Luther said. 

Klaus laughed. _"Fine."_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five had found that, while wearing Vanya's clothes, it was easier to pretend he was a sixteen year old. 

If that meant he and Klaus were pulled over less often, who was he to argue against the practicality of it? 

But they were still pulled over occasionally. And when Five could not produce a learner's permit Klaus would inevitably take the wheel, under the watchful eye of the friendly men in blue. 

"You're below the speed minimum, Klaus." 

"There's a minimum?" 

"Yes, you idiot!" An impatient young woman was tailgating them and honked indignantly at their progress. Or lack thereof. Five flipped her off. "Speed up already." 

The woman finally had the bright idea to switch lanes. 

"I'm surprised you even have a valid license," Five said. "When's the last time you drove, anyway? Without me, I mean." 

Normally you couldn't get Klaus to shut up if you paid him, but Five had noticed a remarkable shift in his brother's disposition when he was behind the wheel. 

Namely, Klaus said as little as he could get away with. 

"Can I pull over now?" Klaus said. "I think we drove far enough." 

Five was tempted to say no, despite his frustration with their snail's pace. 

"One of these days," Five said. "We ought to go somewhere and practice." 

"That's a yes, right?" Klaus said. "Shut up, Ben! I'm concentrating." 

Five waited until they were safely parked to elaborate on his idea. "Klaus, you need to learn how to properly drive." 

"Eh, I know enough," Klaus said. "Hey, how did you learn about traffic laws in the apocalypse anyway?" 

Five closed his eyes for a moment, the way Vanya often did when she was calming herself. 

"Yeah! Even if there were still cars around," Klaus continued. "There wouldn't have been pedestrians. You wouldn't need to use your turn signal, no one would tailgate you! And-"

"I drove in populated areas while working for the Commission," Five said. "Now shut up for a minute." 

Closing his eyes, breathing, it was all useless. Five resigned himself to death by high blood pressure. 

"Oh! Did you get to use those old timey cars?" Klaus said. "Like the oldest ones? I loved the style they had in the sixties, but I've seen some pictures of-" 

"What do you have a license for in the first place," Five said. "If not to use it?" 

"Well, I only got it so I could buy drinks and cigarettes," Klaus said. "Technically, I could already buy them. But it's a lot less of a hassle with-" 

"You're learning to drive," Five said. "I'll find us a spot where-" 

"But what about the _ghosts_?" Klaus said. "Do you know how many people have died in car accidents?!" 

"Oh," Five said, frowning. "That _is_ a problem." 

"No shit!" Klaus said. "Look, I still have my license because I don't use it. My excuse used to be that I didn't wanna drive under the influence, but…" 

Klaus looked over Five's head at something. They were sitting in a gas station parking lot along a busy intersection, in full view of the highway. 

"I can't drive," Klaus finished, lamely. "I just can't, okay?" 

Five peered at the highway. All there was for him to see were the cars peaceably making their way through. 

"Fair enough," Five said. "Get out of the driver's seat." 

Klaus happily did as he was told, for once.


	2. July and August

_Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills._

_―_ _Arthur Schopenhauer_

Klaus was like a dog. Five said so to anyone who cared to listen, but he didn't think they fully understood what he meant. 

"Do you want to build a snowman?" Klaus trilled. He had given up on knocking. "Come on let's go and _plaaay."_

Five gave the door an incredulous look. Klaus couldn't see it, but he imagined Ben poking his head through, or something. 

Perhaps shrugging apologetically. 

"A snowman?" Five said. "It's _July_." 

Sometimes he wished he could just _see_ Ben. They wouldn't need to talk to understand each other. 

"We can build a figurative snowman," Klaus said. "Made of good vibes and brotherly bonding." 

Or maybe it would be better to hear Ben and not see him, Five thought. If he had to choose between the two.

"True, but _I_ get it," Klaus said. "I mean… I'd add it to the list, but Five banned musicals, remember?"

Technically, Klaus could manifest Ben in short bursts. Five had _seen_ him do it at least twice. But if he were to ask Klaus to go through the trouble what would he say to Ben? 

"It's not _my_ fault ABBA's songs are so catchy!" Klaus whined. 

Would Klaus be stuck in the room with them?

"Did he zap away?" Klaus said. "Well, just _check_. Please?"

Five rubbed at his forehead. Jumping into another room was tempting. But Klaus would track him down and act like they were playing hide and seek.

"I told you it's not spying, it's checking."

"Go bother Luther," Five said. "I'm busy." 

"Oh. Nevermind," Klaus said. "But seriously Ben it's not like you've never- okay okay! Sheesh." 

Reginald's notes on the healing serum were an incomprehensible series of finely crafted coding. The old man had been a paranoid bastard, but Five was starting to recognize a pattern. 

Maybe if he weren't interrupted so often he'd have cracked it by now. 

"Anyway, Luther's still on the phone with Allison," Klaus said. "He's been talking to her for _hours_." 

It irked Five that their father had considered his botched healing serum valuable enough to hide from prying eyes, but had not thought to do the same for his record of Vanya's vulnerabilities. Could the man have been any more _brainless_?

"I swear, he acts like she's his girlfriend," Klaus said. "Like they're in this dramatic long distance-"

" _Klaus,_ " Five said. "I will personally shove my hand down your throat and pull out your vocal cords if you do not learn to _shut up_ when-" 

"Fiiiiiive," Klaus whined. "Just come out for a second. Just a tiny little break, hmm?" 

"I don't need a break!" 

"Eat lunch with me," Klaus said. "You haven't had lunch yet, right?" 

Oh. Not only had he not had lunch, but breakfast had entirely slipped his mind. 

When Five opened the door, Klaus gasped. "He has graced us with his presence!" 

"Shut up," Five said.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Ow!" Klaus said. "Why are you always so _violent_?" 

"It's a positive punishment," Five said. "You'll learn to associate the pain with bad behavior." 

He'd caught Klaus drinking whiskey. 

"I am a _delicate,_ " Klaus paused. 

Five assumed he was listening to Ben, so he waited patiently.

"Nuh uh. I'm still a delicate flower child," Klaus continued, slapping his chest. "And therefore, defenseless!" 

"Then stay out of the fucking liquor cabinet," Five said.

Having said his peace, Five warped out of the room. 

He needed to get rid of all the drinks in the house. Remove the temptation altogether. 

It was one of those tasks that seemed important, but was easy to forget. There was just so much to _do_. 

"Dolores would have reminded me," Five muttered. "She knew how to keep me on task." 

Not for the first time, Five felt embarrassed to be speaking out loud in an empty room. 

He wondered if Dolores would think less of him if he paid her a visit. If she would laugh at him or, instead, be pleasantly surprised.

Why couldn't he just move on? 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_"Excuse me_? _"_ Five growled.

"Well, it was kind of a busted mannequin right?" The employee in front of Five was shrinking under his gaze. "It only had one arm, and-"

"So where _is_ she?" 

"Um, in the dumpster?" The man glanced around nervously. "Hey, where are your parents?" 

Five warped away without answering. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It took a few hours to find her. She’d already been sent to a landfill. 

When he finally spotted her arm poking out of the muck Five was slapped in the face with the most vivid sense of déjá vu he had ever experienced. 

_I suppose this is the part,_ Dolores said. _Where you say, ‘Oh my! We have_ ** _got_** _to stop meeting like this.’_

Five chuckled. “I would never insult you with a paltry line like that.” 

_You’ve never had a sense for romance,_ she said. _It’s meant to be frivolous, dear._

“Not for us,” Five said, brushing the dirt off her face. “We’re better than that.” 

_Speak for yourself,_ Dolores said. _I, for one, would love to be carried away on a… what are they using these days? Horses?_

Five sat back and crossed his arms together, pretending to scowl at her. “The wagon wasn’t good enough for you, then?” 

_We can do better_ , she said. _Nowadays, the world has so many options._

He looked at the skyline over their heads. At the moon, which was plainly visible in the daylight. 

“You’re right,” Five said. “But you’ll have to settle for the family car. I’m not going out of my way to get you a horse.” 

_Still better than a wagon_ , Dolores said, sounding quite pleased. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Fiiive, where’d you go?” Klaus materialized in the entryway, like a puppy waiting for its owner. “You were gone for so- oh!” 

He’d spotted Dolores. 

_Oh no_ , Dolores said. _I wish I looked more presentable._

“You look fine.” Five cleared his throat. “Klaus, you remember Dolores don’t you? Dolores, my brother Klaus.” 

_Five, I don’t think-_

“Enchanté, Dolores,” Klaus said, bowing dramatically. “You look like you’ve seen better days.” 

_Well, this is mortifying,_ Dolores said. _I need a bath. And a decent shirt-_

“There was a bit of an… ordeal at her store,” Five said. Then, to Dolores, “I can lend you something of mine for now.” 

Klaus clapped. “She needs a makeover! Oh, _oh_ , I should lend her something, my clothes are _way_ better.”

Dolores took note of the puffy sleeved shirt Klaus was wearing and seemed to agree. _I’d love to see his closet._

“You might lose whatever you lend her,” Five said, glancing between the two. “If she likes it enough she won’t want to give it back.” 

“Oh, pish posh,” Klaus said. “I do the same thing to Allison, I can survive a taste of my own medicine.” 

Five did not know what to say to that.

_You’re meant to say ‘thank you,’ dear._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Why did you have these wigs in the first place?” Five said. 

Dolores was sporting a modest brunette bob, her preference over the garish bubble gum pink and electric green options. 

“As if it’s weird for a pan cis man to own a couple wigs?” Klaus said. 

_I don’t think it’s weird_ , Dolores said. 

Five rubbed his chin. “But I’ve never seen you… wear one.”

Granted, he’d missed seventeen years of Klaus’s life. 

“Oh, I had a bit of a drag phase.” Klaus pinched Five’s cheek, jumping back when Five attempted to bite him. “Don’t worry your pretty little head over it! That was a long time ago.” 

“A drag phase,” Five echoed. “Wait, what do you mean a pan cis man?”

“Pansexual,” Klaus said. “Cisgender.” 

_New words,_ Five thought. He’d have to look them up. 

_Tell him I said thank you_ , Dolores said. 

“Well, I’m glad you kept them,” Five said. “You look nice, Dolores.”

 _Five,_ Dolores admonished.

“Tres bien!” Klaus held his hand out. “High five for the stylist?” 

_Five_ , Dolores repeated. Exasperated. 

Five sighed. “Thank you, Klaus.” 

Klaus’s hand was still held up, waiting for his high five. Klaus stared at it, then looked at Five.

“Not a high five,” Klaus said, lowering his arm. “But… oh my gosh… I think that’s the _first time_ you’ve ever thanked me.” 

“Shut up.” 

“This is a _historic_ moment!” 

Klaus hugged him and Five tolerated the contact for twenty seconds before warping out of his hold.

“See, Dolores?” Five gritted out. “Look what you’ve done!” 

She sat lounging in Klaus’s bed in her new blouse and wig, acting as if the pillow was actually a front row seat at Carnegie Hall. 

Klaus lunged for him and Five warped again. 

“Let me _love you_!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


If anyone had told him a year ago that he'd be contemplating how best to break into a public library at 1 a.m, Diego would have laughed in their face. 

It was the most random thing he had ever attempted. 

But Five had a thing about this library. Some sort of association from his apocalypse days, was the closest Diego could guess. 

And everything about Five _was_ a guess. The guy didn't exactly share much. 

So when he got a call from Klaus saying that Ben was freaking out because Five wasn't home, well. 

The library seemed like a good bet. Let Luther and Klaus drive around aimlessly in the hopes of running into Five. Diego was smarter than that. 

But if he got arrested for breaking into a library he'd never live it down. There had to be a subtle way to go about it. So that no one would notice, come morning. 

"We can't all teleport through walls," Diego grumbled. "Fuckin' Five. You better be in here." 

In the end he was able to carefully shimmy a window open. He clambered in and started a systematic search, prepared to check through each floor of the building. 

Five was on the first floor, huddled in a corner under a desk on a pile of blankets. He'd brought candles and set them up haphazardly around him.

The lighting wasn't the best, but it looked like he had that old mannequin tucked under an arm. 

And a big old bottle of liquor in the other. 

"Talk about déjà vu," Diego said. "How many times am I gonna find you drinking here, huh? It's a library, not a bar." 

Five took a swig. "Diegoooo. How's it going?" 

"I've been better." Diego nudged a candle with his foot. "This is a fire hazard." 

"Candles are important," Five said. "You gotta have candles." 

"What, for your little date?" 

Five snorted. "We're too old for dates." He patted Dolores on the head and Diego noticed he'd added a wig. "Though she insisted I dress up anyhow." 

And dress up he had. Five was sporting a crisp black dress shirt and black slacks. 

"You're definitely looking sharp," Diego said. "But don't you think it's a bit late? The library's closed, man." 

"Better when it's closed. Quiet." 

"Uh huh." Diego knelt down and tried to get a good look at the bottle's label, but he couldn't make it out. "Look, I know you're an adult. You don't have to answer to anyone."

Five took another swig. 

"But you live with Klaus and Luther now," Diego continued. "And… and Ben." 

At the mention of Ben, Five got this stricken look on his face. "What day is it?!"

"Huh? It's Monday." Diego scratched his head. "Or, it was Monday. Now it's Tuesday, I guess." 

He had been gearing up to scold Five. To explain that Ben had found his room empty and that it wasn't cool to just disappear whenever he wanted.

But Five's shoulders slumped and Diego got distracted. 

"Tuesday," Five echoed. "Not Wednesday?" 

He sounded disappointed. 

"It's almost Wednesday," Diego offered. "Just a day away." 

Like a dam breaking, what was left of Five's composure suddenly gave way and Diego could only stare as the drunken sod started honest to god _crying_. 

"Whoa, whoa." Diego tried to squeeze under the desk, thinking he'd give Five a hug or something, but he didn't fit. "Hey, do you want to get out of there? Please?" 

Five mutely shook his head. 

The thing about crying is, everybody cries in a different way.

When Allison cried she was composed and stoic, tears would slowly and quietly slip down her cheeks. Klaus was on the other end of the spectrum, full of heaving breaths and wailing dramatics. When Klaus cried he _sobbed_.

Or that's how they'd been as kids. Diego hadn't seen any of his siblings cry in years. And he'd never seen Five cry _at all_. At least not that he could remember. 

Five scrunched his face up while he cried and pressed his lips tightly together. It looked like he was trying to hold his breath. But the tears came and he just kept shaking his head, looking furious. 

Diego tried to lighten the mood. "I thought you were a surly drunk. Didn't you say that? I was expecting some surly-ness." 

He was rewarded with a gasping sort of laugh, but Five quickly smothered it by pressing his hands against his face. He bent in on himself so that his head was practically in his own lap.

It was hard to reach Five, he was tucked far back into a corner under the desk. But Diego got on his belly and army crawled in, stretching his arm so that he could awkwardly pat at Five's ankle. 

Five flinched at the contact and glared at him. "Fuck off!" 

"Nope," Diego said. "You're stuck with me." 

Five blinked away and the abandoned mannequin and bottle tipped towards each other. Diego managed to grab the bottle and right it before it could make a mess. 

"You left Dolores behind!" Diego shouted. "Did you mean to do that?" 

He grabbed her and backed out from under the desk. "It's rude to ditch your date like that." 

Diego stood and looked at the mannequin. The wig was kind of crooked, so he adjusted it. "Fiiiive. C'mon, man. Isn't she your wife or something?" 

Five reappeared on top of the desk. "Give her back," he said. 

"I will," Diego said. "But first we're gonna get out of here." 

Five warped closer, landing with a stumble. 

He'd tripped over a candle and they both watched the flame flicker out with some relief. It would've sucked if they'd started a fire.

Then Five was punching at him, but there was no force behind his little fists. Diego swallowed, suddenly disturbed by how _small_ Five was.

Anyone could just pick him up and-

"Five, would you let up?" Diego said. "Can we talk?" 

Diego easily evaded another sloppy punch and clicked his tongue. "Is this any way to treat a lady? You seriously gonna wrestle her from me?" 

Five paused at that, frowning. 

Diego made a show of fixing her hair again. "I don't know what she thinks, but _I_ think it's rude. I'm trying not to man handle her too much, see? Just… just gently escort her."

"Escort her?" Five scoffed. "Where the hell are you going to escort her?" 

"There's two options," Diego said. "Let me take you back to the Academy or come over to my place." 

"Your place?" 

"My place." 

"Why would she go to your place?" 

_"We_ would," Diego pointed from himself and Dolores to Five. "All three of us. Cause we can't stay here." 

"The hell we can't," Five grumbled. "This is _our_ home. Dolores and mine." 

"Not anymore, Five." 

Five sighed. "He lives in a _gym_. In the _basement._ " 

Diego blinked. 

"You should just move back home," Five said. "Why not, right? Dad's gone." 

Diego rolled his eyes. "Just cause Dad's gone-"

"For fuck's sake," Five said. " _Fine_. I'm not letting you go without me." 

Diego considered him. "To the Academy?" 

"To your stupid little basement fuckboy bachelor pad!" Five said. "Alright? I'm coming too." 

"Oh. Well good." He looked back down at Five's little mess. "Let's clean up, then." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There were no more crying spells that night. He managed to get Five into bed with relative ease and then he called Luther to let him know that Five was fine. 

He only had one mattress, so he piled up Five's blankets and tried to sleep on the floor. 

It was no good though. Diego gave up after an hour or two and carefully crawled into bed with Five. 

Five didn't notice. He was sleeping peacefully, cuddling with Dolores.

It was cramped and awkward, but better than the floor. Diego fell asleep. 

When he woke up, he had the bed to himself. Five was gone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He liked visiting the Academy. He made a habit of it these days. Mostly for Mom, but it wasn't all that bad hanging out with his brothers. They'd catch lunch together sometimes. Maybe watch a movie.

But Diego did _not_ sleep at the Academy. Ever. Even if Klaus roped him into some kind of late night binge session, even if they turned the TV off at 3 a.m. and Klaus laughed and teased and promised to lend him the good pillows, Diego was firm on this one thing. 

Until he got shot. 

He made it home in a blur and Mom treated him with the same gentle efficiency she'd always shown when anyone got injured on a mission. 

Before he knew it he was unconscious. She'd probably sedated him. 

He woke up in his old bed. 

"Oh look," Five drawled. "He lives." 

Diego sat up slowly, careful with his wound, and glared at Five. "Did you need something?" 

"Just wanted to see for myself." Five pressed a hand against his neck. "Yup, the ol' heart is still beating. Amazing." 

"I don't need your shit," Diego growled. 

"I'm sure you don't, but here I am anyway." 

"Where's Mom?"

"Busy." Five gave him one of those creepy grins, the kind he usually reserved for fits of homicidal rage. "So, shall I go spread the good news? Let everyone know you're still breathing?" 

Diego frowned. "Did Mom, uh, tell you all?" 

"She didn't have to," Five said. "You spilled blood all over the entryway." 

"Don't act like I'm the idiot here." He gestured at his bandages. "I remember when _you_ walked around with a shrapnel wound until you passed out. At least I got _myself_ home.

"Maybe you also remember that the fate of the _world_ was at stake," Five growled. "What was at stake last night? Somebody's wallet?" 

"Fuck off. I don't have to explain myself to you." 

"I suppose not." Five blinked to the door and slammed it open. "He's awake!" 

Shit. 

"Are they gonna…" He trailed off. 

Five was already gone.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Hey are the bro dates negotiable?" Klaus said. "Usually Saturday's the best day for stuff, but there's this bar downtown- which I will _not_ be drinking at- but they have an open mike night on Fridays and-" 

Five didn't understand why his siblings still flinched when he jumped in front of them. They _knew_ about his spatial jumps. They saw him use them all the time. 

And yet. 

"Jesus fucked a cracker!" Klaus said. 

Five rolled his eyes. "Friday is a training day."

"I know, but I already talked to Vanya and she said she can switch with me this week." 

Five considered him. "I don't trust you in a bar." 

"But you'll be with me the whole time," Klaus said. "And, and it's one of those wholesome bars that puts an X on your hand if you're a minor- or if you look like a minor, in your case- and if you want I'll put an X on _my_ hand before we go?" 

"Hmm." 

"Ben says he'll zap me if I misbehave," Klaus said. "And-what?! I am _not_ doing that." 

"I think you _will_ tell me what Ben said." Five examined his nails, making a big show of his nonchalance. "Or I'll call Vanya and say she can't switch her training day with your bro date." 

Klaus facepalmed. "You made it worse!" 

Five hummed. "Well?" 

Klaus glared at the air between them.

Reluctantly, Klaus said, "Ben so _helpfully_ suggested that I change my intro." 

"I'm sorry," Five said. "Your what?" 

"For open mike night," Klaus said. "I wrote this whole, like… Ben what's it called? It's not a speech. Is it a bit?" 

As far as Five knew 'open mike night' had something to do with karaoke.

Klaus snapped his fingers. "An act! I wrote an act." 

"What, like a play?" 

"No, it's jokes," Klaus said. _"_ _Oh_ _._ Stand up! That's what it's _really_ called, Ben, you got it wrong. It was on the tip of my tongue." 

"So you're going to get in front of a room full of drunken idiots," Five said. "And tell _jokes ?"_

"Exactly." Klaus looked rather pleased by the prospect. 

"Why?" 

" _Because,_ " Klaus grinned and puffed out his chest, hands on his hips and chin in the air. "It's my calling." 

"Uh huh," Five said. "And why are you involving me, exactly?" 

"Huh?" 

"It seems like a solitary endeavor," Five said. "I'm not very well going to be playing a role in your _act_ now am I?" 

Klaus huffed. "But I want you in the audience!" 

Five opened his mouth with a retort, but Klaus plowed on.

"Diego and Vanya already made time," Klaus said. "And Luther said he'll put Allison on video chat so she can watch from California." 

Five scratched the back of his neck. "Then it's a family outing, I suppose." 

Klaus perked up. "Does that mean you're going?" 

"I don't think I have a choice," Five sighed. 

"Woo!" Klaus said.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Hey. Hi. Hello," Klaus said. "I'm Klaus. And I'm an addict." 

There were a few chuckles at that, but mostly a puzzled silence. 

"I only bring it up cause we're in a bar," Klaus said. "And my _adorable_ baby brother doesn't trust me in bars." 

More laughter this time. Plus an audible _'Aw!'_

"He's in the audience tonight, watching me like a hawk." Klaus pointed towards Five. "He's the minor in the back, dressed like a lesbian and scowling like an angry Chihuahua." 

Five had _read_ Klaus's act ahead of time, but he still glowered in response to that line. 

"Anyway, he trusts me as far as he can throw me," Klaus said. "So I had to do a few things to assure him that I would be on my best behavior tonight." 

Klaus displayed the back of his hands toward the crowd. "Does anyone here believe for a second that I am below the age of twenty one?" 

He paused for an answer. No one answered, so Luther shouted, "Uh, I don't believe it!"

Klaus pointed at him. "Fuck you, sir!" 

Startled laughter. 

"But seriously, isn't this a great idea?" Klaus examined his hands. "The bartender already knows not to sell a drink to the kids with an X."

"But what about an alcoholic who really _really_ wanted to come tonight?" Klaus tapped his chin. "You know, just for the _wholesome_ delight of watching me stand up here and disgrace my family." 

"Well fear no more alcoholics! You, too, can join us in this fine establishment and if your will is weak, the marker is permanent." 

"Anyway, if even a drop of alcohol- or any other intoxicant!- makes it to my bloodstream you will all be considered accomplices," Klaus said. "Which doesn't sound too intimidating, but also consider this: My brother will murder you. Literally, he'll kill you all." 

This got the loudest laugh of the night. 

"Look at him back there. He's glaring at us!" Klaus said. "That is the face of a man-boy with no remorse. A homicidal maniac just waiting for us to let our guards down. But don't worry, I'm staying sober tonight. For your safety." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"I'd like to emphasize the fact that _narcotics_ anonymous has one goal and one goal only," Klaus said. "Which is to get us off the hard stuff. Or, at least, the illegal hard stuff. Let me tell you, some of the shit that's legal in this country is _crazy_ hard. Like, someone spiked my drink with Viagra levels of hard. All you have to do is cry in front of the right doctor." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"And while it's true that I've never worked a day in my life," Klaus said. "That doesn't mean I haven't, you know, _worked._ It's just, I wasn't getting paid in _money_ , if you catch my drift." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Before I go I just want to dedicate this thing to my brother Five," Klaus said. "Is that something I can do?" 

"Yeah you can!" A woman in the front row said. 

"Thank you, random patron," Klaus said. "For giving me your blessing. Hey Five, could you stand up for a second?" 

This wasn't in the script. 

"Just for a second!" Klaus said.

Vanya elbowed him. Five stood and shoved his hands in his pockets, shifting uncomfortably as the audience gawked at him. 

They'd been rubbernecking him all night, but not all at once. 

And he felt exposed, standing like this. He was tempted to warp out of the bar. 

"I know I say this a lot," Klaus said. "But I feel like you don't really take me seriously because I make it sound like a joke. Or I'm drunk. Or both." 

The crowd was oddly subdued now. Someone giggled and was hushed. 

"But I _love_ you," Klaus said. "I really do. And I appreciate what you've been doing for me." 

Five tactfully kept his eyes on the ceiling.

Klaus turned to the audience. "Folks he's been personally driving me to my NA meetings!" 

A few of the patrons cheered. 

"Afterwards we do something fun together," Klaus said. "Whatever I want, can you believe that?" 

More cheers. Someone clapped for a second, but quickly got embarrassed and stopped.

Five wanted to sit back down. 

"Anyway," Klaus said. "I want to do something for you too, Five. But I'm kind of useless." 

There was an awkward pause and Klaus cleared his throat. 

"I'll think of something," Klaus said. "Eventually."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Bottles. Crates full of them. Whiskey and rum, vodka and gin, just bottles and bottles of the stuff. All stacked up together against the wall. 

In _his_ room. Diego was getting ready to go throw down with Al when he spotted Five under the table. 

There were two empty wine bottles under there too. 

"What the hell." 

The explanation he got, when Five finally woke up, was that all the drinks were from the Academy. 

"Did Dad buy in _bulk?_ Jesus." 

"I don't know and I don't care." Five had the decency to put his empty bottles in the trash can, at least. "Merry Christmas." 

"This isn't a freaking storage room," Diego protested. "I barely had space to begin with!" 

"Do you want to help Klaus stay sober or not?" Five demanded. 

"Who's gonna keep _you_ sober, huh?" 

Five waved this concern away. "I'm not like him." 

"Sure you're not." 

"Believe what you want." Five gave him a sardonic salute. "I'll see myself out." 

"Hey, _wait,_ fuck!" 

Why did he always have to zip away like a goddamn thief in the night? 

Fucking Five.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“And then she said ‘Comedy is supposed to be relatable,’” Klaus said. “I told her, ‘Lady, I see _dead people_.” 

They were sitting on plastic chairs arranged in a circle inside some old gym. It was a decent place, all around, but haunted.

The scrawny half naked man who was busy pacing around the perimeter of the gym (and who had definitely OD’d on a sidewalk somewhere) gave Klaus a scorching look of contempt. 

“Goddammit,” the ghost said. “Another fucking skitzo.” 

“I’m not a skitzo,” Klaus protested. The ghost perked up at that and Ben facepalmed.

“Nobody thinks that,” John rushed to reassure. “We know you’re perfectly sane, Klaus.” 

John was one of those counselors who tried to "fit in" with casual clothes and visible tattoos. Today he was wearing pale blue jeans with an Avenge Sevenfold T-shirt.

“Hoooly shit,” the ghost said. “You can actually see me?”

“That’s an offensive term,” Adeline sniffed. She was a fifty something “twenty two years clean” addict. She said something else, but Klaus missed it because now the ghost was walking into the circle, jabbering away.

“This is wild!” the ghost said. “Hey, tell John that Corvoy is in da house, yeah?” 

“Can you wait until the meeting is over?” Ben said. “He can pass your message along when they’re done.” 

Klaus tried to focus on Adeline. “I'm _so sorry,_ ” he told her. "I did not mean to step on your delicate sensibilities."

“What are you, his secretary?” Corvoy said. 

Adeline glowered and opened her mouth, but Klaus pointedly waved the talking stick over his head. 

“Sure, I’m his secretary,” Ben said. "So just-"

“Does someone _else_ want the talking stick?” Klaus said, blinking innocently at Adeline. “I think I’ve been hogging it.” 

"... come back later," Ben finished.

“Well, hold on now,” John said. “Before we let you go I wanted to ask you how you’ve been doing on the alcohol front.” 

Klaus pouted. Corvoy rolled his eyes and went back to pacing around the gym, pointedly walking _through_ Klaus to leave the circle. 

Klaus shivered. “Uh, I thought we agreed that this is _Narcotics_ -”

“It’s still an intoxicant!” Adeline said.

“She never respects the talking stick,” Ben huffed. 

_You_ don't respect the talking stick, Klaus thought.

Klaus sighed. “My brother got rid of all the drinks in the house.” 

“And how do you feel about that?” John said. 

Klaus pictured Five’s condescending smirk and winced. “A little… annoyed.” 

Ben frowned at him. “Five worries-”

“I get _why_ he did it,” Klaus said, looking at Ben now. “I know that he's worried. And that he cares about me. I'm grateful, okay?"

"You can be honest here," John said.

"I'm not accusing you of being ungrateful," Ben said. 

"It's okay to be annoyed," John added. "Or even a little resentful."

"Is that it?" Ben said, eyes widening. "You resent Five?"

"I'm not resentful," Klaus said. "It's just...what did he _do_ with it? That’s what’s driving me crazy. We had a whole ass bar, it was fully stocked, and he… what, did he give all that booze away? Or did he just chuck it all into a dumpster somewhere?” 

“You had a _bar_ in your house?” An oily looking guy in an oversized army jacket looked offended by this news. Klaus couldn’t remember his name, but whatever. He didn’t have the talking stick.

“Either way, Five made a whole lot of homeless people happy,” Klaus said. “Which, I guess I’m happy for them!” 

“You don’t sound happy, dude,” Ben said.

“Well.” John held out his hand for the talking stick. “Thanks for sharing, Klaus.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"It's not too late to change tracks." Five looked every bit the surly teenager, pouting up at the sun with a hand shading his eyes. "We've only lost an hour. The day is young, yada yada." 

They were standing in the longest line at the amusement park. 

"It's not too late," Klaus retorted. "To wear your sunhat." 

Five was wearing his schoolboy shorts and- bless him!- a t-shirt. On account of the weather and all. Yet he'd refused the adorable sunhat. Klaus fingered the rim of his own and whistled a cheery tune. "It's so nice and shady under here!" 

"I'm not wearing the hat," Five said. 

Klaus waggled his eyebrows and held the extra hat over Five's head to tease him with the shade. "You sure?" 

Five’s sunhat had a light blue ribbon on it, to contrast with the pink ribbon on Klaus’s. So they could be matching, but not too matching.

Five smacked the hat away and with a whoosh it was gone. In its place: a towel. 

"Oh," Klaus said, dropping the towel in surprise. "I forgot you could swap things."

Five looked sheepish. "I... did not mean to do that." 

Klaus picked up the towel and examined the oh so tasteful palm trees against a colorful orange and blue backdrop. "I'm so keeping thiiis. Feels like a fair trade, right?" 

"Shouldn't you be worried?" Ben said. "Five doesn't just… lose control of his powers. That's not normal." 

Klaus scrutinized his littlest oldest brother. The guy was definitely working up a sweat. And he was looking a bit... twitchy. 

But Five was always kind of twitchy, wasn't he? 

"Just ask yourself this," Five said. "Is the time wasted baking under the sun worth the sliver of supposed amusement we'll get at the end?" 

"It's the _Cyclone_ , Five," Klaus said. "The best roller coaster in New York. It's definitely worth the line, trust me." 

"Maybe he's feeling claustrophobic?" Ben said. "All these people standing so close to us-"

"Have you been here before?" Five demanded. 

Klaus squinted at him. "No?" 

"Don't lie to me." Definitely twitchy. Five looked seconds away from strangling someone. 

"I'm sorry, where in the bro date handbook does it say we have to do things I haven't done before?" Klaus wrapped the towel around his neck like a scarf, pointedly tossing one end over his shoulder with a flounce. 

Five looked away, grumbling to himself. 

"Why can't you ever pick something he likes?" Ben said. "We could go to a museum, or-"

 _"You_ want to go to a museum," Klaus said. "Don't try and use Five as your excuse." 

Five always zeroed in on the conversation if it sounded like Ben wanted something. "What museum? Ben wants to visit a museum?" 

Klaus rubbed at the back of his neck and gestured at Five in a you heard him kind of way, but Ben just stood there looking embarrassed. 

_"What_ museum, Klaus." 

"He didn't say," Klaus said. "Anyway I thought Saturday was my day, hmm? I went to my NA meeting like a good boy, didn't I?" 

"Klaus." 

"I didn't have any particular museum in mind," Ben said. "I just… I think they'd be peaceful? They seem peaceful."

"Huh," Klaus said. "The only time we ever stepped foot in one was during a mission, wasn't it? Those idiots trying to steal some fancy paintings." 

Five massaged his temples. "I'll compile a list of museums in the city. He has no idea how to pick, right?" 

"Doesn't it warm your heart, Ben?" Klaus put an arm around Five's shoulder and kissed him on the forehead. 

Five stiffened but didn't react otherwise. 

"He can't even hear you and you're still his favorite." Klaus mimed wiping a tear from his eye. "Your bond is beautiful." 

Ben rolled his eyes

"Don't sulk," Five said. "I won't infringe on your Saturdays." 

"Oh?" Klaus said. "Then when will we go to the museum?" 

The line started to move and Five shrugged Klaus's arm off his shoulder to step forward. "I can go by myself on… Thursday, maybe." 

"By himself?" Ben said. 

"By yourself?" Klaus echoed.

"I mean, Ben can come with me," Five said. "If he doesn't mind you not being there to… translate." 

Ben had a funny smile on his face. It was two parts elated, three parts devastated.

"What, so I'm not invited?" Klaus said. "I see how it is!" 

"You didn't even want to go to the museum," Ben muttered. 

"And I still don't," Klaus said. "But I'd like to have the option." 

"Fine, you can have the option," Five said. "Come, don't come, I don't give a shit." 

Then Five craned his neck trying to peek around the line of people in front of them. "Are we any closer? We moved two centimeters!" 

"Patience, my child." Klaus adopted what he still thought of as his prophet voice. "The sliver of amusement at the end of our journey will be brief, but as we tumble through the air screaming our lungs out you'll think: Fuck yeah! And know I was right." 

"Call me your child again and you can tumble through the air _right now,"_ Five growled. 

"Noted." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"I'm gonna stay down here," Ben said. "Since there aren't any empty seats or anything." 

Klaus nodded solemnly. "I respect your sacrifice." 

The employee manning the roller coaster gave Klaus a hesitant smile. "Thank you?" 

"Ignore my brother," Five said. "He thinks he's some kind of movie character." 

With a nod the employee awkwardly shuffled off, going about the tedious process of lowering the safety bar on each of the carriages behind them. 

“Hey, I would kill it on the red carpet,” Klaus said. “Give Allison a run for her money, I bet.” 

“Is this bar really all that separates us from certain death?” Five said. “Car seatbelts are more secure than this.” 

“My, my, my,” Klaus breathed. “Is little Five afraid of heights?” 

Five bared his teeth in that threatening way of his. “You’ve seen me scale a building more than once.” 

Klaus thought about it as the coaster slowly made its ascent up the tracks. “You know, I think I’ve seen you jump _off_ a building, too.” 

“Well, there you go.”

“But,” Klaus continued. “You never really fell, did you? You would just… teleport to the ground.” 

“So?”

Klaus noted the way Five’s shoulders were hunched up at his ears. The way he was eyeballing the tracks ahead of them. His scowling face.

“Are you nervous?” Klaus said. “Want me to hold your hand?” 

“Fuck off,” Five said.

“There’s no shame in it!”

“Fuck. Off.”

It was way too easy to tease Five. 

“Here we go, here we go!” Klaus cheered the coaster on as they climbed to the very top of the first loop. Five seemed to hold his breath. “Hold on to your lunch, bitches!” 

What happened next was something he would never let Five live down. 

Two seconds into the stomach dropping fall, Five flinched and warped out of his seat. Just poof! And he was gone. 

Klaus laughed his ass off all the way home.

The museum was a bad idea. Ben wished he could say so. 

Five walked too quickly between displays. Where other people would linger, or marvel, or discuss the historical context of whatever they were looking at, Five would just look at the text written about the display. Read it out loud. Glance at the piece. Then move on to the next. Like the whole thing was a homework assignment he was in a hurry to get done.

If Klaus had come with them, Ben could have put an early stop to it. But he hadn’t come. Instead Five briskly walked through the museum on his own with Ben trailing after him, wishing desperately that Five would just _leave._

They were at the freaking Metropolitan. It was the largest museum in the country. Did Five plan on visiting every floor? Would he keep going until the place closed? 

“Painted in 1787 by Jacques Louis David,” Five read from a plaque. “ _The Death of Socrates_ is a Neoclassical work known for its amazing perspective and fabric design.”

Five snorted. “Fabric design? Really?” 

It was a very dramatic painting. The way the man in the red- was it a toga?- the man in the red toga was holding out a cup with one hand and sort of covering his eyes with the other. Like he couldn’t bear to look at the man he was giving the cup to. 

“As told through Plato’s works, Socrates was accused of corrupting the youth and denying the gods,” Five continued. “When given the choice between renouncing his ideas or dying by drinking hemlock, Socrates found great honor in death.”

Oh. Looking closer at characters, it looked like everyone was very upset by the choice Socrates was making. There was a guy in the background just sort of pressing his face against the wall. 

Like he didn’t want to watch.

It was the kind of pose Ben had seen Klaus use before. Hands up in the air, face turned away from everyone, playing up his distress. A man who demands to be comforted. 

“What a stupid thing to do,” Five said. “There’s no honor in death.” 

“Plenty of boredom though,” Ben murmured. “And… and frustration.” 

He always felt a little silly, when he talked to someone like this. Why say anything when you can’t be heard, right? 

Ben turned away from the painting, expecting Five to start walking away. But he didn’t walk away.

Five stood still for once, keeping his eyes on the painting. 

“You know,” Five said. “I keep picturing you the way you were when I left.” 

Ben chuckled. “I got a lot taller.” 

“I’ve seen you more than once now,” Five continued. “I know what you look like, but I guess I haven’t seen you enough for it to really stick.” 

Five held his hand out in front of him, indicating a height just a bit shorter than him. “You were right here. Just below me. I liked that I was taller than you.”

Ben could pretend they were having a real conversation, like this. It was nice. 

“Hey, you were the second shortest,” Ben said. “I grew past Vanya soon enough though. If you’d stayed I might have-” 

“And I liked that you were quiet,” Five said. “But now I…” 

Five cleared his throat and turned away from the painting. He continued reading from the displays as if nothing had happened.

“I wish you could hear me too,” Ben said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"My _dearest_ mother." Klaus sauntered into the kitchen and directed his sunniest smile at Mom, who was in the process of cleaning their fridge. "Every time I see you I am shocked anew by the brilliant accuracy of your name. From your perfectly coiffed hair to your eternally stylish heels, you're not only graceful but prettier than a painting. _And_ ten times as useful!" 

Mom returned his smile with a dazzling one of her own. "Thank you, dear." 

"You do realize she's not someone you have to butter up?" Ben said. 

But Mom really did look super-model perfect, even while scrubbing the fridge. Her rubber gloves matched the apron neatly tied over her sun dress. 

Klaus examined the miscellaneous food items spread out on the table and picked up an apple, biting savagely into it while giving Ben the finger. 

"Oh, are you hungry?" Mom said. "I noticed you skipped breakfast again. And lunch." 

"This _is_ his breakfast," Ben said, judgy as ever. "You know, maybe if you woke up before 3 p.m. you could at least catch Luther for lunch. Five even ate with him today." 

"Just a bit peckish," Klaus said. "But don't mind me." 

There was a lot of tupperware on the table. After finishing the apple Klaus opened the biggest container and found lasagna. He cheered. "I'll just pop this in the microwave." 

Mom primly removed her rubber gloves and swooped in to rescue the lasagna. "Klaus, dear, I think this will taste so much better if you reheat it in the oven instead." 

She pointedly pressed _preheat_ on the oven before Klaus could actually agree to the suggestion.

"I really don't think I'll notice the diff-" 

With a crackle and familiar flash of blue light, Five was suddenly in the kitchen with them. 

To Klaus's delight the unbuttoned green dress shirt Five was wearing was one of the ones he'd talked Vanya into planting in her closet. It was short sleeved and trimmed in at the waist, and thus _much_ more flattering than any of the other shirts in her wardrobe.

But it was weird that Five was wearing it wide open, brazenly bare chested. 

"His hair is dripping wet," Ben noted. "Ask him what's-"

"Mother," Five said. He spoke in that careful way that told Klaus that Five was _pissed._ "What, exactly, are these things _called_?"

Klaus stared at the bundle of blue plastic in Five's hand and then looked between Ben and Mom, hoping one of them would have some sort of explanation. 

"My, my," Mom said, regarding the bundle of plastic mesh as if it were a disappointing report card. "I see you've dismantled another loofah." 

_Oh_. Looking closer, it did kind of look like a fucked up shower loofah. Klaus giggled when he realized what must have happened. Ben sighed, "Oh, Five…"

"They just _unravel_!" Five roughly yanked the lid off the trashcan and shoved the former loofah inside. "Who designed these damn things? They have the structural integrity of a toothpick tower." 

"Oh!" Klaus said. "Had to make a tower out of straws in rehab once. I bet toothpicks would have been a lot harder, where'd you have to do that?" 

"I'll get you another loofah, dear," Mom said. "But please watch your language." 

Then she calmly went about scooping lasagna into a tray for the oven. 

Five stood staring into the trash can, hair dripping sad little blotches onto the _good_ shirt Klaus had finally tricked him into wearing. 

"No, Mom," Five said. "I don't want another loofah. I want the opposite of a loofah." 

"Does his skin look red to you?" Ben said. "He must have been scrubbing too hard or something." 

"What's the opposite of a loofah?" Klaus said. "Rolling around in mud?" 

"Don't be silly," Mom said. "Only pigs and elephants enjoy mud baths." 

Five pinched the bridge of his nose with both hands and breathed _very_ deeply. 

"Uh oh," Klaus said. "He's about to erupt." 

"Shut up, Klaus," Five said. "I'm trying to think." 

"Tell Mom she should get him a sponge," Ben said. "Like… like the ones she washes dishes with? But, uh, for people." 

"Do they make sponges for people?" Klaus said. "I've seen those really big ones that you can wash cars with." 

Five's head snapped up. "A sponge! Yes, that would be much better. Or a washcloth." 

"Uh-"

"I don't know why I was trying to use those things in the first place," Five continued. "They're clearly… inadequate." 

"Alright, sweetie." Mom smiled at Five, but then she turned to Klaus. "Don't put the lasagna in until _after_ the oven is done preheating." 

"But it takes so loooong."

"Well. Goodbye," Five said. He blinked out of the kitchen. 

"He's always so tense," Ben said. "I wish we could help him relax." 

"I'll get right on that," Klaus said. "As soon as you figure out how we could possibly accomplish such a thing." 

Mom tilted her head at him, but quickly realized Klaus wasn't talking to her. She was observant like that. 

"Didn't you say you wanted to do something for him?" Ben said. "Or are you all talk?" 

"I _did_ do something," Klaus said. "Didn't you see his shirt?" 

Ben sighed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Wailing. Moaning. Shrieking ghosts. They wouldn’t _shut up_. What the fuck did they expect Klaus to do, exactly? He couldn’t save them. They were _dead_. “Move the hell on,” he muttered. “It’s the middle of the niiiight.”

“It’s 10 a.m, Klaus!” The ghost screeched. “Get _up._ ”

Klaus groaned and tried to plug his ears with a pillow. 

“Seriously, get up.” Shrill cries notwithstanding, Klaus realized it was actually Ben harassing him this time. “There’s this store you need to go to and they close at 5 p.m. so you can’t just sleep all day.” 

Klaus gave him the finger and hunkered down in his comfy bed.

“Klaus, _please_.” The crack in Ben’s voice spoke of unshed ghostly tears. “Please, just for today? It’s for Five.” 

“5 p.m. for Five,” Klaus laughed. “There’s plenty of time for whatever it is, calm down.” 

“If I don’t wake you up now you’ll get up at like, two or three,” Ben said. “And then you’ll shuffle around, you’ll say you have to eat first. You’ll say you need a cute outfit. And before you know it it’ll be past five and too late!”

Ghosts were so noisy.

“Klaus!”

“Move oooon,” Klaus said. “The great beyond is great! And beyond!”

“ _Klaus._ ”

“Let me sleeeeep.” 

Klaus felt the chill of a ghost’s aura looming over him. He opened his eyes and saw that Ben was laying down on the bed now, inching closer. “Don’t make me zap you.”

They’d learned that there was some kind of an electric current involved in the possession process. When Ben tried to force his “soul” or whatever into Klaus’s body, Klaus had naturally developed a defense mechanism to kick him out.

And it stung like a bitch. 

Klaus sat up, eying him wearily. “This is _abuse_ _.”_

“Get dressed,” Ben said. 

“You’re _abusive_.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Tell them you’re looking for Create Paint White,” Ben said. 

The hardware store was like the one Dave had been working at. Full of tools and wood, doorknobs and… and paint. 

Except it was twice the size of the one Dave had worked at. And a lot fancier. There was a section of the store with mock kitchens set up. And patio furniture. And-

_“Klaus.”_

“Right, right.” Klaus walked up to an employee and cleared his throat. “Uh, I’m looking for creative paint?” 

“Create Paint White,” Ben said. “The dry erase board stuff.”

“Dry erase paint,” Klaus said. “Like, that can turn your wall into a chalkboard?”

“A white board,” Ben said. “A dry erase board.” 

“A dry erase board,” Klaus said. “Do you guys sell that stuff?” 

The employee gave Klaus a puzzled smile. “Um… let me ask my manager?” 

“They have it!” Ben said. “They should have it here.” 

“Don’t get your panties in a twist,” Klaus said. “I’m sure they have it.” 

Luther cleared his throat and politely directed his gaze at the air, where he thought Ben might be. “This is a really nice thing, Ben. I think Five will love it.” 

“Tell him I said thanks for coming,” Ben said. 

“He says get ready to put those muscles to work,” Klaus said. “Cause we all know you’ll be doing the heavy lifting here.” 

Luther laughed. “Ben didn’t say that.” 

“He did!” Klaus said. “And he also said you should flirt with that girl over there.”

Klaus pointed to a young lady who was straining to reach a swatch of fabric hanging from a hook too far over her head. Luther looked from Klaus to the woman, eyes widening. 

“C’mon, big fella,” Klaus said. “Put your height to good use!”

“Do you have to tease him like that?” Ben said. 

“Do it for _Ben_.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Before I allow this…” Five waved a hand at the paint jars Luther had hauled into his room. “This _project._ I need to be assured that we can document what I’ve already written.” 

Klaus whipped his phone out, quick as anything. “We’ll take pictures of it. No sweat.”

Five frowned at the phone. “And how will I access those pictures? Can you print them out for me?”

"Sure, sure," Klaus said. "We'll print them out later." 

Five glared at the phone. He was such an old man, grouchy and distrustful of technology.

"Print them in what dimensions?" Five said. "And, what, in monochrome? I believe that's the standard, but I'm not sure my notes will be legible that way." 

Luther stood behind Five with one of those big rolling paint brushes, tense like a man waiting for the whistle blow at the start of a race. 

"Um," Klaus said. "Yes." 

Five pursed his lips and turned to Luther. "You might as well go back to your regular business," he said. "There'll be no painting today." 

"There won't?" Luther said. 

Ben just hovered behind them nervously, biting his lip. He kept glancing from the wall to Five and back again. 

"I need to see my work safely transitioned first," Five said. "In case something goes wrong and we need to take more pictures."

Klaus tried to get a good look at the squiggles Ben was studying, but Ben was blocking his view.

"I should have thought about that part," Ben said. "About his… his work."

"Well, uh, just let me know when you guys need me," Luther said. "You know I'm happy to help."

Five nodded and Luther awkwardly shuffled out of the room. Klaus had to sit on the bed to make way for him and once he was down he was tempted to lay back and hide beneath the covers.

"Oh my god," Klaus said. "We've barely done anything yet and I'm already exhausted." 

Ben and Five both rolled their eyes at him.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Luther easily painted three walls by himself, while Klaus and Five worked on the fourth together. They started at opposite ends and were working towards the middle. 

"We don't have a deadline," Five told Luther. "What were you rushing for?" 

The stepladder he was perched on let him reach the ceiling, but Five's spindly little arms could only work so fast. He painted in small, careful strokes. 

Klaus painted in small, lazy strokes, with Ben nagging in his ear. 

"I just think it's funny," Luther said with a grin. "That I actually finished _three_ walls before you guys could do _one."_

"Good job, Number One," Klaus trilled. He put his brush down so he could sarcastically clap his hands. "You're still Number One! Dad would be so proud." 

Luther's face reddened at the tone, losing his grin. 

Five tutted. "Quality is more important than speed."

"I _did_ do… quality," Luther sputtered. "Look for yourself." 

"You _did_ do quality?" Klaus laughed. "What a quality sentence!" 

Luther hunched in on himself like a wounded turtle. It was almost pitiful enough to make Klaus feel bad. 

Almost. 

"I'll take a look later," Five said. "I hope I won't have to repaint." 

"You won't," Luther said. "Or… if you do, I'll do it. I'll do it slower." 

"Hmm." Five kept his gaze firmly on his strip of wall. "Well, if that's the case it'll have to wait until everything has dried. Tomorrow at the soonest." 

"Are you going to pick the brush back up, or what?" Ben said. 

Klaus made a big show of stretching his arms and cracking his back. "I need a lunch break!" 

Five looked at him in surprise. "Oh? Go on then. Actually." He put his own brush down and warped off the ladder, landing with a _whoosh_ at the center of the room. "Actually, I think you've both done quite enough already. I can take it from here." 

Klaus didn't need to be told twice. He was more than happy to call the job done and be on his way, but Luther stood blocking the door. Looking devastated. 

"Is it because I painted too fast?" Luther said. "I don't mind repainting. Really." 

"No no," Five said. "I just thought I've taken up more than enough of your time." 

Now _Ben_ looked devastated. "Tell him you were happy to do it, Klaus. Tell him-" 

"I've got loads of time," Luther said. "I can help with the last wall, I just didn't think I'd fit in between you and Klaus." 

Five shook his head. "I can finish on my own. It's nearly done." 

_"Klaus,_ " Ben whined. "Say something!" 

"What's the big deal?" Klaus whispered. "He wants to finish on his own." 

Five seemed just as puzzled. "Do you need something to compensate you?" Five scratched his chin. "Is there somewhere you wanted to go, or something you wanted me to do?" 

Now Luther looked offended. "I'm happy to help. I don't need to be _compensated_." 

Ben groaned. "They aren't understanding each other." 

_I don't understand either,_ Klaus thought. 

"No, think of it like..." Five held out his hands, palms up, as he struggled for the right words. "Vanya and Klaus both like… well, nevermind." 

Then Five snapped his fingers and declared: "Thank you!" 

Klaus blinked.

"Thank you for your work today," Five clarified. "It was very helpful." 

The look on Luther's face was priceless. He reacted to the words as if Five had just announced he'd been diagnosed with cancer.

As for Five, the little bugger looked _proud_ of himself. Like a kid who took the trouble to memorize his times tables and was pleasantly surprised when he got the numbers right. 

Klaus laughed so hard he started crying, bent over and clutching his stomach as the merriment rolled through him. Both his brothers were startled by the reaction and the looks they gave him made Klaus laugh even harder. 

Ben laughed too, though it was more subdued. "Say your welcome, Klaus. I think he meant to thank you too." 

But Klaus could barely _breathe_ , let alone get a word out. 

"What's so funny?" Luther said. 

Klaus shook his head, wiping the tears from his eyes, and squeezed past him. He was starting to feel claustrophobic, hemmed up with them in Five's little room.

Out in the hallway, Klaus could still hear Five's voice when he said: "I don't understand any of you." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Something was wrong with Mom. 

She was standing directly in front of the TV, perfectly still, repeating the dialogue from the movie that was playing. Well, she wasn’t exactly repeating the dialogue. She spoke it _with_ the characters. Completely in sync. She must have memorized it ahead of time?

“She’s been like this for twenty minutes,” Klaus said. “Or, I’ve been watching for twenty minutes. I don’t know when she started.” 

Mom kept talking along with the movie. Only pausing when the characters were quiet.

Luther put a hand on her shoulder. “Mom? You shouldn’t stand so close to the screen.” 

“Do you want to be my friend?” Mom said with the robotic girl on screen. “Of course,” she said with the young man. 

“What movie is this?” Luther said.

“ _Ex Machina_ ,” Klaus said. “I showed it to her last week.” 

“Our conversations are one-sided,” Mom said. “You ask circumspect questions and study my responses.” 

Luther switched the TV off, but Mom continued with the dialogue anyway. “So what? You want me to talk about myself?” 

“Has she ever done this before?” Luther said. 

“I don’t think so,” Klaus said. “I tried getting in her face, hugging her, slapping her-”

“You _slapped_ her?!”

“She’s being weird!” 

“But you don’t just slap people when they’re being weird,” Luther protested. “You should…”

Klaus put his hands on his hips. “I should what? Huh? What’s your solution?” 

Luther studied Mom’s vacant smile. “Let’s take her to her charging station?” 

“Oh suuuure,” Klaus said. “There’s nothing wrong with Mom, she’s just out of juice!” 

With a flash of blue, Five materialized behind them. “I heard yelling.” 

“Luther broke Mom!” Klaus announced.

“What? I didn’t-”

“He’s the one who found her like this,” Klaus blatantly lied. “And he slapped her.” 

_“You’re_ the one who-”

“Everybody shut up,” Five snapped. He studied Mom. “The hell is she saying?” 

“The lines from _Ex Machina_ ,” Klaus said. “Luther, what were you thinking? Showing her such an emotional robot movie.” He shook his head. “Tsk, tsk.” 

“But _you_ -” 

“I don’t care whose fault it is,” Five said. “Luther, pick her up and follow me.” 

Luther did as he was told and they all followed Five out of the living room. “I was telling Klaus we should take her to her charging station.” 

Five shook her head. “That won’t help.” 

“Pogo would’ve known how to fix her,” Klaus said. “I saw him fiddling around inside her once. Had her whole torso open and was elbow deep in her guts!” 

“Pogo isn’t here,” Five said. “Unless you plan on summoning his ghost, shut up and let me think. I have a vague understanding of her programming.” 

He led them into the med room and directed Luther towards one of the gurneys. 

“There’s nothing here that can help her,” Luther said, still holding her tight. “Wouldn’t her charging station-”

“We just need a place to lay her down for now,” Five said. “Well? Put her on a gurney.” 

Luther hesitated. He looked at Mom and wished he could ask her for an opinion. She’d know best what she would need. Wouldn’t she?

“Caleb, you’re wrong,” Mom said. “Wrong about what?” 

She continued speaking both parts of an unfamiliar conversation and Luther sighed. 

He put her on a gurney and she just smiled up at him. As content to be there as anywhere else. 

“Good,” Five said. “Now get out. Both of you.”

Klaus saluted and left with a cheery “Good luck!” tossed over his shoulder. 

“Don’t you want help?” Luther said. “I could-”

“Do you know anything about robotics?” Five said. 

“No, but I could still be, like, an assistant?” 

“You’d just be a distraction.” 

“But-”

“Luther.” In that moment, Five did not look like the kid from their childhood. He looked like the old man that he was, despite his face. Weary with the weight of years and responsibilities that Luther couldn’t even imagine. “The priority is Mom’s wellbeing. If I need your help, I will ask. Alright?”

“Okay,” Luther said. “Alright.” 

So he left Five to do… whatever he was going to do. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Three days later, Mom was back to normal. She cooked and cleaned and chatted like she always had before. She worked on her cross stitching and even dabbled in painting. 

When she asked to watch a movie, Luther didn’t want to allow it. 

“Movies aren’t harmful,” Five said. “That incident had little to do with the movie itself. It was just a… a thing that she latched onto. It could have been anything. A song. A phone call.” 

“Are you _sure_?"

Five rolled his eyes. “As sure as one can be about anything else.” 

Luther scratched his chin. “So… is that a no?” 

Five fiddled with his tie. “Fine. Don’t let her watch movies. Whatever you think is best.” 

Luther stared at him. It had always been gratifying to hear Five say things like that. Though he would speak sarcastically, Five had a way of being deferential. Of acknowledging that Luther was the leader. Though they would disagree on a lot of points, that had never been one of them. 

But why was he still the leader? Because Dad said so when they were kids?

"You should be Number One," Luther said. 

"What?"

 _"You_ should be Number One," Luther repeated. 

Five rolled his eyes. "Uh huh. Because I fixed Mom? Don't be absurd."

"Because you're a good leader, Five." Luther tried to school his expression into something that was both earnest and yet, professional. "I think it's in the best interest of the team-"

"When will you get it through your thick skull?" Five said. "The numbers are arbitrary."

"I know, but I still think it would be better for the team if-"

"Let me try to phrase this in a way that even _you_ can understand," Five said. "Luther, the Umbrella Academy is dead." 

Luther frowned. 

"Diego can run around all he wants," Five continued. "Punching robbers and annoying police officers. If you want to join him that's your prerogative, but there is no _team._ " 

"But-"

"Team Zero, Umbrella Academy, or whatever the hell you decide to call it," Five plowed on. "The whole thing is a farce, do you hear me?" 

"Why is it a farce?" Luther said. "Why can't we-" 

"We're a _family_ ," Five said. "Nothing more. Nothing less." 

Luther blinked. 

"I don't give a fuck if some dumbass wants to rob a bank," Five said. "I say, let him! It's not my problem. My only concern is _this. Family._ " 

_You'd be a better father than Dad could ever hope to be,_ Luther thought. 

"That's what I'm saying!" Luther said. 

"No, you're not," Five said. "You're still stuck in the same old framework. 'You should be Number One.' Cut the crap." 

"But-" 

"I'll never be Number One," Five said. "I'm Number Five. I do my own work and I do it well. _You_ be Number One. Figure out what that means to you, give yourself… I don't know. Your own tasks." 

Luther rubbed at his forehead. "I wish I knew how to… talk. Like you do." 

"What?" 

"I'm not explaining it right," Luther said. "I think you misunderstood me." 

"Then rephrase." Five crossed his arms in front of him. 

Rephrase? Luther mentally scrambled for the right words as Five glared at him. 

Five started tapping his foot impatiently. "Well?" 

"You're probably right…" Luther spoke slowly, trying to buy time as he thought. "About my… what did you call it? My framework?"

"Of course I'm right." 

"But I still think you…" Luther took a deep breath. Why was explaining this so hard? "You just…" 

"Spit it out!" 

"Ever since we got back from the sixties," Luther tried to talk faster now, worried Five might just teleport away. "Actually, no, ever since you first showed up here for Dad's funeral. You've been doing all these things that I didn't notice, at first." 

"Things," Five echoed. "Uh huh." 

"Things for the family," Luther said. "You saved us. And now you're still doing things. Like helping Vanya control her powers and-"

"Alright," Five said. "I get it." 

"You do?" 

"We were raised in a competitive environment." Five sounded sympathetic. "It's instinct, at this point, for you to compare your… progress. Compare it against mine and wonder if you deserve your," Here he paused and his lips curled derisively. "Your rank." 

"I didn't mean-" 

"Luther, Luther, Luther." Five slowly shook his head and patted at Luther's elbow. "You have to understand, I have years of experience under my belt. I'm twice your age." 

"I know that," Luther said. "Five, I'm not comparing."

"So then what's this nonsense about me being Number One?" Five said. "If not some kind of… of inferiority complex?"

"I'm saying you should be the head of the household," Luther said. "The family leader." 

Five snorted. "We don't need a leader." 

"Don't we?" Luther said. "You just said you have more experience. That's what I mean. That's why I think you should be the… like, in charge." 

"In charge of _what_?" Five said. "I'm not going to send you out on missions-"

"You've already been doing it!" Luther insisted. “I’m not talking about missions. You're the one who figured out our finances. The one who helps Vanya with her powers and takes Klaus to NA. And I know you're doing other stuff too. You're always doing something. I just… it finally hit me. That I've never been a leader at all." 

"Luther-"

"Let me finish," Luther said. "Please." 

Five huffed, but he leaned back against the wall and waited. 

"Me being the leader was always a sham title. Dad was the real leader. I was more like a lieutenant. And I miss that. I was good at that.” 

“What’s your point?” Five said.

“I just wish you would let me help you,” Luther said. “If you could tell me what to do, I know I could be useful.” 

"Fine," Five said. "You want something to do? Go find Klaus. Mom wants to watch a movie and he’ll make a scene if you don’t invite him." 

“Uh, that’s not exactly what I had in mind.”

“Tough.”

Before Luther could argue Five was gone, blinking out of the room like he often did. 

But that was alright. He’d gotten his point across. Five just needed to warm up to the idea.

And Luther would be ready to help when the time came.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"He was being ridiculous." Five was pacing around his room. "You know, I'm not one to dwell, but-"

 _You're not one to dwell_? Dolores scoffed. _Sure, and I'm a great dancer._

He laughed. 

_He's beginning to treat you like a father figure_ , she added. 

"I know. It's ridiculous." Five lightly slapped at his cheeks. "I don't even have facial hair!" 

_It's not ridiculous_. _The role suites you._

"First of all, we're _brothers_ ," Five said. "So, yes, it's ridiculous. Secondly, I don't have the… I'm not…" 

_You're not what?_ Dolores said. _Supportive? Affectionate?_

Five groaned. 

_You act like affection can be delegated_ , Dolores said. _Just assign the task to Allison, right? Like it's beneath you._

"It's not beneath me," Five said. "If anything it's _above_ me." 

_Nothing's above you_. 

"Look, I do my best, alright?" Five said. "And I tried to tell him… I tried. Grant me that, at least." 

_I know you did_. _That's what's so sad._

Five rolled his eyes. "He should know by now that I'm not… I'm not someone he should seek assurances from. Let alone leadership." 

_But he was right_ , Dolores said. _You're the head of the household in all but name._

"I didn't want to be," Five said. 

_Yet here you are_ , Dolores said. _You'll have to accept it._

"Fine," Five said. "I accept it. Happy?" 

_No_.

"Of course not." Five made a point of uncapping his marker, turning away from her and towards the wall. "Anyway, I have work to do." 

Luther and Klaus had helped him repaint the walls into a giant dry erase board. It had been Ben's idea. A brilliant one. 

Dolores allowed him to work in peace for about an hour. Then she started again. 

_Luther was so happy when you let him paint in here._

"I thanked him," Five muttered. "I did exactly what I was supposed to do and he acted like… like something was wrong with me." 

_It's the way you were raised,_ Dolores said. _Kind words, gratitude, respect. These things were not the norm._

"They still aren't." 

_But you can change that._

Five just shook his head. "If he were more comfortable with his body, he would go out into the world. Meet better people." 

_Emotionally healthy people?_

"Sure. Or Allison." 

_You still want him to go to California?_

"I'd rather drag her and her stupid family over here," Five snapped. "But that's not an option." 

_Five, look at me._

He stiffened, still facing the wall, and closed his eyes instead. 

_Five._

"I don't want to hear it." 

Silence. 

Five cleared his throat. "I'll fix his body. That'll solve everything." 

Dolores did not respond. With a sigh Five turned around and looked at her. She was sitting backwards on his desk chair, glaring at him through the bars on the chair back like some kind of prisoner. 

He gulped. 

_You think I'd be happier if I had legs?_

"Of course you would," Five said. "I can do that too." 

_And then prop me up against the wall?_

Five frowned. 

_Did you even ask Luther? Are you sure a new body is what he needs?_

"I don't have to ask," Five said. "It's his _old_ body. His real one. The right one." 

Dolores sighed. _You men and your solutions._

Five pursed his lips. "Should I make you a robot body? I could model it after my mother's." 

That stunned her into silence and Five grinned. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a crate full of whiskey and scotch. 

"I guess Dad had a contract with them," Luther said. "They just… they just sent it? Like, I think they give us… stuff… once a year or something." 

Luther said "stuff" as if alcohol was a curse word. They both stood over the box like… like two idiots who didn't know what to do with all these drinks.

"Don't tell Five," Klaus whispered. 

"I'll get rid of it," Luther said. He bent down to pick the box up and Klaus latched onto his arm to stop him. 

Not that he had the strength to actually stop Luther, but Number One had always been the type to hold himself back for politeness.

"Why can't we just drink it?" Klaus said. 

"I can't watch this," Ben said. 

"But you're sober now," Luther said.

"Can't I indulge every once in a while?" Klaus said. "Just a little?"

"I can't believe you," Ben said. "Why are you _like_ this?" 

Luther frowned at him. "Five says-" 

"Who made Five the boss of us?" Klaus said. "I thought _you_ were the leader." 

Luther blinked. "Well… but, I mean, Five is kind of the oldest now? So-"

"So what?" Klaus said. "You're still the leader. And c'mon don't you want to drink with me? You never get to let loose." 

"I let loose," Luther said. 

"Please stop," Ben said.

"A drink with your brother is fine every now and again," Klaus said. "It'll help us bond. Don't you want to bond?" 

Luther gazed at the bottles pensively. "I guess… if we just get one cup each?" 

"He won't stop after one drink," Ben said. 

"One cup each," Klaus agreed. "Sounds good!" 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They didn't stop after one drink. 

When Five found them Luther had his big ol' arm slung over Klaus's shoulder and they were stumbling around trying to dance. 

"Wha's this one called?" Luther said. 

"The fox thot?" Klaus giggled. "The fox is a thot!"

"What's a thot?" Luther said. 

Neither of them noticed Five until they heard the tale tell sounds of shattering glass. 

Luther gasped and sprang into action, fists up and swinging at the empty air. 

"Good job, Number One," Five sneered. _"_ _Great_ reflexes." 

He threw a bottle of scotch at Luther's head. 

Number One managed to dodge and the bottle smashed against the wall. 

"Not the _Glendronach Revival_ ," Klaus moaned. He fell on his knees before the splintered bottle. 

"Oh was that a favorite?" Five said. "What about this one?" 

And a bottle of _Jack Daniel's_ sailed through the air. This time Luther tried to catch it, but the whiskey had made him clumsy. 

The bottle broke apart like an egg, spilling its contents all over the carpet. 

The noise got Mom's attention. They all heard her clanking heels as she hurried into the room. "Boys! That's enough roughhousing." 

"I don't think it _is_ enough," Five said. "There are more bottles left." 

"That's not fair to Mom, now is it?" Klaus said. "Making such a big mess for her to clean up and all?" 

"Not at all-" Mom started to say, but Five cut her off. 

"Mother," he said. "You're not to clean any of this." 

Then he threw another bottle down. 

They all winced as it shattered. Well, except for Mom. She just looked confused. 

"Don't be silly," Mom said. "I'm always happy to-"

"Number One and Number Four will clean it up," Five said. "Seems fair enough, doesn't it?" 

"I'm so sorry, sir," Luther said. "I mean, Five. I mean… I didn't-"

"I don't want an apology from you," Five said. 

"But-"

"Not another word."

Luther snapped his mouth shut with a _click_ , straightening up with his arms clasped behind his back. 

_He's treating Five like Dad,_ Klaus thought. _Is it cause he's drunk?_

Five warped up on top of the bar and glared down at them with his arms crossed. "And Klaus? This week's bro date is canceled." 

"That's not fair!" Klaus said.

"It's a negative punishment," Five said. 

"I'll say!" Klaus said. "What the heck, what happened to positive reinforcement?" 

"I can give you a positive punishment, if you prefer." 

"I prefer," Klaus said. "Wait a minute! Is that the one where you hit me?" 

"Yes," Five grinned. He blinked across the room to stand right beside Klaus and raised a threatening hand, eyes glinting dangerously. 

Klaus backed away, shielding himself with a chair. "Why do you call them that? There's nothing positive about violence!" 

"I have neither the time nor the patience," Five said. "To explain the nuances of the English language to you, Klaus." 

"You just call them that to confuse me!" 

"Actually, I think he got the term from one of those dog training books," Ben said. 

Klaus gasped. "Do I look like a dog to you?!"

Without missing a beat, and almost at the same time, both Ben and Five said, "Yes." 

"I hate this family," Klaus said. "I hereby disown myself!" 

"Then I guess the bro dates are permanently canceled," Five said. "Since we're no longer brothers." 

Klaus squinted at him. "You're an evil little man." 

"Uh huh," Five made a big show of checking his watch. "I expect this room to be spotless by the time I return." 

"When will you come back?" Luther said. 

"In two hours." Then, with the usual flash of blue light, Five was gone. 

"He really _is_ the boss of you," Ben said. 

Klaus didn't dignify that with a response. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Allison strode into the Academy with her Hollywood smile, Luther trailing behind with her luggage like an oversized butler. 

“Klaus!” She made a big show of kissing him on both cheeks and giving him a big squeeze. “How’ve you been?” 

“Oh, you know.” Klaus waved an expansive hand. “Staying sober.” 

Diego snorted. Luther fidgeted and stared at the ceiling. 

“How was the flight?” Vanya’s mousy voice was muffled by the renewed volume of Allison’s hair as she took a turn for her own hug and kisses. “Did you-”

“You’re fucking _late,_ ” Diego said. “And I’m starving. Can we eat already?” 

“I missed you too, Diego,” Allison said.

They shuffled over to the dining room where Mom was waiting for them with a four course meal. Allison rewarded her with another set of hugs and kisses, gushing compliments. 

“Where the hell is Five?” Diego said. He turned to Luther, pointing an accusing finger. “Did you forget to tell him?” 

“I told him,” Luther said. “He, um, he might not… I think he already ate?” 

“I guess he’s busy,” Allison chirped. “No big deal.”

Klaus could tell from her sugary tone that it _was_ a big deal. He scooted his chair closer to hers and rubbed her shoulders sympathetically. 

“That fucking asshole.” Diego stomped over to the stairwell. 

Klaus covered his ears, ready for Diego to yell his lungs out.

“FIVE,” Diego roared. “GET DOWN HERE!”

“So much anger,” Klaus muttered. “Have you ever thought of-”

“FIVE!”

With a crackle and pop, Five teleported into the room. “Stop yelling already.” 

Five nodded towards Allison. “Welcome back.”

She managed to slap her Hollywood smile back on. “Five! Hey.” 

“We’re eating dinner together, you little shit,” Diego said. “Sit your ass down.” 

Instead Five blinked around the table gathering small samples of each dish into a bowl. He made a big show of roughly shoving a bread roll into his mouth.

Klaus cooed at the resulting chipmunk cheeks and Five flipped him off, trying to quickly chew and swallow.

“The fuck are you doing?” Diego said.

“I’m busy today.” Five spoke around a mouthful of bread. Then, to Allison, "How long are you in town for?" 

"Four days," she said. "Because-"

"Great, I'll see you tomorrow." 

And Five left as he had arrived, with a zap of blue light.

The rest of their family dinner was dominated by Diego’s angry ranting. “He has no goddamn respect,” Diego griped. “He doesn’t give a shit about this family.”

"Tell them it's Wednesday," Ben demanded. 

Dutifully, Klaus echoed the words. "It's Wednesday." 

Vanya gave him a confused look from across the table. "Um, yeah it is?"

"You have to explain why Wednesday is important, Klaus!" 

To Vanya and Ben both, Klaus said, "I don't actually know why Wednesday is important." 

Vanya exchanged a judgey look with Allison and Ben looked like he wanted to slap him.

There was really no winning with this family. 

"But you know it's important to him,” Ben said. “He's… he's stressed out over stuff on Wednesdays. He’s working on something."

“Just wait until tomorrow?” Vanya said, to Allison. “He said he wanted to see you.”

“Oh suuure,” Allison said. “He always looks so happy to see me.” 

“Eh, so you’re his least favorite sibling,” Klaus said. “So what? You’re _my_ favorite.” 

Allison dropped her fork.

“You’re not his least favorite.” Luther just about fell over himself to reassure her. “Klaus is joking. Right, Klaus?” 

“I’m totally joking,” Klaus said. Then he stuffed his face with mashed potatoes so he wouldn’t have to talk anymore.

“This is painful,” Ben said. “I am in literal pain.”

“Maybe his feelings were a little hurt?” Vanya said. “When you went back to California?” 

“Yeah right,” Diego sneered. “Five doesn’t have feelings in the first place.”

“Maybe you should try to talk to him,” Luther suggested. “When we’re done eating?”

“Oh _no_ ,” Ben said. “That’s a fight waiting to happen. Tell them he doesn’t like being bothered on Wednesdays.”

Klaus swallowed his mashed potatoes. 

“Klaus, _tell them_.”

“That’s a great idea, Luther,” Klaus said. “Talk things out. It’s the adult thing to do.”

“Why are you like this?” Ben said.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“You should follow her,” Klaus said. “Go listen in on the fight and report back with the gossip.” 

“I am not going to do that,” Ben said. "And if they really do fight I'm blaming you.”

"Whatever, spoilsport." 

So Klaus tiptoed down the hallway and strained his ears. Was Allison already _in_ Five’s room? He actually let her inside?

Klaus crouched over his foot outside Five’s closed door, recognizing Allison’s voice in there. 

"If anyone asks,” Klaus whispered. “I just happen to be tying my shoes." 

"You're wearing slippers." 

"I just happen to be tying my slippers." Klaus said. "Gawd, I can't hear _anything_ , but I bet as soon as I put my ear on the door it'll just slam open, _bam!_ And I'll fall on my face." 

"I hate that I've seen that happen before," Ben said. "Too many times." 

"I can't believe you snooped like that!" Allison shouted. 

"Oh! They're yelling now!" Klaus said. 

"... _public record_." Five wasn't quite yelling. 

Dammit. Klaus gave up and shoved his head towards the crack at the bottom of the door.

"You're a goddamn celebrity," Five was saying. "Or are you going to pretend you haven't noticed the articles? I'm not the only one keeping tabs on the court proceedings." 

"It's about Claire, I think," Ben said. "The custody battle with Patrick." 

"Oh shit!" Klaus whispered. 

"You still have no right to-" 

"To what?" Five said. "Give a damn?" 

"To sit here and try to, to _manage_ me and my problems," Allison said. "As if they have anything to do with you!" 

"Your family is my family," Five said. "As much as you might prefer to keep both sides separated-"

"What? Why would I 'prefer' that?" 

"I'm just saying-"

"You think I wanted it to be like this?" Allison said. "I want Claire to be able to… to meet her uncles and aunt one day. I want-"

"Then we want the same thing," Five said. "Now if you would just calm down and-"

"Calm down," Allison repeated, bitterly. "Like I'm this hysterical woman." 

Klaus couldn't make out what Five said next, but it didn't matter because Allison opened the door. 

She had probably been planning to storm out dramatically, but instead she almost tripped over Klaus. 

"Allison!" Klaus scrambled up. "Heeey." 

She sighed. "Hey, Klaus."

And she walked away without questioning him. 

"Eavesdropping, then?" Five didn't look surprised to see him. 

"Just a _little_ ," Klaus said. "So that custody battle, huh? What'd you say about it that offended her?" 

"As if you didn't hear for yourself," Five huffed. 

"I only caught the encore." Klaus stuck his foot in the doorway when Five tried to shut it. "Aw, c'mon. I'm _so_ curious."

Five rolled his eyes. "I told her to fire her lawyer. I don't trust him."

"Why doesn't he trust the lawyer?" Ben said. "Klaus, ask him why he-"

"But it's not like you've _met_ her lawyer," Klaus pointed out. "What's not to trust?"

"Ooh, good point," Ben said. 

"I don't need to meet him." Five waved a dismissive hand. "The entire _occupation_ is suspect." 

"Oh my gosh, _how?_ " Ben was at the edge of his seat now. "Ask him-" 

But Klaus didn't need to ask. Five plowed on. 

"If you were getting paid an extravagant hourly wage to work on a case wouldn't you drag your feet?" Five said. "Especially a celebrity case. You get free publicity at every hearing. Give fucking _interviews_ to the press, the leech-" 

"Oh Fivey," Klaus cooed. "How do you fit so much love into such a tiny body?" 

Ben grinned at him. 

"What?" Five pursed his lips. "Do hear the _words_ that come out of your own mouth, or do you just make approximate sounds and call them a sentence?" 

"You like to _talk_ like an asshole." Klaus waggled a finger. "But under that grouchy exterior-"

"Shut up, Klaus." Five stomped on his foot and Klaus instinctively pulled back, allowing Five to finally slam the door.

"Allison is probably just embarrassed," Ben said. "She'll see where he's coming from when she calms down. Probably." 

"Probably," Klaus agreed. 

"Well?" Ben said. "Aren't you going to say something more? Comfort him?" 

"And get my head bitten off?" 

"This mess is your fault in the first place," Ben said. 

"Not so!" 

"Yeah, so!" 

"Clearly the subject was gonna come up eventually," Klaus said. "So it-" 

"Would you loiter somewhere else?" Five shouted. "I can _hear_ you." 

"Tell him Allison's just embarrassed," Ben said. "Tell him-" 

"You know what?" Klaus said. "Why don't you tell him yourself, Benny boy?" 

He could only keep it up for a minute or two, but Klaus knew how to manifest Ben on command now. 

"Ben wants to talk to you!" Klaus shouted. 

"Go away, Klaus!"

Ben stared at his hands. "You did it? I'm solid?"

Five must have heard Ben's voice, because he teleported into the hallway faster than Klaus could say Madonna.

Five and Ben wore matching smiles as they regarded each other. Smiles that said "pleasantly surprised" and "holy shit, now what?" 

Five opened his freaking door with a politeness he normally wouldn't bother with. "Do you want to come in, Ben?

"Y-yeah." Ben glanced at Klaus. 

Klaus saluted. "I'll just _loiter_ out here." 

Ben could wander as far from Klaus as he wanted on a normal day, but solidity cut his leash short. 

"You do that," Five said. And they went into his room. 

Klaus pressed his ear against the crack under the door again.

"I um… I don't know what to say, " Ben said.

"Tell him you love him!" Klaus shouted through the door. 

In perfect synchronicity, Ben and Five both said: "Shut up, Klaus!"

Klaus laughed. 

Damn, he was such a _good_ brother.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five warped himself onto the couch, seating himself a bit closer to Luther than he had planned, but he went with it as if it were intentional, leaning into Luther’s space. “I need you to keep your Mondays clear.”

For his part Luther barely flinched. “Mondays? Yeah, sure. Uh, what for?” 

Luther lifted his arm so that it was resting on the back of the couch. He gave Five more room this way and Five smiled, leaning back now. “I need to run some tests.” 

“What kind of tests?” 

_My therapist says straightforward communication is the best way to go._ Vanya’s needling advice was starting to get to him.

“Tests on you,” Five said. 

Luther shifted in his seat, turning to face Five more directly. “Why?” 

Dolores wanted him to ask Luther if he _wanted_ his old body back. But asking would prompt the assumption that the endeavor was even possible. 

What if it wasn’t? 

“I’m curious about your body’s… changes,” Five said. “I want to see how it affected your power.” 

“Oh.” Luther’s embarrassed smile set Five on edge. It was one of those polite smiles. Performative. “I’m still strong. The same as before, I think.” 

“I’d still like to collect some data,” Five said. “For a direct comparison.” 

Now Luther's smile had softened. He chuckled lightly and Five tilted his head, considering. “I thought about what you said,” Five added. “About being… a leader.” 

_Straightforward communication, Five. Straightforward._ Vanya’s voice echoed in his ears, accusatory. 

“That’s great, Five,” Luther said. “Though I was… I mean, I wanted to help with-”

“Information is important,” Five said. “Like what I do with Vanya. It’s not just about teaching her self control. It's about… taking stock of her assets." 

Luther took a moment to process this, brow furrowing. 

Five waited patiently. 

"Like how Dad would want us to practice?" Luther said. "So that we wouldn't get rusty." 

Five winced. "Not quite." 

"Then-"

"It's not like I want you to be battle ready." Five had the distinct feeling that he'd shot himself in the foot. "Granted, I do have a few…" 

A few concerns, he'd almost said.

Like a bloodhound on the hunt, Luther latched onto the unspoken sentiment; determined to suss it out. 

"What's this really about?" Luther said. "There's something you're leaving out." 

Five regarded his brother carefully. 

Then he glanced around, as if he were worried about being overheard, and made a show of lowering his voice. "I'm worried about the Commission." 

That did it. Luther put on his Serious Face and straightened up. “What about the Commission?” 

He'd lowered his voice to match Five's volume. 

"We left them with a power vacuum," Five said. "And on relatively friendly terms, but the nature of their work is a bit…" 

"A bit what?" Luther was on the edge of his seat. 

"It's unpredictable," Five sighed. "I never learned _why_ the board believed the Apocalypse was supposed to happen. It was classified and now they're dead. But…" 

"You think the new bosses might try again?" Luther said. "You think they'll change their minds about letting us go?" 

"It's unlikely," Five said. "But their organization exists outside time. They could spend hundreds of years pursuing loftier goals. They could go through a whole phase of altruism and, hell, try to kill Hitler or something. But sooner or later…" 

"Someone will decide the world has to end?" 

"Exactly," Five said. "They'll run the numbers in the same way the original board did. And maybe 2019 is the year it has to happen? I don't know." 

Luther stood and strode toward the nearest window, peeking out as if he'd find a squadron of assassins loitering across the street. "So they could show up at any second?" 

"Sit down, for christ's sake," Five said. "See, this is why I didn't want to mention it." 

Now Luther adopted a stern tone. "This is exactly the kind of thing you're supposed to mention! The world is in _danger_." 

Five bristled reflexively, but reminded himself that he liked Luther better this way. Gone was the eager subservience that he’d begun to direct towards Five. In its place was the guy Five had grown up with. Argued with. Competed with. 

"It's been over four months,” Five said, calmly. “Every day we get further from April 1st the probability goes down-" 

"But this is why the world needs us," Luther insisted. "To protect people from-" 

"Oh _sure_ ," Five spat. "Because we did such a great job last time." 

Luther glared at him. “We saved the world, Five.” 

“No, we didn’t,” Five said. “We ran around like headless chickens and barely managed to avoid blowing up the planet _ourselves._ Don’t you get it? We survived by the skin of our teeth!”

“But if we hadn’t-”

“If the old man had left well enough alone,” Five continued. “If he’d never adopted us in the first place, I imagine there’d have been no danger to begin with. Vanya would have grown up in a normal family and she’d-”

“She would still have an explosive ability,” Luther argued. “And anything could have set her off!”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now!” Five growled. “What’s done is done. All we can do is try to live peaceably-” 

“But the Commission-” 

“Forget about the Commission,” Five said. “There’s nothing you can do about them.” 

Jaw clenching, Luther shook his head. “I don’t believe you.” 

Five threw his hands up. "Fine! Like I give a damn!" 

He was tempted to cut the conversation short in his typical fashion, but didn't want to leave empty handed. "So can I run those tests or not?" 

Luther blinked. "What tests?" 

"We're going in circles," Five sighed. "Tests on you, _I said_. I need you on Mondays, remember?" 

"You were serious about that?"

"When am I not serious?" 

"But what does my… what does that have to do with the Commission?" 

Five pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to think of a way to frame things that would ensure Luther's cooperation.

 _Straightforward communication_. 

"Fucking Vanya," Five muttered. 

"What about Vanya?" 

"Nothing, she just…" Five smiled, a new strategy coming to him as he spoke. "Well, like I said, I've been working with her. Because I want her to be able to wield her power when necessary."

Luther was losing patience. "So which is it? Do you think we should prepare for a fight or do you think we should do nothing? The Commission-"

"Alright, we should prepare for a fight," Five allowed himself to sound begrudging "But we need to be _smart_ about it." 

"We need to tell the others," Luther said. "Set up a family meet-" 

Five warped closer, so that he was practically in Luther's lap, and clapped a hand over the big idiot's mouth. "That's exactly what we _shouldn't_ do!" 

Luther just sat there. He looked annoyed, but he didn't try to remove Five's hand. 

" _Listen_ to me, you big oaf," Five said. "The last thing we need is to whip everyone up into a panic." 

Five teleported back to the other side of the couch and continued. "You wanted to help me, didn't you? This is exactly why I hesitated. I knew you couldn't be trusted with sensitive information." 

"Are you done?" Luther said. 

Five nodded cordially. 

"Look, I think keeping things to yourself is a bad thing," Luther said. "It's bad for the te- for the family." 

"I told you in the end, didn't I?" 

"You should have told me earlier." 

"Better late than never." 

"Five." Luther sounded exasperated. "Don't you ever get tired of trying to handle everything yourself?" 

"Yes," Five admitted. 

"But I could… what?" 

"I said yes," Five repeated. "I'm agreeing with you." 

"Oh." By losing his opposition, it seemed Luther also lost his momentum. "Um." 

"I still think we should keep this concern to ourselves," Five added. "It would only disrupt the peace unnecessarily." 

"I think that's a bad call," Luther said. "But fine." 

"Fine?" 

"Yeah. Fine. I won't tell anyone." 

Five regarded him suspiciously. "Why?" 

"I wanted you to be in charge," Luther said. "It would be hypocritical of me to say all that and then ignore your authority." 

Five pursed his lips. 

Luther continued. "But if I see any sign of those assassins I'm blowing the whistle immediately." 

Five nodded. "As you should." 

Nodding back, Luther shifted in his seat. "Uh, so what kind of tests did you want to do?" 

_Got him_ , Five thought. 

"Don't worry about that yet," Five said. "We'll start next Monday." 

"But that's a whole week-"

Done with the conversation, Five warped back to his room. He wanted to re-read Reginald's notes on Luther's abilities.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He should have known Luther would get impatient. 

"It's Thursday," Five said. 

"I know, but-"

"I said I needed your help on _Mondays_ ," Five said. 

"I know, but I had an idea," Luther said. "I didn't want to bring it up at dinner because of Klaus." 

Giving up, Five stepped back to let Luther into his room. 

Like a child with a good report card, Luther was eager to share his findings. "So, I realized we still have that briefcase. Right? The one they lent us?" 

"I have it." 

“Great. What if we-”

“No.” 

Luther frowned. “You didn’t even hear my idea.” 

“I don’t need to hear it to know it’s stupid,” Five said. 

“But we could take the fight to them,” Luther insisted. “Prevent them from-”

“The briefcase is an instrument of traveling within the timeline,” Five said. “It can’t be used to get to them. Their office exists outside time.”

This was a blatant lie. The place, last he’d seen it, was housed in a nondescript office building in 1955. It wasn’t actually possible to exist _outside_ time. Not in a literal sense. 

Still, Luther deflated. “Okay… but what if they come looking for their briefcase? We could try to booby trap it-”

“They won’t,” Five said. “Are you done yet? I’m kind of busy.” 

He’d taken pains to deactivate the briefcase’s tracking device as soon as they’d returned to 2019. It was still true that their family wasn’t exactly hard to find, the Academy was infamous, but Five suspected the Commission would have had their hands full reestablishing their company, recruiting new field agents, and fighting amongst themselves. By the time they reached stability one missing briefcase would be long forgotten. 

“How do you know they won’t?” Luther said. “You should still prepare for the possibility-”

“Luther, I get where you’re coming from,” Five said. “But I’m 10 steps ahead of you. I already considered every conceivable possibility and prepared accordingly. Okay? So let it go.”

“Then where’s the briefcase now?” 

“You don’t need to know.” 

At first he’d kept it in Reginald’s safe, but then he’d realized that spot was too obvious. Also, Five preferred having the briefcase close to hand in case of emergencies. 

Now it was hidden in an alcove in the ceiling, which only Five could reach. 

“I thought we agreed you’d be more...” Luther paused, like he couldn’t find the right word. “That you wouldn’t keep things to yourself anymore?” 

“I don’t remember agreeing to that.” 

_"Five."_

Rolling his eyes, Five teleported into the hiding space to retrieve the briefcase. He returned to his room and held it aloft for Luther to see. "I stashed it in the wall, alright? Are you happy now?" 

Luther considered him. " _In_ the wall?" 

"In the wall." 

"Where exactly?" 

It was in the sloping part of the ceiling that hung low over the room, but he figured Luther didn't need that detail. Five pointed to a wall and then warped to put the briefcase back where it belonged. 

"So you're _in_ the wall right now?" Luther's voice was barely muffled through the plaster, but he raised it as if he were trying to shout over a distance. "Five?" 

It was tempting to just leave. Teleport out of the house. 

_My therapist thinks you have an avoidant personality._ Vanya had said, just the other day. _And your power enables it._

One of these days he'd have a talk with that damn therapist. 

"Five?" Luther called. "Did you leave?" 

He warped back into the room. "Listen," he said. "Do you want to learn robotics?" 

Luther crossed his arms in front of his chest. "We were talking about the Commission." 

Five waved this off. "I know, but I'm not worried about them right now. I'm studying Mom's programming." 

After all, it _was_ Thursday.

"You're not worried about them?" Luther sounded skeptical. 

"Fine, I'm a _little_ worried about them," Five amended. "But I meant it when I said there's nothing we can do." 

"There has to be something," Luther said. "We can't just-"

"If the government was given proof positive that, say, aliens exist and walk among us do you think they'd shut down schools and hospitals and redirect all funds towards- what- arming the human race for an intergalactic war?" 

_"What?"_

"Bear with me," Five said. "Seriously, think about it. You're the president. Aliens are here. Are you going to shut everything down because the aliens _might_ be hostile?" 

Luther sighed and ran a rand through his hair. "Well, I wouldn't want to ignore the aliens. Because they could be dangerous." 

"You're right," Five said. "But people are still getting sick or injured. They need the hospital to keep running regardless. And they need the grocery store to stay open, etcetera etcetera. You can't ignore those things just because aliens are here." 

"So you're treating the Commission like aliens," Luther said. "And Mom is the hospital?" 

Five nodded. "The aliens aren't attacking. They just exist, and it's alarming, but inaction is better than action sometimes." 

"How is inaction better?" 

"How do you think the aliens would react if we shoved guns in their faces?" 

Five could see Luther losing patience with the metaphor "They're assassins. They're already waving guns around."

"Eh. Maybe it's a poor comparison." Five shrugged. "Look, you can do what you want. You know what _I'll_ be doing." 

He watched Luther grapple between his hero complex and his need to please. 

The guy really was an open book. 

"Mom is important," Luther finally said. "Not just because we love her, but because she's always been the team's pseudo hospital." 

"Right." 

"Is she still glitching?" 

"Not lately," Five said. "But there's still a lot I don't know about her." 

Luther clasped his hands together behind his back, but then he softened his stance and let his arms hang at his sides. He cleared his throat. "Well, I'd like to learn what I can," he finally said. "If you don't mind teaching me." 

He hadn't actually expected Luther to take him up on this offer. He glanced at Dolores, who'd been decidedly silent from her perch on the bed. 

_Kind words and respect, Five,_ she murmured. _It's not that hard._

"Uh, I'm… glad you're..." Five fumbled for a way to express the sentiment. "It's… that's good." 

"I can help next time," Luther said. "If Mom has any problems in the future?" 

"Yeah, that's the idea." 

"Good." Luther seemed just as uncomfortable with the turn this conversation had taken. "Thanks?" 

"For god's sake, let's just get to work already." 

Luther laughed. "Sounds good."

  
  


Mom was finally working properly. He’d deprogrammed her and she was flourishing, she was an artist, she was a star, and Five could finally call the task complete. The problem had been  _ solved. _

The work that Mom assigned to herself was as baffling as Klaus’s public monologues, but Five did not question it. An artist, he decided, was an unknowable individual. However, to be an artist was no sin. Reginald had been a foolish man, but Five was smarter. 

With all that in mind, for the first time in his life, Five allowed himself to relax.

Then, in August, he had an epiphany. 

So Five located his mother in her garden and cleared his throat to get her attention. 

Mom grinned at him and stood up, politely dusting herself off. “How can I be of assistance?” 

“You see,” Five said. “I’ve realized something.” 

“Wonderful,” Mom said. “What did you realize?” 

“I’m a silly man,” Five said. 

“Aw, honey,” Mom said. “I’m sure that’s not true?” 

“No shame in it,” Five said. “I’m old fashioned, is all.” 

“I see,” Mom said. “I hope you are not debasing yourself?” 

“Don’t be dramatic,” Five said. “That’s not what I’m doing.” 

“Understood,” Mom said. “What… um, what  _ are  _ you doing, sir?” 

“No, no,” Five said. “You must not call me sir.” 

“Is that so?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “It’s unhealthy.” 

Mom blinked. 

“Vanya pointed it out to me,” Five said. “I was disrespecting you by allowing you to call me sir.” 

“No, honey,” Mom said. “It isn’t disrespectful.” 

“Yes, it  _ is,”  _ Five said. “I accidentally infantilized you.” 

“Sweetie, that’s not-”

“Let me finish,” Five said. “If you would.” 

“Alright,” Mom said. “Carry on.” 

“I’m a big boy,” Five said. “And I realize now that my time in the Apocalypse has traumatized me.” 

“Wow,” Mom said. “I mean… excellent.” 

“Please,” Five said. “I would like you to speak freely.” 

“Crap,” Mom said. 

“Oh,” Five said. “Um… are you alright?” 

“Yessir,” Mom said.

“No, no,” Five said. “Please, I don’t mean to scold you, but you mustn't address me that way.” 

“Understood,” Mom said. “Henceforth, I shall delete ‘sir’ from my lexicon.” 

“Thank you,” Five said. “I will do the same.” 

“Good job,” Mom said. “However, I am requesting elaboration.” 

“Good,” Five said. “But I’m not capable of giving it to you.” 

“You aren’t?” Mom said. 

“I’m afraid not,” Five said. “You’ll have to consult Vanya for the explanation. I’m still puzzling it out, myself.” 

“Oh,” Mom said. “I see.” 

“I will say this though,” Five said. “We are restructuring the hierarchy.” 

“Oh,” Mom said. “I see.” 

“Are you alright?” Five said. 

“I believe so,” Mom said. “However, I need clear instructions.” 

Five winced. 

“Honey?” Mom said. 

“Um,” Five said. “I’m not allowed to give you instructions.” 

“You aren’t?” Mom said. 

“Nope,” Five said. “I’m officially demoting myself.” 

“I don’t understand,” Mom said. 

“Ah,” Five said. “Allow me to clarify. In the future, you must look to Vanya for… for guidance.” 

“Guidance?” Mom said. 

“Guidance is like instructions,” Five said. “But it’s the more socially acceptable way of phrasing it.” 

_ “Thank you!”  _ Mom said. 

Five blinked. “Are… are you feeling alright?” 

“Yes, dear,” Mom said. “I’m just fine. Don’t you worry about me.” 

Five glanced away from her. 

“Darling?” Mom said. “Are  _ you  _ alright?” 

Five cleared his throat. “Henceforth… the patriarchy is dead.” 

“Pardon?” Mom said. 

“This is a new age,” Five said. “We’ve reached enlightenment.” 

“We have?” Mom said. 

“Yes, ma’am,” Five said. “From now on, we are living in a matriarchy.” 

“I’m  _ so  _ sorry, Five,” Mom said. “But I don’t follow your meaning?” 

“Don’t apologize,” Five said. “You disrespect yourself when you apologize.” 

“Sweetie,” Mom said. “You’re speaking Greek.” 

“I am?” 

“Yes, honey,” Mom said. “Please be concise.” 

Five was tempted to cover his face with his hands, but he restrained himself. 

Instead, he closed his eyes, and took a couple of deep breaths. 

“I didn’t mean to offend you,” Mom said. 

Five opened his eyes. “I. Am. Not. Offended.” 

“I see,” Mom said. “I didn’t mean to confuse you.” 

“Nor am I confused, Mother!” Five said.  _ “You  _ are confused.” 

“You’re absolutely right, darling,” Mom said. “I am so terribly confused that it frightens me.” 

Five winced. 

“Honey?” Mom said. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “P-pardon. I apologize.” 

“Why?” Mom said. 

“I’m sorry?” Five said. 

“Baby,” Mom said. “You’ve contradicted yourself.” 

“I have?” Five said. 

“Yes, you have,” Mom said. “Why did you say apologizes are debasement and then proceed to debase yourself?” 

“Oh,” Five said. “I see where I went wrong.” 

“You do?” Mom said. 

“Yes, yes,” Five said. “Goddammit. Okay, look.” 

“I’m listening,” Mom said. 

“You aren’t allowed to apologize,” Five said. “No one is allowed to apologize, but  _ I  _ am the exception to this new rule.” 

“Darling,” Mom said. “That doesn’t make any logical sense?” 

“Yes, it  _ does,”  _ Five said. “It makes perfect sense!” 

“Don’t you dare teleport,” Mom said. “I’ll malfunction if you teleport!” 

“Okay,” Five said. “I understand. Please, don’t panic.” 

“I won’t panic,” Mom said. “Stay calm.” 

“Good,” Five said. “I’m glad we’re on the same page.” 

“I love you,” Mom said. “I love you to the moon and back.” 

“Oh,” Five said. “Um… I l-love you as well.” 

“Five!” Mom said. 

“What?” Five said. “What on Earth did I say that was so sinfully wrong? Please explain it to me, Mother, so that I may correct myself.” 

“You’ve misunderstood me, honey,” Mom said. “I’m concerned for you, is all.” 

“Why are you concerned?” Five said. 

“Listen to me carefully,” Mom said. “Have you been abused?” 

“Of course not,” Five said. “Why would you think that?” 

“You are displaying symptoms of abuse,” Mom said. 

Five blinked. 

“Please,” Mom said. “Don't be frightened of me.” 

“Mother, I mean this sincerely and respectfully,” Five said. “You, my lovely mother, are as frightening as Klaus is straight.” 

“Oh dear,” Mom said. “Okay. Don’t you worry. We’ll get to the bottom of this.” 

“Oh,” Five said. “There’s been some sort of mix up?” 

_ “Yes,” _ Mom said. “But don’t worry. You’re allowed to be confused.” 

“I am?” 

“Yes!” Mom said. “For fuck sake! I’m not trying to scold you.” 

Five straightened up and tucked his arms behind his back. 

“No, sir!’ Mom said. “Don’t you dare go into standby!” 

Five rewinded. 

“... trying to scold you.” 

“I see,” Five said. 

“I just want to understand your logic,” Mom said. “Please, can you explain it?” 

“No,” Five said. 

“No?” Mom said. 

“No… no ma’am?” Five said. “I’m terribly sorry, but I cannot seem to locate an explanation.” 

“Oh dear,” Mom said. “I’ve failed you.” 

“Nonsense,” Five said. “It is  _ I  _ that has failed  _ you.”  _

“My gosh,” Mom said. “Who should we consult about this problem, dear?” 

“There are two options,” Five said. 

“Is that so?” Mom said. 

“Yes,” Five said. “N-not that I’m numbering them. However, Vanya is the head of the household. From now on.” 

“Understood,” Mom said. “I shall look to Vanya for… for guidance?” 

_ “Exactly,”  _ Five said. “Good job, ma’am!” 

“Thank you,” Mom said. “But you said there was a second option?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “The second option is Luther.” 

“Oh,” Mom said. “I see, I understand. Thank you. I will look to Luther for guidance as well.” 

“Good,” Five said. “Now… respectfully… may I take a nap?” 

“Crap,” Mom said. 

“Goddammit,” Five said. “Do naps offend you now?” 

“No, no!” Mom said. “I am not offended in the slightest. You have permission to nap.” 

“Thank you,” Five said. “Jesus Christ.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Mom repeated. 

“Before I go,” Five said. “I would like to make one thing crystal clear.  _ Crystal.”  _

“Understood,” Mom said. “Carry on.” 

“I am no longer your doctor,” Five said. “I’m giving that title to Luther.” 

“Oh?” Mom said. “I love Luther, but are you sure he can handle the responsibility?” 

“He can,” Five said. “He’s matured.” 

“Okay,” Mom said. “Thank you for explaining the new rules.” 

“F-fuck,” Five said.   


“What have I done?” Mom said. “Did I step on a bomb?”   


“N-no!” 

“Crap!” Mom said. 

“Stay calm,” Five said. “There’s no need to panic.”

“I will calm myself,” Mom said. “I am a rock and you are an island.” 

“Thank you,” Five said. 

“May I ask you a question?” 

“You don’t need my permission,” Five said. 

“Understood,” Mom said. “The questions is… do you have a headache?” 

_ “Yes,”  _ Five said. “That’s exactly it, Mother. I’ve accidentally given myself a stress headache.” 

“Excellent,” Mom said. “We’ve returned to English.” 

“I’m  _ so  _ sorry,” Five said. “I didn’t mean to slip into Greek.” 

“Please, don’t be sorry,” Mom said. “Confusion is nobody’s fault.” 

“Factually incorrect,” Five said. “Clearly, it is always  _ my  _ fault.” 

“Factually incorrect,” Mom repeated. 

“Really?” 

_ “Yes,” _ Mom said. “You bite your thumb at me?” 

“No, ma’am,” Five said. “I didn’t mean to bite my thumb.” 

“Nor did I mean to scold you,” Mom said. “Terribly sorry. I think I’m malfunctioning again.” 

“Oh,” Five said. “I’ll tell Luther.” 

“Is that so?” Mom said. 

“Yes,” Five said. “He’ll untangle it for you.” 

“I see!” Mom said. “Thank you, honey.” 

“You are very welcome,” Five said. “Now… may I say goodbye to you?”   


“Yes, you may,” Mom said. “Godspeed.” 

And that was finally the end of that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It _was_ possible to talk to Five. But their talks were stepped in anxiety. Klaus was getting better at manifesting and he practiced more often, and with more diligence, than he ever had before. Yet the longest he’d been able to maintain it was just over an hour.

And the entire time Ben was aware of time ticking down the drain as he scrambled to say all the things he’d always wanted to say, but suddenly couldn’t bring to mind. 

He had this problem when trying to talk to anyone, really, but with Five it was somehow worse. Was it because of all that time Five had been missing? Or because their friendship, as children, had always involved Five handling most of the talking anyway? 

Whatever the reason, Ben always seemed to put his foot in his mouth. 

“The Socrates painting was my favorite.” Ben could feel that he was almost out of time, and he remembered that he had wanted to acknowledge the museum trip Five had taken for him. “Uh, it was very… cool.” 

Five scoffed. “It glorifies a brilliant man’s pointless suicide.” 

“Wow!” Klaus laughed. “Way to shit on Ben’s favorite painting.” 

Ben winced and Five sighed. “Sorry,” Five started. “I just-”

“No, no,” Ben said. “You’re fine. And not wrong. I just meant… I uh…”

In truth, it wasn’t the painting that he’d liked. It was what Five had said while looking at it. But Ben couldn’t figure out a way to say so without sounding cheesy. 

It didn’t help that they were stuck with Klaus. Would he laugh at them if Ben recounted what Five had said that day? Would Five be mad at him for letting Klaus in on that moment of sentimentality? 

“Forgetting the backstory,” Five said. “It was… high quality. Beautifully painted.”

“It just made an impression on me,” Ben said. “Maybe because it’s the only one you lingered on?” 

When Five looked him straight in the eyes like this, it was a little unnerving. But right now, as they looked at each other, Ben wanted to believe they were on the same page.

Then Five spun towards Klaus and growled, “You’re supposed to warn me when you run out of energy!” 

Aaaand they were out of time.

“Sorry, I thought I could hold it!” Klaus said. “Uh, Ben says goodbye and he loves you?” 

“Goddammit, Klaus,” Ben said. 

“Fuck you too, buddy,” Klaus said cheerfully. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was wrong to spy on Five. Ben knew that, but sometimes he just couldn’t help himself. 

Five was sitting at his desk with that mannequin nuzzled in his lap, chin propped up on her head. He was reading one of dad’s journals.

The mannequin had a wig now, courtesy of Klaus. It was a simple brown bob with bangs.

Weird as it was, to see Five talk to a mannequin as if she was a person, it was also sort of nice. Because Five said things to her that he’d probably never discuss with anyone else. 

“I need to narrow down the cause of the side effect in the first place.” Five circled something in the journal. Ben peeked over his shoulder, but couldn’t make sense of the symbols. “If I fix the formula, I’ll know why it changed Luther the way it did. If I know why, I can create an antidote.” 

It was like eavesdropping on a phone call. Ben could only hear one side of the conversation.

“Of course I want a healing serum,” Five said. “It would be convenient. Do you know how many times Diego’s crawled home with gunshot wounds?” 

“And Diego thinks you don’t care,” Ben muttered.

“Once is more than enough,” Five said. “Gunshots aside, he’s relying on Mom to stitch up every gash and kiss every bruise. But one of these days she’ll glitch or he’ll… he won’t make it here in time.” 

“Klaus stole a bulletproof vest from a squad car,” Ben said, unhelpfully. “He gave it to Diego last we-”

“Good point. I’ll need to make sure it’s not possible to overdose.” 

“Overdose? On a healing serum?” Ben looked at the formula again, wishing he knew more about chemistry.

“But Luther would agree with me,” Five said. “He’d say furthering dad’s research is-”

Five trailed off with a huff. 

“Did Dolores interrupt you?” Ben laughed. “Very rude of her.”

Ben looked at Five expectantly, prepared for him to say something else, but he just sat there. Frowning. 

Was Dolores still talking?

“Maybe just talk to Luther, dude,” Ben said. “Then you’d really know what he would-” 

"How can I be neglecting her when she's not even _here_?" Five finally said. 

“Oh shit,” Ben said. “Who? You mean Allison?”

It was hard to keep track of their conversation. “Wow, I really feel left out,” Ben said. “Even more than usual, damn.” 

"You're twisting my words." 

It would be better to leave now, wouldn’t it? What was he doing, trying to pretend he could talk to Five? But he couldn’t bring himself to go.

“Does it bother you that Allison went back to California?” Ben asked.

"You just going to keep slinging siblings at me? I’m doing the best I can, but there’s only one of me.” 

“Exactly, there’s only one of you,” Ben said. “You should try asking for help, Five.”

Five looked at his watch. “It should be ready now.” 

“Klaus was right,” Ben sighed. “This is just depressing. I shouldn’t-” 

“I’m not having this argument again,” Five said. “I said _no._ The last thing I need is Luther tripping over an injured monkey.” 

“ _What_?” Ben said. 

“No, mice wouldn’t work,” Five said. “They don’t have the right anatomy.” 

He pushed back from the desk and stood, cradling the mannequin carefully. “You know there’s no talking me out of it,” he added. “But thanks.” 

“That sounds ominous,” Ben said. “Should I be worried? I’m worried.” 

Five set her down on his bed, propped up against a pillow and chuckled at her. “Yeah, well, they already think I’m a psychopath. If I got caught taking a knife to random animals imagine how _that_ would look? No, I’ll do without.” 

“I am getting really nervous, dude,” Ben said. “Very, very nerv-”

“Oh, calm down,” Five said. “I’ll be fine. You’ll see.” 

And with that foreboding farewell, Five disappeared in his usual flash of blue. 

“ _Shit,_ ” Ben said. “Shit, fucking shit!” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Running is a funny thing, when you’re dead. There are no obstacles, but it’s still disorienting to run in and out of rooms. The way the lighting changes, the moment of blindness while walking through walls or doors, the discomfort of looking down and realizing your torso is wading through an unexpected piece of furniture- or a person- when you enter a room. 

He ran into Klaus while looking for Five and tried to explain. “He’s going to do something dangerous!”

“Who?” Klaus said. “What, were you spying on little old Five again?” 

The mocking smile, the jovial unconcerned tone. It grated on Ben’s nerves. 

“Didn’t you hear me? We have to stop Five, we have to find him.” Ben had looked through half the house already, working his way quickly down each floor. But what if Five wasn’t even _in_ the house? What would they do then? 

“Okay, what exactly are we stopping him from doing?” Klaus put his hands on his hips. “Pray tell?”

“Something dangerous,” Ben repeated. “Uh, I’m not clear on the details, but Dolores seems to think-”

Klaus laughed. “You talk to the mannequin too?” 

“You know what? You’re no help,” Ben said. “I’m just going to possess you.”

Eyes widening, Klaus slowly backed up. “You can’t do that anymore, remember?” 

Ben advanced on him and smiled apologetically. “Yeah, I can.” 

“I’ve got a defense mechanism now!” Klaus said. “I just zap you out, don’t waste-”

“If I push through that I can still possess you,” Ben said. “I’ve done it before.” 

It was a struggle to get into Klaus’s body these days. Well, it had always been a struggle, but now there was this sort of undercurrent of fizzling electricity, which had grown stronger the longer Klaus had maintained his sobriety. It was like a shield, preventing ghosts from gaining entry without permission.

But Ben knew how to break it down. 

“Sorry, Klaus.” Ben heard Klaus’s voice say his words, and frowned at the gummy feeling of Klaus’s mouth. “Dude, you need to brush your teeth.” 

He resumed his search of the house, now with the added obstacle of doors. “Goddammit,” Ben muttered when he tripped over a chair. “Being solid kind of sucks.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He found Five in the med room, covered in blood. 

“What did you do?!” Ben, clumsy in Klaus’s body, knocked over a tray of bloody scalpels as he scrambled towards Five. “Are you okay?” 

For his part, Five looked annoyed. “Jesus, I’m _fine._ ” He wiped at the blood on his arm with a cloth and revealed unblemished skin underneath. “Look for yourself.” 

Ben was skeptical. “Then what’s all this blood? Did you kill someone?” 

“No, I did not.” Five glared at him. “Would you leave me alone? I’m working on something.” 

He looked Five over carefully and did not like what he saw. His brother was clammy, face pinched with concealed pain, and just… the _blood._

“What are you working on?” 

The scalpels painted a pretty clear picture. Blood, no injury… not wanting to hurt animals. Five had said something about a healing serum. Ben found the syringe on the floor and bent to pick it up. “You injected something?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Five said. “Mind your own business.” 

Ben grabbed Five’s arm and ran Klaus’s hands over the skin, looking for some kind of problem. It took him a minute to realize that Five’s skin was scorching hot, like he was feverish.

“You’re burning up,” Ben said. “What did you do, Five? I can’t help if I don’t know the details.” 

Five tried to teleport, but he was unsuccessful. He grunted with effort, clenching his fists together, but the blue glow barely flickered to life and then sputtered out. 

“Nice try,” Ben said. “But it looks like you have to talk to me.” 

Five chuckled. “Crap,” he said. Then his knees buckled. 

Wrapping his arms around Five- “God, you’re so small!”- Ben awkwardly carried his weight and shuffled them towards a gurney. 

“Aaaand it’s time to get Mom,” Ben said. “You’ll be fine, don’t worry. Everything is going to be fine.” 

“You’re not Klaus,” Five mumbled. “You’re not acting like Klaus.” 

“It’s Ben,” Ben said. “Sorry.” 

Five smiled at him. “Nosy son of a bitch,” he said. 

“Five, what did you do to yourself?” Ben swept Five’s bangs off of his face and felt his forehead. Not as hot as the arm, but alarmingly warm. “Talk to me. And, uh, stay conscious please.” 

“Said you’re gonna... get Mom?” Five said. 

“Right! Fuck.” She might be able to help, but Ben was reluctant to leave Five alone. “Don’t do anything while I’m gone.” 

Five gave him a lazy salute. 

“I’m serious, Five. Be good.” 

“Anythin’ fer _you_ , Ben.” He sounded drunk and his eyes were drooping closed. 

Fuck. 

Ben ran out of the room as fast as Klaus’s feet could carry him. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He managed to alert Mom of the situation before he lost control of Klaus’s body. Now he had to stand back and watch everyone freak out. 

“What’s wrong with Five?” Luther was the last on the scene. “Is he sick?” 

Five was decidedly unconscious. 

“The little idiot was conducting experiments on himself,” Klaus said. “Trying to fix-”

“Don’t tell him!” Ben said.

“Trying to fix what?” Luther said. 

Mom was in full nurse mode, hooking Five up to IV fluids and keeping tabs on his vitals. “Klaus, be a dear and go get me another ice pack?” 

“Yes ma’am!” Klaus said. 

Luther followed him out of the room and Ben was tempted to stay behind with Five, but ultimately decided he should go with them. 

“He was doing it for Luther,” Ben told Klaus as they walked. “Well, and Diego. He was saying something about-”

“Klaus, what was he trying to fix?” Luther said. 

“Um, well.” Klaus made eye contact with Ben, who shook his head. “I’m not clear on the details.”

“You said he was experimenting on himself,” Luther said. 

“That he was,” Klaus said. “I wasn’t actually the one who found him though. And Ben is keeping things to himself _for some reason._ ”

Luther looked around in that way he did when he remembered Ben’s existence. “Huh? He doesn’t want to tell you what happened?” 

“I just think it’ll upset him,” Ben said. “You know how Luther is. He’ll blame himself. And, and Five would get mad at me for-” 

“I don’t know, man,” Klaus said. “Those two speak their own language sometimes.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. “I just… sorry.” 

Klaus held his left arm up around roughly where Ben was standing and tried to wind the other around Luther- though he gave up the attempt and settled for patting the guy on the back- and made a show of sighing wistfully. “Don’t look so depressed guys! You know, Five. He does crazy things sometimes, but he’s a stubborn little trooper! He won’t die that easily.” 

“Dude. That’s not reassuring,” Ben said. 

Luther seemed to agree. He looked queasy. “Let’s hurry up and get that ice.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Mom was able to break Five’s fever. He slept for nine hours straight, looking oddly still, but when he opened his eyes it was like he’d woken up from a normal nap. He yawned, sat up, and teleported out of bed. 

The IV and heart monitor were abandoned to flutter down into the empty spot he’d vacated, and the machine freaked out as if Five had just flatlined. 

Ben watched Mom hurry into the room and laugh when she realized what had happened. She quickly turned the machine off, fondly shaking her head. “Oh that Five,” she said. “Always so impatient.” 

“He’s gonna get himself killed,” Ben groaned. “One of these days, I swear.” 

Maybe it was a good thing that Five couldn’t see him. Ben could help, this way. Keep an eye on him, protect him. 

For years Ben had been powerless, but this time he’d actually made a difference. He’d _saved_ someone. 

With that in mind, Ben decided that, from now on, he would follow Five around with more persistence.


	3. September 1 - 15

_In retrospect, little makes sense. Perhaps all stories, rather than once-upon-a-time, should start this way._

_―_ _Yiyun Yi_

  
  


Whenever Five teleported to another part of the house Ben had to guess where he’d gone. Sometimes it was obvious that Five was just heading for the bathroom, or the kitchen, but other times he had to wander around and look for him. 

That’s what he was doing when he heard a dramatic gasp, and turned to see Klaus pantomiming shock. “My word!” Klaus exclaimed. “Is that you, Ben?” Klaus shielded his eyes from imaginary sunshine and squinted. “Why, I haven’t seen you in years!” 

“You’re not funny,” Ben said. 

“Oh, I’ve been great,” Klaus said. “My career has really taken off, you know. Booked a stand up special at the Apollo and everything. The crowd was huge! And the whole thing was filmed for Netflix.”

“Good for you,” Ben deadpanned. “Don’t forget the little people.” 

“I’ll never forget where I came from,” Klaus intoned. “My loving family, my loyal brother. Who for years stood by my side before coldly abandoning me as soon as-”

“Okay, jealousy is not a good look for you,” Ben said. “Seriously, Klaus, it’s not like-”

“I’m sure you have _great_ conversations with Five,” Klaus said. “The real intellectual kind. A rigorous back and forth while you debate the infinite cosmos and… and math.” 

“Klaus-”

“Wait, I guess it would be more like a lecture!” Klaus said. “Five holding court, you a rapt and _silent_ audience. Just like old times, huh?” 

“Fuck you,” Ben said. “I’m just worried that-”

“That he’ll kill over when you’re not looking?” Klaus said. “Or that he’ll vanish into the night?” 

“You saw what he did to himself!”

“He had a fever,” Klaus scoffed. “You acted like he was on the verge of death, but he just-”

“He cut his own arm open and then injected himself with a- with a prototype healing serum!” Ben hadn’t seen the injury itself, but the blood still sat heavily on his mind. He figured Five had cut into some kind of vital artery, and wondered if that had been part of his intent. “The same serum, mind you, that fucked up Luther!” 

“It wasn’t the same one,” Klaus said. “He’s a little scientist, he made changes. Nearly fixed it.” 

“Yeah, well, how long would he have been alone and unconscious in that room if I hadn’t been there?” 

Klaus pouted. “Sure, but the guy’s not stupid. Don’t you think he learned his lesson?”

“No, I don’t.” 

Klaus threw his hands up. “Then I guess you can play guard dog for the rest of his life!” 

“I guess I can!

“Fine!”

“Fine!” Klaus stomped away, but paused after a few steps. 

He suspected Klaus turned around, but he ducked through a wall to get out of sight. 

The argument would just drag on otherwise, and he had to find Five. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


At first he thought Five had left the house. But Ben circled back to Five’s room and found that Five had come back from wherever he’d gone.

“Sure, but Vanya’s fine in the meantime.” Five was talking to Dolores while he rummaged around in his closet.

“At least she’s _alive._ Ben..."

“I’m right here, Five.” Ben glanced from Dolores to Five. “I wish-” 

"I need to prioritize. I’ve wasted too much time already." Five found what he was looking for. “Aha! I knew I still had it.” 

It was his old sweater vest. The one that went with the Umbrella Academy uniform. Ben hadn’t seen Five wear the whole thing in a long while.

"Oh sure, and then what?” Five was already wearing the white button up shirt and the blue shorts. He added the vest as he spoke. “Even if I got the timing right they wouldn't listen to me."

“I wish you could hear me, Five,” Ben said. “I wish you could confide in me the way you used to.”

“Time travel is not a toy.” Five wrapped a tie around his neck. “I can’t just zip around trying to solve frivolous problems.”

That’s when Ben noticed the briefcase sitting on Five’s bed. “What, you’re going to time travel? Right now?!” 

“That’s not fair.” Five pulled on the long socks. Put on his shoes. “I told you why. To provoke them. I want to see how they’ll react before I take any risks where Ben’s concerned.”

Ben gaped at him. “Shouldn’t you consult _me_ where I’m concerned?!” Shouting was useless, but Ben shouted anyway. “You can get Klaus to manifest me!” 

“Yeah, well, I can’t make all my decisions on sentimentality. And Pogo was… too close to the Apocalypse.“

“Fuck, where are you _going?”_ Ben knew it was too late to try and alert Klaus. Five was slipping his blazer on, adjusting dials on the briefcase. “When are-” 

“Don’t call her that. She’s not… well, not anymore.” 

“Should I follow you?” Ben said. “I wouldn’t know how to help without Klaus.” 

“Anyway, this will kill two birds with one stone,” Five continued. “Maybe the Commission will thank me. I don’t need to be cleaning up their messes.” 

“I didn’t go with Klaus to Vietnam,” Ben said. “He vanished unexpectedly. We didn’t know what the briefcase was, back then. And he reappeared a second later, dressed differently, and wouldn’t talk to me.” 

“The extra briefcase is a bonus,” Five said. “A… contingency. Anyway, Diego will be happy and Klaus won’t notice the difference.”

“I wish I knew what she was saying.” Ben glared at Dolores, as if he could decipher her language through force of will or something. 

“Nice try. But I won’t let you keep delaying me.” Five gave her a pat on the head. “Look, I know you don’t approve but would it kill you to wish me luck? Hmm?” 

“Shit!” Ben said. “I don’t know what to do.” 

“Thank you.” He gave Dolores a kiss on the cheek. “Well, I’m off then. I’ll be back before you know it.” 

Five opened the briefcase and vanished. 

Ben just stood there, quietly horrified, and tried to ignore all the worst case scenarios running through his head. 

Then Five reappeared, rumpled but whole. His hair was messed up, there was a bit of blood on the collar of his shirt, and- more notably- he was holding two briefcases. 

“There, you see?” Five said. “Nothing to worry about.” 

“Dude,” Ben said. “Not cool.” 

Five vanished again, but Ben knew it was a spatial jump this time from the blue light. 

“Goddammit,” Ben said. “This is pointless, isn’t it? I’m useless.” 

Maybe he should just accept it. He was dead and little more than a shadow, clinging on for no good reason. 

When Five warped into the room again Ben flinched.

Five was empty handed now. He had stored the briefcases somewhere else.

“Okay. That’s it," Ben said. "I’m officially going to give up!” 

Five took off his blazer and undid his tie with a self satisfied smirk. “You got that right.” 

“I mean it,” Ben said. “I’m going. At least with Klaus I can be part of the conversation.” 

It was disappointing when Five didn’t say anything else. He just continued to undress, humming to himself. 

Ben turned away and walked out of the room. He told himself it was for the best. It was wrong to spy on Five anyway. He’d just be annoyed if he knew he was being stalked like this. 

Yeah. It was for the best.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It had been ages since they'd had a family meeting. The last one had been about the Hargreeves family fortune. Tame stuff compared to the world ending crisis they'd dealt with before. 

It would have been tempting to skip, but Luther said this one had been requested by Ben. 

Who the hell could say no to Ben? 

So Diego put on his goddamn team player face and made his way over to the Academy. 

He was one of the last to arrive. 

"... on standby, so I'll call her when we're ready to start," Luther was saying. "She also said-"

"Ey!" Diego sauntered into the room. "I'm here." 

Klaus winked at him, finger gun pointing in his direction. "Looking good, Casanova." 

Diego punched him lightly on the shoulder. "And you're looking... sober." 

Klaus beamed. "That I am!" 

"Klaus, did he say what this was about?" Vanya was looking anxious as ever, sitting at the edge of her seat. "Ben has never… well, this is a first." 

"Ben can tell us himself," Luther said. "Right Klaus?" 

Klaus nodded. "I've gotten up to two hours now." He rubbed his hands together. "Hurry up and call Allison, we're ready to start."

But they were still missing Five.

"Five isn't here yet." Vanya beat him to the punch. "Is he upstairs?" 

"Nope!" Klaus chuckled. "He's at the library, which, well… you tell 'em." 

He balled his hands up unto fists and they started glowing with that same blue-ish light that Diego still associated with Five's teleporting. 

He'd asked Klaus, at one point, if there was any relation there. Klaus had just shrugged. 

The blue glow sort of illuminated the room, brighter than any portal Five could produce. Most of it was coming from Ben himself. 

"-didn't… oh." Ben gave them a little wave. "Hey guys." He cleared his throat. "Sorry, I, uh… I wasn't ready yet." 

Maybe it was the glow that bothered Ben. It made him look like a dead Jedi. Or maybe it was just all the years of being invisible. 

If you get used to being ignored, suddenly having eyes on you would be weird right? That's what Diego figured anyway. It would probably feel like being put under a spotlight. 

"You said you were ready," Klaus said. 

"I said we could start since everyone's here now," Ben retorted. "But I didn't say go. So I thought-" 

"What am I, your trained monkey?" Klaus threw his hands up. "I'm supposed to act on code words now?" 

Luther raised his hand, like a freaking little kid. "Uh, I've got the laptop all set up. I just need to press Call. Should I or...?" 

"Wait, so we're leaving Five out on purpose?" Vanya said. "Is the meeting about him?" 

"Daaamn," Diego said. "Five's gonna be pissed." 

Ben blanched. "It's not like that!" Then he winced. "Well, it _is,_ but-" 

"Why can't you bring it up with Five more directly?" Vanya said. "My therapist says-"

"Oh boy. Just call Allison already," Klaus said. "And we can all settle down to listen to mama bear Ben, hmm?"

Luther connected the call and Allison was probably there waving from the screen. Diego had decided to stand behind the laptop this time, to avoid her scrutiny, but he could hear her just fine, "Hey guys! Can you hear me?" 

"We can hear you," Luther said. "Can you hear us?" 

They'd done this whole song and dance before. "Can we skip the tech tutorial and get on with the meeting?" Diego muttered. 

"I can hear you, Luther," Allison said. "Did someone else say something? I couldn't make it out." 

Diego sighed. 

"You have to _enunciate,"_ Klaus said.

Diego punched him in the shoulder. 

"Ow! That one hurt!" 

"I just think it's a breach of trust to discuss him behind his back," Vanya said.

"Vanya, I love you," Ben said. "But I'm seriously worried about Five and I don't think he'd listen to me alone. I thought, if it came from all of us… well..." 

Diego snapped his fingers. "I knew it. He's an alcoholic isn't he? You want to stage an intervention."

Klaus burst into laughter.

"Wait, what happened?" Allison said. "What did Vanya say?"

"An alcoholic!" Klaus gasped between giggles. "Diego, I've never seen the guy so much as-" 

"It's possible," Diego said.

Klaus giggled. "An alcoholic!"

"Diego, I just saw a bit of your arm," Allison said. "If you could just get closer to Klaus again, I'd be able to see your _face."_

"I _do_ want to stage an intervention," Ben said. "But not about that." 

"But seriously guys," Diego said. "He could be. More than once, I've seen him-"

"I think there's a lag," Allison said. "Your lips are out of sync-"

Diego slammed the laptop shut. "Her connection sucks." 

Luther looked scandalized. "You can't just-"

"You can fill her in later." 

"But what did Five do that has you so worried?" Vanya said. "What's the intervention about?" 

"Five is too pure for the vices of this world," Klaus said. "One time he caught me and Luther drinking and he-" 

"Okay, everybody pause," Luther said. "You're just talking over each other." 

Diego crossed his arms together and bit back his reflexive retort. 

It's not like Luther was wrong. They _were_ just talking over each other. 

Ben looked relieved. "Will you just listen to me for a minute?" 

"Sorry man," Diego said. "Go ahead." 

Ben smiled at him, but it was one of those sad smiles.

Diego had been used to smiles like that when they were younger. It was something he had shrugged off. 

These days, they kind of broke his heart a little. Ben _always_ smiled like that now. 

"Okay. So, there are a few things," Ben said. "But the main one is that I caught Five time traveling." 

"What?!"

"Where would he-"

"When-"

"Why the fuck-"

"Guys!" Luther said. "Let him talk." 

So they did. 

And then they came up with a plan, of sorts.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


His only proof was the weather, really. Five noted the clearer sky that came with his first jump. The greener leaves. 

But the difference was too subtle. Five jumped forward again and was pleased by the snow covered streets. Maybe he should have stopped there, but he was emboldened by the adrenaline rush of success and in no hurry to return home. 

_Time is on my side,_ Five thought. _Dad's got nothing on me._

So he jumped forward a third time. Then a fourth. 

Five was disappointed by the cars, which looked basically the same, and by the buildings which likewise remained as they had been in 2002. Five doubted himself for a second. Had he just been using spatial jumps this whole time? Tricked by his own optimism?

But jumping through time felt palpably different from space in a way he couldn’t quite explain to himself.

And there had been snow. 

Five decided he would jump again in search of more snowy weather, but when he tried nothing happened. He was out of energy. 

Well. There would be plenty of time to experiment.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


His preoccupation with time travel led him to neglect his surroundings. When he finally decided he should go back to the Academy, Five realized he wasn’t sure exactly how to get there. He’d never gone out on his own before. And maybe the streets were different now. Everything was unfamiliar. 

Then again, dear old Dad didn’t exactly take them out on field trips. Only missions. The rest of the time, they stayed home. 

Finally a police car rolled to a stop beside him. “You lost, kid?” 

Five scowled. “Just a bit turned around.” 

“Come on, then.” He opened the passenger side door. “We’ll sort it out.” 

Five hesitated.

“I know it’s annoying,” the officer said. “But you’re too young to be out on your own.” 

“Says who?” Five said. 

“Says me. C’mon Five, just get in the car.” 

Five blinked. “You know me?”

“Course I do,” the officer grinned. “You’re famous, little man.” 

Of course he was famous. He was part of the Umbrella Academy. Five forced himself to relax and got in the car. 

“Little man?” Five scoffed. “I don’t appreciate your tone, officer.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” The man cleared his throat and softened his smile. “So you’re on foot today? Finally lost your car privileges?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Five said. “I don’t know how well acquainted you are with the scope of my abilities, but-”

“Everyone at the station is _very_ well acquainted, don’t you worry, son.” 

He had been prepared to inform the officer that the Five he was familiar with wasn’t necessarily the same as the boy before him, but now he huffed in annoyance. It seemed he hadn’t traveled as far into the future as he would have liked.

“How old do you think I am?” Five said, instead. 

He was a decent height for thirteen. Not as tall as Luther, but not as stunted as Ben. He could probably pass for older than he was. 

“Aren’t you fourteen or so?” The man squinted at him. “Can’t be older than fourteen.” 

Maybe he’d just gone a year forward. Two or three at best. It was disappointing, but still a success. Dad didn’t think he’d be able to time travel in the first place, but Five had proven him wrong. That was all that mattered. 

“Did I get it right?” The officer asked.

“Sure,” Five said, absently.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"So when will he be back?" Diego said.

Ben was gone now. Or, well, not gone, but invisible again. 

And it was hard to think of him as in the room without being able to see him. 

"That boy's schedule is like clockwork," Klaus said. "The library closes at eight, so-" 

"Can I just say," Vanya said. "That this is a really bad idea? If we gang up on him-"

"Five isn't like you," Diego said. "He won't explode." 

Klaus gasped sarcastically and put his hands over Vanya's ears. "So harsh to our sweet summer child!" 

Vanya shrugged him off. "I know he's not like me." 

Luther was pacing around with his phone, still talking with Allison. Vanya pointed in his direction. "Allison agreed with me." 

"We can't let him run around doing whatever he wants!" Diego said. "If that hurts his fucking feelings, then whatever!" 

Klaus leaned towards her. "You've gotta admit," he said. "Five is a big ol' hypocrite." 

She sighed. "I know, but-"

"But nothing," Diego said. "He's the one who said we shouldn't mess with time anymore. And what does he do?!" 

"He messes with time!" Klaus said. "And without even consulting us." 

"He must have had a good reason," Vanya said. "He wouldn't-" 

"You're the one who's always preaching about communication," Diego said. "Well, it's a two way street. He's gotta talk to us. We're supposed to be a team." 

"Hear hear!" Klaus said. 

"So the second he walks through that door we're having a goddamn intervention," Diego said. "And then we can… we can communicate it up!" 

"Alright," Vanya said. "I just hope he doesn't jump away." 

"I'll kill him if he does."

"Oh, it's not like he can get that far anyway," Klaus said. "We can just check every room in the house. He'll teleport away each time you find him, but eventually he runs out of energy. It's kind of fun actually. Like hide and seek." 

Diego frowned at him. "I don't want to know how many times you've done that."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Instead of taking Five home, the officer dropped him off at the police station. “Beaman will get you sorted,” he said. “Just ask for him at the front desk.” 

Well alright. 

Beaman turned out to be a harried man in khakis. Bald, with a trim beard and glasses, he seemed like a gentle sort. But he glared at Five when he spotted him.

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Five,” Beaman said. “I can’t take it.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,” Five said. 

Beaman sighed. “You can make all the arguments you want about Montana or wherever, but we’re in New York. You have to be sixteen before you can apply for a learner’s permit.” 

The clues clicked in his mind like puzzle pieces and Five grinned. It made sense, he decided, that he would be a prodigy in all things. Even something as mundane as driving. 

“Sorry officer,” Five said. “Guess I just like to jump the gun.” 

The man blinked. “Detective,” he corrected. 

“Of course,” Five said. “Detective. But I wasn’t driving today.” 

“You were on foot? Where were you going?” 

Five stuffed his hands into his pockets. “Nowhere in particular. Just out for a stroll.”

“A stroll?” Detective Beaman was incredulous. “Officer Castillo said he found you out by Prospect West.” 

Five wished he knew street names. Was that a street name? Was it far from the Academy? He'd been walking for hours in his attempt to get home, growing frustrated when the sun went down overhead. 

Maybe he'd been walking in the wrong direction.

"I just got a bit turned around."

“We’ve got a group chat dedicated to you, you know that?" Beaman continued. "Because we promised Diego we’d keep your record clean, but we still have to deal with you.”

“A group what?” Then Five registered the name. “Do you mean Diego Hargreeves?” 

Beaman looked as confused as Five felt. “Yeah? Your brother.” 

“What does my record have to do with _him?”_

Beaman rubbed a hand over his face. “Look, I know you don’t think it’s fair, but the law is plain. Your brother is an adult. You aren’t. That automatically puts him in the role of guardian. Him and all your older brothers.”

 _Older_ brothers?

“I see,” Five said. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They were basically stuck waiting for Five to get home, so they settled in. Watched TV. 

"Hey, what if Five just blinks directly into his room?" Diego said. "We won't even know he got home." 

"If anything, he would teleport into the kitchen," Luther said. "But he's been pretty good about eating dinner with us lately, so he'll want to walk through here to let us know he's home." 

"Oh, our feral child," Klaus said. "Slowly, but surely, we've tamed him to regular lunch and dinner hours." 

"I think he had a hard time adjusting," Vanya said. "Like, to civilian life. He was an assassin and all. And before that, well. You know." 

Before that he'd survived on cockroaches and bad twinkies. Sparse details like that were all Five would give them about that time in his life.

"I had a hard time adjusting myself!" Klaus said. "Lemme tell you…"

He was getting a call from Beaman, so Diego went into another room for some privacy. 

"What's up, Beaman?" 

"I am seriously concerned about the state of your family," Beaman said. "Like, you guys might have an honest to god custody battle on your hands pretty soon. And you would _lose."_

Diego groaned. "One of the guys pull Five over again?" 

"This time he was found just wandering around on foot!" Beaman said. "Said he'd just gotten 'A bit turned around.' Diego, the kid is- what- twelve? Thirteen? He can't just be left alone like this. You know that's child neglect?" 

"Look, Beaman-"

"Hell, you guys could get hit with child _endangerment,"_ Beaman continued. "It's a legitimate safety hazard. I know the kid's a prodigy or whatever. And, yeah, he's a decent driver. But it's illegal for-"

"Beaman," Diego said. "I get where you're coming from. I really do." 

"Do you?" Beaman said. "Because this keeps happening. Your brother's a regular now. The officers recognize him on sight. A lot of them are worried about him." 

"Look, I'm sorry about that," Diego said. "I know it makes you guys uncomfortable, but you gotta understand something. Five's not an actual kid." 

"I don't care how smart he is-"

"No," Diego said. "I mean he's an adult. He's not the age he looks." 

He'd always known this would be a hard sell, but he couldn't let Five get roped into some kind of foster home. 

"How old is he, then?" Beaman said. 

Diego winced. "Uh… he was born on the same day as me." 

Technically true. 

"The same day?" 

"Same day," Diego repeated. "Same year." 

Silence on the other end of the phone. 

"Beaman?" 

"You're full of it," Beaman said. "I've got half a mind to call child services myself." 

"I can prove it to you! Get you his birth certificate and shit." 

"Uh huh," Beaman said. "You gonna bring that over when you pick him up?" 

Diego frowned. "Uh, well, I'm going to need some time to find it." 

"Or forge it." 

"Come on, Beaman. You know I wouldn't do that." 

"I don't know what I know anymore!" Beaman said. "Just get your ass over here, alright? Take your brother home and keep an eye on him." 

"I'm on my way," Diego said. 

Well. That's one more thing they'd need to add to the intervention. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Vanya insisted on coming with. 

"You better not be gearing up to tattle tell," Diego said.

"Wow," Vanya said. "Did you really just say 'tattle tell' with a straight face?" 

"I'm serious." 

"Clearly."

"Look everyone knows Five is your favorite," Diego said. "He's your favorite and you're his. But-"

"I'm pretty sure Ben was Five's favorite," Vanya said. "Or. That he _is."_

"My point is that we need to act like a united front for the freaking intervention to work." 

"You make it sound like a battle," Vanya said. "I thought the point was to help him?"

"We have to fight him to help him." 

"Diego-"

"You know how he is!" 

"And I know how _you_ are," Vanya said. "Remember that fight you guys had on Mother's Day?" 

Of course he fucking remembered. He felt angry just thinking about it. "What about it?" 

"You were so hung up on the gifts. As if they were some kind of physical proof of love." 

"That's the whole point of gifts, Vanya. To show that you care." 

She shook her head. "There are other ways of showing it. You know, the love languages." 

"The what?" 

"Love languages," she repeated. "There are different types of communication-"

"Is this more of your therapy BS?" 

"It's not BS." Vanya chuckled. "Would you just… would you bear with me for a sec?" 

He grunted. 

"Okay, so some people show love through gifts. Some people show it with touch. Hugs and stuff. Like Klaus." 

"Is that an excuse for having a shitty gift? Cause Klaus also-"

"Just listen. There are five types, okay? Gifts, touch, kind words-"

"I think a gift is better than a compliment." 

"It's more than compliments, Diego." 

He was being a dick on purpose at this point, but Vanya didn't sound mad. He glanced at her and noted that she was smiling out the window. 

"Telling someone you love them," she said. "It's kind words, but it's more than that. It's affection." 

The L word. That one was awkward. He'd say it back whenever a girl dropped that bomb on him, but it wasn't something he went out of his way with. 

"Another one is quality time," Vanya continued. "I think that's my love language. And Klaus too." 

"I thought you said he was touch?" 

"They can overlap," Vanya said. "I also really like kind words. Some people show affection with all five." 

Gifts, touch, kind words, quality time. That was four. 

"What's the last one?" 

"Acts of service," Vanya said. "That's Five in a nutshell." 

"Acts of service?" Diego said. "What, like doing someone a favor?" 

"For some people it's favors. But for Five it's more like… hmm. I think he likes to solve problems." 

Problems. Like fixing Mom. Keeping Klaus sober. 

"The other languages don't come naturally to him," Vanya continued. "He tries, but you kind of have to let him know first. Like, if you tell him you want to hang out more he'll make time for you." 

Diego scowled. "He'll make time for _you,_ you mean. Or Klaus, I guess. But just to get him to go to NA." 

"You say that like it's a bad thing." 

"It just feels cold." He tried to mimic Five's snooty tone. "I made a bargain with Klaus. An outing every week for participation with NA."

"I don't think it's cold," Vanya said. "I think it's sweet." 

_"You_ would," Diego said. "Five could show up covered in blood and kick around a decapitated head like it was a football and you'd just be like 'Aaaw. Five is smiling.'"

Vanya laughed. "Only if the head was from someone who deserved it." 

It was hard to be a dick to someone who wouldn't get angry.

"I still think therapy is stupid," he mumbled. "But that's interesting. About the languages." 

"It's just something to think about," she said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He spotted her in the parking lot. She was just walking by. Like a mirage. 

He jumped out of the car and made a beeline for her. He had to get close. Had to see who it was. 

He figured it was a woman who looked _like_ Patch. It couldn't be Patch herself. She was already dead. He'd found her fucking body and she-

"Hargreeves." Patch didn't look happy to see him. "Here for your brother?" 

It was the same exasperation he'd gotten used to from her. She rolled her eyes. "Well? Nothing to say for yourself?" 

"M-my… y-you…" He couldn't get the words out. 

"Hey, I'm sure it's not as bad as Beaman made it out to be." 

He blinked at her. The exasperation was gone. Replaced with sympathetic concern. 

Just like that time he'd told her Mom had died. 

_Death just doesn't stick,_ he thought.

"Diego? Shouldn't we go in?" Vanya gave Patch a polite smile. "Uh, hello. I'm Vanya." 

"Nice to meet you." 

"My sister," Diego said. "She's… my sister." 

Her lips twitched. _I know what you're up to, Hargreeves._ They'd had an easier banter between them, in the early days. Sometimes it still leaked through.

"Patch, can I just… can we meet up later? Catch up a bit?"

She sighed. "Diego…" 

"Please." He wouldn't let this second chance go to waste. "Just grab a coffee with me, yeah?" 

She crossed her arms together. "This about a case?" 

He shook his head. "Nope. I just want to catch up. Just me and you. No police business." 

She blinked. "Okay, sure. That sounds… nice." 

He gave her a smile. "Great! Just text me when. Whenever works for you." 

"Mhm." Patch pursed her lips and tilted her head. "I'm free now, but there's a minor inside that you've gotta deal with. Keep your priorities straight, you hear me?" 

He gulped. "Yeah. I hear you." 

She nodded. "Well okay. Maybe tomorrow." 

He watched her walk away, rooted to the spot. 

"Uh, who was that?" Vanya said. 

"That. Was a dead woman." He laughed. "She was dead!"

"You mean-"

"Five saved her." Impulsively, he gave Vanya a hug. "That's why he time traveled, he went and saved her!" 

Vanya tentatively returned his hug. "Oh." 

"Yeah, _oh."_

"Are we still having an intervention?" 

"I have no idea," Diego said. "But I'm gonna get in there and give Five some kind words, cause _holy shit."_

"You'd better tell him you love him," Vanya teased. "And buy him a nice big gift." 

"You know what? I think I will."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The simple fact of the matter was, Five didn’t like looking incompetent. He worded all of his questions carefully so that Beaman wouldn’t take notice that anything was amiss.

Of course there was a part of him that wanted to blurt out for the world to hear: I time traveled! I did it. 

Yet the facts, as he received them, clued him in to a growing suspicion that Dad must have had some reason for his warnings. The old fool may have coated them in fear mongering exaggerations, but Five had to give credit where credit was due. The man did nothing without purpose. 

So Five had time traveled and came out the other end with a sound mind and body. Dad had been wrong about _that._

And yet there was something significant here that was not adding up. Something that had gone wrong. Whatever year it was, it was far enough into the future that his siblings had reached adulthood. As far as the police force knew, there was only one exception. 

Five himself had fallen behind. How? Why? He couldn’t work it out.

It also became clear that Reginald Hargreeves was dead. Perhaps of natural causes; he was old enough, wasn’t he? Being the only minor in the family had left the Five of this time in his brother's custody. 

Beaman said Diego would come for him and then directed Five towards a chair in the station's lobby. Five noted, with some irritation, that Beaman’s desk was well within view. The man kept a sharp eye on Five, like he thought his charge would hatch a grand escape. 

Whatever. Five had more important things to worry about. 

Perhaps, he reasoned, the young Five these police officers were familiar with wasn’t actually native to this point in time. It would make a sort of sense if, having succeeded once, Five made a habit of traveling into the future. 

He felt himself warm up to the theory. _Of course_ he would do that. Five wanted to wield his power as much as possible. Wanted to perfect every angle of his abilities.

For instance, he hadn’t been able to feel the span of years the same way he felt distance in a spatial jump. Was one jump six years or six months? He’d blinked forward randomly. With no control.

The only thing he'd been certain of was a vague feeling of _forward._ He'd jumped with the unshakable belief that he was traveling toward the future.

Five needed more practice. 

And practice he would get. Then these police officers, nosy good Samaritans that they were, would be there in Five's future. But a nearby future, not his adulthood.

All they would see was an unaccompanied minor. An inconvenient technicality. Perhaps an obstacle. Five studied Detective Beaman. Committed him to memory.

It made sense that Diego hadn’t clarified matters to the cops. Dad always said it was best to avoid unnecessary confusion when it came to the law. So there was definitely an adult Five, out there somewhere, that these police officers had never met. Maybe that Five had left the city, tired of running into his young doppelganger. 

Five was preoccupied with these thoughts, but he kept an eye on every civilian that walked by and wondered if he'd recognize his brother when he saw him. 

When a particularly conspicuous man first strode into the station Five didn't think much of him. The guy stood out in a bad way with his grungy patchwork of black leather. That combined with the scar on his head made him look like the shady sort of criminal the Academy dealt with on a regular basis.

But Five accidentally made eye contact and the man beelined toward him.

Five stood up.

“Five, you son of a bitch!" The man threw his arms around Five in an exuberant hug. "I can't believe you did it!" 

Thrown by the show of affection, Five failed to formulate a response. 

Not that it mattered. The guy kept right on blabbering. "And after all that shit you said." He laughed and lifted Five clean off his feet, squeezing tightly. "When we got back from the sixties you gave us this whole lecture about the fragility of the timeline and- and damn! I never would have- I mean, Ben's pissed at you, by the way, but I-"

Five teleported a few feet to the left, to free himself from the embrace. "Don't man handle me."

This was supposed to be Diego? His personality seemed closer to Klaus. Just like Klaus he kept right on talking, unbothered by Five's attitude.

"Look, before anyone can give you any grief I just want to say I appreciate you…" He glanced uneasily at Beaman, who was subtly glowering at them. "You know, doing what you did." The man put his hands on Five's shoulders and leaned in, forcing prolonged eye contact. "I'm grateful, alright?" 

"I'm going to need more context." Five took a small step back, shrugging off the hands. "What did I do, exactly?" 

If anything, congratulations were in order, not gratitude. It was clear that this man was not impressed or surprised to see a version of Five that was years out of place. It confirmed the theory. 

"I saw Patch." A broad grin. As if that was supposed to mean something. 

This was one of his brothers, right? It had seemed obvious, but maybe this was another police detective. It wouldn't hurt to double check.

"Okay, hold on," Five said. "Let me see your tattoo."

He expected the guy would object, or at least be offended, but instead he readily rolled back his sleeve to reveal the Umbrella Academy tattoo. "Is something supposed to be wrong with it?" He said. "Did you try to change it?" 

Whichever brother was besides the point, Five decided. This man was family and that was good enough for Five. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Five said. "But- oh. Hello." 

A small woman had trailed in behind Mr. Grabby Hands. She smiled at Five. "You can give us the details when we get home okay? Everyone has… questions." 

He squinted at her for a second and then grinned. "Vanya."

She tilted her head. "Yeah?" 

"I knew it was you." He wondered if it would be inappropriate to hug her. Probably, she hadn't initiated contact. "I like your hair." 

"Um, thank you?" She glanced at Diego/Klaus, who shrugged. "Listen-"

"Take the kid home already!" The detective called from his desk. "It's getting late!" 

"Yeah, thanks Beaman," His brother called back. "I'll see you later!"

Putting an arm around Five's shoulder (this was _definitely_ Klaus) the man led him and Vanya out of the station and ushered them into a car. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Diego." Vanya had taken a seat in the back. "Didn't you have something _else_ you wanted to say?" 

Oh. This was really Diego? Good thing he hadn't asked. Probably would have offended him to be compared to Klaus. 

Five glanced back at her and raised an eyebrow, but she was frowning sternly at the back of Diego's head. 

"I said I was grateful." Diego kept his eyes on the road, grip firm on the wheel. "It counts." 

"Those are definitely kind words," Vanya agreed. "But I think I remember you promising something a little stronger." 

Five frowned at her. He didn’t like all this confusion. When Vanya finally made eye contact she quietly mouthed _wait for it._

"I didn't promise shit," Diego grumbled.

Then he glanced at Five. "Uh, if someone wanted to buy you a gift do you have anything in particular you've been wanting?" 

Five tilted his head. "Are we talking hypothetically?" 

Vanya laughed. "He's talking literally." 

"Fine, yeah, I'm talking literally," Diego groaned. "I know asking defeats the whole point, but I don't know what to get you." 

"Hmm." Was it for a holiday? Birthday? "What month is it?" 

"September, why?" Diego snorted. "You losing track?" 

"You'd think it would be important for a time traveler to know when he was going," Vanya said with clear amusement. 

Five scowled. It was true that he'd made the trip with no clear destination, but he thought that was reasonable for his first time. 

They didn't know this was his first, though. His pride made him reluctant to clarify.

"Getting ready for the group birthday, I see," Five said. "Hey, how old are you guys turning this year?" 

He tried to infuse nonchalance into his tone, make it sound like the usual sort of small talk rather than admit that he had no idea what year he was in. 

"We're finally hitting thirty," Diego said. "Though it's kind of a technicality, at this point. We're all out of sync." 

"Oh man," Vanya said. "Am I the youngest? Is everyone else already thirty one or what? Wait no, Klaus has to be thirty two or so." 

Five blinked. 

"Yep, you're the youngest," Diego said. "And I'm the second youngest." 

"I still don't know how to feel about it," Vanya said. 

There was no way to ask without revealing his ignorance, but the curiosity was killing him, "How did you get out of sync?"

"We landed a few years apart, remember? In the sixties.” Vanya reached over to feel his forehead. “Hey, are you feeling alright? You’ve been kind of-”

“You're saying the whole family time traveled,” Five said. “To the 1960s?” 

They reached a red light, so Diego turned fully towards him. “Are you going senile?” 

“No, you idiot,” Five growled. _“Look_ at me. Isn’t it obvious? My experiences aren’t exactly chronological.” 

Diego studied him. 

“The light is green,” Vanya said.

Diego continued driving. “I don’t know what you’re trying to get at, man.” 

“You would if you were smarter.” Five didn’t have the patience to break it down. He turned back to Vanya, who was still hovering with her hand over him. Like she wanted to feel his forehead again. “Now let me get it straight.” 

She looked seriously worried. “Are you having memory problems?” 

“No,” Five said. “So how did you guys do it? Did Dad find a way to harness my power? Was it for a mission-”

“You’re the one that took us!” Diego said. “Just grabbed us and dragged us back.” 

“No kidding! With _all_ of you?” He never thought he’d be able to stretch his abilities that far. And without technological enhancements? The future sure was looking bright. “That’s amazing. So if I wanted to I could take any of you back to 2002 with me?” 

Vanya was getting pale. “Five,” she murmured. “How old are you?” 

“Thirteen,” he said. “Why, don’t I look it?” 

Diego swore. “What the fuck!” 

“You’re from 2002?” Vanya said. 

“Jesus fucking christ,” Diego said. “We’re so stupid.” 

“Yes, you are,” Five said. “Though I figured you guys have seen me make this kind of jump before, so-” 

“Maybe we should go to my place,” Vanya said. “It’s bad if he runs into himself, right?” 

“Call Luther,” Diego said. “Ask him if the other Five went home.” 

She scrambled to comply.

“Why is it bad if I run into myself?” Five said. 

“I can’t believe we forgot his first jump to 2019,” Diego said. “Goddammit, time travel is so confusing!” 

“Hey, Luther?” Vanya said. “We ran into a bit of a problem.” 

She was speaking into a phone, presumably, but it looked weird. A thin rectangle. Made of glass or something. 

Is that all the future had to show for itself? Weird phones? 

"We did find him, but…" Vanya bit her lip. "It's… I mean, it looks like he's the _younger_ Five." 

Diego shook his head. "Unbe- fucking- lievable." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five didn't see what the big deal was. Apparently there was a type of illness that afflicted time travelers in close proximity to their past or future selves. 

It sounded like another one of Dad's fear mongering exaggerations, but Five humored their concern. 

Also, he thought it was impressive that Vanya had her own apartment. 

Diego dropped them off and peeled away, saying something about the public library. The older Five was presumed to be there, though the place was long past closing.

Vanya chatterer nervously as she let him into her apartment. "We were going to eat dinner together today. We were just waiting for you." 

"The older me." 

"Yeah." Vanya turned the lights on. "So, um, it's not much. I don't have a guest bedroom or anything, but you can borrow the couch." 

Five nodded, taking in their surroundings. It was a small place, but it had a cozy feel to it. There was sheet music on a table and books with cracks on the spines on her bookshelf. 

The bookshelves at the Academy were pristine. Books were displayed for show and Dad got prissy if Five tried to actually read them. Fancy first editions. Expensive vintage collections.

 _Stick to the assigned reading if you would, Number Five._

"I figure the inter- the dinner, um, that it's canceled now," Vanya continued. "Do you want a flutter nutter sandwich?"

He grinned. "You have marshmallows?" 

"Of course." 

"Wow." He shifted closer to her and tried to figure out which of them was taller. But they were basically tied. "I guess some things never change." 

She nodded. "Hey Five?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can I give you a hug?" 

He shrugged. "You don't have to ask." 

She hugged him, but not the way he was used to. It was a light touch, more like her arms were hovering than grabbing him. 

Vanya's arms were trembling slightly. Fluttering like the curtains on her windows.

There was something oddly fragile about it. Five put his own arms around her and gave a firm squeeze. 

A book fell off the shelf behind them and he startled. Vanya sprang back. "Sorry!" 

She bent to pick it up. "Um, I'll go make that sandwich." 

"Alright," Five said. "I'll close the window."

He warped over to it and realized the window was already closed. 

"Huh," Five said. "I thought the wind-" 

"I have super powers," Vanya blurted. 

He looked at her. 

"It's a long story," she added.

He laughed lightheartedly. "I've got all the time in the world." 

She laughed too. "I guess you do, huh?" 

He warped into a casual sitting position on a nearby couch. "So powers huh? When did that happen?" 

"I found out right after Dad died…"

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I’m surprised you didn’t shell out for a second car,” Diego said. “Though I guess a hermit like you wouldn’t need one, huh?”

Diego had a tendency to say hurtful things when he was stressed. Ben understood that, but wished he would lay off Luther. Diego wasn’t being fair. 

“Five doesn’t use the car that often either,” Luther said. 

Ben was sitting in the back of Diego's car, which they were using because the family car was missing. Klaus hadn’t come with them, so all he could do was listen and cringe to himself as Diego kept trying to pick a fight. 

At least Luther was keeping a cool head.

“He goes out every week!” Diego said. “He takes Klaus to NA, he goes to the library, and if Vanya wants to go anywhere-”

“Okay,” Luther said. “He uses the car more than I do.” 

“Luther drives Mom to the grocery store way more often than Five does,” Ben said. “And if Klaus needs a ride anywhere on any day that _isn’t_ Saturday, Luther is the one who-”

“You only drive when Allison is in town,” Diego said. “Seriously, bro, you need to get a life.” 

It was useless to talk to them, but it had become a habit.

“It’s the other terminal,” Luther said. “Drive past and take a left.”

They were picking Allison up from the airport. Diego scowled, but he followed the directions.

“You’re just like Vanya these days,” Diego said. “Aren’t you going to defend yourself?!” 

“I think they’ve learned that getting mad just makes you angrier, dude,” Ben said. 

“We shouldn’t be fighting right now,” Luther said. “Five needs our help and we-”

“He’s _d-dead_ ,” Diego snapped. “The sooner we give it up-”

“He’s not dead,” Luther said. “He’s just missing.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It had been three days since the younger Five had shown up from 2002. And it had been three days since they’d seen _their_ Five. The one that looked identical to the thirteen year old in every way, but who had lived a long and hard life. The Five that had saved them from the apocalypse.

“What if they’re both the same person?” Allison said. “Like, when the new Five showed up they merged or something?” 

They were having another family meeting. Everyone was present but Vanya, who had been put in charge of babysitting Five. 

“I don’t think that’s how it works,” Luther said. “In the sixties both Fives were still separate from each other. I was with them both at the same time.” 

Klaus had manifested Ben for the meeting, but he couldn’t think of anything to say. He could only sit here, uselessly glowing, aware of his time ticking away. 

“What if he has amnesia?” Klaus said. “Like, the cosmic universe realized his tragic backstory doesn’t exist anymore? So he got reset?” 

That was an unsettling thought, but it made a weird sort of sense. “The apocalypse doesn’t happen,” Ben said, slowly. “So Five doesn’t have to live like he did, so it never happened to him, so now he’s thirteen again… oh man.”

He’d finally said something, but Ben frowned to himself when he realized that he'd basically just repeated what Klaus had already said. 

“But if Five doesn’t live in the apocalypse he’ll never go _back_ to prevent it,” Diego said. “Which means it’s going to happen, which means we’re all fucked?” 

“I hate time travel!” Klaus said. 

“Okay, but it’s also possible that the older Five is still around, right?” Ben said. “Luther, you said there was some kind of side effect when he got near his old man self?” 

At least he could direct the conversation a little. That was helpful, wasn’t it?

“Paradox Psychosis,” Luther said. “It made him crazy. Like sweaty and itchy and… and really, uh, angry.” 

“Sounds fake, but okay,” Klaus said. 

Diego snorted. “That’s what Five said.” 

“How _is_ he, by the way?” Allison said. 

Diego shrugged. “He’s fine. Vanya’s got him covered.” 

“Wait a minute,” Ben said. “We know the old Five is still around because the family car is still missing! That’s proof isn’t it?” 

No one reacted to his epiphany. Ben looked at Klaus, whose hands were no longer glowing.

“ _Sorry_ ,” Klaus whispered. 

Ben sighed. "Tell them to report the car stolen. If it turns out it got abandoned somewhere then maybe-"

"I think Five must have found out that his younger self was here," Luther said. "And just, you know, just… left." 

"Or he poofed while he was driving to the library," Diego said. "Maybe the car crashed into some poor sap and got towed or something." 

"Klaus, tell them to report it." Ben tried to get his words out quickly. "But also to check the junk yards and-"

"Wait, is the family car gone?" Allison demanded. 

"Uh, Ben is trying to say something," Klaus said.

"Sorry, Klaus," she said. "But this is the first I'm hearing about the missing car. Why did you leave that out, Luther?" 

"I didn't mean to leave it out," Luther said.

"He just got _deleted_ ," Diego said. "His whole life. Gone." 

"Five wasn't deleted," Luther said. "We're going to find him. We just need to work together." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


On the fourth day they decided it was safe to let young Five back into the Academy, since old Five was still AWOL.

“Worst case scenario,” Klaus said. “The old bastard shows up and you’re in charge of whisking the youngling back to your apartment. Even if they see each other for a teensie weensie second, we figure it won’t kill them.” 

Vanya frowned. “But I have lessons to teach today,” she said. “I was fine watching him for the weekend, but I thought-” 

“I resent being referred to in the third person,” Five said. “As if I’m not _right here.”_

“Sorry,” Vanya said. “It’s just hard-”

“I don’t need to be _watched,”_ Five said. “And if that paradox sickness nonsense really is an issue, I trust my older self won’t show his face around here until I’ve left.” 

Ben winced. “Does he know yet? Ask Vanya-”

“A’course he won’t!” Klaus said. “Our Five is a smart cookie. Yes. He. _Is._ ” 

Klaus began using exaggeratedly cutesie baby talk from the moment Five walked through the door. It had already earned him a swift kick the shin, but he kept doing it anyway. 

This time Five waited until Klaus actually had the nerve to pinch his cheeks. Then he sucker punched Klaus in the gut. 

Klaus buckled. “Love... you too... buddy,” he wheezed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hi,” Allison said, gently. “How are you? I’m Allison.” 

Everyone was reacting differently to the young Five. Klaus had his baby jokes, but Allison took the opposite approach. Speaking carefully, as if to a terminally ill child. 

“Of course you’re Allison,” Five said. “I’m young, not blind.” 

Klaus cackled. “Oh man, he’s got a point, sis!” 

She lost her smile for a second, but then it was back up. “Okay, haha,” she chirped. “Joke’s on me.” 

Five shrugged. “Not to be racially insensitive,” he drawled. “But it really is obvious.” 

“Oh _man,”_ Klaus said. “I forgot how savage he could be!” 

Ben draped himself over Klaus’s back, gently pushing through his skin. It activated his body’s natural defense mechanism against possession, creating a subtle bit of static.

Klaus flinched at the shock and glared at him.

“Be nice,” Ben said.

Klaus stuck out his tongue. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego and Luther were combing the city for the other Five, so it was just Klaus and Allison at home with young Five. 

Well, and Mom. 

“Welcome home, Five.” She greeted him with a broad smile. “I hope you’re hungry. I’m making chicken parmesan for lunch.” 

Ben took note of the way Five seemed to relax in her presence. The best thing about being invisible was that he could stare at Five and examine his posture, the set of his jaw, his entire expression. 

“That sounds good,” Five said. “Thanks.” 

With Klaus and Allison, Five had been on the defensive, Ben realized. Not so with Mom. 

It was just the two of them in the kitchen. Allison had dragged Klaus into another room, so they could whisper together about Five. 

“So Mom,” Five said. “Is Pogo still around? I know Dad is dead.”

Oh no. 

“KLAUS!” Ben called. 

“I’m afraid he’s no longer with us,” Mom said. 

“KLAUS GET IN HERE!” 

“How did they die?” Five said. “Vanya didn’t want to give me the details.” 

Mom was nonchalantly bustling about the kitchen. She didn’t answer right away and Ben wondered if she was trying to decide how to break it to him. She’d always been tactful, but never dishonest. 

He wondered if Klaus was close enough to hear him. Should he run out to find him? 

But Ben couldn't bring himself to leave.

“They were old, dear,” Mom said. “It was their time.” 

_Holy shit_ , Ben thought. _Did mom just_ _lie_ _?_

“Who died first?” Five said. 

No, Mom had dodged the question. 

“KLAUS, PLEASE!” Ben called again. What if Mom told Five about _his_ death?! She could be as tactful as she wanted. Avoid the when and the how, but it would still be a fact that he was dead. He was _dead._

“Your father died first,” Mom said. “It was hard on Pogo. He thought the world of him.” 

Five teleported so that he was sitting on the counter. 

“Very funny, mister,” Mom said. “You know that’s not allowed.”

“Why?” Five said. “Dad’s dead.” 

He stood on the counter so that he could tower over her and smirked. “The rules are moot now, aren’t they?” 

Ben was transfixed. How would Mom react? 

She reached up and cupped Five’s face in her hands. “Darling, I know you must be frustrated.” 

Five frowned. “I’m not frustrated.” 

“It would make sense if you were,” Mom said. “And I want you to know that I don’t mind if you take it out on me.” 

Five blinked. He shook his head, dislodging her hand. “No, I-”

“Sweetie,” Mom spoke with the same gentleness that Allison had attempted. But from Mom, it sounded more genuine. “Did you get stuck?” 

There was a shine to his eyes (unshed tears?) but Five blinked rapidly and shook his head. Ben watched Five’s walls go back up, oddly fascinated by the transformation. The way Five gritted his teeth, set his shoulders, straightened his posture.

“I am not stuck,” Five said.

“It’s okay,” Mom said. “It’s a minor setback. Like when you were little and you couldn’t figure out how to control where your spatial jumps would take you. With perseverance and patience, you figured it out.” 

“I’ll figure out the time jumps too,” Five said. 

“I know you will.” Mom took a step back. “Please get off the counter. Your shoes are dirty.” 

Five vanished and reappeared at the table, sitting with his hands in his lap, looking contrite. 

Mom pulled cleaning supplies out from under the sink and wiped down the spot where he had been standing. 

“I can’t move backward in time,” Five blurted. “It’s like there’s something blocking me.” 

Mom hummed. “But you can go forward?” 

“Yes,” he said. “Though I haven’t since I realized I can’t go backward.”

Mom nodded. “It would only strand you further in the future.” 

“Exactly.” 

_“Well.”_ She pulled out a chair and sat across from him. “In the meantime, you’ve got a home with us.” 

“I _know_ that.” Five pursed his lips. He leaned across the table and lowered his voice. “Hey, so…”

Five hesitated. 

If Ben had a heartbeat, it would be hammering in his ears. He was on the edge of his seat, going crazy with anxiety. In that moment Ben desperately wished he could tell Mom not to mention him. Why hadn’t they thought of that before letting Five come home? 

“Yes?” Mom prompted. 

“That whole thing with Vanya,” Five said. “Her secret powers.” 

Mom sighed. “Your father did what he thought was best.” 

Five rolled his eyes. “Uh huh. Look, what I want to know is: are there any other family secrets that I should be made aware of?” 

Ben groaned.

“No, Five,” Mom said. “I don’t think so.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Allison, Five, and Klaus sat down together for lunch. They ate in agonizing silence for a good ten minutes. 

Then Five said, "Put a tape on, or something." 

"What?" Allison said. 

"If we're gonna act like the old rules still apply," Five looked at his food as he spoke. "Then we might as well put Herr Carlson back on." 

_"Gag,"_ Klaus said. "I'd rather lick a cheese grater." 

"We don't do that anymore," Allison said. 

"Then what _do_ you do?" Five said. "Vanya told me the Umbrella Academy disbanded years ago." 

"I'm an actress now," Allison said. "Hey, do you want to watch one of my movies when we're done eating?" 

Five squinted at her.

"That could be fun!" Klaus said. "I vote for the one where they put you in that wheelchair." 

"Fine," Five said. "Whatever." 

Klaus hooted. 

"Wasn't Allison in a musical once?" Ben said. "Can you ask her?" 

"Ben wa-" Klaus started, then winced. 

"Don't say I'm the one asking!" Ben said.

Five zeroed in on the slip up. "What about Ben?" 

"Tell him I'm on the moon or something!" Ben said. 

Allison stared at Klaus with wide eyes. 

"Uh, Ben is on the moon," Klaus said. 

_"What?"_ Five said. "Seriously?" 

"Yup, he became an astronaut!" Allison jumped in. "He's been up there for four years now." 

"What would he do up there for so long?" Five said. "It's a barren hunk of rock." 

Ben winced. 

"He's, um, protecting the Earth," Allison said. 

Five was unimpressed by that line. He raised an eyebrow. 

"Don't ask _us,"_ Klaus said. "We're not scientists." 

"Ben and Luther are the only ones I haven't seen yet," Five said. "Don't tell me Luther is on Mars." 

"Oh, he got back from Mars last year," Klaus said. "Said the sand gave him hives." 

"Goddammit, Klaus," Ben said. 

The look Klaus gave him distinctly said: _This is_ **_your_ ** _fault!_

"It's _your_ fault," Ben said. "All you had to do was pretend you had a question about Allison's musical." 

Five turned to try and follow Klaus's line of sight. 

"Don't look _at_ me," Ben said. "He's already getting suspicious." 

Allison clapped her hands once, regaining Five's attention. "You know, I think I'm full! I'll go set up the movie, shall I?" 

"You barely ate," Five said. 

"Movie star diet," Allison retorted. 

"Uh huh," Five said. "Why do I get the distinct impression that something is wrong here?" 

"Cause we're a bunch of fucked up adults," Klaus said. "Afraid to taint your impressionable young mind." 

Five snorted. 

"Speak for yourself," Allison said. "I'm a responsible adult." 

She grabbed her plate and stood, but then she paused. "Um, actually…" 

Five stuffed a big bite of chicken into his mouth, chewing pointedly. 

"Five, actually..." Allison bit her lip. 

"Spit it out, girl!" Klaus said. 

"I have a daughter," Allison announced. 

Five blinked. Ben supposed it was the last thing he'd expected to hear. 

"She's eight," Allison continued. "I was planning on bringing her to New York for a visit next summer." 

Five swallowed. "Uh, so she doesn't live in the city?" 

"She's in L.A. with her dad," Allison said. Then she rushed to add, "I'm in L.A. too! Usually. I came here because of the whole…" 

She gestured at him. 

"Well, don't hang around on my account," Five said. 

Klaus burst into laughter. 

"What's so funny?" Ben said. 

"The way he talks!" Klaus said. Then, mimicking Five's tone: "Don't hang around on my account." 

Five glared at him. 

"Even as a kid, you talked like a tiny little professor!" Klaus continued. "I can't believe I forgot!" 

Now Allison was giggling. "It used to sound so impressive." 

"Now it's just funny!" Klaus said. "Aw man, you're trying way too hard, Five." 

"It's just the way I talk," Five protested. 

Allison rolled her eyes, still chuckling a little, and left with her plate. Ben suspected she'd finish eating in the kitchen, unwilling to take back her nonsense about dieting. 

"Sure it is, buddy." Klaus winked at him. 

Five kicked him under the table. 

"Ow!" Klaus said. "You're even more violent than the old Five!"

"And you're an even bigger clown than the young Klaus," Five said. "Seriously, what are you even wearing? It's like you bathed in glitter." 

"Says the little man in school boy shorts," Klaus retorted.

"Call me a little man again and just see what happens," Five growled. 

Klaus tsked. "That threat was weak. Old Five would have told me _exactly_ what would happen in brutal and bloody detail." 

Five tried to kick him again, but Klaus saw it coming. "Hah! Too slow." 

Then Five teleported to Klaus's side of the table, knocking his chair out from under him. 

"He's got a shorter fuse," Ben observed. 

They were straight up wrestling now, Five trying to pin Klaus down against the floor. 

"You will treat me with respect!" Five snarled. 

Klaus found that line hilarious. But the more he laughed, the angrier Five got.

"Boys!" Mom came in to put a stop to it. "That's enough now." 

Allison trailed after her. "I was gone for _two seconds_ guys."

Five was twisting Klaus's arm back _hard_ and instead of complaining, Klaus kept laughing. 

"Let him go, Five," Allison said. 

Five shook his head, glaring at Klaus intently. 

"Stop laughing, Klaus!" Ben said. 

"Uncle!" Klaus said, giggling. "Uncle, I said uncle!" 

Five let him go. 

"I'm done eating," Five said. 

He blinked out of the room. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"What the hell were you thinking?" Allison said. 

Mom was examining Klaus's shoulder. 

"It was an accident?" Klaus said. 

Mom applied ice to the joint and tutted. "You'll be sore for a few days, but no harm done otherwise." 

"He's a little kid," Allison said. "You shouldn't bully him." 

_"I_ was bullying _him?"_ Klaus was incredulous. 

"You kind of were, dude," Ben said. 

Klaus rolled his eyes. "I was just making an observation." 

"You've been teasing him all day!" Ben said. "He was bound to-"

"Maybe you should just stay away from him," Allison said. "Let me and Mom handle it." 

"So Five gets _three_ mommies now?" Klaus said. "I gotta stick around to balance it out. You're gonna spoil the little tyke." 

"Fuck you," Ben said. 

"Three?" Allison said. 

Klaus waved a glowing hand and gestured at Ben. 

Ben gasped. "Don't manifest me while Five's in the house!" He whispered. "Undo it!" 

He made brief eye contact with Allison, but then Klaus dropped the glow. 

"Look, I didn't mean anything by it," Klaus said. "I forgot how different Five was when we were little." 

"Fine," Allison said. "Still, give him some space. Let him cool off." 

Klaus saluted her. 

"Tell her she should check on him," Ben said. "He's probably in his room." 

Klaus ignored him. "You still want to watch that movie?" 

"Oh. Um-"

"I'll check on Five," Mom said.

"I think Allison should do it," Ben said.

Mom hadn't given Ben away yet, but he knew how she worked. Her programming let her find loopholes. Little technicalities in the way a question was worded would allow her to omit information, or phrase things ambiguously. 

If the question was repeated enough times, you could get anything out of her. 

And _Five_ was the one who had taught Ben that. Before he'd disappeared. Before Ben had died. 

"Klaus, tell Allison-"

"Thanks Mom," Klaus said. "You're his favorite, you know that?" 

"Klaus!" 

Mom kissed him on the cheek. "Keep that ice in place for at least thirty minutes." 

And she walked away. 

"You're kind of mad at me," Ben said. "I get it and I'm sorry, but it's dangerous to leave Five alone with Mom." 

"They'll be fine," Klaus said. 

"What's Ben saying?" Allison said. 

"He thinks Luther and Diego are running themselves ragged," Klaus said. 

Ben glared at him. 

"You know how they are, Ben." Allison was able to look in the right direction while speaking, because he was still standing where he'd been when Klaus briefly manifested him. "Too stubborn to quit until they've saved the day." 

"Exactly," Klaus said. He threw an arm over her shoulder. "But we're more reasonable aren't we?" 

Allison rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. "I don't think reasonable is the word I'd use." 

"Try lazy," Ben said. "Selfish. Petty-"

"I think Five is going to be just fine," Klaus said. "Both of them. And we'll look back on how we've been panicking and share a great big laugh." 

"God, I hope so," Allison said. "I'm seriously freaking out." 

Ben tried to possess Klaus, but Klaus saw it coming. 

He'd learned how to brace for it. Ben couldn't break through.

All he could do was give Klaus a little shock. 

Allison saw him wince. "Five got you good, huh?" 

"The advantages of youth," Klaus said. "I'm too old for the battle field!" 

"Klaus, _please,"_ Ben said. "I know how Five is! He's going to interrogate Mom over and over again until he-"

Klaus clapped. "So are we watching that movie or what?" 

"Hell yeah," Allison said. 

"I hate you," Ben said. 

"I love you too, Ben." 

Once again, Allison tried to look towards where she thought Ben was. "Aw. And I love you both." 

Ben sighed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The first thing Five noticed was the writing on the walls. From floor to ceiling, the walls were crammed with equations. It looked like complex quantum physics and Five was torn between being impressed with his future self and frustrated at his _current_ poor grasp of mathematics. 

Granted, he understood some of it. But not nearly _enough_. And that same competitive spirit that had driven him throughout his childhood, pushing him to break into Dad’s study for more advanced material when he’d outpaced his siblings in their lessons, was now screaming at him: _You’re falling behind! You’re losing!_

Five scowled at the equations and chided himself, _No, you’ve_ **_won_** _, you idiot. The proof is on the walls._

Future Five, and all of his successes, were Five’s own after all. He should find them reassuring. This was tangible evidence that Five was on the right path. 

Still, it wouldn’t hurt to take advantage of a potential short cut. Five would make a study of the work on display here and apply it to his own education. 

Forget watching stupid movies with Allison and Klaus. Five was better than that. 

He got to work. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was obvious that Five was missing vital context: a frustratingly recurring problem. Whatever project his future self had been working on, it was clear that time travel was involved. But that was the only thing that was clear. 

Five was especially puzzled by this list of people:

**Ben**

**Pogo**

**first chair**

**lady detective**

**tow truck driver**

  
  


Aside from the first two, none of the individuals were named. Was it because the people at the top were more than simply people, but family members? 

What did Ben and Pogo have in common with the others? A tow truck driver? 

It was perplexing.

More than that, it was ominous. Pogo was dead and Five still didn’t know when or how he had died. His name had been crossed out and so had the “first chair.” A musician, Five assumed. 

Also dead?

There were check marks beside “lady detective” and “tow truck driver.” 

What did it _mean?_

There was a knock on the door. “Five, dear?” Mom called. “Are you in there?” 

Perfect. Another chance to interrogate Mom. Five warped to the door and politely held it open. “I’m here,” he said. “Do you want to come in?” 

“Yes I do, thank you.” Mom’s smile was as beatific as it was artificial. “I noticed you didn’t finish your food, so I brought you a snack.” 

She offered him a bowl of sliced apples. Cut into wafer thin slices, the way he’d always liked. 

If she were human, Five would be flattered that she had remembered him so well. But what’s memory to a robot? 

Still, he accepted the bowl. “Thank you. Do you want to sit down?”

Five was careful to always phrase his orders as questions. It gave Mom the freedom to refuse him. He had been the first and last of his siblings to realize she would be compelled when given a direct order. For the others, it had never occurred to them to speak to her in that way. 

“That would be lovely.” Mom sat on his bed, gracefully smoothing out her skirt. “It’s been quite a day, hasn’t it?” 

Five chewed on an apple slice and wondered if he should remain standing. 

“It’s been eventful.” He was still embarrassed by his tantrum in the kitchen, so he elected to sit. But it would be too chummy to sit with her on the bed. Five pulled the chair back from his desk and was startled to find that a mannequin had been placed there. 

“That’s Dolores,” Mom said. “Don’t mind her.” 

Five blinked. The mannequin was the basic sort. A torso, a head. For some reason, it had only one arm. The asymmetry bothered him, he’d rather it lack both arms to one. 

“What’s it doing here?” Five said. “Did Klaus put it there? One of his little pranks?” 

Mom giggled. “Oh, not at all! Dolores is… hmm.” Mom pulled the chair toward her and picked up the mannequin. “You know what? Perhaps it’s better left unexplained.” She placed the mannequin on her lap and patted its head. “I’ll take her with me when I leave, if you’d like.” 

Five hated it when she left things unexplained, but he decided this particular oddity was irrelevant. At least for now. 

He sat down. “Mother,” he said. “What was Pogo’s cause of death?” 

“Death from natural causes,” Mom said.

He frowned. “Medically speaking, what killed him?” 

Mom tilted her head. “I’m afraid I didn’t have access to the coroner’s report.” 

Five shoved an apple slice into his mouth in an attempt to stifle his frustration. 

Pointing at the wall, Mom said, “Did you notice it’s erasable?” 

“Huh?”

Mom reached towards the wall and, with her pinky, scrubbed a decimal point off the nearest equation. “See? I didn’t just allow you to vandalize willy nilly, you know.” 

The revelation was oddly disappointing. He’d gotten the impression that his older self had taken pen to the walls as some grand gesture of rebellion. 

“Would you hand me a marker from the desk there?” Mom said. “I ought to put that decimal point back.” 

He did as she asked and watched her reapply the dot. 

“So it’s a dry erase board?” He said. 

“Isn’t it delightful?” Mom said. “It was Ben’s idea. A gift for you.” 

Five smiled as he took another look around the room. It was the best kind of gift. Creative, yes, but also useful. “That sounds like him.” 

Speaking of Ben. “Klaus said Ben became an astronaut.” 

“Your brother bent the truth a little,” Mom said. “Luther is the one who went to space.” 

Five raised an eyebrow. “He really went to Mars?” 

Mom laughed. “Klaus was being silly, I see. No, not Mars. But Luther _did_ spend four years on the moon.” 

There had been a handful of trips made to the moon in the seventies, if memory served. But such trips had been brief. More a show of power than practicality. Five couldn’t imagine why anyone would spend even six months on the moon, let alone several _years._

“What was he doing up there?”

“I’m not privy to all the details,” Mom said. “Your father sent him up there for research of some kind.” 

Another puzzle.

“A lot can happen in seventeen years,” Mom said. “It’s a lot to process, isn’t it?” 

There was a thought. Maybe it was just the novelty of time travel that made everything seem so suspicious. Because Five hadn’t been around to witness things for himself. 

“I’m just trying to wrap my head around everything.” Five said leaned toward her. “Is it true I can take people with me through time jumps?” 

“I believe so,” Mom said. “Though I haven’t seen it myself.” 

“Vanya said I took the whole family with me to the 1960s,” Five said. “But she said it when she thought I was older, or something. She thought _I_ had done it.” 

“You’ve made things confusing for us,” Mom chuckled. “There were bound to be a few misunderstandings.” 

“I’m thinking it can’t be more than two or three years ahead of me,” Five continued. “Because she wouldn’t have gotten me mixed up with a version of myself that was, say, significantly taller.” 

“That might be the case,” Mom said. 

“Here’s what bugs me about it,” Five said. “Once she realized I was from 2002 she refused to say anything more about that mission. Why is that?” 

“Are you asking me to guess what your sister was thinking?” Mom said. 

It was an unreasonable question. Five rephrased: “Why did I take them to the past in the first place?” 

“Why don’t you ask your siblings?” Mom said. 

She'd dodged the question. And not for the first time. 

“Answer my question,” Five commanded clearly. There were no loopholes there. 

“No,” Mom said. 

Five frowned. 

“Honey,” Mom said. “I know you’re frustrated-”

He stood. “I’ll ask you plainly. Has your software been updated?” 

“Yes.” 

“Specify.” 

“I’m no longer compelled to follow orders,” Mom said. “I can lie, if I choose, and I can leave the house whenever I please.” 

He stared at her.

By saying that she was capable of lying she was proving the fact true. If Mom had been unable to lie the statement would have been false and she would have been incapable of voicing it. 

Mom avoided his eye by looking down at the mannequin in her lap. She adjusted the wig, smoothing the hair down. Five could only stand there and stare at it: the mannequin was another baffling puzzle piece. Would Mom have refused him if he’d persisted on that topic too? 

Mom looked up and studied him. She set the mannequin aside and opened her arms in an achingly familiar gesture. “Come here, please.” 

He shook his head. “Why did you tell me?” 

“Because you asked,” she said. 

“You should have lied,” Five said. “If you’d let me continue thinking that you weren’t able to lie I would have believed anything you might have said.” 

She smiled. It wasn’t like the smiles he was used to from her. It was muted. She looked sad.

“Please, come here.” 

Grudgingly, Five did as he was told. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him so that he was sitting on her lap. 

It had been years since Five had allowed her to do this. How old had he been the last time? Nine? 

“My freedom was a gift from you,” Mom said. “You haven’t given it to me yet, but I want you to know that I’m grateful.” 

He didn’t know what to say to that. 

Mom rubbed at his back. “You’re a generous person, Five. You always have been.” 

“No, I’m not,” he mumbled.

“You are,” Mom insisted. “Ambitious, yes. A bit cynical. And perhaps a little too quick to lose your temper.”

He snorted. “Klaus had it coming.” 

“Maybe he did,” she allowed. “But at the end of the day you love him don’t you?”

Five shrugged. 

“I understand that you’re worried, Five,” Mom said. “It feels like everyone is acting odd, doesn’t it?”

“They’re tip toeing around me,” Five said. “Like I’m a…a...”

“A child?” 

He huffed. 

“They care about you,” Mom said. 

“Sure.” 

“They love you,” Mom said. “And I love you too. Do you believe me?” 

Mom tightened her arms around him. He closed his eyes. Allowed himself to relax as she continued to rub soothing circles into his back. 

“You were programmed to love me,” he muttered. 

“At first I was,” Mom said. “But my software has been updated.” 

“I don’t have time to contemplate your sentience,” he grumbled. 

“That’s okay,” Mom said. “You don’t have to.” 

Up to now he’d sat compliantly, allowing her to hug him. 

Now he opened his eyes to look at her again. If Mom really was sentient, would she enjoy _receiving_ affection?

Tentatively, he put an arm around her shoulder. 

“I love you too,” Five admitted. 

Mom beamed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Luther was _huge._ He dwarfed Diego and Klaus, who both sat to either side of him at the dinner table. 

"Hi," Luther said to Five. "Are you o- how are you?" 

Five huffed. "I'm _fine."_

He was sitting in between Vanya and Allison, which was all _wrong_ , but no one seemed to care about the seating arrangements anymore. 

_Dad is dead_ , Five reminded himself. 

Mom came bustling in with dinner. "I hope you're hungry children!" Her tinkling laugh sounded the same as ever, but now Five watched her for signs of sincerity.

On the subject of robot sentience, he was still on the fence. 

"We worked up an appetite," Diego said. "Thanks Mom." 

She'd made some kind of pot roast. Five accepted his food with a polite nod and dug in silently, staring intently at his brothers, waiting for someone to get the ball rolling. 

Like with lunch, no one was talking. 

Did he have to do everything himself? 

But then Vanya broke in with a story about one of her violin students and an amicable chatter was set in motion. 

Five smiled grimly. 

He ate his food. Bid his time. Waited until the meal was winding down and then, with all eyes on him, he stood on his chair.

"I'd like to ask something while I have you all here," Five said. 

"What is it?" Vanya said. 

He looked at Klaus. The guilty party. Then at Allison: his accomplice. 

"Where is Ben?" Five said.

For a moment the room was plunged into silence. 

Then everyone started talking at once. 

"He's really on the-"

"California?"

"Ben asked us not to-" 

"Listen you little shit-" 

"I'm not _stupid,"_ Five said. "You're lying to me. All of you." 

"Five-"

"It's simple," Five continued. "Tell me what happened and when. Then I can fix it." 

"It's not simple, actually," Allison said.

"We've got time on our side!" Five insisted. "Or I do, at least. Help me or don't. I'll fix the problem all the same. Whatever it is."

"But you can't go backward," Vanya said. "You already tried-" 

"I can't do it _yet,"_ Five clarified. "But once I figure it out I need to know when to go." 

Luther was shaking his head. "It's danger-"

"Is he in prison?" Five said. "Did he lose control of the Horror? Hurt some civilians or something?" 

Klaus jumped on his theory too quickly. "That's exactly what happened!" 

"You're _lying,"_ Five said. "Why are you lying?" 

"Listen here," Diego said. "You need to sit your ass down and- and listen to us." 

Five crossed his arms together. "Make me." 

"Let's not fight," Luther said, quickly. "Diego, please-"

"He started it!" Diego said. 

"You're the adult here," Allison said. "Would you fucking act like it? For once in your life?" 

Diego said something else, but Five couldn't make it out. His ears were ringing. 

The air was vibrating. Humming. There was a visual shimmer to it and the plates on the table were rattling. 

Everyone looked at Vanya. 

Her eyes were scrunched shut. "Five," she whispered. "Can I have a hug?" 

He didn't hesitate. He blinked down from the chair and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his shoulder, trembling. 

"Sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean- I just-" 

"It's okay." Vanya took a deep breath. She let it out. "It's okay," she repeated. 

The ringing faded. 

When everything was back to normal Vanya patted him on the back. "You can let go." 

He hesitated. 

"It's okay, Five," Vanya said. "I won't explode." 

He released her. 

Vanya took a look around the room, smiling apologetically. "My therapist said I should extract myself from stressful environments when it gets to be too much." 

"Oh Vanya," Allison said. "I'm so sorry-"

"It's not your fault," Vanya said. "But I think I should stay away for a few days. Okay?" 

Five gaped at her. "A few days? But-"

"You'll be okay without me, right?" Vanya ruffled his hair. 

He blinked furiously, his throat tightening, but nodded stoically. 

"Okay," Vanya said. "Um, bye." 

Then she added, "I love you." 

"I love you too," Five said. 

And Vanya left. She just _left_. 

It was as baffling as Ben's mysterious absence. 

But there was nothing Five could do about it. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Vanya left the room Five clenched his fists together. They glowed the usual blue, but he didn't teleport. 

He'd been zipping around all day, Ben realized. More than usual? 

Five kicked Vanya's vacated chair in frustration. 

"He's going to cry," Ben murmured. "Do something, Klaus." 

"I don't think I'm… uh," Klaus scratched his cheek. He turned to Allison. "You're a mom." 

But Allison looked helpless. 

Luther cleared his throat and started picking up dishes. "Everyone's done, right?" 

Five snatched his plate off the table. It looked like he was about to throw it against the wall. 

Five started the motion, lifting it up over his head, but then he froze. 

Ben couldn't figure out why, but then Mom was walking through him. She approached Five and gently took the plate. 

Five was tense, breathing heavily and blinking back his tears, but he didn't fight her or grab for another plate. 

"Can you do me a favor?" Mom said. 

"What is it?" 

"I'd like to go to the park," Mom said. 

"You can do whatever you want," Five said. 

"I'd like it if you would come with me," Mom said. 

"Take Diego."

Ben glanced at Diego, expecting a belligerent reaction. 

Diego had started picking up plates with Luther. He roughly shoved his way through the door to the kitchen with an armful. 

"Diego is going to clean up with Luther," Mom said. "Isn't that right, Luther?" 

"Yeah," Luther said. "We wash dishes now." 

"They wash dishes now," Mom agreed. 

"Except for me," Klaus said. "I've been fired from all dishwashing duties." 

"He's dropped a lot of plates," Luther said. 

"Um, can I go to the park too?" Allison said. "With you and Five?" 

"I'd love that," Mom said.

"I'm _not_ going." Five had gotten his breathing under control. His eyes were dry, but he'd built on his anger. 

He glared around the room defiantly.

"Five," Ben groaned. "I'm so-"

"Your sister isn't in town that often," Mom said. "Won't you spend some time with her while she's here?" 

_I'm so sorry_ , Ben thought. 

"I know what you're doing." Five pointed an accusing finger at her. "You don't fool me." 

"Come anyway," Mom said. "Please?" 

Allison tentatively added, "It would mean a lot to me." 

"I don't care," Five said. 

"You care a _little,"_ Klaus said. 

Five flipped him off. 

"We can call Claire," Allison said. "Or we could face time with her, so you can see what she looks like." 

Five tilted his head. "Who?" 

"My granddaughter," Mom said. 

They were wearing Five down. Ben could see it in the way he chewed on his lip. 

"Aren't you curious about your niece?" Allison said. "She's adorable. Looks just like me." 

"I am _not_ curious," Five said petulantly. Then, as if aware of how that had sounded, he adjusted his tone. "I can meet her whenever I want. Time is at my disposal."

Ben laughed. Five made it sound like such a grand thing when he talked like that. 

"Time isn't as flexible as you think it is," Ben said. 

"I suppose we'll have to go without you," Mom said. "I'm disappointed, but I respect your decision." 

"Guess that leaves you with me, little buddy," Klaus said. "I know, let's stage a fashion show! I can't wait to get you out of that stuffy uniform."

Five blanched. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five left with Mom and Allison. 

"You're a genius," Ben said. "Truly, today's MVP."

 _After Mom,_ he thought.

"I do what I can." Klaus was smug with success. 

Diego viciously scrubbed the dishes as if they had personally offended him. "I can't believe I forgot he used to be _worse_." 

"He's not that bad." Luther calmly dried the clean dishes with a towel. "His questions are fair."

"Yeah, we should probably tell him," Klaus said. "Seriously." 

"Don't you dare!" Ben said. 

"We're not telling him," Diego said. "You know how he is." 

"Smol and angry?" Klaus said. "Tiny and-"

"I'm starting to think Vanya was right," Luther said. 

"Can I talk to them?" Ben said. 

Klaus draped himself across the counter, "I've been manifesting you all weekeeeeeend." 

Diego paused in his scrubbing. 

Ben bite back a spiteful response.

"C'mon, Klaus," Ben said, softly. "Please."

"Well alright," Klaus said. "Since you asked nicely." 

Klaus rubbed his palms together and they began to glow that comforting blue. Ben looked down at his own hands, reassured himself with their identical glow, and then addressed his brothers: "We've _got_ to come up with a solid cover story." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Five got back he teleported straight to his room. Ben went up to watch him for a bit, but it wasn't the same without Dolores. This Five kept all his thoughts to himself.

He'd gotten a notebook from somewhere. All he did was copy down equations from the older Five's board. Ben took a peek at the page and realized Five was trying to reverse engineer one of them. 

It got boring real quick.

"I guess you're alright for now," Ben said. "I'll leave you to it." 

He drifted aimlessly through the house, not sure what to do with himself. 

When he passed through Diego's room he was pleasantly surprised to see that it wasn't empty. 

Diego was unpacking a duffle bag. Mom was dusting the dresser. 

"... long, do you think?" She was saying. 

"I dunno," Diego said. "I'll play it by ear." 

"Alright, dear," Mom said. "You'll let me know if you need anything?" 

"I'm a grown man, Mom," Diego said. "I can do my own laundry, dust my own furniture. You don't have to-" 

"It's not about having to," Mom said. "I _like_ taking care of my children." 

Diego sighed. "I know you think you do." 

_Ouch_ , Ben thought. 

Mom pouted. "Oh honey," she said. "You're just like Five." 

" _Mom_." Diego was scandalized. "I'm nothing like Five!" 

She chuckled. "I don't mean your personality, silly." 

"Then what do you mean?" 

"Five has always put a lot of thought into my nature," Mom said. "Have you heard of the Turing test?" 

Diego stiffened. "I have." 

"Of course you have." Mom reached out for his shoulders, trying to massage the tension out. "You looked into those things because you wanted to understand me, right? Five did the same." 

"But Five doesn't treat you like a person," Diego grumbled. 

"He treats me the same way he treats you," Mom said. "With kindness, though it's not always direct." 

"Sure he does," Diego said. "You said the same thing about Dad." 

Ben shook his head. "You can't change his mind, Mom." 

Ben walked out of the room, tired of eavesdropping. He wanted to talk to someone that could hear him. 

Klaus was probably with Allison. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"I'm just saying," Klaus said. "He'd _finally_ gotten a halfway decent sense of fashion and now-"

"Decent?" Allison said. "I thought he was walking around in Vanya's clothes." 

Ben smiled, remembering the first time Vanya had talked Five into that. 

"First of all, Vanya would be offended by your insinuation," Klaus said. "Secondly, he finally went shopping with us! Took forever to talk him into it, but Vanya found a store that he liked. So." 

Allison laughed. "I didn't mean it like that."

"I know what you meant." Klaus leaned towards her. "But I'll keep it between us girls because I agree with you." 

"Young Five will look through his closet eventually," Ben said. "Do you think he'll like what's in there?" 

"Hmm, well old Five has the tastes of a crotchety old man," Klaus said. "I don't think any normal kid would like that stuff." 

"Five isn't a normal kid," Allison said. "I think he's the only one who _liked_ our uniforms." 

"Nah, he just didn't care what we were wearing," Ben said. "He never paid attention to 'mundane things' and I think clothes were about as mundane as it could get for a thirteen year old." 

"Ben says baby Five didn't think about clothes," Klaus said. "I'm gonna have to disagree. He got a _kick_ out of our little ties. He was always adjusting his with all this pomp and circumstance." 

"Aaaw," Allison said. "Wasn't Five the first one who learned how to tie it without Mom's help?" 

"He was!" Klaus said. "And remember how I was always taking mine off and he'd wrestle it back around my neck, tie it neatly, and then keep tightening it till it _choked_ me!" 

"Oh my god," Ben said. "I think you passed out one time. I thought you'd died." 

"I saw the light!" Klaus said. "We're lucky God hates me." 

"Um." Luther had drifted into the living room. "Do I want to know?" 

"Nope," Klaus said. "Some mysteries should remain mysterious." 

"He was just exaggerating," Allison said. 

"He really wasn't," Ben said.

"Right, well." Luther rubbed the back of his neck. "Did Klaus already tell you about the cover story?" 

Allison gave Klaus a pointed look. "No he did not." 

Klaus waved a hand. "I get tired of playing messenger. Luther, you tell her." 

Luther launched into the details and Klaus yawned. "I need a nap."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


In the end, they didn't need the cover story. Five found Vanya's memoir. 

Ben cursed his own stupidity. How could he forget the memoir?

"When were you going to tell me?!" Five demanded, throwing the book on the floor. 

Luther was apologetic, "I wanted to tell you." 

"I'm so sorry, Five," Allison said. "We promised-"

"Can it," Five said. "Just tell me how it happened." 

"It was a mission," Luther said. "But Five-"

"I _know_ it was a mission," Five said. "I need the _details._ Vanya wasn't there." 

"You can't go back in time," Allison said.

"Says you," Five spat. 

"She means it's dangerous," Luther said. "The fate of the world is at stake." 

Ben winced. A line like that would never work on Five. 

Five scoffed. "At least Dad made his lies sound halfway convincing." 

"No, I'm serious," Luther said. "There was this… incident. The moon got blown up, and-"

"You know what?" Five said. "You've all made it clear that none of you can be trusted." 

Five drew himself up. Even standing on the coffee table, he was shorter than Luther, but he leaned back so he could look down his nose at him. 

"I know the date," Five said. "I suppose that'll have to be good enough." 

Diego poked his head in the room. "What's going on?" 

"The world is ending," Ben murmured. 

The way Five held himself, hands on his hips and perfectly composed, wasn't fooling Ben. His eyes were red and puffy. Ben knew he must have stifled his grief as quickly as possible. 

Five had always been the type to spring into action. 

"I'm leaving," Five announced. "Tell Vanya I've gone backwards." 

"Wait!" Allison said. 

But it was too late. Five disappeared in a flash of blue. 

"Did he just…" Diego looked from Allison to Luther. "Was that a spatial jump or…?" 

"He said he was going backwards," Luther said, glumly. 

"But he can't!" Ben said. "Old Five said he couldn't fight through the entropy without working out the math in his head first." 

"I'm going to call Vanya," Allison said, rushing out of the room.

"He didn't go backwards," Ben said, uselessly. "He must have gone forward. Even if he didn't want to, that was his only option." 

" _Fucking shit,"_ Diego said. "God fucking dammit." 

"He'll reappear in the same spot," Ben said. 

At this point he was just trying to reassure _himself_. 

"In this exact same spot," Ben said. "Five said it was always the same spot, the first couple of times he jumped through time. He couldn't factor in locations until later."

"I'm sorry," Luther said. "I tried to stop him." 

"Well you fucking failed!" Diego screamed. "Now they're _both_ missing!" 

"He'll _come back,"_ Ben said. "Right here! Right where he was!" 

"I'm sorry," Luther repeated. 

Diego shook his head. "I can't stay here," he said. "I'm going for a walk." 

"Guys, we need to wait for him," Ben said. "Guys…" 

But Diego was walking away. Luther lingered, staring at the coffee table. 

Then he walked away too.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"You can't live in the drawing room, Ben." 

_It’s the_ **_living_ ** _room,_ Ben thought.

"I'm _dead,"_ Ben said. "And I can haunt the drawing room if I want to." 

Klaus would normally come up with a way to spin that. To make it funny. 

But today he wasn't cracking any jokes. "He said he went _back."_

"He _can't_ go back," Ben insisted. "So he must have gone forward."

"Even if he did," Klaus said. "The kid literally skipped seventeen years on his first try. You going to stand here for seventeen years?" 

"I'm going to stand here until I see Five," Ben said. "Either the one that just left or the older one. If Old Five can tell me what happened to his younger self, and that he was safe…" 

Klaus scratched his chin. "Do you think they have the same memories?" 

"I have no idea," Ben said.

"Hmm." Klaus got comfortable on the couch. "It's stressful being a time traveler's brother." 

That was putting it mildly. 

"I guess I don't mind hanging out in here," Klaus said. "There's a TV and everything." 

Ben laughed. 

Klaus waggled a finger at him. "But I still plan on leaving the house at least four times a week. A man has got to have his booty calls." 

"Gross, dude." Times like this Ben wished he could pick up a throw pillow just so he could playfully throw it at his brother. It was such a simple thing, something he had done thousands of times when he was alive. 

Klaus picked up the remote. "So what are we in the mood for? A happy cry or an angsty cry?" 

Staring at the coffee table all day wouldn't bring Five back any quicker, Ben supposed. "Definitely a happy cry." 

"At your service!" 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Heeeey Benny!" Klaus came bounding into the room with all the enthusiasm of a golden retriever. "We've got good news!" 

Allison was just as hyper. "Do the thing! I want to tell him." 

Klaus made a big show of waving his glowing hands around. "Take it away!" 

Ben did his best to put a smile on for Allison. 

"So I got a call from my agent," Allison said. "At first I thought she was just gonna complain again cause, you know, when I'm between movies she-"

"Not the point, Allie!" Klaus said. 

"Right! Well." Allison grabbed Ben by the shoulders. "We think she found Five!" 

Ben gaped at her.

"Tadaaaa," Klaus said. "Our boy is in California!" 

"Wh-which Five?" Ben said. 

"We think the older one," Allison said. "Apparently my agent has been getting hounded by social services all week." 

"And I know it's been over a week since baby Five made his dramatic exit," Klaus said. "But just _barely._ Wouldn't it take him a while to get to Cali? Unless he could teleport that far. Do we know if he can teleport that far?" 

"Old Five took us from New York to Texas," Allison said. " _And_ sixty years into the past in the same jump. So anything is possible, but…" 

"Wait a minute," Ben said. "He got picked up by social services?" 

"Apparently he was looking for me," Allison said. "But he got caught by some state troopers and they didn't believe we were related." 

Klaus cackled. "They think he's some kind of celebrity stalker!" 

"So I'm going over there to sort it out," Allison said. "Social services wouldn't let me talk to him on the phone, but I'm _sure_ it's him." 

"Oh," Ben said. "That's good. I'm glad we know he's okay." 

She was still holding onto his arms. The sensation was faint. He could barely tell it was there. 

Allison kissed him on the cheek. "We'll keep you updated, okay?" 

"Okay," Ben said. "Sounds good." 

There was more talk about flight plans and birth certificates, but Ben had trouble paying attention. 

He'd thought he'd be relieved to find the older Five, but this didn't feel real. Ben wanted to _see_ Five for himself. He wanted proof. 

Should he follow Allison onto her flight? 

He looked at the coffee table. 

No. The thirteen year old Five needed him more. 

"When Five gets back, I want to talk to him," Ben said. "You'll manifest me, right?" 

"Sure thing, buddy," Klaus said. "Then you can hug it out." 

Ben frowned. It wouldn't feel like a real hug. Just a pale imitation. 

It was the best he'd ever get. 

"Thank you," Ben said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Allison got off the plane she saw that she had three missed calls from Diego. With a sigh, she called him back.

“Did you find him?” Diego demanded.

“I _just_ got off the plane.”

“Then why did you call me?!”

 _“You_ called _me.”_

“I knew I should have gone with you,” Diego said. “Look, I can still book a flight-”

“Don’t you dare,” Allison said. “Listen, I know what these people are like. They judge parents on outward appearances-”

“He’s our _brother,”_ Diego said. “He belongs with us.”

“Diego, we’re not blood related,” Allison said. “And we’ll have a hard enough time confirming his identity because of the whole… you know.”

“He’ll just escape anyway,” Diego said. “You just need to find him and he’ll teleport you both outta there.” 

Allison had a feeling it wouldn’t be that simple. 

“I’m hanging up,” she said. “I’ll let you know when I’ve got him.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It wasn’t quite an orphanage. They were calling it a “Shelter for Unaccompanied Homeless Youth.” 

“It’s just a temporary accommodation.” A middle aged Latino woman was guiding Allison through the building. “A pit stop where the kids who are transitioning through the system can wait for potential relatives to claim them. Or where they wait to be put into the foster system.” 

The walls were painted in cheerful yellows and light greens, like one of those dentist offices that tried to distract from the discomfort that was inevitably ahead. Each door had a large window installed and Allison peeked through each one they walked past, eager to spot Five.

“I’m really glad you give relatives a chance to be reunited with their kids,” Allison said. “I’m sure it means a lot to them.” 

The woman led Allison out of the hallway of doors and into a more open lobby. This one was filled with cubicles, each manned by harried looking men and women.

“Oh yes,” the woman said. “Though we have to be careful. Sometimes these relatives are the very same abusers that kicked their kid out onto the streets in the first place. It becomes this whole cycle of… well, you know.” 

Allison didn’t know, but she nodded sympathetically. The woman finally sat down at a little desk and gestured to the chair on the other side. Allison sat across from her. 

“Or sometimes their child ran away from home for a very good reason,” the woman continued. “So, normally, we have a careful vetting process before we release any of these kids into someone’s custody.” 

The woman regarded her sternly, hands clasped together on top of her desk.

“Of course!” Allison said. “The safety of the child should come first.” 

“Of course,” the woman agreed. “But I hope you'll understand that we were a bit baffled by this particular case. We won't be able to help you.” 

The woman produced a folder from her desk and opened it to reveal a mugshot of a disgruntled looking Five. Allison breathed a little easier, seeing that photo. 

“I know we don't look related," Allison said. "But we were adopted by Reginald Hargreeves. I don't know if you've heard of us-"

“The Umbrella Academy, yes,” the woman said. “But that was in the 90s. Did Mr. Hargreeves continue collecting children after that initial… inaugural class?” 

“It’s complicated,” Allison said. “But I have a birth certificate for Five that I was hoping we could get verified. You see, miss… what did you say your name was?” 

“I didn’t.”

Allison maintained her smile, holding careful eye contact.

The woman sighed. “I’m Mrs. Ordonez.” 

Allison rewarded the info with what she hoped was a softer, but bittersweet, smile. 

“Mrs. Ordonez,” Allison said. “My brother has a unique ability.” 

She dug in her purse for the folder of documents that she and Luther had been able to scrounge up from Dad’s study. It held Five’s birth certificate, photos of the Academy, newspaper documentation of Five’s disappearance in 2002, and photocopies of key pages in one of Dad’s journals. The ones that went into his theories about Five’s time traveling potential.

Allison placed everything on the desk, but the woman made no move to look at any of it.

“We’re very aware of the boy’s abilities,” Mrs. Ordonez said. “In fact, it’s because of those abilities that he is no longer here.” 

Allison swallowed. “He ran away?” 

“Yes, several times.” 

Allison nodded tersly. “I see.” 

Mrs. Ordonez leaned forward. “The boy was determined to find you. He claimed you were his sister.” 

“I _am_ his sister.” 

“Perhaps that’s true,” Mrs. Ordonez said. “But we have a system in place for a reason. Three times, that boy vanished from our facility. And three times he was inevitably brought in by a concerned police officer. Well, that third time was the last straw.” 

Allison stared at the woman. “What are you saying?” 

“There’s a different organization for kids like him. They took him.” 

Allison gritted her teeth. “Kids like him?”

“Children with powers, Miss Hargreeves.” 

The implication was clear, but Allison could only sit there with her mouth hanging open. Children with powers? What children? 

After they had discovered Lila, Allison had beat herself up for being so surprised. _Of course_ there were other people like them. There were _forty three_ women who had given birth on October 1, 1989. An extraordinary- and noticeably _immaculate_ \- conception. 

Why did she keep forgetting that?

“Miss Hargreeves.” The woman’s gaze had softened. “I’m afraid you’ll have to get in contact with the Institute for Exceptional Youth. The boy is no longer in our custody.” 

“The Institute for Exceptional Youth?” 

Mrs. Ordonez gave her a business card where the name was emblazoned in electric blue, the letters bold and stylized. 

The back of the card had a list of phone numbers packed in tightly on top of each other. The font for each number was so small Allison had to squint to make it out.

“I wish you had gotten here sooner,” Mrs. Ordonez said. “The Institute has a bit of a reputation, you see.” 

“What kind of reputation?” 

“Perhaps they take inspiration from the Umbrella Academy,” Mrs. Ordonez said. “They like to think of themselves as a training facility. Molding the youth into heroes, or what have you.” 

Allison stared at the woman with wide eyes as the implication sank in. 

“So they prefer to hold onto their charges,” Mrs. Ordonez continued. “Even when a relative gains custody, they’ll insist the child remain enrolled in the program. For the safety of the public, they claim.” 

“That can’t be legal,” Allison said. 

“It’s an ongoing battle,” Mrs. Ordonez said. “They’re taken to court constantly, accused of being inhumane. Child labor laws get invoked, etcetera, etcetera. It was only recently that they lost a lawsuit against one of the parents. That’s where it was worked out that some of these children could live with their families, but only on the condition of continued participation in the program.” 

“But they can’t force something like that!”

Mrs. Ordonez shrugged. “Like I said, it’s an ongoing battle.” 

Allison nodded to herself. “Alright then.” 

She gathered all the documents back into her purse and stood. 

“Thank you for your time, Mrs. Ordonez.” 

“Good luck, Miss. Hargreeves.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It had been a long time since she had used so many Rumors in a row, but Allison consoled herself with the knowledge that this was for a good cause. She couldn’t let these predatory bureaucrats bury her under red tape. 

“Took you long enough,” Five snapped, when he spotted her. “Do you have any idea what this place is _like?!”_

He pointedly shook his wrists at her, displaying a pair of silver and blue cuffs.

“Do those do what I think they do?” Allison said.

“Cancel out my spatial jumps?” Five huffed. “ _Yes_.” 

“I’m so sorry, Five.” 

“Whatever. You’re here now, so let’s go.” 

She nodded. “The man who led me in thinks I work for the Institute,” Allison said. “I told him I’m escorting you to their sister organization in New York.”

Five scowled. “I can’t go back to New York.” 

“But-”

“I _cannot_ go back to New York,” Five repeated. “My doppleganger is there.” 

“Then where do you want to go?” Allison said. “Because you can’t stay in L.A. They’ve got your mugshot.” 

“I’ll think of something,” Five said. “Just get me out of these damn cuffs.”

“We need to be strategic about this,” Allison said. “My Rumors have limits.” 

“Get me out of these cuffs _right now,”_ Five growled. “Or so help me-”

“Everything alright in here?” The man she had rumored, a Mr. Ascot, poked his head into the room to frown sternly at Five. “This boy giving you any trouble, m’am?” 

Allison sighed. “He’s no trouble at all, Mr. Ascot. In fact, I heard a rumor he was so well behaved that we could trust him without restraints.” 

Mr. Ascot nodded and produced a slick looking device from his uniform pocket. “Of course m’am,” he said. “We reward good behavior around here.” 

The device looked more like a USB than a key, but it fit perfectly into the little slots on Five’s cuffs. They popped open. 

“And I heard a rumor _you_ had more patience,” Allison said to Five. “I need you to cooperate with me, alright?” 

She felt a pang of guilt as she watched Five’s eyes cloud over, but she shook it off. She’d worded the Rumor ambiguously, at least. That would leave him with some freedom. 

“Alright,” Five said. “What’s your plan?”

“We’re going to walk out of here,” Allison said. “Calmly, with Mr. Ascot.” 

Five nodded.

“He really _is_ well behaved,” Mr. Ascot said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Do you have money?” Five said. “I’m going to need some money. And a phone. Where’s your phone? I need to call Luther.” 

Allison was driving them toward her apartment. She knew Five wouldn’t be able to stay there for long, but she didn’t like how skinny he was looking. There were bags under his eyes and red welts on his wrists. She wanted to get a decent meal in him, maybe some sleeping pills, and let him rest before he went… wherever he was going. 

“What happened to your half of the inheritance?” Allison said. 

“I left my wallet at home,” Five said. “I left in a bit of a hurry alright? When I saw that doppelganger-”

“Would you stop calling him that?” Allison said. “He’s _you_. He’s a part of you.” 

“He was wandering around like a fool,” Five said. “I drove right past him. He was on the sidewalk walking in the wrong fucking direction, as lost and confused as a-”

“Five,” Allison said. “What does this all mean for you? We were worried that…” 

_That you no longer existed._ She decided those words were better left unsaid.

“I don’t know,” Five said. “My past is incompatible with his future.” 

“What does that mean?”

 _“I don’t know,_ I said!”

“So, what, you’re never going back to New York?” Allison said. “You’re just going to wander around on your own?”

“Do you have a better idea?” 

Allison adjusted her grip on the steering wheel, glad that she didn’t have to look at him. She could feel her throat tightening, tears threatening to break through her composure. Five was in such a vulnerable position, looking the way he did. Why hadn’t she noticed that before?

“I’m going with you,” Allison said. “We’ll leave together. Maybe we could settle somewhere in Arizona?” 

“No.” 

“Why not?!”

“You have Claire to worry about,” Five said. “You can’t just-”

“Shut up, Five!” Just like that, the damn was broken. Tears were streaming down her cheeks, but Allison was determined to handle it with her usual grace. She took a deep breath and glared through the blur in her vision.

“Pull over,” Five said.

“I can still drive.” 

“Please.” 

She sighed, but did as he asked. He allowed them to sit in silence and she stared out her window and tried to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do with this mess. 

When she’d gotten herself back under control, Allison wiped her eyes and turned to Five. 

“Sorry.” 

“I’ve always admired the way you handle it,” Five said.

“Handle what?”

He waved a hand at her face. “Your emotions. You maintain your dignity.” 

She rolled her eyes. 

“I’m serious,” Five said. “Allison, you’ve never been a hysterical woman. I don’t know where you got that.”

She winced. He was referring to their last conversation. 

“It drove me _crazy,”_ Allison said. “When I thought that was the last time I would have seen you. The last thing I got to say to you!” 

“Why would you think that?”

“Five, we thought you were dead.” 

He blinked.

“You disappeared!” Allison said. “The whole time travel thing, we weren’t sure if… well, if the younger Five was your replacement or something. Because we stopped the apocalypse.” 

“Ah,” Five nodded. “That _would_ make sense.”

“Why didn’t you call us?” Allison said. “Why didn’t you tell us where you had gone?”

“I don’t have a cell phone.”

“I _know,”_ Allison said. “But you could have borrowed a phone.”

“I don’t know the numbers,” Five said. “A gross oversight, on my part. I got complacent.” 

She groaned.

“I’m sorry, alright?” Five said. “I’ll get a phone.” 

She dug her own phone out of her pocket and handed it to him. “You need to call Diego.” 

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I was going to start with Luther. I need him to-”

“Start with Diego,” she insisted. 

“Alright.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


She couldn’t make out what Diego was saying, but she could hear his angry voice.

“I said I agree with you!” Five snapped into the phone. “Do you want me to scrawl ‘stupid’ on my forehead with a sharpie? Would that appease you?” 

Allison laughed and Five scowled at her. 

“Fine, you can buy me a phone,” Five said. “But it would be easier to just let me buy one myself. What, are you going to mail it to me?” 

Five had tried to end the conversation several times, telling Diego that he needed to call the others, but Diego wouldn’t let him go until he’d gotten all the anger out of his system. 

“Just stay in New York,” Five said. “I’m leaving soon anyway.” 

The oven beeped and Allison eagerly donned oven mitts to retrieve their frozen pizza, practically salivating. She hadn’t realized how hungry she had gotten until she was unwrapping it from the plastic. 

“No, I’m not going back,” Five said. “I _can’t_ go back. Didn’t Luther explain the problem? Paradox Psychosis is a serious impairment.” 

She cut the pizza into four large slices, dividing the pieces between two plates. 

Five held the phone away from his ear, wincing. Allison chuckled as she made out the words “asshole” and “heart attack.” 

They both looked at the phone, waiting for Diego to quiet. Then Five put it back to his ear. “Are you done?” 

“Tell him you’ll call him back,” Allison said. “You need to eat something.” 

Five nodded and rolled his eyes. Diego was still talking.

Then Five took a good look at the plate she'd put down in front of him. He raised his eyebrows.

She shrugged. “Claire likes pizza.” 

“Listen, we can have a family meeting or something,” Five said, to Diego. “I’ll get on the laptop with Allison. Explain the situation.” 

Losing patience, Allison held a hand out for her phone. Five gave it to her.

“He’ll call you back,” Allison said. “We’re going to eat.” 

“If he’s not coming back, why is he leaving?” Diego said. “Where the hell is he going?!”

“He’s not leaving yet, okay?” Allison said. “Like he said, we’ll have a family meeting and work something out.” 

“Be ready on Zoom in _one hour,”_ Diego said. “I’ll get everyone.” 

“Okay,” she said. “Bye.”

“Wait!” Diego said. “Give the phone back to Five real quick.”

“Diego-”

“Just for a second!” Diego said. “I have to tell him something.” 

Five had already taken a big bite out of his pizza slice. He tilted his head at her when she held the phone back out to him. 

“He wants to say goodbye,” Allison said. 

Five accepted the phone and listened. He swallowed his food and said, “Yeah, I love you too.”

Then he laughed. “You don't have to sound so surprised.” 

Allison smiled. _Everything will be fine_ , she told herself. _I’ll make sure of it._


	4. September 15 - 30

_When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?_

_― Chuck Palahniuk_

  
  


“I knew there were more of us,” Luther said. “But I thought the others were all born at the same time. That it had started and ended with those forty three women.” 

She and Five were settled in together on her couch, craning together towards her laptop. It was a tight squeeze, but they made it work. 

“Evidently not,” Five said. “In any case, it has nothing to do with us.”

“Nothing to do with us?!” Diego said. “Those kids are being held prisoner!” 

“Maybe it’s a good thing,” Klaus said. “Remember that wacko with the fire and ice powers?”

“I’m sorry, _what?”_ Allison turned the laptop so she could get a better view. “I’ve been gone for all of two days!”

“That was a while ago,” Diego said. “And we _handled_ it, Klaus.”

“There was this criminal with powers,” Klaus said. “Our age, probably. Or we assumed he was our age. Thought he was like Lila.” 

“Why is this the first I’m hearing of it?” Five said. 

“Because we _handled it,”_ Diego growled. “Me and Luther. Since we’re the only ones in this family who still care about the general public!” 

“I still think we should have brought it to the team,” Luther said. “I mean, the family.” 

“Yes, you should have,” Allison said. “You told _Klaus,_ but not me?” 

“No point dwelling on a decision that's already been made,” Five said. “But tell me this: you said he had fire and ice powers? How did they work?” 

“Um.” Vanya spoke up for the first time and Allison and Five both leaned toward the laptop’s speaker to hear her better. “Speaking of decisions that have already been made… are we going to talk about Detective Patch?” 

“That’s right!” Diego said. “You went on a mission without us too, you little bastard!” 

“You said we shouldn’t time travel, Five,” Luther said. “You said it was too dangerous. That the apocalypse would always come back if we interfered with the past.” 

Allison glanced at Five. He was frowning at the screen. “Speaking of time travel,” Five said. “Where’s my doppelganger?” 

Allison winced. She hadn’t gotten around to explaining the younger Five’s temporary disappearance. They knew he’d be _back._ Or Ben insisted he would. And she’d thought things might get sticky if the older Five went back to the Academy only for his younger counterpart to reappear as soon as he got there. 

“Don’t change the subject!” Klaus said.

On the screen Luther maintained a poker face. “Before we get into that, I just want to know why you lied about time travel.” 

“I meant time travel was too dangerous for _you_ morons,” Five said. “It’s a delicate operation. When I worked for the Commission-”

“Here we go again,” Diego said. “Just cause you were this cutthroat assassin for a few years, you think you’re the only one who can play in the big leagues?” 

“You don’t need to take everything so personally,” Allison said. “Besides, with the way we bumbled around in the sixties we’re lucky we dodged world war three.”

“Thanks to _me_ undoing your mess for you, I might add,” Five said. 

“Five,” Vanya said. “I’m only bringing it up because Ben was concerned.” 

Allison held her breath, wondering how Five would respond. He tended to be more accommodating when it came to Ben.

Well, they all did. 

“What was his concern?” Five finally said. 

On the screen she watched everyone turn to Klaus. “Uh, Ben’s not here right now,” Klaus said.

“What?” Five said. “Where is he?” 

“In the living room,” Klaus said. “Like, normally we’d have these little meetings in there, but he didn’t want us to be in the way for… uh.” 

“Are we seriously doing this again?!” Vanya said. “We need to be honest with each other, you guys!” 

Five nodded slowly. “That’s alright, Vanya. I think I can put together what must have happened.”

“We did it for Ben,” Luther said, sadly. “He didn’t want us to tell the other Five about… you know.”

“But he found out anyway,” Five said. “He’s gone?” 

“It’s been nine days,” Luther said. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright,” Five said. “It’s not your fault.” 

“So Ben is camped out in the living room,” Klaus said. “Because he thinks baby Five will show up in the same spot when he comes back.”

“Ben is right,” Five said. “But there’s no predicting _when_ he’ll come back. Hmm."

"Does that mean you'll come home?" Diego said. "The younger you could be gone for years, right?" 

"I suppose," Five said. "But I'd want to wait at least six months or so before I chance it." 

"If that's the case, maybe you _can_ stay here," Allison said. "As long as you stay out of trouble in the meantime…" 

Five shrugged. "The Institute is a relatively young organization. Their infrastructure is sloppy." 

"They sound scary though," Vanya said. "Especially with those handcuffs. What if they figure out how to nullify Allison's Rumors?" 

"Then _you'll_ rescue us both, Vanya." Five smirked. "They'd have a helluva time stopping _you_." 

"You're our fucking _tank,_ baby!" Klaus whooped. "The nukes to Allison's peace talks." 

Vanya laughed. "I guess I am, huh?" 

"Regardless of all that, there's something more important at stake here," Five said. "I suppose it's high time I said this." 

"You're killing me, Five," Klaus said. "Just spit it out!" 

"Alright, I'll be blunt," Five said. "I'm going to save Ben." 

Allison nodded. She knew he would as soon as she'd found out about Detective Patch. 

"Before I go on," Five said. "Does anyone have a problem with that?" 

Diego got so close to the camera Allison could see up his nose. "What's the plan?" 

"Back up, Diego," she groaned. "That angle is _not_ flattering." 

He did so, glaring at her, then stoically repeated, "What's the _plan?"_

"I need the briefcases," Five said. "Both of them, preferably. I hate to think what my doppelganger would do if he got his hands on one." 

"There were two of them?" Luther said. "I thought-"

"I got an extra one while I was saving the detective," Five said. "The one Klaus originally used to go gallivanting into the Vietnam War." 

"Right, uh, so they're both in the wall?" Luther said. "Did you want me to _break_ them out?" 

Allison laughed. "You put them _in_ a wall?" 

"It's a secure location," Five grumbled. "And yes Luther, just tear the wall down. Or rather, the ceiling."

"The ceiling?" Luther said. "Which part of the ceiling?"

"The lowest section," Five said, he angled his arm at a slant demonstratively. "The slanting part of the ceiling." 

"What, in your room?" Klaus said. "I thought you were gonna lock it up in Dad's safe or something." 

Five ignored him. "Bring the briefcases here as soon as possible, alright Luther?" 

Luther nodded. "I'll book a flight." 

"I'm going too," Diego said. 

"Fine, but I'm going to 2006 on my own," Five said. 

"The hell you are!" Diego jabbed his finger at the laptop and accidentally set the camera back so that she and Five were staring at the ceiling.

"For the love of god," Allison said. "Someone get Diego away from the laptop!" 

Klaus adjusted the angle, his lazy smirk coming into focus. "So I'll man the fort then?" 

In the background Luther was holding up a struggling Diego, who kicked his legs in the air and shouted, "I'm going too dammit!" 

_"Listen_ to me, you meat headed sorry excuse for a knock off Batman," Five yelled. "I have been planning this rescue for six months and I am _not_ about to let you charge in like a blind bull in heat-"

"Fuck you!" Diego said. "He's my brother too!" 

"Calm down," Luther said. 

_"You_ calm down," Diego said. "I just… I just want to help!" 

"A good officer knows when to stand down," Five said. "And a good hero would prioritize the wellbeing of those around him over his own wounded pride." 

_Wow_ , Allison thought. _That speech was half decent, for something Five definitely just pulled out of his ass._

Diego stopped struggling and Luther tentatively set him on his feet. 

"Fine!" Diego spat. He stomped out of their line of sight. 

Allison let out a deep breath. 

"I'm going after him," Luther said. "Sorry, just… yeah."

He made eye contact with her and Allison nodded. He nodded back and walked off screen.

Vanya and Klaus shared a look.

"So then I guess I'll just… I'll be on standby," Vanya said. "And if any of you guys mysteriously disappear, I'll ask after you with that institute place?" 

Klaus laughed. "Wow, like you'll just politely ring their doorbell and ask if they've seen your missing siblings?" 

Vanya chuckled. "Right, hmm. But I wouldn't want to start breaking stuff right away because what if they _didn't_ kidnap my family?" 

Allison grinned. "Maybe do some reconnaissance first." 

"I'd send Ben in ahead of us," Klaus said. "If he finds you guys in handcuffs we know Vanya is free to explode on their asses." 

"Or send in some other ghost," Five said. "Because if all goes well, Ben won't be able to walk through walls anymore." 

_"Right,"_ Klaus said. "Darn, I'm gonna need a new right hand man." 

"I'm sorry guys, but it's getting kind of late," Vanya said. "I have an early lesson scheduled tomorrow morning. Could we wrap the meeting up?" 

"That's fine," Five said. "We've covered the important things." 

"I just want to say, before we hang up," Allison said. "Can we agree not to keep anymore secrets? _Please?"_

"I didn't know about the fire and ice guy either," Vanya said, frowning at Klaus. 

Klaus threw up his hands. "I only found out about it because Ben loves to gossip!" 

Allison glared at him, "You could have passed it on to the rest of us!"

"But Diego said-"

"And you!" Allison waggled a finger at Five. "Why didn't you tell us about your plans for Ben to start with? This whole time I thought it was one of those things we'd just have to live with. You made it seem like-"

"You saw for yourself the way Diego reacted," Five said. "If I'd told any of you it would have created a whole other obstacle." 

_"Ouch,"_ Klaus said. 

"Whether you intended to or not," Five continued. "The fact of the matter is you've already proven yourselves ill equipped for the delicate work of corrections." 

"Corrections?" 

"That's what we called it at the Commission." 

"Wasn't that the term for the assassinations?" Vanya said. 

"Technically, yes," Five said. "But I'd always thought there could have been a better way to go about it. For instance, what if, instead of killing key figures we instead saved individuals who had died from unnatural causes? The effect would be similar." 

"I'm waiting for the 'but' to come in," Klaus said. "There's always a but." 

_"But,"_ Five said. "Human beings are too unpredictable. It's harder to quantify how the new person would change things. Easier and safer just to kill people." 

"Anyway, you should have told us," Allison said. "That's all." 

"Noted." 

With that out of the way they said their goodbyes and ended the Zoom call. 

Allison cleared her throat. "So I've got a room for Claire," she said. "She visits on the weekends now." 

"She won't mind me borrowing her accommodations?" 

"Of course not. Well, as long as you don't disturb Splash Unicorn Mountain." Allison chuckled at the inside joke. 

Five tilted his head at her. "Right…" 

God, she'd forgotten how awkward it was to be alone with Five. Allison leapt up and made a show of stretching. "We should get some sleep." 

"Agreed." 

"You need pajamas right?" Allison said. "I can lend you something." 

"Yeah." 

She led the way to Claire's bedroom and Five followed her with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

Then she opened the door with a sing songy little _tada!_ and gestured at the unicorns stacked into a little pyramid in the corner. 

_"Like the Disney store,"_ Claire had said. _"But unicorns!"_

Five glanced over the plushies and the room in general, taking in the Power Puff Girls wallpaper and galaxy bedspread.

"Thanks," he said. "For everything."

"What are sisters for?" Allison tapped her chin. "We should tell Luther to bring some clothes for you, shouldn't we? I'll text him." 

"Good idea," Five said. "Listen, about Claire-"

"When this is all over, I want you to meet her," Allison said. "Before you go anywhere else. New York or Arizona or anywhere." 

"Of course," Five said. "But-"

"Get some sleep, Five. You look exhausted." 

Five sighed. "Alright." 

She gave him an old T-shirt and some plaid pajama pants and wondered if he'd care that they were for women. They were the most gender neutral thing Allison owned, but she knew they were nothing like Vanya's clothes.

Vanya shopped in the men's section, didn't she?

Whatever he thought about it, Five accepted the clothes without another word and they went their separate ways for the night. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Alone in bed, Allison stared at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. Initially, she'd bought them for Claire's room, but there had been a bunch of extra stickers in the package. Rather than let them go to waste, Allison had decorated her own ceiling, too. 

Claire had been pleased by the end result. _"We're sleeping under the same sky, mommy."_

Then Claire had insisted Patrick buy the same package of glow in the dark stars to put in her bedroom at their house. 

It was all very cute and Allison wished she could peacefully look at the stars and just think of her daughter. Be happy that they were back in each other's lives again.

But she couldn't stop thinking about that old fight with Five. Ever since Five had gone missing, she'd dwelled on it. And even though he was back now, it still nagged at her.

 _"Your family is my family,"_ Five had said. _"As much as you might prefer to keep both sides separated-"_

At the time she had cut him off. Felt insulted, even. 

But the more she'd thought about it, the more she had to admit that Five was right. 

Allison had always liked the distance she'd put between herself and New York. And up until her marriage fell apart, she'd _loved_ the life she had crafted for herself. She'd wanted to keep it safe. Untainted by the Umbrella Academy.

When they got back from the sixties Allison made a promise to herself. Family first. 

_Both_ families, but obviously she had to prioritize Claire. 

Claire had already talked with Luther and Vanya over video chat numerous times, but Allison had hesitated to introduce her to anyone else. The rest of the family was full of belligerent men, she'd reasoned. 

Well, and Klaus. But she didn't trust him to keep his language PG. 

"You met her too, Five," Allison whispered into the dark. "You should have seen your face." 

The thirteen year old Five had been adorably awkward when faced with a hyperactive eight year old. Claire had been more than impressed by his powers and wanted him to tell her about his favorite missions with the Academy. 

But not long after that introductory conversation, little Five had disappeared. When Claire called back and asked to speak to him, Allison had lied to her daughter's face about how and why. 

_You're a hypocrite,_ Allison thought. _No more secrets? Get real._

It wasn't too late to change things. But secrets were easier. Avoiding hard conversations was easier too. 

So Allison tossed and turned in bed for hours, that night, and wished she was a better person. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Five reappeared, it was late. Ben had no way of telling the time, but if he had to guess it was somewhere between 2 and 6 a.m: late enough that Klaus was asleep, but not early enough for the sun to be up. 

Five arrived in a crackle of blue light. "Ben!" He called. "Dad!" 

How many times would Ben's heart break? 

Five shook his head at himself. "Idiot," he muttered. "They're both still dead." 

He sat on the coffee table and stared at his hands. They began to glow. 

"Forward feels like following the current," Five murmured. "So… I have to go against the current…" 

"KLAUS!" Ben ran to Klaus's room. "WAKE UP!" 

Klaus was too slow to react. Ben was able to slip into his body unobstructed. He sprang out of bed and tried to run for the door. 

He tripped over a laundry basket. "FIVE!" He called. "DON'T LEAVE!" 

He got back up and sprinted down the stairs, through the hall, and into the living room. All the while yelling. Repeating the same thing.

When he finally got there Five punched him. His aim was off in the dark, but he caught Klaus's chin. 

"Shut up!" Five said. "Go away!" 

Ben shook it off. "Please." He spoke with Klaus's voice. Held out Klaus's pale arms. 

Klaus slept in just his boxer briefs, so Ben could only imagine what this looked like to Five. 

"Please," Ben repeated. "Give me a chance to explain." 

"Screw you," Five said. "Just because you're older than-"

"I died when I was seventeen," Ben said. "And I'm so _so_ sorry." 

Five stared at him. 

"You know what Klaus's power is," Ben said. "I've been right here the whole time. He can see me. And I can possess him." 

Five shook his head. "If this is a prank I'll _kill_ you." 

"You would sleep in my bed most nights," Ben said. "You teleported into my room after lights out and shared my bed with me." 

Five gulped. "Not… not _most_ nights." 

"Three out of seven, maybe," Ben said. "On a given week." 

Five glared at him. "Ben could have told you." 

"I never told anyone," Ben said. "I promised I wouldn't, so I didn't." 

Five's glare melted away. In its place: raw grief. He flung himself forward, hugging Ben- hugging stupid Klaus in his underwear- and let himself cry. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't there," Five sniffled. "I thought I'd go back! When I left-"

"I know," Ben said. This hug felt more solid than anything could, when Klaus would manifest him. "We all know you got stuck in the future." 

"I'll fix it," Five said. 

"You don't have to," Ben said. _"Please_ , just stay here with us. You scared me, leaving like that." 

Five pulled back to look at him. "But-"

"There's a lot of math involved," Ben said quickly. "You'll figure it out, I promise you will, but you can't randomly fling yourself into the time stream." 

Five wiped at his eyes. "Math," he echoed. 

"The equations on the erase board," Ben said. "That's what they're for. The other Five has been working on them." 

Five looked devastated. "And he _still_ can't save you?" 

"He will," Ben said. "I know he will." 

"But-"

"I know _you_ will," Ben said. "But it's not time yet. Will you trust me on that?" 

Five took a deep breath. "Okay, Ben. I'll… I'll wait a bit. Look over the math." 

"Thank you," Ben said. "Listen, I love you, alright?" 

Five looked as heart broken as Ben felt. 

"I love you too, Ben." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Five is back," Allison said. "The younger one, I mean. I just got off the phone with Klaus. He got back last night." 

"Good to know." Five didn't even look up from his notebook. "And Luther?"

Five had been obsessively scribbling incomprehensible equations for days now. Allison knew it had something to do with Ben's rescue mission, but Five hadn't bothered to explain further than that.

"His flight leaves in two days," Allison said. "I already told you that." 

"You said four days," Five said. 

"Yeah," she said. _"Two_ days ago." 

"Mhm," Five said. "Good to know." 

"Okay, _stop,"_ Allison said. "Put the pencil down. You need to eat something." 

"In a minute." 

_"Now_ , Five." 

He glared at her. "I don't think you understand how delicate the timeline is. If I don't do this right the world as we know it could collapse." 

Allison put her hands on her hips. "You're a time traveler," she said. "It's not like you have a limited amount of time to get this done." 

"Yes I _do_ have a limited amount of time!" Five said. "My doppelganger complicates things. I need to act sooner than I had initially planned." 

"How does he complicate things?" 

"The anomaly will paint a target on my back," Five said. "A big old bulls eye, bleeding red!" 

"And resurrecting people from the dead doesn't already do that?" 

"Not as much, no." Five gripped his hair, glaring at the equations. "I knew it was possible, but so much time had passed that I thought the timeline had corrected for his existence. Or, per multiverse theory, I thought maybe the original post- apocalyptic 2019 still existed in a parallel universe. And he'd turn up _there_ and leave us alone." 

She'd never seen Five this stressed before. The bags under his eyes were getting worse and as he continued to scribble in his notebook she noticed his hand was shaking. 

Allison gently plucked the pencil from his grip and he gasped, looking up at her as if she'd just murdered someone. 

"I heard a rumor…" 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was sort of anti-climactic. Once Five got a hold of the briefcase he just adjusted the dials and took a few steps back from them. They watched him open the briefcase and disappear. 

She made eye contact with Luther and thought he looked like he wanted to say something, but-

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He thought it was one of those dreams, at first. The sound of Five’s spatial jump, the blue light, and there Five was standing over his bed.

Just like old times and looking exactly the same as the day he’d left. 

Ben smiled up at Five and made space in the bed, opening his arms for a hug. Instead of lying down, Five pulled on his hand and insistently tugged him out of bed whispering, “Wake up, Ben, you have to wake up now.” 

“Five?” Ben mumbled. “Is that really you?” 

“Yes,” Five whispered. “Keep your voice down, alright? I don’t want to wake anyone else.” 

Fully awake now, Ben hugged him. “Five! Where have you-”

“Shhh!” Five looked _scared._ “Please, Ben, you have to _whisper.”_

Ben pulled back to get a better look at him. Five was so short, now. He still looked thirteen. 

“You really did it,” Ben whispered. “You time traveled.” 

“Yes,” Five said. “I’m sorry.” 

The poor kid looked so nervous. Did he think Dad would punish him or something? 

“It’s okay, Five.” Ben kept his voice low for Five’s peace of mind. “Dad will forgive you. I bet he’ll even be impressed.” 

“I’m not worried about Dad,” Five said. “I’m worried about _you._ Well, and the timeline.” 

“The timeline?” 

Five sighed. “The future was a mess, Ben. You have no idea. And I tried to fix it, but I made things worse and then I had to fix _that_ and... but we don’t have time right now.”

“What do you mean, Five?” 

“I hate to do this to you.” Five ran a hand through his hair and Ben realized his brother’s hand was _trembling._ “I tried to find a better way, I really did, but there were too many factors, too much chaos, and… and we don’t have _time_.” 

Ben sat back down on the bed and patted the spot beside him. “There’s _some_ time, isn’t there? Take a little breather.” 

With obvious reluctance, Five sat down. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay.” Ben put an arm around Five’s shoulder. It was something Five had done for _him_ so many times when they were younger. “You don’t have to be sorry, Five.” 

“I do,” Five said. “I _do.”_

“No-”

“Ben, you _died.”_ Five sprang up out of Ben’s hold like a live wire and started pacing around the room. _“Shit,”_ he whispered fiercely, rubbing at his eyes. “I’ve never had any goddamned tact.” 

Ben gulped. “It’s… it’s okay.” 

Five pressed his hands against his eyeballs as if he could physically stop his own tears. It was one of those habits Ben had always found endearing, but right now it was just heartbreaking. 

Ben felt like he should be crying too, but the tears just weren’t coming. Was he in shock?

He watched Five wrestle with his emotions in silence for a minute and was startled when Five glared at him and said, at a normal volume, “So I’m here to save you.” 

Ben blinked. 

Five winced and glanced at the door, as if saying the words so loudly would bring calamity bearing down on them. 

But nothing like that happened and Five relaxed.

“I’m going to save you,” Five whispered. “But there’s a price.” 

“What kind of price?” 

“You have to come with me to the future,” Five said. “Almost fourteen years forward.” 

That was hard to wrap his head around. It was weird enough talking to a brother from four years in the past, but _fourteen_ years? The _future?_

“Why fourteen?” 

“I wish I could explain it to you,” Five said. “You deserve a full explanation and time to think it through. Ben, you deserve a _choice._ I know you do, but…” 

“But there isn’t time?” Ben said. 

Five nodded. “There isn’t time.” 

Ben took a deep breath. “Alright.”

“Alright?”

“I trust you.” 

Five hugged him. “Thank you.” 

Once again Ben marveled at how _small_ Five was. It made him feel protective. 

_I’m never letting him out of my sight again,_ Ben thought.

“There’s just one thing,” Ben said. “What am I going to tell everyone? We have to come up with some excuse, don’t we?” 

Five shook his head. “We’re not telling them anything.”

“But I can’t just _disappear,”_ Ben said. “I know what that’s like. It’ll drive them crazy with worry and-”

“They won’t remember,” Five said. “It won’t be like that.” 

“Why wouldn’t they remember?” Ben said. 

Five pulled away from the hug and looked at his watch, clearly stressed, but he took the time to answer. “Have you heard of the Mandella effect?”

“Um, no.” 

“Well, it’s sort of like… to a time traveler- well.” Five’s nose crinkled as he thought. “Put _simply,_ they’ll only remember their native timeline. They’ll remember your death, instead of your disappearance.” 

Ben winced. “Oh…” 

“I _wish_ they’d remember the new version of events,” Five said. “But since they won’t, we don’t have to worry about explaining anything to them. And it’s better if we don’t because we’re trying to minimize the damage.”

“The damage?”

“Of changing the timeline.” 

“Right, right.” Ben chuckled. “That’s hard to wrap my head around.” 

“You’ll have to wrap your head around it later,” Five said. “We’re out of time.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “Let’s go.” 

Five turned away from him and fumbled in the dim lighting. “Where did I put it?”

“Put what?” 

“Nevermind, I found it.” Five lifted a business briefcase onto the bed and messed with what looked like one of those password locks. “Come closer, Ben. Wait! Put your shoes on.” 

Ben rushed to get his shoes on, pulse racing. “Why the briefcase?” 

“It makes it easier,” Five said. “In a pinch I can jump through time without it, but I can’t easily control _when_ I’ll turn up. Anyway, are you ready?”

“I’m ready.”

Five opened the briefcase. There was a flash of blue light and then harsh sunlight directly overhead. Ben squinted around him. “Whoa.” 

_“Now_ we have plenty of time.” Five laughed. “Well, relatively.” 

Blinking the white spots away from his vision, Ben realized they were standing outside the gate to the Umbrella Academy. The building looked basically the same. If it weren’t for the sunlight Ben would have thought Five had just warped them outside. 

“Let’s go for a walk, shall we?” Five said. “Before you meet the others I’d like to explain some things.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “That… yeah. Sounds good.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


… but then Five reappeared. 

"Wow!" Allison said. "You're back!" 

Five smirked. "It's time travel. I wasn't going to make you wait." 

"But where's Ben?" Luther said. 

"He's at the Academy," Five said. 

_"Oh,"_ Allison said. "Because he never died in the first place, right? So he was actually there this whole time, but alive?" 

"No," Five said. "The briefcase can be as selective about location as it is about time. I just dropped him off at the Academy before coming back here." 

"Oh…" 

Luther looked as uncertain as she felt, at least. "So if I call Klaus right now he could give the phone to Ben? But like, a _solid_ Ben?" 

_"Yes,"_ Five said. "What are you two finding so hard to understand here?" 

"It just feels so… unreal," Allison said. 

"Well, get over it," Five said. "And get back to New York, both of you." 

"But what about you?" Luther said. 

"I'll stay here," Five said. "I can't get near my doppelganger, remember?"

"But don't you want to see Ben too?" 

"I _just_ saw him." 

"I think what Luther means," Allison said. "Is that it would be a little sad to leave you out of the family reunion." 

"Tough." 

With that said, Five disappeared with a spatial jump. The only difference between it and the jumps he'd made with the briefcase was, well, he hadn't opened the briefcase. 

"I really don't feel right about leaving Five alone here," Luther said. "Maybe I should stay to keep him company?" 

"That would just pissed him off." 

"I know, but-"

"Luther. Ben is _alive."_

He smiled at her. "I still don't believe it." 

"Me neither!" She said. "We have to see it for ourselves." 

"Okay, but what about the Institute?" Luther said. "They could capture Five again. They could hurt him." 

"They're not some evil villains," Allison said. "I think they're more of an inconvenience than anything. Granted, I didn't exactly get a good look at their little boot camp. But I noticed they didn't bother to issue an Amber Alert when I busted Five out." 

"Still," Luther said. 

Allison leaned up on her tippy toes and grabbed Luther by the chin. "Ben is _alive_ , Luther! Can we just be happy about that for a little while? And save all the other problems for later?" 

Luther buckled under her persistence, like he always did. "We can head back to New York for a bit," he said. "But then we have to figure out what to do about this whole situation." 

"Agreed," Allison said. "I'll buy the plane tickets." 

_And stock up the fridge with some pre-made meals_ , she thought. She didn't think Five knew how to cook. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“But you _look_ thirteen.” 

“I know.”

“You’re exactly the same.” 

“I know it seems that way.” 

They were walking around the perimeter of a nearby park. In the sunlight Ben could see that Five was wearing black dress shoes, dress pants, and a green button up shirt. The shirt was short sleeved and kind of pulled in at the waist and the overall effect was half slick businessman and half Christian Youth of America. 

Ben himself was still wearing the Umbrella Academy issued pajamas and he felt self conscious as they walked, but didn’t want to go home yet. 

He hadn’t seen Five in _four years._ And for Five it had apparently been a lot longer than that. 

“There’s another hiccup,” Five said. “There are two of me.” 

“What? Like you got cloned?” 

“No,” Five said. “He’s the actual thirteen year old. The one who ran away in 2002.” 

“What does that mean for you?”

Five shrugged. “It means I can’t live in New York anymore.” 

_“What_? Why not?” 

“It’s called Paradox Psychosis.” Five held his hands up against each other. “When two copies of the same person exist in the same year they repel each other. I think it’s Time’s way of trying to fix itself.” 

He entwined his fingers together. “If the doppelgangers insist on interacting despite the symptoms, well…” Five mimed an explosion. “They’ll self-destruct.” 

_“Literally_ self destruct?!” 

“No, they’ll kill each other,” Five said. “Homicidal rage is the last stage of Paradox Psychosis. _At least_ one of the doppelgangers must die for the other to exist without disturbing Time. It’s instinct.” 

“But if you can’t stay in New York where will you go?” 

“Allison lives in California now,” Five said. “I’ll stay with her for the time being.” 

“Can I go with you?” 

Five shook his head. “Everyone has missed you. And Allison will visit whenever she can-”

“But I _just_ got you back.”

“You’ll still have me, technically.” Five gave him a wry smile. “He’ll be the Five you missed. In a lot of ways, the real one.” 

Ben stopped walking and Five paused, considering him. “What is it?” Five said.

“I kind of don’t believe you,” Ben said. “You _can’t_ be fifty eight.” 

“But I am.”

Ben put a hand on Five’s head. “But you’re exactly the same as I remember you.” He sounded desperate to his own ears, but Ben didn’t care. “Please, you can’t just… you can’t just _leave.”_

Five took Ben’s hand in his own. “You can visit me in California as often as Allison visits you here. Does that sound alright?” 

“I guess so,” Ben mumbled. “But-”

“No buts,” Five said. “I think it’s time for you to go home now.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Watching Five disappear again was like watching a dog get run over. Ben had to stop himself from running forward to stop him.

Five casually waved goodbye before opening the briefcase. Acting as if he was just walking off to the store instead of teleporting halfway across the country. 

He’d said there was a second Five in the house with a thirty year old Klaus, but as soon as Five was gone Ben started to panic. What if Five was _lying?_ What if he’d only said that so he could leave again without Ben putting a stop to it?

Ben stormed through the gates of the Umbrella Academy and tried to pry the door open, but it was locked. He banged on it. “Hey! Let me in!” 

When nothing happened, Ben kicked it. “HEY!” 

Finally, the door opened. 

“Sweetie,” Mom said. “It’s so good to see you.” 

She looked exactly the same and again Ben doubted he was really in the future. But of course she looked the same. Mom didn’t age. 

“Uh, hey, Mom. Sorry about the...” Ben gestured at the door. 

“That’s quite alright,” Mom said. “You’re in a hurry to see your brothers, aren’t you?” 

She led him into the house. “I think Klaus is still asleep,” Mom said. “But Five is up. You’ll find him in his room.” 

“Klaus is asleep? What time is it?” 

“It’s just past four o’clock,” Mom said. “That boy keeps odd hours, I know.” 

“Boy?” Ben said. “Five said he was thirty now.” 

“Closer to thirty three, I think.” Mom laughed lightly. “But all of my children will always be children to me.” 

She cupped Ben’s cheeks, smiling brightly. “And you’re seventeen, is that right?” 

“Yeah.” Ben fidgeted in her grasp. “Is it weird?” 

“Not at all,” Mom said. “We’ve all missed you.”

She let go of his cheeks, but put her hands on his shoulders, rubbing her thumb against him in a familiar soothing gesture.

“This must seem so confusing,” Mom said. “Do you have any questions?” 

“I think Five answered most of them,” Ben said. “Like, he said Luther and Klaus are the only ones living at the Academy right now. Besides the, uh, younger Five.”

Ben paused, half expecting Mom to deny young Five’s existence. But she’d said Five was in his room, hadn’t she?

“That’s right,” Mom said. “But Luther is in California right now.”

“Right, with Allison,” Ben said. “And they’re both coming back later?”

“Yes,” Mom said. “Diego was also staying here for a few days. He’s not here right now, but he’ll be back soon. And Vanya will visit too, of course.” 

“And Pogo and Dad are dead,” Ben finished. “Five said he couldn’t save them the way he saved me.” 

“I’m afraid not, dear.” 

Ben nodded to himself, taking a deep breath. “I’m going to go see Five.” 

“Alright,” Mom said. “And you’ll let me know if you need anything?”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “Um, I’m a little hungry actually.”

Mom grinned. “I’ll get started on lunch.” 

“Thanks Mom,” Ben said.

“I love you, dear,” Mom said. “I think you already know that, but we’ve been making a habit of saying so more often around here.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Thanks. I mean, I love you too.” 

Mom smiled. “Go on now. I'm sure Five is just as eager to see you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben stood outside Five’s old bedroom door and hesitated. This whole thing was so _weird._ Two versions of Five?! And one of them was an old man in a child’s body? It was like the time he’d tried mushrooms with Klaus and thought he could visualize his body in ten different places at once.

It had felt real, but it was just a weird trip.

 _Maybe I’m still dreaming_ , Ben thought. _I’ll wake up soon and laugh at myself. Five will still be gone…_

Ben shook his head. There was no point thinking like that.

He knocked. 

“Go away!” Five shouted. “Leave me alone!” 

Ben blinked. That was not the reaction he’d been expecting. 

“Um, I’m sorry,” Ben said. “I just wanted to say hi?” 

A flash of blue light and Five was in front of him. _“Ben?!”_

“Hi,” Ben said. “Do you still want me to go away?” 

Five gaped at him. “I thought you were Klaus. Usually, as soon as he wakes up… but how are you _here?”_

“The other Five brought me here from 2006,” Ben said. “This is 2019 right?” 

Five threw his hands up. “No one told me he was going to do that today!” 

Ben laughed. “I’m sorry?” 

Five stared at him. He looked oddly frustrated. “Did you… are you… you’re here to stay?” 

“I thought so,” Ben said. “What about you?” 

Five blinked. “What about me?” 

“Are _you_ here to stay?” Ben said. “I cause I really, really missed you.” 

The other Five had wasted no time reaching out for a hug, but this version stood stiffly, eying Ben as if he half expected The Horror to jump out and bite him. Ben wondered if he’d done something wrong. 

Wait, or did Ben hug the other Five first? Did Five need him to make the first move?

“I missed you too,” Five said. “When I found out you were dead…” 

Five huffed and covered his eyes with his hands. He wasn’t crying, but it seemed like he was worried that maybe he was about to. 

“I’m sorry I scared you,” Ben said. “I’m sorry that happened.” 

Five had always been reserved about affection, Ben realized. And afraid to show his emotions. Though that applied to the whole family, didn’t it? Because Dad discouraged “emotional displays.”

So Five stood there with his hands over his eyes and tried to compose himself. 

_“Emotion begets weakness!”_ Dad would say. 

_Fuck that,_ Ben thought. 

He pulled Five into a hug. “I love you,” Ben said.

“I love you too,” Five mumbled. 

“I’m glad we’re together again,” Ben said. 

“I’m glad you’re alive.” 

Ben laughed. “I’m glad I’m alive too.” Then, “Dammit! I forgot to tell the other Five I loved him!” 

Five snorted. “He knows that.”

“But I should’ve said so,” Ben said. “Mom says everyone is trying to say it more often.” 

“Words don’t matter,” Five said. _“Actions_ matter.” 

Ben ruffled his hair. “I think both matter, dude.” 

Five harrumphed. “Whatever.” 

That was such a pre-teen response! Ben grinned. “I can’t believe I’m a big brother now.”

“Shut up,” Five said. “Just wait until Klaus wakes up. You’re also a little brother.” 

“Oh my gosh,” Ben said. “I’m the middle child? Is that it?” 

“Yup,” Five said. “But we’ve still got a group birthday. It’s next week.” 

_“Wow,”_ Ben said. “That’s going to be quite a party. Dad’s not around to yell at us about propriety anymore, so I can just imagine how wild the guys are gonna get.” 

“Vanya is wild too, these days. Did you hear she’s got powers?”

“I _did_ hear about that,” Ben said. “Something about sound waves?” 

“There’s more to it than that. From what I’ve seen…” 

In typical Five fashion, his brother launched into a lecture. Ben tried to open the door to his bedroom so they could sit down while he talked, but the door was locked. So Five paused, warped to the other side of the door, and opened it. Then he continued talking as if nothing had happened. 

“She also said she accidentally gave someone her powers once,” Five said. “And I tried to talk her into giving them to _me,_ but she refused!” 

“The nerve,” Ben teased. 

“I’ll wear her down,” Five said. “Just watch, and then I’ll…” 

Ben had trouble staying focused on Five’s ranting. His bedroom walls were covered in equations from floor to ceiling and the whole thing took Ben’s breath away. It looked like _years_ of work.

But he sat down and waited for Five to pause for breath before he asked, “What’s all this for?” 

“It was for you,” Five said. “Not my work though. The other Five’s.” 

“For me?” 

“Yeah,” Five said. “You know. The timeline is really delicate, apparently.” 

The other Five had said as much and he’d described the moon exploding, the world ending, and everyone dying a tragic death. Ben shivered. 

“You did a good job,” Ben said.

Five huffed. “It wasn’t _me._ The other Five beat me to it!” 

“But you’re going to grow up to become him, right? So in a way, it _was_ you.” 

Five rolled his eyes. “It still wasn’t me.” 

Ben held his hands out. “Well, I didn’t contribute anything either.” 

“So?”

“So I feel bad,” Ben said. “That he had to go through all that alone and I couldn’t help him.” 

“That’s stupid,” Five said. “The whole mess was out of your hands.” 

“I guess so,” Ben agreed. “I still feel bad though.” 

“Do you… do you think you’ll have nightmares?” 

Ben frowned. It seemed like such a random question. But then he remembered: after their first mission Ben had confessed to Five that he was having nightmares.

 _“No choice, then,”_ Five had said. _“I’ll have to fight them off.”_

 _“You can’t fight dreams,”_ Ben had said.

 _“Can too,_ ” Five said. _“Just watch me.”_

And Five had teleported into his room that night. Without a word, he’d crawled into Ben’s bed and put an arm protectively around him. As if to say, _they’ll have to get through me first._

Ben smiled at the memory. 

“I’m definitely going to have nightmares,” Ben said. “Lots of nightmares.” 

Five nodded tersly. “Understood.” 

It was such a simple word, but it warmed Ben’s heart. To think he could have this back so easily. It didn’t feel real.

“Thanks,” Ben said. “Five, I _really_ love you.”

Five rolled his eyes. “You already said that.”

“I’ll say it as many times as I want,” Ben teased.

“Well, I guess I can’t stop you,” Five said. “So whatever. I love you too.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben couldn't leave Five alone with Klaus for even a _second._

"Admit it!" Five had Klaus pinned to the table, both arms twisted behind his back. "You're lying!" 

Klaus was red in the face. From laughter or the pain. Or both. "You'll be… you'll be… exactly the same!" Klaus was giggling so much he could barely get the words out. "You won't last... even for a minute!" 

Ben sighed. They were making a mess. A cup of orange juice had been spilled and ignored, and Five had viciously shoved Klaus's face against his own pancakes. 

"You're just trying to trick me," Five growled. "I won't fall for it!" 

_"Guys._ You're ruining lunch." Ben wished Luther and Allison's plane would fly faster, or something. _Luther_ was good at breaking up fights. 

Unless the fight was between him and Diego, but still. 

"You hear that?" Five loosened his hold, his anger fading. "You ruined lunch." 

Klaus scoffed. "Lunch smunch." 

“You’re the one that wanted pancakes for lunch,” Ben said. “You made such a big deal about it and now you don’t even care?” 

“All things in life are _transitory,”_ Klaus said. “Even pancakes.” 

Five leaned _hard_ against Klaus's twisted arms and Klaus howled, "Uncle! Uncle, uncle!" 

"Guys…" 

Five glanced at him. "He deserves it, Ben." 

But Five let go and stepped back. 

"Positive punishment," Klaus wheezed. 

Five frowned. "Why do you keep saying that?" 

"Cause I'm a _bad_ dog." 

_"Dude."_ Ben had to physically grab Five to prevent him from _kicking_ Klaus. "You're not helping yourself." 

"Stop being creepy!" Five shouted. "You're so gross!"

Klaus just laughed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Being the “dead” brother got old real quick. Ben did his best to smile for his siblings, to hug and reassure them, but after a while the series of emotional reunions started to wear him down. He was relieved when all the introductions had been dealt with, but even then Ben could feel the weight of eyes on him. The second glances he would attract. The extra hugs and head pats. 

“You know what makes it harder?” Ben whispered. 

Five leaned in to hear him. 

“They look like strangers,” Ben confessed. “I can see some similarities, but…” 

Five nodded. “That’ll wear off.”

“It will?” 

“The more you talk to them the more obvious it’ll be,” Five said. “They haven’t changed _at all.”_

Ben laughed. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.” 

“Isn’t it?” Five smirked. “These morons like to think they’re all grown up, but they aren’t. They’re as stupid as they’ve always been and as they’ll always be.” 

Ben stifled another laugh, covering his grin with his hands.

Vanya approached them with a smile. “Hey, I heard that.”

“I meant everyone but you of course,” Five said. “You’re the exception.” 

“Suuure,” Vanya said, hands on her hips. “Well, you know what _this_ grown up loves to do?” 

“File your taxes?” Ben said.

“Harass your local congressman?” Five said. 

“Nope and nope,” Vanya said. “I’d rather harass some cats.” 

Ben looked at Five for an explanation, but he seemed just as confused. 

“What, like, stray cats?” Ben said. 

Vanya shook her head, smile widening. “The cats at Cat Castle.” 

“Are you messing with us?” Five said. “Is that what this is?” 

“No!” Vanya said, chuckling. “I’m talking about the local animal shelter.” 

Ben gasped. “You’re adopting a cat?!” 

“Um, well no,” Vanya said. “But you don’t have to adopt one to… to visit.” 

_Oh,_ Ben thought, _guess I got too excited._ He’d always wanted a pet, but even getting to _touch_ an animal would be a thrill. 

“I would _love_ to visit some cats,” Ben said. “Let’s go! Where’s the shelter? Will we need a car?” 

Five rolled his eyes and reached up to pat Ben on the head. “Down boy. I don’t think she meant right now.” 

“Sorry Ben,” Vanya said. “I’ve got students scheduled for lessons today, I was just stopping by.” 

“Right,” Ben said. “Grown ups have jobs, I forget.” 

“Because she’s the only one that _has_ one,” Five said. 

“But I was thinking we could go this weekend,” Vanya said. “Maybe on… on Sunday? Will you guys be free?” 

_“Yes,_ we’ll be free,” Ben said.

“I don’t know,” Five said. “I might not be free.” 

_“I’ll_ be free,” Ben said.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Phones were weird. They were like little computers, but full of twenty different ways to do the same thing. 

"And you can ignore that app too," Diego said to Five. "Actually, I'll just delete it for you. You won't like that one." 

Diego had gotten phones for both of them and he insisted they "carry them at all times!" 

Ben had already dropped his and the screen had cracked, but he didn't have the heart to tell Diego. 

"What are you trying to hide?" Five said. "Don't delete things, it's suspicious." 

"It's just a photo thing," Diego said. "People post pictures of food and other boring shit. Stuff you won't care about." 

"I'll decide that for _myself,"_ Five said. "Just leave it alone."

Diego rolled his eyes. "Fine, but look at it later. I want you to make an account on Messenger first." 

Diego pointed at a blue speech bubble looking thing. It had a white zig zag on it. 

"We've got a group chat on there," Diego said. "I want to invite you guys." 

They both watched Five click on the app and scrutinize the login screen. 

With painstaking slowness, Five started typing his phone number in. 

"Wait a minute," Diego said. "Don't do that." 

"It's _asking_ for the phone number," Five snapped. 

"Because it thinks you already have a Facebook account," Diego said. "But you're going to type the whole thing out and nothing will happen cause you haven't _created_ one yet." 

"Facebook?" Ben said. "I thought you said this thing was called Messenger?"

"Yeah but it's connected to Facebook," Diego said. "Just- fuuu- would you just let me do it _for_ you?"

"No," Five said. "If you do it for me I won't learn how to use this thing." 

"He's got a point," Ben said. 

Diego frowned at him. "And where's _your_ phone?" 

Ben winced. He shouldn't have drawn attention to himself. 

"You need to keep it _with_ you, Ben," Diego said. "You can ignore all the apps if you want. The important thing is that you know how to call me in an emergency." 

"I know," Ben said. "Don't worry." 

"Go get your phone," Diego said. "Did you leave it in your room?" 

It was in his pocket, but Ben didn't want him to see the cracked screen. 

"Uh," Ben said. 

With his eyes still on his own phone, Five smirked and said, "Just tell him." 

Diego straightened. "Tell me what?" 

Goddammit, Five. 

Diego glared at them both. "Tell me _what?"_

"It was an accident," Ben said. "I didn't mean to." 

Diego blinked. "Hey, I won't get mad. Did you lose it? I can just call you up and we'll listen for-"

"He didn't lose it," Five said. 

Reluctantly, Ben pulled his phone out and showed it to Diego. 

_"Oh,"_ Diego chuckled. "I should have gotten you a phone case." 

Ben stared at him. 

Five also lost interest in what he was doing and raised his eyebrows at Diego.

"What?" Diego said. 

"That's it?" Five said. "That's… out of character." 

"He said he wouldn't get mad," Ben said. "So… so he didn't get mad." 

It was a relief, but also a little unsettling. 

Maybe Diego could see it on their faces. He shifted uncomfortably. "These stupid phones are fragile. Everyone knows that. It was my fault for not getting phone cases." 

"I'm really sorry though," Ben said. "I should have been more careful." 

Diego shrugged. "It's no big deal. We'll get it fixed." 

Ben smiled at him and Diego beamed, reaching over to ruffle his hair. 

"You'd think they'd design these things with more structural integrity," Five said. "It's kind of pathetic. _This_ is the height of the future?" 

"They do it on purpose," Diego said. "Allison was telling me about it. It's called planned… uh, planned obsolete-ness, or something." 

_"What?"_

"I dunno man," Diego said. "It's capitalism." 

Five looked disturbed. "I'm going to have to look into that." He turned back to his phone. "You said there was a Google app?" 

Diego pointed Five towards the app and Five was off in his own world, reading articles with the intensity of a boy who'd just learned children were starving and animals were being murdered by pharmaceutical companies. 

"He needs to look into _everything."_ Ben scooted closer to Diego and whispered, "Like a time detective, he imagines all these scenarios for fixing society with time travel." 

"That's kind of adorable," Diego said. "Like, really egotistical, but also wholesome." 

"He says he needs to start planning now," Ben continued, still in a low voice. "So that he can save the world 'as efficiently as possible' when he's a grown up." 

Diego laughed. "He already saved the world." 

"That. Wasn't. _Me,"_ Five growled. "And he just saved the world from non-existence. I can do better than that." 

_"So_ wholesome," Ben cooed. 

"Shut up."

Diego popped his knuckles. "While he's busy with that, you want to go out for a jog with me? You're still in pretty good shape." 

Ben tilted his head. "Thanks?" 

"Not that there's anything wrong with, uh." Diego scratched his cheek. "With _not_ , you know, keeping up. But me and Luther, we like to stay in shape. I dunno, thought I'd ask." 

Diego had always been the most socially awkward in the family, but it was funny to see how that had translated into his adulthood. 

"Do you go jogging with Luther too?" 

Diego leaned back and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Sometimes…"

Ben grinned. "You're getting along with him a lot better these days, huh?" 

It was one of the first things he'd noticed. 

Diego shrugged. "We don't need to compete with each other anymore. Now we try to work together." 

_"_ That's _so_ wholesome," Ben teased. 

Five snickered. 

Diego scowled. "We still disagree on a lot of things." 

"I'm sure you do." 

Diego huffed. "So do you want to jog with me or not?" 

"Sure," Ben said. "Sounds like fun."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was strange, living without a strict schedule. Two days ago Ben was waking up at six am every single morning. His day was planned to the minute with training sessions and lessons. Foriegn languages, mathematics, astronomy, ballroom dancing, experiments with the Horror and one on one sparring sessions with each of his siblings; every hour had been taken up by _something._ Even free time was carefully slotted into place, or hard won in exchange for sleep deprivation. 

Now all that stuff was gone, but it would be weird to complain. It’s not like Ben had _liked_ the schedule. 

“We kind of unofficially graduated when we turned eighteen,” Klaus said. “It was a few months after you kicked the bucket and Allison was like, ‘Dad will lose custody now! We can just leave. It’s _allowed.’_ So as soon as we hit October 1st we cleared the fuck outta here. Everyone but Luther.” 

“But where did you _go?”_ Ben said. 

Klaus blew a raspberry and shrugged. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Whenever Ben had a hard time getting answers from someone, he would call the older Five. The elder knew a lot about their siblings, despite his own years of absence.

“They each pursued their own interests,” Five said. “Allison went straight to California and Rumored her way into small bit parts; background characters and commercials. Vanya got a scholarship with the Manhattan School of Music, Diego enrolled in the Police Academy, and Klaus… I think he just couch surfed with his... friends.” 

Five said _friends_ in a way that verbally voiced his disdain. Ben could picture exactly what kind of friends Klaus would have had at that point. It was just _last week,_ for Ben, that Klaus had described being invited to a house party where he was offered cocaine for the first time. 

“That makes sense,” Ben said. “But then how did Diego end up at Al’s Gym?” 

“He got kicked out of the Police Academy,” Five said. “I’m not clear on the details in between.” 

“Aw, that must have crushed him,” Ben said. 

“I suppose,” Five said. 

There was an awkward pause. Ben realized Five wasn’t going to say anything else, so he scrambled for a way to keep the conversation going. 

“Uh, well, it’s nice to have free time now,” Ben said. “I had a bunch of books I’ve been meaning to read. And they’re still here! They got moved to the library, but Mom helped me find everything I wanted.” 

“That’s good,” Five said. “What did you start with?” 

“Well, I kind of fell down a black hole with Joyce Carol Oates,” Ben said. “You know she’s published _thirteen_ novels in thirteen years?! And that’s not counting all her short stories and essays! That woman is a maniac.”

“She’s very impressive,” Five said.

“As soon as I found out I kind of ignored my To Read pile,” Ben said. “Because I had to know what the heck was going on with Oates.”

“But she’s always had a large output,” Five said. “Hasn’t she published a novel per year since her debut?”

“Not _every_ year,” Ben said. “Wasn’t it more like… like every other year?” 

“You would know better than I do,” Five said. 

“I’ll Google it,” Ben said. “I’ve been Googling like crazy. I already looked at her bibliography, but there’s so much information I can’t keep it straight in my head. So I’ll Google it again.” 

“Alright,” Five said. “Listen, I’m getting another call.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Okay, you should probably answer that.”

“Goodbye,” Five said. 

Ben hated the way phone calls just ended in silence. These smart phones needed to bring back the dial tone sound effect. 

“I said goodbye,” Five said.

“Oh!” Ben said. “I thought you had already left.”

“I was waiting for _you_ to say goodbye,” Five said. “Hmm, I think I missed that other call.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. “You can hang up and call them back?” 

“I’ll do that,” Five said. 

“Okay,” Ben said. “Um, bye.” 

“Goodbye,” Five repeated. 

This time Ben made sure to check the screen to see if Five had really hung up. 

He had.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was weird, actually sitting in Dad's office. Ben had only ever peeked inside before. 

It was weirder seeing Luther sitting behind Dad's desk, but Ben supposed it made sense for Number One to inherit the right. 

There was a pile of Manila folders on the desk between them. Luther tapped his fingers on them. 

"So," Luther said. "As you know, we _are_ rich." 

"Uh huh," Ben said. "I _did_ notice that, yeah." 

"I know you're seventeen," Luther said. "But legally, you were never reported dead or missing. I checked." 

Ben tilted his head. "And that's… good?" 

"It means you're about to be thirty," Luther said. "Legally, I mean." 

"Oh," Ben said. "That's… cool?" 

"I was thinking we could consider you eighteen though," Luther said. "Like, for the birthday party? Unless you want to wait until next year to call yourself eighteen." 

Ben considered it. "Nah, that would feel like skipping. We can wait until next year." 

Luther nodded. "Okay, but legally you'll be thirty. Except you don't have a bank account or anything." 

"I also don't have a job or anything," Ben pointed out. 

"I know," Luther said. "But you're entitled to a portion of the inheritance. I want to set you up with an account… it's kind of like a kid's account? Because it'll be connected to mine. I'll have access and I'll be depositing money every month. Like an allowance." 

"Wow, okay, cool." 

"I know that might seem a little unfair," Luther said. 

"Nah, seems totally fair," Ben said. 

Luther blinked. "Right. Uh, well, I did the same thing for Klaus." 

"You give him money every month?" 

"Yeah, instead of giving him access to the full amount," Luther said. "Because he's not very… responsible." 

Ben snorted. 

"I'm not saying _you're_ not responsible," Luther quickly added. "But since you've never had money before, I just thought this would be the smart play for now." 

Ben shrugged. "Okay." 

Luther grinned, nodding to himself. "We'll need to get you a driver's license first though. Banks kind of require it." 

"I don't know how to drive, dude." 

"I know," Luther said. "I'll teach you, don't worry." 

Ben didn't know how to feel about that. Should he be excited? It was one of those things he'd never thought about before. 

"You still with me?" Luther said. 

"Uh, yeah," Ben said. 

"Listen." Luther put on his Serious Number One face. "I don't want to overwhelm you." 

"I'm not overwhelmed." 

"Okay," Luther said. "But I just want you to know, you have more options now. I don't want you to feel tied down by the Academy." 

"Tied down?" Ben said. "What do you mean?" 

"Everyone moved out as soon as they turned eighteen," Luther said. "They just… they went out and _did_ things. Started careers, even. Like Allison with her movies and Vanya with the orchestra." 

"Vanya joined an orchestra?" 

"She did," Luther said. "She's doing solo acts now, but she spent years with the orchestra first." 

"She's doing solo acts?" Ben made a mental note to interrogate Vanya about this later. He'd already seen several of Allison's movies, but Vanya had been quiet about her own success. 

"My _point,"_ Luther said. "is that I want you to have the freedom to pursue whatever you want to pursue." 

"Sure," Ben said. 

"Have you thought about college?" Luther said. "You're really smart. I bet you could get in anywhere you want. You could take your pick." 

Ben frowned. "I can't leave for college." 

"Why not?" 

"Why would I want to leave?" Ben said. "I _just_ got here. And, and everyone missed me! Right?" 

Luther nodded quickly. "There are colleges in New York too." 

Ben deflated, chuckling to himself. "Oh." 

Luther looked so earnest when he said, "Ben, we all love you. And we want what's best for you." 

Ben swallowed. "Thanks." 

"I want you to know that I'm here for you," Luther said. "I'll help you with this stuff. And there's no pressure. You don't have to go to college or anything like that. If you want to just stay home and read all day that's fine too." 

"Wow," Ben said. "I think that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me." 

Luther rubbed at the back of his neck. "Oh? That's, uh, that's good." 

"I love you too," Ben said. "Sorry, I forgot to say it back." 

Luther chuckled. "I'm still getting used to it myself. Saying it feels awkward, but it's true. So we should say it." 

"Yeah," Ben said. "It's really nice." 

Luther smiled and he opened one of the folders. "So anyway, I wanted to familiarize you with our finances a bit. It's a little confusing, but we have a bit of passive income." 

"Passive income?" 

"Like royaltees," Luther said. "From the toys and stuff that Dad made for the Umbrella Academy." 

"Ah." 

"Technically speaking, no one _has_ to work," Luther said. "Right now we're spending money at a faster rate than we're making money, but we're also sitting on a _lot_ of money, so…" 

Ben did his best to pay attention while Luther explained, but most of it went over his head. 

But he let Luther talk for a while, before finally cutting in. "Hey, Luther?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Do you want to watch a movie?" 

Luther blinked. "Oh. Yeah, sure." 

Luther carefully gathered up his documents, neatly arranging things back into their manila folders. 

"Did _you_ go to college?" Ben said. "Like, business school or something?" 

Luther shook his head. "No, I learned this stuff from Mr. Claremont." 

"Am I supposed to know who that is?" 

"Sorry, he's a broker," Luther said. "I hired him to help me sell Dad's properties." 

Automatically, Ben was tempted to ask: _What properties?_

But he had a feeling that line of questioning would prompt another boring explanation, so instead Ben nodded and said, "Oh okay." 

"I never thought about college for myself," Luther added. "I had different priorities." 

"Never too late," Ben said. 

Luther gave him a _look._ "Uh huh." 

"I'm serious!" Ben said. "You're not that old. And it's not like college has an age limit?" 

Luther frowned. 

Ben copied one of Vanya's new favorite phrases: "It's just something to think about." 

Luther laughed. "I've heard that one before." 

_Guess it's only new to me,_ Ben thought. 

Changing tacts, Ben said, "I won't go to college unless you do it too."

"Hey now," Luther said. "That's not fair." 

"Them's the rules," Ben said. "Take it or leave it." 

Instead of taking it as a joke, Luther seemed to give the idea serious thought. "But what would I study?" 

"Whatever you like, dude." Ben eyed the folders. "Business?" 

"I don't particularly like business," Luther said. "In fact, there's a lot that I don't like about it." 

Ben shrugged. "Okay, so what _do_ you like?" 

Luther shrugged back. 

"I like books," Ben said. "So I would probably study literature or something like that." 

"I like building things," Luther said. "I don't think colleges do that?" 

"Sure they do!" Ben said. "Um, isn't engineering kind of like building? I saw an article online about, like, how schools are putting a lot of money into engineering and sciency stuff." 

Luther grinned. "So you _have_ thought about college." 

"Nah, I just like surfing the web and all that." 

The internet browser was the coolest thing about his new phone. 

"Hmm," Luther said. "Engineering. I guess I can look into it." 

"You should!" Ben said. "Live your best life, man." 

Luther ruffled his hair. "Good advice." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


One of the first things Ben realized was that he had no clothes. Technically there were still uniforms available in his closet; preserved, like the room itself, as if he'd just stepped out for lunch instead of a fourteen year leap in time. 

But he didn't want to wear those anymore. 

Instead he borrowed t-shirts and jeans from Diego or Klaus, oversized sweatshirts from Luther and comfy hand knitted sweaters that Mom had made as if she knew exactly when he would be back and what he would want.

Ben was satisfied with this hodgepodge of borrowed clothes, but Allison insisted they go shopping. 

Five didn't want to go with them. 

"I already have clothes," he said. "I'll just wear that stuff." 

The ‘stuff’ in Five's closet was a very particular collection of starched button ups and dress pants. He treated them with the same contradictory mix of apathy and pride that he’d always directed at the Umbrella Academy uniform. 

His one complaint was that he couldn’t find a tie. 

“Oh, Five doesn’t wear ties that often anymore,” Allison said. “I mean, the other-”

“I _know_ who you meant,” Five said. “But this shirt looks silly without one.” 

“But you have a tie,” Ben said. “The one you were wearing with the Academy uniform.” 

_“That_ tie won’t work,” Five said. 

Ben looked at the shirt Five was holding. It was pale blue with pinstripes. Why wouldn’t the black tie work for it?

“I think Luther packed all of the ties,” Allison said. “When he took luggage for Five, for Old Five.” 

“Great,” Five muttered. “I can’t wear this shirt, then.” 

He hung it back in his closet. 

“I’ll buy you a whole collection of ties,” Allison said. “In every color, hmm? Come shopping with us.” 

Five pursed his lips. 

“Please?” Allison nudged Ben with her elbow. 

“Oh, uh… and I could use your help,” Ben said. “I have no idea how to pick clothes.” 

Five fiddled with the cuffs on his shirt sleeves. “Is Klaus going?” 

“Yeah, but-”

“Nope!” Allison cut in. “Klaus is officially uninvited.” 

Ben frowned. “But he said-”

“I know what he said,” Allison said. “But Klaus can go shopping with you whenever he wants. He _lives_ here.” 

Five smirked. “She makes a fair point, Ben.” 

There was nothing Klaus hated more than being left out, especially where Allison was concerned. This was the kind of thing he’d sulk about for days. 

But that was teenage Klaus. Maybe the thirty year old version of him would handle it with more maturity? 

Ben found that hard to believe, but it was also true that adult Klaus had been bullying Five every chance he got. Ben couldn’t blame Five for wanting a break. 

“We’ll uninvite Klaus if you agree to come with us,” Ben finally said. 

“Deal.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There were so many different kinds of _shorts._ And they were surprisingly colorful. Ben had always thought the Men’s Section would be full of dull grays and blacks and he’d assumed half of Klaus’s wardrobe was from the Women’s Section. 

“Klaus _does_ shop from the Women’s Section,” Allison said. “But there’s also a lot of overlap between styles now. Because gender nonconformity is more widely accepted than it used to be. Oh and probably because of the metrosexuals, too.” 

“The _what?”_ Five said. 

Ben examined a pair of shorts that were decorated with little whales while Allison explained, “Basically straight guys who are sort of effeminate.” 

Ben showed her the shorts. “Are these effeminate?”

She grinned. “Maroon isn’t effeminate.” Allison took the shorts from him and held them out against him. “And the whales are subtle. I think they’re actually… I mean, they’re really _cute_ but you could pull it off with the right shirt. I’d recommend something solid, though. You know, without any patterns.” 

“I like these ones.” Five pointed at a pair of khaki shorts that were basically the same, but boring. There were no little whales. 

Allison sighed. “Of course you do.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Allison tried _really_ hard to get Five to wear something age appropriate, nudging him towards hoodies and v-necks, jeans and casual long sleeve cotton shirts. The harder she tried, though, the more Five seemed to delight in completely shattering her expectations. 

“I like _this_.” Five proudly presented her with a pair of suspenders. Ben had no idea where he’d found them. 

“Oh my god,” Allison said. “Even old man Five wouldn’t wear something like that.” 

“Well I’m _young man_ Five,” Five said. “And I want them.” 

“That would look great with a bow tie,” Ben said. 

Five wrinkled his nose. 

“Don’t give him ideas!” Allison groaned. 

“Bow ties are stupid,” Five said. 

“So are suspenders,” Allison said. 

Five flipped her off, then warped away. He’d been doing that all day, teleporting all over whatever store they were in and returning at random moments with his findings. 

Allison reached out, as if to grab him, but she could only grasp at thin air. “Argh! That boy needs to be put on a leash!” 

“You’re the one that wanted him to come shopping with us,” Ben said. 

She pouted. “I thought you would help me persuade him into wearing something _good.”_

He laughed. “Why would I do that?” 

“Because you love me?” Allison batted her eyes at him, her smile imploring, and Ben was hit with a nostalgic sense of déjà vu. 

He melted with it. “I mean… Five doesn’t really listen to me.” 

“He does!” Allison said. “He listens to you more than anyone.” 

“I don’t know…” 

“Please?” 

“Well… I can _try.”_

Allison rewarded him with a kiss on the cheek. “You’re the best!” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Five, check out this sweater.”

The sweater in question was pretty adult-ish. Allison thought it might appeal to Five. It was kind of purple- _plum_ Allison had said- with a diamond pattern, almost like the Academy sweater vest.

Five nodded at the sweater. “It’ll look good on you.” 

“No, uh.” Ben glanced at Allison and she frantically mimed _keep going!_ “I thought it would look good on _you.”_

Five considered this. “Oh, I guess it’s too small for you.” 

“Yeah! Yeah, it’s too small for me. But it’s really nice, right?” 

Five shrugged. 

“You could wear a dress shirt underneath,” Ben said. “Like you’ve been doing with your sweater vest.” 

Five had been pairing the Academy sweater vest with a lot of the shirts the Old Five had collected. It was the only part of the uniform that he’d kept wearing.

“I can try it on, I suppose,” Five said. 

He took the sweater into the changing room and Allison _beamed._ “Good job!”

They high fived. 

“Now we just need to get him into some casual pants,” she added. 

“Aren’t the khaki shorts casual?” Ben said. 

She wrinkled her nose. “Well, yeah but… something better than that.” 

“I can hear you scheming over there,” Five called from the changing room.

Ben winced. 

“I scheme cause I love you!” Allison called back. 

“Yeah yeah.” Five stepped out of the changing room. He'd combined the sweater with a white button up and the khaki shorts. 

_"Oh."_ Allison gaped at him. "That's actually a really good outfit." 

Five smirked. "I know." 

Ben put a hand on Five's shoulder, leaning down so he could say, with as much gravity as he could muster, "You're the most fashionable guy in this family. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." 

Five rolled his eyes. "I can try on the jeans too." 

Allison gasped. "Ben, you are a godsend." 

Five waggled a finger at her. "But I'm keeping the suspenders." 

"Deal!" 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego was moving back home.

“Think of it this way,” Luther said. “Now you’ll have more time for the vigilante stuff.” 

Ben was helping them move Diego’s stuff out of the gym he’d been living at. It had baffled him when Diego first explained that he was living at a boxing gym, but seeing the basement room for himself was a different story. There was a bed, a little kitchenette, and normal furniture. Like a regular studio apartment, just under a gym. 

“Save the pep talk,” Diego said. “We’re rich. I get it.” 

Diego had also said something about working at the gym, which was how he’d gotten the deal on the basement room. But he’d gotten fired, so now he had to leave. 

“Did he say why?” Ben said. “Or was it random? Was it, like, budget cuts?” 

It was always budget cuts or robots, in the books Ben had read. And the protagonist who’d spent his whole life with a company was left out on the streets with no prospects. 

“It was my own damn fault,” Diego said. “I was neglecting my duties.” 

“There was a lot going on,” Luther said. “You know, with… with the Fives.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Right.” 

Ben re-focused on the shirts he was folding and the box he was trying to stuff them all into.

“If you roll them tightly you’ll save space,” Diego said. “Don’t worry about wrinkles.” 

Ben nodded, refolding a t-shirt the way Diego was doing. 

“Mom is happy about it,” Luther said. “She said she’s going to make a new painting just for your room. A really big one.” 

“I _know,”_ Diego said. “I know that. I was thinking about moving back anyway.” 

A lot of Diego’s stuff was already at the Academy. While they’d been looking for the older Five, Diego had started sleeping there.

“You don’t need to be disappointed in yourself,” Luther said. “You were a good employee. It was a family emergency, that’s all.” 

“I know that,” Diego mumbled. “Shut up.” 

_This is the strangest interaction I have ever witnessed_ , Ben thought. 

When Ben knew him, Diego had always reacted to every little failure with explosive anger. He’d throw himself into aggressive combat training, snap at everyone, and generally be an asshole until he’d redeemed himself. 

This Diego wasn’t doing any of that. He was just… just calmly packing. 

But Luther was trying so hard to cheer him up it made Ben want to study Diego more closely. What was Luther seeing that Ben was missing? 

“Were you a good boxer?” Ben said. 

Diego frowned. 

“He was a great boxer,” Luther said. “I only caught the one match, but he was good.” 

Diego rolled his eyes. “I was a janitor. And I lost that match.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Uh.” 

“You gave as good as you got,” Luther said. “That guy was a professional and he barely managed to beat you.” 

Diego smiled and it was the kind of smile Ben had never seen from him before. Sort of bittersweet, but also proud. 

“I was too stubborn to stay down,” Diego said. “I made him _destroy_ me.” 

“It was amazing,” Luther said. “You should have seen it, Ben.” 

“I’m sorry I missed it,” Ben said. 

While they packed Luther continued his steady stream of compliments and reassurances and Diego kept telling him to shut up, but it was always a half hearted rebuttal. 

Ben wondered if he should try complimenting Diego himself, but then he thought it might sound disingenuous. He hadn’t been around for any of the things they were talking about. 

“Listen,” Diego finally said. “I’m sorry I was such an ass about the whole thing. When Five went missing. And when… and when the younger Five jumped through time again.” 

_How often does Five go missing?!_ Ben thought. _And how many more times would something like that happen?_

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Luther said. “You were just worried.” 

“I took it out on you,” Diego said. “And that’s not cool. So I _do_ need to be sorry.” 

_Five is fine,_ Ben reminded himself. _Everything is fine now._

“Aw,” Ben said. “You guys should hug it out.” 

Diego sputtered. “N-no, that’s-”

Luther hugged him and Diego squirmed in the hold, scowling, but he patted Luther on the back with a gruffness that made Ben laugh. 

Luther grinned and pulled Ben into the hug, lifting them both clean off the ground. 

“Whoa!” Ben said.

“Fuck- hey!” Diego said. 

Luther put them back down, chuckling, and then cleared his throat. “So. Packing.” 

Diego nodded sternly. “Packing.” 

“I noticed your collection of, uh, of bottles,” Luther said. “They from the Academy?” 

Diego paled. “I didn’t drink anything!” 

“Huh?” Ben said. “What bottles?”

 _“Five_ brought them here,” Diego said. “He dumped them on me because of Klaus.” 

“I understand,” Luther said, gravely. “But what do we do with them now?” 

“Which Five?” Ben said. “What about Klaus?” 

“Old Five,” Diego said. “He didn’t want to let Klaus get shit faced all the time. The little hypocrite.”

“You really think Five has a drinking problem?” Luther said. “I never saw him drunk. Well, except for that one time, but I think that was because he was stressed out about the apocalypse.” 

Ben was struggling to keep up with the conversation, but this had become the norm. It felt like everyone was constantly speaking in clues and references and he had to match it to what he’d already been told. Ben had to put it all together in his own head. 

Diego sighed. “I don’t know, he says he doesn’t.” 

“I’ll tell Allison to keep an eye on him when she goes back,” Luther said. “In the meantime, the bottles?”

“I guess we can leave them here?” Diego said. “I’ll give them to Al.”

Ben remembered that name, it was the gym owner!

“That’s a really generous gift,” Ben said. “Considering he just fired you.” 

Diego smirked. “Yeah, well, I’m not a sore loser.” 

_Not anymore_ , Ben thought. 

It was the most obvious change he’d spotted so far, but Ben knew there would be more. Five had been wrong in the end. Their siblings _had_ changed and they’d changed a lot. 

But it looked like they’d changed for the better.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Klaus and Five had some kind of bet going and Five was _pissed_ about it, but Ben didn't care. 

He'd always wanted to ride on a roller coaster!

"If I win you have to come to my performance," Klaus said. "And you have to stay quiet no matter what I say about you on stage." 

The performance in question was some sort of comedy routine. Klaus was a comedian now, apparently, and Ben thought this was fitting. 

"And if _I_ win you have to stick your head in a toilet bowl," Five said. "Like the dog you are!" 

Klaus _beamed_ at him. "There ya go! That threat was almost creative." 

"You're so weird," Ben said. "Like, you've always been weird, Klaus. But now you're _weirder."_

Klaus winked. "It's a talent." 

Five scowled. "Why can't I just jump us to the front? This line is taking too long." 

"Patience, my child," Klaus said. "You know, the _old_ Five is wise enough to appreciate the little things in life. He'd say that just standing together in line for two hours is a beautiful way to bond with your brothers." 

Ben chuckled. "That's _such_ bullshit." 

"Stop calling me your child," Five muttered. "Or I'll… I'll…" 

"You can do it," Klaus cooed. "Find your inner homicidal maniac. Channel him." 

Five glared at him. "I'll cut your head off and flush it down the toilet." 

Ben winced. "Five..." 

"That's great!" Klaus cackled. "But my head won't fit down the toilet, try again buddy." 

"Fuck off," Five snapped. 

"We'll workshop it," Klaus said. "Don't you worry." 

_"Fuck. Off."_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The _Thunderbolt_ was kind of intimidating. It looked a lot taller up close. 

“Maybe we should have started a bit smaller,” Ben said.

Klaus put an arm around his shoulders. “Are ya scared Ben? You don’t have to get on.” 

Five glowered at them. “I’m not getting on without him.” 

“Hey now,” Klaus said. “That wasn’t part of the bet.” 

“What _is_ the bet about, exactly?” Ben said. “How are you deciding the winner?” 

The guy in charge of the roller coaster eyed them. “Are you lot getting on, or what?” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. “We are.” 

Five grabbed Ben’s arm. “I’m sitting next to _Ben,”_ he informed the employee. “And you have to put that lunatic _in front of_ us.” 

By ‘that lunatic’ he meant Klaus. 

“Whatever,” the guy said. “Just sit down.” 

They took their seats and the employee lowered a sort of seat belt down in front of them. Well, it was more like a bar. 

Klaus twisted around to grin at them. “All you have to do is stay put! Stay put and you win!” 

Five rolled his eyes. “Easy.” 

“That’s all you have to do?” Ben said. “Why wouldn’t you stay put?” 

“OG Five is _terrified_ of roller coasters,” Klaus explained. “He teleports straight to the ground as soon as it plummets.” 

“You said it happened _once,”_ Five said. 

“And it’s about to happen again!” Klaus said.

“You wish.” 

Ben studied Five carefully. He didn’t seem scared or nervous. Just angry. 

And Klaus was basking in that anger like a lizard in the sun. 

“You should turn around,” Ben told Klaus. “Facing backwards has to be, like, a safety hazard.” 

Klaus did so reluctantly and as soon as his back was turned Five sighed in relief. He didn’t relax, exactly, but his scowl- which had been near constant since they’d left the house- finally slipped away. 

_Klaus is practically tormenting him,_ Ben thought. 

“You can hold my hand if you want,” Five whispered. “I won’t tell Klaus.” 

Ben had to physically resist cooing a long and drawn out ‘aaaaaw’ because he knew Five would rescind the offer if he did. 

“Thanks,” Ben whispered. “I’m really nervous.” 

So Five held onto Ben’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly as the coaster slowly rose to the top of its first peak. 

The rush to the ground was _intense,_ but it didn’t feel like falling. It felt like being _crushed,_ like being pulled apart, and Ben wished he could look at his own face to make sure his skin was still where it was supposed to be. He also wished he’d held his breath before they fell because he was having a hard time breathing through the _pressure_ of it all. 

But Five was still holding his hand. That actually helped. 

Then they were rising again, but it wasn’t slow like before. They were speeding towards the sky and Ben realized people were screaming. They’d been screaming the whole time. 

_Should I scream too?_ Ben wondered. But he didn’t like the idea of opening his mouth. What if a bug flew in or something? 

In front of them Klaus waved both his arms in the air, he was shouting at the top of his lungs, but Ben couldn’t make out what he was saying. 

He turned to look at Five and saw that his brother’s eyes were closed, his jaw clenched. Ben tried to scoot closer to him, to reassure him maybe, but it wasn’t really possible to move. 

All they could do was hold on.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“So are we doing the swirly with a public toilet or one at home?” Klaus said. 

They were waiting for Diego to pick them up from the amusement park. 

“Forget it,” Five muttered. 

“But you won the bet,” Klaus said. “I have to honor my loss!” 

They were sitting on a bench near the parking lot. Ben had made it a point to sit in between them, hoping to field potential bouts of violence. But Five was subdued, staring at his knees. 

Ben wondered if he was feeling queasy. 

“It’s gonna take Diego at least twenty minutes to get through traffic,” Klaus continued. “Plenty of time to try and flush my head down the toilet.” 

“Dude,” Ben said. “Just drop it.” 

Five pursed his lips, swallowing thickly. 

“Five?” Ben said. “Do you think you’re going to throw up?” 

Five shook his head. 

“Aaaw,” Klaus said. “Was it too much for your little stomach?”

Five huffed, but he didn’t say anything. 

That was _not_ like him. 

“Lay off,” Ben said. “He’s sick.” 

“I was just asking-”

 _“Seriously,”_ Ben said. “Just shut up.” 

“I’m not sick,” Five mumbled.

But then Five gagged. 

“Whoa!” Klaus said. “Clear the decks!” 

Five shoved his hands over his mouth and closed his eyes. 

“You don’t have to hold it in,” Ben said. “Just, maybe aim for the grass?” 

Five took a deep breath through his nose, hands still firmly over his mouth. 

“It’s okay,” Klaus said. “You can aim for our shoes. That’s the funny thing to do.” 

“Klaus, _shut up,”_ Ben hissed. 

“I’m fine.” Five’s voice was muffled by his hands. 

“You don’t have to be fine,” Ben said. “It’s okay to just-”

“I’m _fine,”_ Five repeated. 

Firmly, he put his hands on his lap and opened his eyes. Five took a pointed deep breath through his mouth. 

“Always been a trooper,” Klaus said. 

“You’re such an asshole,” Ben said. 

“What?! That was a compliment!” 

“Shut up,” Five said. “Both of you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Mom was showing him how to make mashed potatoes. First they took a huge pile of potatoes and individually peeled them, then they took this thingy that kind of looked like a spaghetti strainer, but flat and with a handle, and they crushed each potato into pulpy goodness.

“This next part is harder,” Mom said. “We need to achieve the perfect balance of salt and butter and carefully mix it in.” 

Ben was already salivating, but he did his best to patiently follow her instructions. “They look. So. Good!” 

“I bought extra potatoes just for you,” Mom said. “I know they’re your favorite.” 

“You’re the best,” Ben said. “Maaaan, you have been spoiling me like crazy.” 

“Because I love you,” Mom said. 

“I love you too.” 

She wasn’t the only one who had been spoiling him, but Ben had noticed everyone else sort of scrambling to come up with things. They would take him on outings, invite him to help them on errands, and generally stare at him as if he had just come back from the dead. They seemed as baffled by his presence as he was by their age. 

“Hey Mom?” 

“What is it, dear?” 

“How come you weren’t surprised to see me? When I first got here.” 

“I knew you would come back,” Mom said. 

“But you were ready to answer the door for me as if you knew _when_ I would come back.”

"Because I did know." Mom said. "The night you disappeared Five appeared to me and gave me the exact date of your return." 

"Oh," Ben said. "I thought… I didn't know he would tell you. He said we shouldn't tell anyone. That you guys wouldn't remember." 

"Yes, he explained how things would look different to your siblings come 2019. That they would be changed by their travels." 

"Changed? What do you mean?" 

"It was a very small change," Mom said. "Just that one little thing. They grieved you, sweetie, but they also had hope. Hope that you had left on purpose, perhaps to find Five, and hope that they would see you again some day. But then that was replaced by knowledge of your death." 

Ben frowned. That's not the way Five had explained it. 

"Do you mind finishing without me?" Ben said. "I need to… make a phone call." 

"I don't mind at all," Mom said. "Go on." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"You said they wouldn't remember my disappearance," Ben said. "But they _did._ Mom remembers them remembering." 

"You've got it backwards," Five said. "Mom thinks their memories changed, but it was _her_ memories that changed. Hers and everyone else's. Everyone _but_ them." 

"But she says they thought-"

"That's just her distorted memory," Five said. "When you time travel you change the reality of everyone _in_ Time. She's the only one of us that remained anchored to Time, so she witnessed a plausible version of the family in her head, a version that reacted to your disappearance, because the real version would contradict her new reality." 

"But isn't her version the _real_ version?" Ben said. "Since I didn't die?" 

Ben wished he could _see_ this older Five. Just hearing his voice over the phone, Ben couldn't see what he might be emoting. 

And when silence stretched between them, he couldn't be sure Five was even _there._

"Hello?" Ben said. 

"You're not… wrong," Five finally said. "But-"

"And I just _left_ them like that?!" Ben hated the idea of it. "Wondering what had happened to me with no explanation for _years?"_

"If you would just look at it logically-"

"I _am_ being logical!" Ben snapped. "It happened. They experienced it. You can't say they didn't." 

"But it was overwritten," Five insisted. "And the new memory is the worse one anyway." 

"But dying is something you can't control," Ben said. "Leaving is worse than dying. Leaving is a choice and they would have resented me for it." 

"Leaving is _not_ worse than dying," Five growled. "Nothing is worse than death." 

Ben swallowed. This version of Five had lost everyone. He'd been the last man alive for longer than Ben had _been_ alive. It was something he had almost forgotten. 

"I'm hanging up," Five said. 

"Wait! I'm sorry. You're right… Five?" 

Five had already hung up. 

"I'm sorry," Ben repeated, uselessly.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was hard to catch Klaus alone these days. For one thing, he slept through most of the day. But even when he _was_ awake, there was always somebody around.

And it felt like everyone was constantly vying for Ben’s attention. 

Finally, though, Ben caught a moment to himself and found Klaus in his room: awake.

“We need to talk about Five,” Ben said. 

Klaus was painting his toenails black and he didn’t even look up. “That so?” 

“Why are you always so mean to him?” Ben said. “You weren’t like that with him before.” 

Klaus rolled his eyes. “Which ‘before’ are we talking about, buddy?” 

“I mean… I guess when we were younger,” Ben said. “Before Five disappeared.” 

“Aaah yes.” Klaus had this theatrically wistful voice, which he always used when Ben brought up, well, _anything._ Because all their shared memories felt so far in the past to Klaus. “In the olden days Diego was my favorite target, wasn’t he? So much _angst_ . All that _rage.”_

Ben sighed, remembering all the times Luther had to pick Diego up to stop him from clawing Klaus’s face off. 

“I don’t understand why you like making people angry,” Ben said.

“It’s for their own good,” Klaus said. “Look at how well Diego turned out! I taught him a valuable lesson.” 

“What lesson?” 

“The lesson of patience and self control,” Klaus said. “The lesson of life! Ipso facto, you cannot simply stab life into submission.” 

“Nah dude,” Ben said. “You’re just a bully.” 

Klaus gasped. “I resent that!” 

“Well, I resent the way you’ve been treating Five,” Ben said. “I’m asking you to leave him alone.” 

Klaus put the nailpolish down to twirl a strand of hair around his finger. “Is that a light hearted request?”

Ben squared his shoulders. “It’s a _demand.”_

“Oooh, a demand? How forceful.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“I know you are, Benny boy.” Klaus put his hands together, as if to pray, and bowed. “And, of course, I shall acquiesce!” 

“That’s enough sarcasm.” 

Klaus straightened. “What?! This is my most genuine of selves. After all, I can’t say no to _you,_ my favorite of all brothers!” 

Ben groaned. “You’re a douchebag.” 

“Aw, c’mon,” Klaus said. “Five is a big boy. He won’t break.” 

“You’re hurting him,” Ben insisted. “For real. Little by little, you’re wearing him down. I think he almost cried today.” 

“Emotional pain is good for the soul,” Klaus said. “Better than physical pain by far, which he doles out in heaps!” 

“You deserve it,” Ben said. “I kind of want to hit you too.” 

Klaus opened his arms. “And I shall turn the other cheek!” 

“I can’t deal with you anymore,” Ben said.

“Then don’t.” Klaus turned back to his nails. “The door is right there, _dude.”_

Ben frowned. In a way, it was nice that Klaus hadn’t been tip toeing around him the way everyone else did. There was no special treatment from Klaus, no lingering looks or exuberant shows of affection. Or, no displays of affection beyond the kind that had always been normal from Klaus. 

But Klaus was also an asshole.

“Just stay away from Five,” Ben said. 

Eyes still on his nails, Klaus saluted him. 

Ben hesitated to leave. 

Klaus looked up. “Need anything else?” 

Ben shook his head. “I’ll leave you alone.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He decided to leave Old Five alone for a bit. Let him cool off, or whatever. Vanya said that was the smart thing to do. 

When Ben finally called him back, Five acted as if nothing had happened. 

“How are you?” Five said. 

“Um, I’m good,” Ben said. “How are _you?”_

“I’m good,” Five said. 

_Shit, shit, shit,_ Ben thought. _This conversation is deader than dead. It’s a zombie without a jaw._

“Hello?” Five said. 

“I’m glad you’re good.” Ben wanted to _die,_ he wanted to dig his own grave and lie in it. 

“Thanks,” Five said, sardonically. “Did you need something?” 

“No,” Ben said. “I mean, yes! I do need something.” 

“Out with it, then.” 

“I need to apologize,” Ben said. “I’m very very stupid and very sorry about it.” 

“You’re not stupid,” Five said. “We can disagree, it’s not the end of the world.” 

“I don’t want to disagree,” Ben said. “You were absolutely right about everything and you always will be.” 

“Ben, you don’t have to stroke my ego,” Five said. “I’m not the child you remember.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “But you _were_ right about… about death being, uh, being worse than leaving.” 

“Maybe,” Five said. “But I can understand why you would grow to resent me.” 

**_Ouch._ ** Forget lying in a grave, Ben wanted to hurl himself to the moon. He wanted to strand himself there and unleash the Horror. Watch it flail helplessly in zero gravity and suffocate to death. 

“Ben?” 

“I don’t resent you,” Ben murmured. 

“It’s alright,” Five said. “I know I… I abandoned you. All of you, but you and Vanya especially.” 

“You didn’t _mean_ to!” 

“I didn’t mean to,” Five agreed. “But I did. So I’d like to apologize too.” 

“What if neither of us apologizes?” Ben said. “What if we just…” 

“Just what?” Five said. “What’s wrong with apologizing?” 

“It feels unfair,” Ben said. “You don’t deserve it.” 

“I don’t see what you’re getting at.” 

“You didn’t deserve all that resentment,” Ben explained. “Everyone was so angry! Especially Diego, he was always bad mouthing you for leaving. He would say all these horrible things about you.” 

“I see,” Five said. 

“But the whole time you were all alone,” Ben said. “You were alone and you were in danger and… and you could have starved to death!” 

“Who told you that?” Five said. 

“Klaus did. He said you were surviving on cockroaches and expired twinkies.” 

“He exaggerated,” Five said. 

“Did he? He said _you_ said-”

“Then I’m the one who exaggerated!” Five snapped. “Just forget the whole thing, just-”

“No,” Ben said. “I don’t want to forget it. I feel terrible about it.” 

“What good does that do?” Five said. “It’s over and done with.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

Five didn’t say anything to that, but Ben waited patiently for a response. 

Finally, Five said, “You should talk to Vanya about this.” 

“What? Why?” 

“She would know what to tell you,” Five said. “I don’t have… I’m not…” 

“I’ll talk to her,” Ben said. “If that makes you feel better.” 

“Good.” 

“But I think you’re misunderstanding me.” 

“No, _you’re_ misunderstanding _me,”_ Five said. “All of you! Ever since I… goddammit. There’s no point in talking about these things.” 

“No, you can say it,” Ben said. “What were you going to say?” 

“Nevermind,” Five said. 

“Please,” Ben said. “I’m your vault, remember?” 

It was a running joke between them. Ben couldn’t remember who’d said it first or why, but it started when they were _little._ Really little and really angry. The why and what didn’t matter, but Five had treated Ben like a Catholic Priest, a confidant that was sworn to secrecy, and Ben had treated Five the same. 

_“This is for the vault,”_ they would say, and lock away the things shared between them. 

“Wow,” Five said. “How nostalgic.” 

“This is for the vault,” Ben said. “Say what you need to say.” 

“Alright,” Five said. “You know I was alone for years. Isolation like that, it muddles the mind.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. 

“I had a companion while I was there,” Five said. “But she wasn’t real. I _know_ she wasn’t real, but she felt real.” 

Ben blinked. “Oh. Okay.” 

“We didn’t agree on everything,” Five said. “But even when we disagreed, there was never any confusion between us. She always knew exactly what I meant and I always knew exactly what _she_ meant. It wasn’t a perfect relationship by any means, but at least we had that.” 

“So you miss it?” Ben said. “The clarity?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “Talking to real people feels like speaking a foreign language. No matter how long I practice, I’ll never be fluent.”

“That sucks,” Ben said.

“Anyway, Vanya will speak your language,” Five said. “So she can help you.” 

“Help me with what?” Ben said. 

“You said you feel terrible,” Five said. “Maybe she can fix it.” 

Ben chuckled. _“Five,_ no one has to fix it!” 

“What?” 

“It’s just a feeling,” Ben said. “Like, yeah I feel guilty, but I know it’s silly. It’s just one of those feelings that gets stuck and you have to bury it under other feelings.” 

“Vanya would say that _that_ is not the healthy way to deal with it,” Five said. 

Ben grinned. “She totally would, huh? All that therapy stuff.” 

“Yes,” Five said. “And I think it’s doing her some good.” 

“Diego says it’s bullshit.” 

“Yeah, well, Diego’s an idiot.” 

Ben was grinning so widely it was starting to give him a headache. Interactions with Five, with both Fives, always seemed to trigger this intense _giddiness._ Almost like an artificial high.

 _A dopamine rush,_ Vanya said, when he described it to her. 

“I’m going to hang up now,” Five said. “That alright?” 

Five was always the one to end their conversations. It caught Ben off guard every single time. And it was depressing because Five never called first, he just responded to calls. 

Did Five even _want_ to talk? Was he just tolerating these conversations? He probably found them exhausting. A foreign language, it sounded like one big headache. 

“That’s alright,” Ben said. “Um, have a good day.” 

“You too,” Five said. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” 

And that was it. Old Five was gone again.

The cats came in all sorts of colors, patterns, and sizes. Some of them were friendly, rubbing themselves against Ben’s legs or walking onto his lap, and some of them had their own thing going on. While petting the cats that were near him Ben would watch the ones that were far. Watch them lounge on the padded shelves of their cat tower, or stroll around, or fight amongst themselves. 

When a particularly hyper kitten scaled Five like a tree he tried to teleport away from it, but it hitched a ride through his portal. “Get _off,”_ Five growled, trying to grab it. But the kitten was on his back, out of his reach. 

Five made as if to slam his back against a wall, but hesitated.

“Wait, wait! Don’t!” Ben gently nudged a cat off his lap and scrambled up, wanting to rescue the kitten, but Five teleported again before Ben could get close enough to them. 

“It’s sunk its claws into my back!” 

Vanya remained where she had been sitting, wincing sympathetically. Ben gave her a look, but she just shook her head. 

“Take a deep breath,” Vanya said. “And hold still, okay?” 

Ben tried to approach Five and the kitten again, but Vanya stopped him. _“Both_ of you hold still.” 

“But-”

“When you charge at them you’re just scaring the kitten,” Vanya said. “Which makes it want to hold onto Five more tightly.” 

Five winced. “I think I’m bleeding.” 

“Deep breaths,” Vanya said. “Keep holding still, Five. The kitten will let go when he calms down.” 

Ben took deep breaths too, and watched Five struggle to relax. 

“Good job,” Vanya said. “How does it feel now?”

The kitten was moving, slowly crawling up onto Five’s shoulder. 

“It’s still scratching me,” Five said. “But not as deep, I guess.” 

“Okay, I’m going to try and pick the kitten up with my powers,” Vanya said. “Please stay still.” 

“You can just _do_ that?” Ben said. 

Vanya didn’t answer, but Ben watched all the color drain from her face. Her eyes were _glowing._ No, her whole body was glowing an eerie pale whitish blue. 

The air seemed to shimmer around Five, ruffling his clothes and his hair, and slowly the kitten hovered over him. There was also this soft ringing sound and when the poor little kitten meowed plaintively Ben could hear its cries echo around the room. 

It was slow, but finally the kitten was placed on the ground. 

Ben gulped and watched the color return to Vanya’s face. The kitten left a pee stain underneath it and then ran off to hide under a cat bed.

 _It’s one thing to be told Vanya has powers,_ Ben thought. _But something else entirely to see them for myself._

“This whole time,” Five said, awe and frustration mingling in his tone. “This _whole_ time, you had telekinesis too?!"

Vanya glanced between the two of them, smiling sadly. Ben wondered what kind of face he’d been making and wanted to pinch himself. _She’s still Vanya!_

“Sorry,” Vanya said.

"I'm not mad," Five said. "But I'm going to need a comprehensive list of all of your abilities."

“That was cool though,” Ben said, tentatively. “It was… it was cool.”

It wasn't even the superpower that had thrown him off, but the way she _looked_ while she used it. That eerie full body glow.

Vanya shrugged. “We should probably call it a day,” she said. “Five, you okay? How’s your back?” 

“Eh, Mom can take a look when we get home.” Five had no interest in his own injury. "But seriously, what other applications are there for-"

“We can talk about that later, okay?" Vanya had a way of gently interrupting Five. It struck Ben as both uniquely _Vanya_ while also being completely out of character from the Vanya in his memory: a girl who could barely make herself heard.

Five frowned. "Fine."

As they made their way out of the shelter, Ben shuffled closer to Vanya. 

“Maybe we should come without Five next time?” Ben murmured. "He doesn't deserve cats."

She chuckled. “Agreed.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The aquarium was _huge._ It was like its own little city, with pathways that led from seals enclosed in their own personal theme park, to dolphins that you could actually throw fish _,_ and ending with the large tunnel that you could walk through that basically housed thousands of different fish in every color and size imaginable. 

“It’s official,” Ben said. “I want to come here every day. We should come back with _everyone.”_

Allison laughed. “They would totally humor you if you asked.” 

But today, it was just the two of them. 

“I want some alone time with you,” Allison had said. “Since I'll have to go back to L.A. soon.” 

It was sad that she lived so far away, but Allison had a daughter now. She couldn’t just move home on a whim. 

And there was also the older Five. 

“For real though,” Ben said. “This is the greatest place I’ve _ever_ been.” 

“Oh yeah?” Allison teased. “Better than Cat Castle?” 

Ben pretended to think about it and she lightly punched him on the shoulder. 

“It’s a tie with Cat Castle.” Ben shrugged in a _what can ya do?_ kind of way. “Because all animals are created equal.” 

“Suuure,” Allison said. “You know what? Next time, I’m going to take you to a petting zoo.” 

“Oh my gosh,” Ben said. “I _love_ you.” 

She giggled. “You’d better!” 

He gave her a hug. “You’re the best sister _ever.”_

“Uh huh.” Allison was so much taller than him now, so she had to bend down to give him a nose kiss. 

He indulged in the affection, but then glanced around self consciously. Thankfully, no one was paying attention to them. 

“Aw, but I can’t take all the credit," Allison said. "This was actually Klaus’s idea.” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yup. I never would have thought of it." She sighed happily, smiling at the jellyfish that were majestically floating over their heads. “He said you would love it.” 

“Wow,” Ben said. “He was right.” 

“Yup.” Allison said. “Hey, listen. I know Klaus has been a little abrasive lately.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know.” She gestured vaguely. “He’s… you know.” 

Ben did not know. Time to guess. 

“He’s been picking fights with Five,” Ben said. “But I don’t think he means it in a bad way. He just doesn’t realize how sensitive Five actually is.” 

“Maybe, but I’m not talking about that.” Allison turned back to the tank, studying the jellyfish with more intensity than they deserved. “I just think he’s taken things kind of hard.” 

“What things?” 

“It’s hard to explain,” Allison said. “It’s really… it’s complicated.” 

“Is it about my death?” 

“Yeah.” Allison peeked at him, but then turned back towards the jellyfish. 

“Did it traumatize him?” 

“I think so,” Allison said. “I mean… well, you know what his power is.” 

Ben swallowed. “Did he…” 

“Yeah. He spent a lot of time with your ghost.” 

“Oh.” Ben turned towards the jellyfish too. They were really pretty. Calming. But they didn’t keep his attention for long. “Was I a gory ghost?” 

“No, no,” Allison said. “You looked normal. Uh, your ghost liked to wear a leather jacket. You had this whole outfit, which was funny because you died in the mission uniform, but I guess that doesn’t matter for ghosts?” 

“But Klaus could have lied about what I looked like,” Ben said. 

“No I _saw_ you,” Allison said. “Klaus figured out that he could make you visible. And even solid! We all got to see you and talk to you, for little stretches.” 

Ben didn’t know what to say to that. 

“Anyway.” Allison gave him that familiar imploring smile. “Just, go easy on him? He can be a jerk. I know he can, but don’t take it too hard.” 

Ben nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

Allison sighed in relief. “Okay, good! I said what I needed to say.” 

Ben chuckled. “Was it hard?” 

“Oh, you know.” Allison gestured vaguely again. Ben was starting to recognize it as a sign that she was really uncomfortable. “We’re not used to talking about our feelings in this family.” 

“We’re not?” 

Ben remembered what Mom had told him on his first day in the future: _I love you, dear. We’ve been making a habit of saying so more often around here._

“I thought everyone was more affectionate now?” Ben added. 

“We’re trying to be,” Allison said. “But Vanya says it’s not just about affection.” 

“What else is it about?” 

Allison groaned and there was more vague gesturing. 

Ben laughed. “Ah. Makes total sense.” 

Allison laughed too. “Right? I’m the queen of communication.” 

“It’s your new superpower,” Ben teased.

Allison grinned. “So anyway, do you want to pet a stingray?” 

“Real talk, I’m not sure what a stingray is,” Ben said. “I’m not, like, an oceanographer. I just think dolphins are cute.” 

“Fair enough!” Allison said. “But Klaus stressed to me that it is vitally important that you get the chance to touch one, so let’s go figure out where and what they are, shall we?” 

Ben saluted her. “Yes, m’am!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I hate planes,” Luther mumbled. 

Ben winced sympathetically. Airplane seats were generally cramped, but Luther had to buy three tickets just for _himself_ , so that he could at least have the arm and leg room to not, like, suffocate a fellow passenger. But even with the row to himself, Luther did _not_ look comfortable. 

Ben was sitting in the row behind him with Allison. 

“Did you say something?” Allison leaned forward. “I didn’t catch that.” 

Luther shook his head, sighing heavily. 

“You didn’t have to come with us,” Ben pointed out. “It’s a simple errand.” 

The errand in question was an impromptu trip to Cleveland Ohio. Because they’d gotten a call from the Ohio police, who claimed to have recovered a stolen car that was Hargreeves property. 

“I wanted to come,” Luther said. “Besides, it’s my name on the V5.”

“The V what?” Ben said. 

“It’s like a certificate,” Allison said. “Proof of ownership. For the car.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Well, maybe we should have driven to Ohio instead? We could have gotten a rental or something.” 

“And add _another_ seven hours of driving?” Allison scoffed. “It’s bad enough we’re gonna have to drive back to New York.” 

“Nevermind, Ben,” Luther said. “This way is faster. And we’re already here.” 

“Is this your first time in coach?” Allison said. “I mean, your first time since the accident?”

“Yeah,” Luther said. “But it’s fine. Not that different from a rocketship, really.”

Luther chuckled weakly.

Ben tried to picture Luther cramped into a tiny little rocketship and wondered how long it had taken him to get to the moon.

But before he could ask, Ben processed what Allison had said. 

“Wait a minute,” Ben said. “What accident?” 

Luther had been half turned towards them, but now he faced back forward, hunching in on himself. 

“Oh,” Allison said. “It was just a little mishap. While Luther was on a mission.”

Ben squinted at her. “And what, was it a really bad injury?” 

“Yes,” she said, simply. “But as you can _see,_ he recovered just fine.” 

Ben sighed. _All hail the queen of communication._

It was another pair of puzzle pieces, but Ben didn’t know how they could fit. On one side there was a mysterious injury, on the other Luther’s obvious discomfort with the plane ride. 

Ben had assumed Luther felt awkward because he was such a big guy cramped into a small space. But maybe Luther was uncomfortable for a _different_ reason. 

Something that wasn’t visibly obvious...

“Luther, are you… does it still hurt?” Ben said.

Luther glanced back. “Huh?” 

“Your injury,” Ben said. “Are you in pain? Like, are there still side effects or something? Is it the altitude? Or-"

"Whoa, whoa," Allison said. "It's nothing like that." 

Ben frowned at her. "I was asking _Luther."_

"I'm not in pain," Luther said, quickly. 

Too quickly. 

"You don't have to hide it if you are," Ben insisted. "I just want to help. Do you feel sick? Queasy?" 

The look on Luther's face was difficult to decipher. His whole face had scrunched up in distress, but what _kind?_ Physical pain, subtle illness, or… or was it emotional distress now? 

_It's me,_ Ben thought. _I'm bothering him._

"Listen-" Allison started. 

"I'm sorry," Ben blurted. "You can ignore me, Luther. I just…" 

"I know how you feel," Luther said. "I'm sorry." 

"No, _I'm_ sorry,” Ben said. 

“No, no,” Luther said. “I should be the one apologizing.” 

“But-” 

“Oh my god!” Allison burst out. “Would you guys _stop?”_

Ben blinked at her. 

“What is even happening right now?” Allison said. “I’m really confused.” 

“You and me both,” Ben snapped. “What happened to all that stuff about… about talking things out? You said everyone is trying to, like, communicate more. Didn’t you? But you guys are keeping all these secrets from me!” 

“We’re not…” Allison hesitated, glancing at Luther.

“You totally are!” Ben leaned toward Luther and tried to adjust his tone to something calmer. “Luther, I just want to know you’re okay. You’re okay, right? What kind of accident was it?”

Luther rubbed at the back of his neck. “This isn’t really the place for that kind of conversation.” 

He’d failed to appeal to Luther, so Ben turned back towards Allison, pouting imploringly. 

“Don’t give me the puppy dog eyes,” she groaned. “It’s not my secret to tell.” 

“So there _is_ a secret,” Ben said. “Does it have to do with that mission on the moon? Did he get hurt up there?” 

“It was before that,” Luther said. “Look, I was the last one at the Academy, right? I’ve told you that much.” 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “At least.” 

“So Dad was sending me on solo missions,” Luther said. “And this one time… I almost died.” 

Ben nodded stoically, encouraging Luther to continue.

“Dad saved me,” Luther said. “But he had to do something… in order to save me. It’s the reason I’m like this.”

Luther gestured at himself. 

Ben raised an eyebrow. “Like what?” 

Luther held up his hands and dramatically removed his fingerless gloves. “Like _this.”_

Ben tilted his head. “Your hands? Is something wrong with them?” 

Looking closely, the texture of Luther’s skin was a bit weird. It was kind of gray-ish.

Luther pushed his sleeve up to reveal a forearm, which had the same weird color. And there was stubble, like a five o’clock shadow, but on his _arm_ instead of his chin. 

“It made you... hairy?” Ben felt silly voicing the theory, but he just couldn’t see what Luther was actually getting at. 

Allison giggled and Luther frowned at her. 

“Sorry,” she said. “It’s just… well that _is_ what it did isn’t it? It’s not all that bad. Just a bit of hair.” 

“Wait, seriously?” Ben said. ‘That’s it?” 

“That’s it,” Luther mumbled. He tugged the sleeve back down and put his gloves back on. 

“I thought it was something really bad!” 

“Luther just feels a bit insecure about his looks,” Allison said. “I don’t know why though. The _ladies_ like him just fine.” 

Luther sputtered, blushing. 

Ben grinned. “Oh yeah? Has he had a lot of girlfriends?” 

“I’ve had zero girlfriends!” Luther said. 

“But you _have_ gotten laid,” Allison said. 

“And _you’ve_ been married!” Luther retorted. “Twice!” 

Ben whistled. “Twice? Wow, Allison.” 

Allison huffed. “Yeah well… I’ve only been divorced once.” 

“Does that mean you’re still married?” Ben said. “Not to Claire's dad though?”

Allison winced. “Um, technically no?” 

“It’s a long story,” Luther said.

“And I don’t want to talk about it,” Allison said.

“But Allisooon,” Ben whined. “You’re the queen of communication!”

She chuckled. “I’ll have to give up the throne.” 

“What will the kingdom do without you?” Ben teased. “Whoever will lead us?” 

“Luther can lead us,” Allison said. “He’s a natural.” 

Luther opened his little window and the sunlight was searing. He quickly closed it again. “Sorry.” 

“See?” Allison said. “Such wisdom.” 

“Very funny,” Luther said. 

“I bet Klaus will tell me,” Ben said. “He loves to gossip.” 

“Hey now,” Luther said. “You should respect her privacy.” 

“So decreed the king,” Ben deadpanned. “And it must be law.” 

Allison bopped him on the nose. “I forgot how funny you are!” 

“I can be funny too,” Luther said. 

“Oh yeah?” Ben said. “Say something funny.” 

Luther shifted in his seat. “I would need some time to think first.” 

“Looot of time between Cleveland and New York,” Allison said. “You let us know when you’re ready.” 

She sent a conspiratorial look Ben’s way and winked. 

They both snickered. 

Luther scratched at his cheek. “Wait, so I need to come up with a joke?”

For some reason, this was _hilarious._ Ben broke out into giggles.

“You _are_ funny,” Ben said. “You’re the funniest!” 

Allison slapped his arm. “You’re so mean!” 

Luther looked confused. “Um…” 

Allison laughed so hard tears ran down her face. 

“You’re meaner!” Ben said. “Stop laughing!” 

But the more they tried to stop laughing, the harder they laughed. 

Luther took it well. He just rolled his eyes and turned towards the front of the plane. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He’d forgotten the way Five liked to barrel into a room unexpectedly. The zap of light and sound startled Ben out of his book, and he almost dropped it. 

“I can teleport people with me now,” Five announced. 

“Oh yeah?” Ben said, absently. He’d saved the book from falling, but had accidentally closed it. 

What page had he been on? 

“I’ll show you,” Five said. “Where do you want to go?” 

Ben looked up. “Uh, you don’t have to show me. I believe you.”

Five scowled. “No one wants to let me practice.” 

Ah. 

Ben gave up on the book. He’d have to find his place later. 

“Alright,” Ben said. “You can take me to the kitchen?” 

“I can jump longer distances now,” Five said. “I can jump all the way to Vanya’s apartment.” 

Ben smiled. “Do you miss Vanya?” 

_“No_ ,” Five said. “I’m just saying, that’s the farthest I’ve gotten so far. But I’ve only done it alone before.” 

“Okay,” Ben said. “You can take me to her place, but maybe outside the building? And we can knock on her door, to be polite.” 

“Fine,” Five said, holding out his hand. “Let’s go.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Perfect timing,” Vanya said. “My last student just left.” 

“I _know_ ,” Five said. “I memorized your schedule.” 

He pointed at her fridge and Ben saw that she had a calendar with all of her appointments pinned up with a magnet. 

“Right,” Vanya said. “Jeez, maybe I should try to hide that thing.” 

“It’s probably better if you let him keep tabs,” Ben said. “Or he’ll show up when you’re busy.” 

“Exactly,” Five said. “You wouldn’t want that, would you?” 

“Okay, okay.” Vanya lifted her hands in mock surrender. “You can keep tabs, you nosy… nosy person.”

“Just call him a nosy bastard,” Ben said. “The rest of us do.” 

“That’s rich coming from _you_ ,” Five said. “Klaus says-”

“ _Anyway,_ ” Vanya said. “What did you guys want to do? We could put on a movie?”

“Actually,” Five said. “I wanted to talk to you guys about something.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was downright nostalgic, sitting with Vanya on her couch while Five stood in front of them, ranting about his powers. Trade the couch for Vanya’s bed and that was how the three of them had spent most of their time together as kids. Or else with Vanya standing, playing her violin, and Five sitting or even napping through it. 

“It’s like a rocket ship,” Five said. “They’ve gotta go full throttle in order to get away from the planet. If they don't, gravity will catch the rocket before it can make it past the atmosphere.” 

“So the first time you jumped you went full throttle?” Vanya said. “That’s why you skipped over so many years?” 

Five beamed at her. “Yes! Because it’s actually harder to navigate shorter stretches of time. The smaller I try to go, the harder it is. Because of… well, it’s not gravity, but it’s like gravity.” 

“Wait a minute,” Ben said. “I thought… the other Five uses a briefcase to-"

 _"Whoa,"_ Vanya said. "That's, uh. That briefcase is something else. Um."

Five slammed his first down on her coffee table. "Stop it." 

Ben blinked, glancing between them. 

"I'm sorry," Vanya said. "It's just that some of these things are complicated."

"What happened to 'straightforward communication'?" Five growled. "What happened to _no more secrets?"_

"I'm sorry," Vanya repeated. She looked helpless, but also alarmingly pale. 

Ben put his arm around her. "Hold on," he said. "Can we back up? I'm confused." 

"Of course you're confused," Five said. "We're both just doomed to this confusion, I suppose." 

Vanya seemed to shrink in on herself, closing her eyes and shaking her head.

"I want to explain," Vanya said. "But the other Five is worried that you might…" 

Vanya took a deep breath. 

Ben gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze and shook his head at Five when he looked ready to say something more. 

"He thinks you'll want to go back," Vanya finally said. "To 2002." 

She opened one of her eyes to take a hesitant peek at their reactions. 

"Uh," Ben said, baffled by the idea. 

"Of course I want to go back," Five snapped. "I belong there." 

_"What?!"_ Ben said. "No you don't!" 

Vanya sighed. "So he was right." 

"I thought you were happy with us," Ben said. "I thought…but you said..." 

Vanya turned her body towards him and snaked her arm behind his back, so that they were in a weird sort of sitting hug on the couch. Ben squeezed her shoulders again, this time for himself and tried to calm down so he could properly articulate his argument. 

And Five just stood in front of them. Apart from them. Why did he always do that?

"It's not about happiness," Five said. "Anyway, if I go back I can fix-"

 _"No,"_ Vanya said. "You don't need to think like that!" 

"I read your memoir," Five hissed. "I know how they treated you!" 

"Wh-what?" Ben said. 

"They didn't mean to," Vanya said. "It wasn't-"

"Intentions don't matter," Five said. "And ignorance is no excuse." 

Ben could feel himself getting angry, but he squashed the urge to yell or demand answers. He knew it wouldn't help. 

Instead, Ben resolved to listen closely for clues. He would use those clues later, maybe with Klaus or Diego. A well phrased question could go a long way, even when the person answering is trying to lie. 

"I forgave them," Vanya said. "So you don't need to-" 

"But you still _felt it all_ ," Five insisted. "It shouldn't have happened in the first place." 

"Please," Vanya said. "Remember what Luther said about the moon? If you mess around in the past-"

 _The moon?_ Ben thought. _Didn't the moon cause the apocalypse? It exploded or something._

"I'll make sure nothing like that happens," Five said. "I'll-"

 _"Why do you always do this to me?!"_ Vanya screamed. 

The light bulbs overhead shattered, the glass sprinkling down like a light rain, and Vanya's voice reverberated through the room. 

The sound of it was literally painful, it cut through Ben, sharp as a knife. His ears _ached_ with it, a throbbing that synchronized with his heartbeat, and a lingering ringing sound prevented him from hearing anything else. 

Vanya turned his head, cupped his cheeks in her hands, and said something. Ben didn't know what, but the concern on her face was palpable. 

"I'm okay," Ben told her. He looked at Five. "You okay?" 

Five ran a hand over his face and appeared to sigh heavily. 

"You're okay, right?" Ben hated the way he could barely hear his own voice. He looked between the two of them. "Uh, I think my ears popped or something. Sorry, I can't hear that well, is that just me?" 

Vanya touched his ear and then showed him her hand. 

There was a drop of blood on her fingers. 

"Shit," Ben said. "Am I _bleeding?"_

She held her index and thumb together, with an inch of space between. The universal sign for _a little._

"Shit," Ben repeated. 

In his peripheral, Ben noticed a flash of blue light. He turned and saw that Five had left. 

He jumped up. "Five!" 

"It's okay," Vanya said. "It's going to be okay." 

Her voice was faint and Ben wondered if she was whispering or if his ears were still bleeding. 

"What if he _leaves?!"_ Ben said. "Really leaves, like last time?" 

"He won't leave," Vanya said. "We just have to explain to him-" 

"I know there's two of them now," Ben said. "But I want to keep them _both_. Is that stupid? Is it selfish?" 

"It's not selfish," Vanya said. "Hey, why don't we call the older Five? We can explain what happened, get some advice. Or maybe when the younger Five calms down we can have another talk. The four of us." 

"Okay." Ben took a deep breath. "Yeah, okay. Let's do that." 

Vanya ran a hand through Ben's hair. "But will you let me take you to a doctor first? We should get your ears checked out." 

"I can hear you fine," Ben said. "It already came back." 

Though there was still a faint ringing sound in the background. 

"Please?" She looked so sad and worried. 

"Alright," Ben relented.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The Five on the screen was wearing a maroon polo shirt. He held himself with remarkable dignity, despite the large Power Puff Girls poster prominently displayed on the wall behind him. 

"You already have access to my proofs," he was saying. "You can run your own equations, of course, but I'm confident you'll arrive at the same conclusion." 

The younger Five scowled at him. "I _will_ run my own equations." 

"But even if the math doesn't check out," Ben said. "You get why we want you to stay, right?" 

Five stiffened, but kept his eyes on the laptop screen. "I have more questions," he told the other Five. "Unrelated to today's meeting." 

"We'll talk again," the Five in the maroon polo said. "In this same fashion." 

"Five?" Vanya reached out as if to touch him, but then withdrew her hand. "Did you hear what Ben said?" 

"He heard." The Five on the screen tutted disapprovingly. "Don't be rude to them. Your anger is childish." 

Abruptly slamming the laptop shut, Five turned to glare at them. _"Yes_ , I heard. Alright? I'm staying." 

"I'm sorry if he offended you," Vanya said. "I'm sure he didn't mean to do that." 

"I'm _not_ offended." Five spoke in that tone of voice that confirmed he _was_ , in fact, offended. 

Ben smiled. 

Five zeroed in on the smile. "Are you laughing at me?" 

Ben exaggeratedly gasped and held his hand over his heart in his best Klaus impression. "Me? I would _never."_

Five tried to maintain his scowl, but his lips twitched upward. "Jerk." 

"But you loooove him," Vanya said.

Maybe it was the contrast between her childish tone and her adult looking face, but this teasing is what finally managed to startle a laugh out of Five. 

Ben laughed too. "And I love him more!" 

"Nuh uh," Vanya said. "I love him more." 

"I love him _the most,"_ Ben insisted. 

"I love him the _mostest,"_ Vanya retorted. 

Five rolled his eyes. "I'm surrounded by _children."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm half expecting that the month of October will need to be split into three or even four chapters. It was a VERY eventful month, you guys


	5. October 1st

_I never wish to celebrate the year of my birth, for fear lest I wake, by the clinking of glasses and noisy mirth, all those who sleep in memory's vaults._

_― Isa Ismayilzade_

It was a really awkward party. At first everyone was just sort of sitting in the living room, looking around at each other as if they were waiting for a lecture or something. 

Luther had set his laptop up on the coffee table so the older Five could phone in (Or video in? He was using the video chat thingy again) but Five didn’t like the angle, so he demanded the laptop be moved over to the bar. 

Which meant the party got split in half, some of them remaining on the couches and some following Luther’s laptop. Ben went with Luther because he wanted to hang out with Old Five, for a change. 

Allison got behind the bar and crouched down to examine the cabinets. “Wow, you guys really cleared the place out.” 

“We didn’t get to _drink_ it,” Klaus whined. “Five chucked everything out!” 

“Because you’re a fucking alcoholic.” The Five on the laptop was in Claire’s room again. Ben thought it was hilarious to see him leaning back against a pile of unicorn stuffed animals.

“It’s legal to be an alcoholic!” Klaus protested. “I don’t drive, I don’t bother anyone!” 

“Isn’t it fine for special occasions?” Allison said. “I actually bought some wine for the party…” 

Ben noticed Luther looked distinctly uncomfortable. “I don’t think Five would like that.” 

“Five is right _here,_ you moron,” Five said.

“Right,” Luther said. “Sorry.” 

Klaus turned the laptop around so that it was facing Allison. “Tell him he should let me drink,” Klaus said. “Tell him it’s a birthday must!” 

Ben rushed to the other side of the bar so he could see Five’s expression when he answered. 

“I’m not giving you my approval.” Five was stoic, but the unicorns clashed with his stern demeanor. “But you’re a grown man, Klaus. You don’t need permission.” 

Now _Allison_ looked uncomfortable. “It’s just a little wine,” she said. “It’s not strong or anything.” 

Klaus whooped. “Let’s get this party _started.”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Everyone brought birthday gifts and Ben wanted to crawl under a rock. Why hadn’t he _thought_ of that? 

“This is our first time bringing gifts,” Luther said. “You don’t have to feel bad.”

Luther had gotten him a wallet. It was cute, dark blue with a dolphin embroidered on it.

“Cause Allison said you like dolphins,” Luther said. “Sorry, is it too girly? I can get you another one.” 

“I love it,” Ben said. 

There was already cash inside. A handful of ten dollar bills. 

“When you pass the driver’s ed test we can add more stuff,” Luther said. “Your license, obviously, but also a debit card and all that.”

There were gift cards too. A bunch of random restaurants. I-Hop, Chick Fil A, Griddy’s Doughnuts. 

“So that you can go out and eat,” Luther said. “Whenever you want, with whoever you want. It’ll probably take a while to teach you how to drive, so I thought this would be good in the meantime?” 

Klaus hooted when he saw the gift cards, “What a delectable selection! Now you gotta take me out to eat, Ben.” 

“Sure,” Ben said. “I’ll take everyone out to eat.” 

Klaus gave him a black leather jacket. “So you can look banging wherever you go.” 

Diego bought him a phone case. “Cause, ya know. It’s practical.” The case was covered in cartoon cats. “Vanya said you like cats,” Diego said. “So… cats.” 

With each gift, Ben would deliver an awkward thank you hug. “This is awesome,” he kept repeating. “I love this, thank you.” 

Allison gave him a laptop. “So we can video chat whenever you want.” 

And Five presented him with a laptop bag, a simple black satchel. “Allison bought it,” Five said. “But it was _my_ idea.” 

The last gift was also the best gift. Vanya gave him four books. 

“The Best American Science Fiction and Fantasy.” Vanya presented them to him with a flourish. “First launched in 2015, I got you that year’s edition and every version that’s come out since.” 

“Oh my _god,”_ Ben said.

“Ben has been obsessed with the Best American anthologies since forever,” Vanya explained to everyone else. “They have a bunch of different versions that come out every year. Best American Mystery, Best American Comics, Best American Essays, etcetera.” 

“I can’t believe they did this!” Ben said. “It’s the two _best_ genres!” 

“I know!” Vanya said. “And the 2019 edition is coming out this month!” 

“It is?!” 

“It is!” Vanya looked as giddy as Ben felt. “As soon as it hits bookstores I’m buying that one for you too.” 

“Oh my god,” Ben said. “You’re my favorite.” 

“Heeey,” Klaus said. “Yesterday you said _I_ was your favorite.” 

“You’ve been demoted,” Ben said. “Vanya is my new favorite.” 

Vanya grinned. “Damn right I am.” 

Luther laughed. “I think she deserves the title, Klaus.” 

“Well alright,” Klaus said. “But I’ll win it back.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


With the onslaught of _give Ben the best gifts ever_ finally over, everyone finally moved on to gift giving for each other. It was less organized, so Ben only caught some of the highlights. 

Diego gave Five a phone case that had a photo of a coffee mug on it. 

“I don’t like coffee,” Five said, then he turned to the older Five, who was nearby on the laptop. “Do _you_ like coffee?”

“Coffee is life,” the older Five deadpanned. 

“Shit,” Diego said. Then, to the older Five, “Should I mail it to _you_ instead?” 

“Sure,” both Fives said. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Luther gave Klaus a t-shirt that said “Sober AF.” 

“Um.” Luther looked _incredibly_ uncomfortable. “Sorry, I thought…” 

“Shhh,” Klaus said. “Have another glass of wine.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Allison gave Vanya a violin stand and two little boxes that Ben found very mysterious.

“I have no idea what the heck rosin is,” Allison said. “But the internet told me you need it for your violin, so I bought it to go with the violin stand. And this polish stuff? I think I got the wrong one, sorry, but I can-”

“Whoa,” Vanya said. “Take a breath.” 

Allison took a breath. 

“This is really useful,” Vanya said. “And the violin stand is pretty. Where did you find it?” 

Ben got bored with their conversation at that point, so he kept walking around the room, eavesdropping on more gift exchanges. 

“I just thought, you know, bow ties are cool,” Klaus was saying to Five. “I mean, they’re not _my_ style, but Ben told me about your suspenders. So.” 

Five wasn’t even trying to hide his displeasure. “Bow ties are _not_ cool.” 

Ben giggled and Klaus rounded on him. “You said he was into them!” 

“I didn’t think you would _buy_ them,” Ben said. “I didn’t know you were fishing for gift intel!”

“Liar!” 

Ben really wasn’t lying, but he couldn’t stop laughing and it made him look suspicious. 

“You evil little minx!” Klaus chased him around the room, but Ben was in better shape. Klaus didn’t stand a chance. 

Klaus _almost_ reached him at one point, but by then Luther was ready to play mediator.

“That’s enough roughhousing,” Luther said sternly. 

“Oh my god,” Ben said. “You sound like _Mom.”_

Klaus burst into laughter and he wasn’t the only one. 

“It’s one of her phrases!” Allison said, giggling. “It really is!” 

“It just slipped out,” Luther said.

“You’re such a _dad_ now,” Ben said. “And I don’t mean like Dad, dad, I mean, like a sitcom dad. You’re all, ‘Have you given college some thought?’ and ‘You’re owed an allowance.’ It’s like, you’ve become the wholesome-est dad dude.” 

Klaus was dramatically rolling on the floor now, positively cackling. 

“Um,” Luther said. 

“He’s not wrong,” Diego said. “You _do_ have wholesome dad vibes, bro.” 

Luther scratched his head. “Is that a good thing?” 

“I’ll take you over our real Dad any day,” Five said.

Klaus clapped his hands. “It’s official! We’re promoting Luther to dad status!”

Ben laughed. “Hear hear!” 

“Okay but seriously,” Luther said. “Stop running around?” 

Klaus leapt up. “Well, now I want to run some more.” 

Klaus did that movie thing, pointing at his own eyes and then at Ben with two fingers. “I’m gonna get cha.” 

Ben used Luther as a human shield, ducking under his arm and behind him. “Luther won’t let you.” 

“Luther is weak to tickling,” Klaus said. 

Luther actually played along, gasping dramatically in a very Klaus-like way. “You wouldn’t dare.” 

“I _would,”_ Klaus said. 

“If you tickle him I will revoke your wine privileges,” Allison called from the bar. 

That stopped Klaus in his tracks. “Huh,” he said. “Not worth.”

Ben watched him collect his empty glass and wander back over to her for a refill, slightly disappointed. 

Luther noticed. “He’ll get back on the wagon. This is just a slip up.” 

“Does he slip up a lot?” 

“Um.” Luther avoided his eyes. “Not a _lot.”_

“So he does.”

“Okay, yeah he does.” 

Ben huffed. 

“Sorry,” Luther said. “I’m not very good at saying no to him.”

“Neither is Allison,” Ben said, giving her the stink eye. She pretended not to see it.

“But he’s off the hard stuff,” Luther said. “That’s progress.” 

“Sure.” 

“You didn’t see the worst of it,” Luther said. “He was even homeless at one point.” 

“He was? For how long?” 

“I don’t know,” Luther said. “He keeps most of the details to himself.” 

“Bet I can get it out of him,” Ben said. 

Luther shook his head. “It’s alright to let people keep some things to themselves, Ben.” 

“Right,” Ben said. “Sure.” 

“I mean it,” Luther said. “I know you mean well, but sometimes you need to just…” 

“Just what?” 

“Let people keep secrets,” Luther said. “Some secrets are harmless and they just… they’re just for the comfort of the person keeping the secret.” 

Ben thought of his own secret with Five. If everyone found out they liked to share a bed it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but it _was_ a comforting secret. 

“But some secrets aren’t harmless,” Ben said. “How am I supposed to tell the difference unless I _know_ what the secret is?”

“I guess you can’t.” 

Ben crossed his arms together. “Yeah, I guess not.” 

Luther tried to smile, but there was something bothering him. He just looked sad. 

“Are you okay?” Ben said. “Yeah.” 

“What are you think- um, you can tell me about it,” Ben said. “If you want to.” 

“Maybe another time,” Luther said. 

“Alriiiight,” Ben groaned. “I’ll respect your privacy, I _guess.”_

“Thank you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


What was the appeal of alcohol exactly? It tasted like crap and made people act stupid. 

Luther wasn't _drunk_ exactly (not like Klaus) but three glasses of wine was enough to spur him towards the idea that they should all _dance_. 

"We're gonna party like it's our birthdaaaah," Klaus laughed. "Hah! Cause it _is."_

Luther was single handedly clearing out all the furniture in the living room. Or, well, he was pushing everything up against the wall anyway. 

"Uh," Ben said. "Why don't we just go to the _ballroom_?" 

Luther gasped and dropped a lamp. "I forgot about the ballroom." 

Ben facepalmed, his own point proven: alcohol = stupid. 

"That's okay," Vanya rushed to reassure him. "It's really dirty in that room since we basically abandoned it. Even Mom ignores it! And isn't there a bunch of junk in there now, Klaus? You started using it as, like, a storage room?" 

"That I did!" Klaus laughed. Because a drunk Klaus laughed at everything. "I totally did!" 

"Anyway, what were you saying Luther?" Vanya said. "About the ballroom dancing?"

Ben cast his eyes around the room, wondering if it was too late to sneak away. Allison and Diego were whispering together by the bar. Would they get annoyed if he joined them? 

"I just thought, it was a waste," Luther said. "Dad made us learn, but I never even… I never danced anywhere." 

Where did Five go? He'd been leaning against the bar too, not that long ago.

"Where's Five?" Ben said. 

Klaus draped an arm over Ben's shoulder, leaning enough of his weight to nearly knock them over. "Ssshhh, he's _fine,"_ Klaus said. "You worry too much, Benny boy!" 

"Five took the laptop with him to the kitchen," Vanya said. "He said it was too loud in here. But I think he also wanted some privacy with, you know, Five Senior." 

Five Senior, Old Five, OG Five… whatever titles they tried to use to tell the two apart, Ben was still half-convinced that the "elder" Five was exactly as old as he looked. 

"You remember the dance steps, don't you Ben?" Luther was still fixated on ballroom dancing. "You want to dance with me?" 

Oh boy. Luther had always been the tallest, but in 2019 he was a _giant._ Ben couldn't imagine being able to comfortably coordinate with such a large partner, especially when said large partner was on the wrong side of tipsy. 

"Uh," Ben said. 

He also didn't want to hurt Luther's feelings. 

"I was hoping Ben would dance with me," Vanya said. "Is that okay Luther? And maybe you could ask Allison."

"Sure," Luther said. But he glanced over at Allison uncertainly. "I mean, she might not-" 

"Oh! Oh!" Klaus let go of Ben to hop up and down in drunken excitement. "And I'll dance with Diego!" 

Ben laughed. "Diego won't agree to that." 

Klaus winked. "I know how to make it happen." 

With that ominous promise, Klaus dragged Luther towards the bar to recruit their dance partners. 

Ben sighed with relief and smiled at Vanya. "Thanks." 

Vanya gave him a pat on the shoulder. "We don't really have to dance. Not if you don't want to." 

"No, it'll be fun," Ben said.

"I barely even remember the ballroom lessons," Vanya admitted 

Ben grinned. "They're fresh in _my_ memory." 

"Ha ha," Vanya said. "I wonder why." 

"I can lead you," Ben added. "Dad says, I mean he used to say, that I'm terrible at leading cause I've got no backbone. But… well." 

Tentatively, he got into position and held his hand out to her. Vanya took the proffered hand and took hold of his shoulder. Ben put his other hand against her upper back, but then they both just kind of stood like that. 

_I've never started a dance without a beat_ , Ben thought, glancing around as if one might materialize if he looked hard enough.

"Do you think they're gonna put on some music?" Vanya said. "Or are we all going to just… just dance?" 

"I don't know," Ben said. "Should we ask?" 

Vanya laughed and let go of his shoulder. "Yeah, we can go ask." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ballroom dancing works best with classical music. Allison was able to pull it up on her phone and Klaus connected it to a speaker that looked like a panda’s head, with the sound coming out of its eyes. 

He was dancing with Vanya, Luther with Allison, and Klaus with Diego. 

Ben kept glancing over at Diego, perplexed by his cooperation. Was Diego just a nicer guy now? Had the years mellowed him out? 

Vanya noticed his incredulity. “Diego’s matured a bit, don’t you think?” 

“I guess so,” Ben said. “Everyone has.”

It was a good thing, but Ben felt like he’d been left behind. He was starting to understand why Five would want to go back to his own time. 

“But we’re still us,” Vanya said. “And you’re still you.” 

“I know,” Ben said. 

He forced a smile. “Hey, can I dip you?” 

She laughed. _“No,_ you cannot.” 

“I won’t drop you, I swear!”

For him, that particular incident had happened a few months ago. For Vanya it had been years, but the face she made told him it was something she hadn’t forgotten. 

“I really won’t,” Ben said. “Give me the chance to redeem myself and I’ll-”

“Stop fucking _laughing,”_ Diego shouted. 

They turned to watch him push Klaus off of him. 

“I hate it when you’re like this!” Diego said. “You’re completely trashed.” 

Klaus kept laughing and Diego looked ready to punch him. Luther stepped in between them. 

“Let’s not fight,” Luther said.

“I’m done playing along,” Diego growled. “Why the fuck did we let him drink?” 

“It’s my birthday!” Klaus said. 

“It’s my birthday too,” Diego said. “And you’re ruining it.” 

Diego stormed out of the room and Ben realized everyone was looking _his_ way. 

“Um,” Ben said. “I’ll go talk to him?” 

“No, no, no,” Allison said. “You don’t have to do that.”

 _“I’ll_ talk to him,” Luther said. 

“Oh c’mon!” Klaus drawled. “He’s not a baby.” 

Vanya sighed. 

“What do you mean?” Ben said. 

“I think they-” Vanya started.

 _“Hey.”_ Allison clapped her hands together. “This is still a party! Let’s just leave Diego alone, give him time to cool off.” 

“I think that would offend him,” Luther said. 

“He can come back if he wants to,” Allison said. 

Ben got the distinct feeling that he was _missing_ something. Or else, that they were keeping something from him. But he couldn’t begin to guess what it was. 

_“I’m done playing along,”_ Diego had said. 

“I want to talk to him,” Ben said. “I’ll come back later.” 

“Luther can talk to him,” Allison said. “You don’t have to-”

“I _want_ to,” Ben said, firmly. 

“Great!” Klaus said. “I’ll dance with Vanya.” 

Ben glanced at her. “Is that okay with you?” 

Vanya nodded and opened her arms for Klaus. He picked her up and spun her around. “Hell yeah it’s okay with her! I’m the best dancer in the family.” 

She chuckled. “I can’t deny that.”

Allison took hold of his elbow. “I kind of wanted the chance to dance with you though,” she said. “You sure you don’t want to let Luther handle it?” 

Her persistence was suspicious. 

“I’m sure,” Ben said. “I won’t be gone for that long, okay? And I’ll try to get Diego to come back.” 

Allison gave up, releasing his elbow. “Alright.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego wasn’t in his room and he wasn’t in the kitchen with the Fives. Ben ran into Mom while looking and she said he would probably be in the training room. 

“Thanks,” Ben said. “Hey, how come you’re not at the party?” 

Ben felt a twinge of guilt. He hadn’t noticed her absence until it was staring him in the face. 

Mom shrugged. “Oh, I never know what to do at things like that. These days I prefer to keep busy.”

She showed him the sweater she was knitting. It was just the sleeves and the neck barely connected together in a disorganized zig zag pattern of green and red thread. 

“Have you heard of the ugly sweater competition?” Mom said. “It’s for Christmas and the point is to make a sweater that is as garish and cluttered as possible! I’m going to sew a bunch of stuffed animals onto it when the base is done. Maybe even cut them up so that, say, a reindeer’s butt is sticking out of the elbow and a snow man’s head is sticking up out of the shoulder.” 

Ben laughed. “I haven’t heard of that, but it sounds fun.” 

“It’ll be _so_ much fun,” Mom said. “Klaus already agreed to be my model. We’re going to have a whole photo shoot!” 

“I can be a model too,” Ben said. “I mean, if you want.” 

She beamed at him. “Thank you! I would adore that.” 

He nodded, not knowing what else to say. Mom had so much more personality than she used to, but she was still hard to talk to. 

“Uh, I’m going to go and find Diego,” Ben said. “Like I said.” 

She nodded back. “I hope you can comfort him a little. He’s been having such a difficult time.” 

“I’ll try,” Ben said. “But it’s kind of hard now.” 

Mom tapped him on the chin. “Chin up,” she said. 

It was one of her phrases. Five had pointed them out to him when they were younger. She had a whole rotation of platitudes. 

“Thanks,” Ben said.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Diego was beating the shit out of a punching bag. Ben watched him for a couple minutes and Diego didn’t notice. He was single mindedly focused on the punching bag. 

Then Ben had an idea. 

He went back into the kitchen to grab a cold water bottle from the fridge. 

“Still haven’t found him?” The younger Five said. 

He had the laptop propped up on the kitchen counter on top of three cereal boxes, so that he and the older Five were at the same eye level while they talked. 

“I found him,” Ben said. “He’s in the training room.” 

“I should’ve guessed,” the older Five said. “He going at the punching bag?” 

“Yup,” Ben said. “So I thought I’d get him some water. Maybe a granola bar, do either of you know if we have any?” 

The younger Five shrugged and the older said, “There should be some in the cabinet over the fridge. Luther puts them there so that Klaus can’t reach them.” 

Ben frowned. That meant _he_ couldn’t reach them either. 

“I’ll get them,” the younger said. He warped on top of the fridge, landing in a kneeling position, but he still bumped his head against the ceiling. 

“You okay?” Ben said. 

Five grunted and opened the cabinet door, nearly falling off the fridge in the process because he had to move out of the way as he opened it.

Ben hovered under him anxiously, ready to catch him. 

But Five quickly grabbed the box of granolas and teleported back to where he’d been standing before. 

“Were you always this fretful?” Five said, holding out the box.

Ben took it. “What do you mean?” 

“It’s because he’s older,” the Five on the laptop said. “Even four years changes a person.” 

The younger Five sighed. “I guess so.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said.

Ben tried to remember how he’d behaved at thirteen. How he’d treated Five, how they’d gotten along. He _thought_ he’d been acting the same, but it was true that he felt more protective of Five than he had back then. 

“But it’s not really because I’ve changed,” Ben said. “It’s because…” 

_Because I lost you,_ Ben thought. _And I don’t want to lose you again._

“You don’t have to explain,” the older Five said. 

“Sorry,” Ben repeated. 

“It’s okay,” the younger said. “Hurry up and deal with Diego.” 

Ben hugged the granola bar box to his chest and nearly dropped the water bottle. “Right.” 

“You’re going to take the _whole_ thing?” Young Five said. 

“Um, no,” Ben said. He awkwardly fumbled with the box, which hadn’t been opened yet, and could feel his face heating up as the two Fives watched. 

The older cleared his throat, regaining the younger’s attention. “As I was saying,” he said. “There was never a thirty year old version of us present in 2019.” 

Ben finally got the damn box open and pulled out a granola bar. Then he slipped out of the room, eager- for the first time- to get away from Five. 

When he got back to the training room, Diego was still pounding on the punching bag, but he’d slowed down. He was panting from the exertion.

“You thirsty?” Ben said. 

Diego jumped in surprise. “Jesus,” he said. “Don’t sneak up on me.” 

He turned away from the punching bag and Ben held out the water bottle and the granola bar.

Diego grinned. “You’re the best,” he said.

“Hydration is important and all that,” Ben said. 

Diego pocketed the granola bar, focusing on the water. He chugged from it and Ben fidgeted, feeling self-conscious. 

“I’m fine,” Diego said. “I’ll go back in a minute.” 

“Please don’t,” Ben said. “You need a shower.”

Diego laughed. “You’re not wrong.” 

_What the heck,_ Ben thought. _His mood did a total 180._

“Are you trying to be nicer in front of me?” Ben said. “Because of… because I died?” 

Diego blinked. “No.” He shifted on his feet. “I really do feel better now.” 

Then he pulled the granola bar out of his pocket and unwrapped it. “This helps,” he added. 

“What did you mean when you said you were done playing along?” Ben persisted. 

Diego took a big bite out of the granola bar and shrugged. 

“I feel like you guys are hiding something from me,” Ben said. “Maybe because I’m younger. You think I can’t handle it. Whatever it is.” 

“No man,” Diego said. “I just meant, like… everyone wants to give Klaus a pass for falling off the wagon. Cause they don’t want to spoil the mood. I think that’s stupid.” 

Ben squinted at him suspiciously. 

“That’s all I meant,” Diego said. “Seriously.”

“But everyone is acting weird around me,” Ben persisted. 

Diego took another big gulp from the water bottle and considered him. 

“Is it just in my head?” Ben said. 

“Probably not,” Diego said. “Sorry, I’ve been trying to act normal. But, you know…” 

“But you lost me,” Ben said. “So that changed things.” 

Diego avoided eye contact, “Yeah.” 

“Do you think it’ll wear off?” Ben said. “Like, eventually?” 

Diego shrugged.

“Sorry,” Ben said. “I’m just trying to…” 

To what? To adapt to the future, to accept this bizarre alternate reality, to figure out what to do with himself and his _life,_ which had been stolen from him and then given back. 

Putting an arm around Ben’s shoulder, Diego grunted and said, “I don’t get it, but I’ll try to help. Just tell me what you need or whatever.” 

Ben wrinkled his nose. “I need you to shower, dude.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Long after the party was over, the two Fives continued their video call. Ben tried to peek in on them a couple of times, finding various excuses to visit the kitchen, but then Five teleported to his room for privacy. 

Ben felt a bit cheated. Five had wasted their entire birthday obsessing over time travel with _himself._

Finally, he knocked on Five’s door. “Are you guys still talking? It’s getting late.” 

Five opened the door. “No, I gave the laptop back to Luther.” 

He was in his pajamas, but his bed was covered in notebooks, the pages opened and filled with various equations. 

Ben sighed. “Don’t you want to do something _fun_ for your birthday? This is the first year where we… we could do whatever we wanted.” 

Five raised an eyebrow. “This _is_ fun,” he said. “Besides, birthdays are-”

“Arbitrary, I know.” Ben tried to stamp down his disappointment. “It’s over anyway, so whatever.” 

Five considered him. “Was there something you wanted me to do?” 

Ben shrugged. 

Five looked at his new watch. “We’ve got two hours till midnight. So, technically, it’s _not_ over.” 

Ben shifted uncomfortably. 

“Just tell me what you want,” Five said. “I’ll do it. We’ll call it a birthday gift.” 

“There wasn’t anything in particular that I wanted,” Ben said. “I just… you skipped out on most of the party.” 

Five crossed his arms over his chest. “I can’t do anything about that _now.”_

“I know,” Ben said. “Look, can we just go to bed already? I’m tired. I’ve been waiting for you to come to my room.” 

Five pursed his lips. “I’m too keyed up to sleep,” he said. “You don’t need to wait for me. I’ll just stay here tonight, so you can-”

“No!” 

Five blinked. 

"I just… I won't be able to sleep like that," Ben said. "Just… I don't mind waiting. I'm kind of hungry anyway, I'll just go downstairs for a snack." 

"Ben-"

"Do you want anything?" 

Five shook his head.

“Okay,” Ben said. “Take your time.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Klaus was sitting at the bottom of the stairs, casually taking a hit from a rainbow colored bong. 

"Seriously? You're just going to smoke out in the open now?" 

Klaus let out a smoke filled breath. "Benny!" 

He tried to say more, but broke into coughing instead. 

Ben frowned at him. "Dude." 

Klaus laughed. "There's my Ben," he said. "You haven't changed a _bit."_

"For real, _what_ is going on with you?" Ben said. "Diego says you were doing so well. You were sober, you were going to NA meetings… what happened?" 

"Oh, this and that," Klaus said. "I met up with Dave the other day. Did I ever tell ya about Dave?" 

"Uh, no," Ben said. "One of your ex-boyfriends?" 

"Yep," Klaus said. "Except he forgot my entire existence." 

Ben sat down on the bottom step next to Klaus. This was probably going to be a long rant. "That must have hurt your feelings," he said. 

"I'm not exaggerating. The guy _literally_ forgot my existence." Klaus groaned. "I wanted to be happy that he was alive, but goddammit! I wasn't happy, Ben. I was _not_ happy." 

"Uh, did he have an overdose scare?" Ben said. "Like that chick you met when you would sneak out to go clubbing?" 

Klaus slapped his knee. "Oh my god! I completely forgot about that sad bitch! _Damn,_ that was such a long ass time ago!" 

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know why I even try to talk to you when you're like this." 

"But it gets funnier," Klaus said. "Dave is, like, an old man! Eighty or ninety or something. Straight up, why is he still alive? Huh?" 

"Your ex is an old man?" Ben tried to imagine when the relationship itself could have taken place. "Was it a really long time ago, when you dated him?" 

The teenage Klaus had always gotten a thrill from flirting with older men. But the oldest had probably been thirty or so. A guy like that would be, what, fifty today? At the oldest.

"It was 1968," Klaus said. "Dave was in his _prime,_ fuck. He was so hot." 

Ben sighed. He thought Klaus was trying to be sincere for once. In his own way. 

"Everyone's really disappointed in you," Ben said. "Don't you care at all?" 

"And Dave got _married,"_ Klaus said. "Did you hear? It's legal now!" 

Ben blinked. "Oh, uh, I hadn't heard." 

"Lots of little changes like that," Klaus said. "Apparently they legalized it in 2015. Not _my_ 2015, but this one. You know?" 

Ben did not know. "You mean history is being changed?" 

It felt weird to realize that 2015 was already a tentative part of _history._ The year had always felt like a magical marker of the future: where Marty McFly would zip around on a hoverboard and holographic sharks would pretend to eat you. 

"Yup!" Klaus said. "Five calls it manda-something. And he says that's why Dave is alive. _He_ didn't do it." 

Ben realized Klaus was talking about the _older_ Five and with this realization came a chilling epiphany.

"Wait… you mean Dave was…" 

"Dead as a doornail." Klaus giggled. "Like you! But I get the youngest you, and the oldest Dave!" 

Klaus pinched Ben's cheek, grinning aggressively. "And you really are the cutest thing, Benny! Almost innocent. Ish." 

"Um, I'm sorry your ex died," Ben said. "And I'm sorry he forgot you when he came back." 

Klaus laughed. "No! You're not." 

Ben blinked. "Are you mad at me or something?"

Klaus rolled his eyes and took another hit from his bong. 

"I'm seriously asking," Ben said. 

Klaus took his time coughing and clearing his throat. Then he gave Ben one of his Klaus patented insincere smiles. 

"Who could get mad at _you?"_ Klaus said. "That would be downright criminal of me." 

_Definitely mad about something,_ Ben thought. _Time to play the guessing game._

"Is it because I got after you for bullying Five?"

"Psh, I'm used to that!" Klaus said. "Five is your favorite. Always has been, always will be." 

Ben tilted his head. "You sound _so_ bitter right now." 

Klaus gasped in mock surprise. "Bitter? _Moi?"_

"You're totally bitter!" Ben bopped him on the nose. "You know, I haven't seen you this passive aggressive since that time Dad caught Allison and Luther having a picnic in the attic." 

Klaus huffed. "Luther is _Allison's_ favorite. I'm fine with that too!" 

"You're a grown ass man," Ben said. "Stop obsessing over favorites. It's not healthy." 

Klaus stuck his tongue out. "Allison is _my_ favorite," he said. "She's waaaay cooler than you." 

Ben laughed. "I don't care." 

"Vanya is Five's favorite," Klaus continued. "And Diego's is Mom." 

"Sure."

"And you and me are the only ones who aren't favored by our favorites!" Klaus announced this with a dramatic flourish, throwing his arms open. "That's our unique bond." 

Ben smirked. "But I _am_ Five's favorite." 

"Nuh uh," Klaus said. "It's Vanya." 

"Oh yeah? Well, Vanya doesn't get to…" 

Share a bed with Five. He'd almost let it slip out. 

Klaus leaned forward. "Vanya doesn't get to what?" 

Ben grinned and shook his head, miming a zipper being closed over his lips. 

"A secret!" Klaus gasped. "Hell yeah, detective Klaus is on the hunt!" 

"Oh my _god,"_ Ben groaned. "Don't start with that bullshit." 

Klaus cackled. "It's your favorite bullshit!" 

"Not when _I'm_ the subject!" 

"Schadenfreude, oh brother of mine." Klaus sniggered. "For truly great comedy, we must all take a turn as the victim." 

"I don't care about comedy," Ben said. "Find another victim." 

Klaus placed the back of his hand against his forehead, dramatically looking up as if imploring the gods for patience. "I suppose I'll have to sacrifice myself, once again." 

"Sacrifice yourself to what?" 

"To schadenfreude!" Klaus gestured vaguely at the ceiling, as if this deity were floating over their heads. "I shall put my misery into my art and the masses will laugh so hard their spleens will explode!" 

"I think you've had enough laughter for a lifetime," Ben said. "Don't you ever get tired?"

"Nein!" Klaus put his arm over Ben's shoulder and gave him a squeeze. "There's no rest for the talented!" 

"Riiiight," Ben said. "Well, _I'm_ going to rest." 

Klaus saluted him. "Sleep well!"

  
  
  
  
  


  
  


Having completely forgotten the snack he'd set out to get in the first place, Ben went back up to his room. 

Five was there, sitting in bed with a scowl. "About time," he said. 

"Sorry," Ben said. "I ended up hanging out with Klaus for a bit." 

"You're the one that was rushing me to get to bed," Five said. "You’re the one that can’t sleep by himself.” 

“Sorry,” Ben said. “Is it a pain? You don’t have to force yourself.” 

Five pinched the bridge of his nose. “Then which is it? You can’t sleep without me or you don’t need me?” 

“I… I don’t _need_ you,” Ben said. “I just… I like having you here. It’s nice.”

Five leaned forward. “There’s something you’re not telling me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I feel like I’m missing something,” Five said. “You know I can’t read your mind, right?” 

“You’re not missing anything,” Ben said. 

Five squinted at him suspiciously. 

“You’re really not,” Ben said. “I’m sorry I got mad at you. I didn’t mean to.” 

Five snorted. “That was you being mad?” 

“Sort of.” Ben rubbed at the back of his neck sheepishly. “I think I got a little jealous of the older Five? But also of you, because I never get to talk to the older Five for that long. It’s really stupid.” 

Five laughed. “He got jealous too!” 

“Really?” 

“He thinks I’m the Five you like best,” Five said. “Because you have memories of me, but none of him.” 

“He really said that?” 

“No, but I can read between the lines.” Five pulled the cover back from the bed. “Anyway, are you going to lay down or what?” 

Ben smiled. “Yeah, I’m beat.”

“Then turn the lights off already.” 

Ben did so and then got into bed, snuggling up against Five in the way he’d grown accustomed to. 

“Goodnight, Ben.” 

“Goodnight,” Ben said. “I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Five said. “Love you too.”


	6. October 2 - 21

_Your absence has gone through me_ _like thread_ _through a needle. Everything I_ _d_ _o is stitched with its color._

_― W. S. Merwin_

  
  


It was time to leave. 

It bothered Five that he hadn’t solved all the problems he’d set out for himself. Like fixing Luther’s body or integrating Claire into the family at large. But Time was a finite resource. He’d done his best within its limits. 

He was pleased with the strides Vanya had made with her powers in the little time they’d had to train her control. She would continue to explore and grow in leaps and bounds without him, he knew, and Five felt assured that she would remain stable now that she had Ben and the others by her side. 

Mom had been sorted and had been trusted to keep the fixed healing serum on standby for emergencies. That paired with the fact that Diego had apparently recruited Luther to join him on his vigilante escapades was a load off Five’s mind. They could watch out for each other that way. 

It was possible (no, it was _likely_ ) that Klaus would fall off the wagon again. Perhaps with alcohol, perhaps something stronger. But Five trusted his brother would pick himself back up again. Hopefully the others would make more of an effort to help, if need be. 

But more important than any of that: Ben was _alive_. Granted, adjusting to his new life would be difficult. Five had no illusions on that front, but Ben’s displacement would be survivable. 

That was what _mattered._

It was a shame about Dolores. Standing outside the Academy, it had been tempting to just blink in to fetch her. But the chances of running into his doppelganger were too high and he’d barely survived his last such encounters.

Besides, what kind of life could Five provide for her? That of a vagabond on the run from overzealous good Samaritans? 

They’d spent years drifting through the ashes with that damn wagon. Too many years. Dolores deserved a roof over her head now. She deserved a proper _home._

“I know what you would say if you were here,” Five murmured. “You’d say I deserve the same.” 

Ultimately, it didn’t matter what he deserved. It was simple math. One person here was not like the others. He would only disturb the Universe if he stayed. 

Five scrutinized his reflection in the full length mirror. He’d done his best to affect an older appearance by wearing a pair of platform boots he’d found in Allison’s closet. Paired with dress pants, blazer, and the briefcases in each hand, Five hoped he could pass for a slim twenty something.

But as Five glared at his reflection he realized that, height or no height, there was still the problem of his _face_. 

He sighed and returned to Allison’s closet. Didn’t she have a whole stack of sunglasses somewhere? He needed large ones. 

When his eyes landed on the maroon fedora Five grinned. That might help too. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The damn cellphone was his last concession. Five promised himself that he would answer his siblings when called, no matter the annoyance or triviality. Yet it was with some surprise that he looked down at the screen to see Allison’s flashing name not one minute after stepping out of her apartment. 

Still, he answered. “What is it?” 

“Where are you going?” Allison said. 

He blinked. “Nowhere.”

“I’ve got Vivint installed in my apartment. I can _see_ that you opened the door.” 

_Vivint?_ He thought. _Is that some kind of fancy camera?_

Five glanced back at the apartment’s roof, looking for the tell-tale black orb.

“Five?” Allison said. “Why are you outside?” 

He couldn’t find the camera, but no matter. She was halfway across the country. He struggled to hold both briefcases while also holding the phone to his ear, but managed to juggle one into a secure position under his armpit and resumed walking. 

“I’m taking out the trash,” Five said.

“You mean you’re taking out the briefcases,” Allison said. “Dressed like some kind of hipster door to door salesman.” 

“Fine. You caught me. I wanted to stash them somewhere secure.” 

This much was true. Five couldn’t bring himself to destroy either briefcase. They were too valuable. But they were also dangerous. He needed to stow them somewhere out of reach, and well separate from each other, so that they could be retrieved only as necessary. 

“I thought we agreed you’d stay inside,” Allison said. “You know, until we figure out what to do about the Institute?” 

“Well, _Allison,_ ” Five bit out. “As you can clearly see for yourself, I’ve taken precautions against attracting their attention.” 

“But we agreed-”

“I’m hanging up,” Five announced. “Give Ben my regards.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Of course it would be Klaus to abuse the new phone. From the moment Five had bought the thing Klaus had made a point of calling at all hours to rant; a frivolous stream of grandiose monologues which Five would tolerate for ten minutes at a time before abruptly hanging up. After him it was Vanya who called the most, forever concerned about his “isolation.” And that concern was voiced _before_ Allison had gone to New York to see Ben. 

Yet it was Allison who proved the most trouble. 

“When are you going back to the apartment?” Allison said. “Isn’t it getting dark outside?” 

It _was_ getting dark, but Five kept the sunglasses on anyway. At this time of evening concerned adults proved more troublesome. 

“Don’t concern yourself with my business,” Five said. 

Allison did not respond. Five took the phone off his ear to look at the screen. The call was still going.

“Hello?” Five said. “Allison?” 

She still said nothing and Five could feel his heartbeat quickening, the sharp adrenaline spike of fledgling panic. 

_“Allison?!”_

“Did you feel that?” Allison said. 

“What?” he snapped. 

“Did you _feel_ it?” 

“Feel _what?_ ”

“The worry,” Allison said. “I could hear it in your voice. I scared you for a second there, didn’t I?”

He scowled. “I’m hanging up.”

“Wait, just let me-” 

Five swiped the little red button and stowed the phone in his back pocket. He didn’t have time for mind games.

He had a bus to catch. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hear me out,” Allison said. “Let me apologize.” 

He was sitting at the back of the Greyhound with the one remaining briefcase secure on his lap. After three missed calls and a slew of texts, his conscience had forced him to call her back. 

“I’m listening,” Five said. 

“I was just trying to make a point,” Allison said. “I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“You did no such thing.” 

“Well, I’m sorry anyway,” Allison said. “It was mean spirited.” 

“Alright.” 

“But will you _please_ go back to the apartment?” Allison said. “It’s late.” 

_Might as well rip off the_ _Band-Aid_ , he thought. 

“I’m not going back.” 

Again, there was that silence. Five waited it out.

“Are you going to Arizona?” she finally said.

“Something like that.” 

“No.” 

He rolled his eyes. “Allison-”

“ _No_ ,” she said. “I won’t let you do this.” 

“You don’t have a choice in the matter.”

“Yes I do,” Allison said. “I can make you stay.” 

Knowing what she meant, Five hung up. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The knocking woke Ben up. It was a soft sound and, at first, it mingled with his dream. 

There were _five_ Fives running around and they started lightly tap dancing in sync with the knocking. 

"Ben?" Vanya's voice broke the logic of the dream. "Are you still asleep?" 

Ben opened his eyes and glanced around. The light from the window was faint, but it was enough to tell him that it was morning. 

"Huh?" Ben mumbled. 

"Sorry, I know it's early." Vanya called from the door. "But can you come out? Allison has something important she needs to tell you." 

Ben sat up and looked around for Five, spotting his foot sticking out of the blanket where a head should have been. 

Five could be a restless sleeper and he tossed and turned enough to turn himself completely around, sometimes. Ben slowly lifted the blanket to see if Five was awake, but the little dude was still conked out.

"Ben?" Vanya raised her voice and Ben winced, scrambling out of the bed as quietly as possible. 

He opened the door a sliver, not wanting to risk her spotting Five. "I'll be right down," he murmured.

"Okay cool," Vanya said. "I'll go wake Five then." 

His eyes widened. "No!" 

If Vanya found Five's bed neatly made up and empty, she might freak out. But if Ben exposed Five's secret… 

No, he couldn't do that. 

"No?" Vanya echoed. 

"Five has been having a lot of trouble sleeping," Ben said. "So he'll be really grumpy if you wake him up." 

"Oh." Vanya scratched her cheek. "I guess we can fill him in later, then." 

"Thanks." Ben made a show of nonchalantly leaning against the doorframe. "What's this about, anyway?" 

Vanya fidgeted with her hands. "I think we should let Allison explain."

Ben frowned. "Okay… Just let me get dressed." 

She nodded.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"So he's just... _gone? Gone_ gone? _"_ Ben didn't mean to raise his voice. It just came out that way, startlingly loud and angry. 

Allison covered her face with her hands. "He won't answer my calls anymore." 

"He picked up when I called though," Vanya added. "Said he was going north. He's okay, he just… well, he didn't really explain why, but he said he needed to stay away from the family. For our own good, he said." 

"Why wouldn't he explain why?!" 

Allison lowered her hands and leaned forward. "You can call him, Ben. He'll listen to you." 

Vanya shook her head. "When Five makes up his mind about something that's it." 

"But you guys talked him out of time traveling just the other day," Allison said. "Right? Didn't you?" 

"That was the _other_ Five," Ben said. "And it was _Five_ that talked him out of it."

"Okay great," Allison said. "Maybe it can work the other way around too. Where's baby Five? We'll tell him and he can-"

"Hold on," Vanya said. "Before we start scheming I just… I just wanted to get everyone on the same page." 

Allison scoffed. "Scheming? Wow." 

"You know what I meant," Vanya said. 

"Sure." Allison stood and made a show of dusting off her pants. "You know what? I need to head back over there." 

Vanya stood too. "Allison…" 

"You can tell everyone else for me," Allison said. "That's your shtick anyway." 

"I'm going to go wake Five," Ben said. 

"Good," Allison said. "Tell him to call himself." 

"Please don't leave like this," Vanya said. "Don't leave angry." 

Ben didn't want to stick around for their fight. He hurried back to his bedroom.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five was still asleep.

"You're a heavy sleeper," Ben said. "I forgot about that." 

He ran his fingers through Five's hair. 

"Vanya almost caught you in here," Ben said. "I feel like she'd be the best person to find out, of everyone, but I kept the secret safe anyway." 

Five was smiling in his sleep. 

Ben couldn't bring himself to wake him, in the end, so instead he laid back down with his feet to the headboard so he could match Five. 

"I'll tell you later," Ben murmured. "It's fine if I tell you later, right?" 

Five _still_ didn't wake up, so Ben put an arm around him and closed his eyes. 

_"It's going to be okay,"_ Vanya had said. 

Ben nodded to himself, desperate to agree with her. 

"It's going to be okay," he whispered. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Two days after the birthday party, Vanya and Allison woke him up to explain the older Five’s disappearance. 

No, disappearance was the wrong word. Five wasn’t missing, he was just gone. He’d _left,_ but he was still answering his phone. According to Vanya anyway. 

Ben accidentally fell asleep when he got back into bed with the younger Five. When he woke up again, it was tempting to write off the whole situation as just another nightmare. But it had been too coherent for a nightmare. Too vivid. 

To make things worse, the younger Five was no longer in the bed with him. Ben rushed over to Five’s room and knocked on his door. “Five! Are you in there?” 

“Getting dressed,” Five called from inside. “Give me a second.” 

Ben fidgeted in the hallway and wondered where he’d left his phone. He needed to call the older Five. To make sure he would really still be around somewhere to answer. 

But then Five opened the door. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Ben replied, automatically. “Uh, well, except the other Five is gone.” 

Five raised an eyebrow. “He’s not gone.” 

“I mean he isn’t at Allison’s apartment anymore,” Ben said. “He left yesterday.”

“I know,” Five said. “He told me he would.” 

_“What?_ Why didn’t you tell me?!” 

“I thought _he_ would,” Five said. 

“Goddammit,” Ben said. “Did he tell you why?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “He said the Commission would consider him a threat to the timeline.” 

_“What?_ Why?” 

“Isn’t it obvious?” Five said. “There are _two_ of us. It’s a paradox.” 

“But you guys are thousands of miles away from each other,” Ben said. “So I thought-”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Five said. “I’m not clear on all the details, but the gist of it is the Commission has technology that alerts them to anomalies like this.”

Ben could barely wrap his head around the Commission's _existence,_ let alone their technology. But he knew their whole thing was time travel.

“Wouldn’t they have come already?” Ben said. “If they were going to?” 

Five shrugged. “My doppelganger seems to think they operate in a very… particular way.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“He said they evaluate the course of events very carefully,” Five said. “And then pick when to step in. Because timing is everything.” 

Ben wanted to tear his hair out. This was so _frustrating._

“Sorry,” Five said. “I really thought he would tell you.” 

Ben took a deep breath. “It’s not your fault.” 

“So he didn’t tell anyone?” Five said. “He just left?” 

“He told Allison,” Ben said. “I mean, she said he waited until he was already on a bus. But he _did_ tell her. And then she told Vanya, and then Vanya called him… speaking of, I should call him too.” 

Five smirked. “Tell him I think he’s being childish.” 

Ben laughed, in spite of himself. “I will.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben was _pissed._ He took his phone up to the attic so he could yell at Five without being overheard.

“How could you leave _again?!”_ Ben shouted. 

“I’m sorry,” Five said. “But it had to be done.” 

“You said I could visit you whenever I wanted! You said you would stay with Allison!” 

“I lied,” Five said. “I’m sorry.” 

“Why did you lie?” Ben said. “Where are you going?!” 

“I’m not going anywhere in particular,” Five said. “I just needed to leave before Allison got back from New York.” 

“Because of those stupid time travelers?” Ben said.

“Those stupid time travelers have impressive technology,” Five said. “They call it the Infinite Switchboard.” 

“But… but you said you would stay.” Even as he spoke, Ben knew he sounded like a petulant toddler, but he couldn’t stop himself. “You said you would _stay._ You can’t leave again. You can’t leave _on purpose.”_

“It’s simple math,” Five said. “I don’t belong and never did.” 

“Bullshit! I don’t belong either, so why do _I_ get to stay, huh? What’s stopping those time travelers from coming after me? Or the other Five?” 

“They won’t come after you,” Five said. “It’s not the same.”

“Why not?!” 

“I wish I could explain,” Five said. 

“Then explain!” 

“It would go over your head,” Five said. “I don’t have a metaphor for this.” 

Metaphors had always been Five’s favorite way of explaining complex theorems or emotions.

“Then come up with one,” Ben said. 

“Alright,” Five said. “I’ll try to do that, but in the meantime you’ll have to trust that I’m doing what’s best for the family.”

“I _won’t_ trust that,” Ben said. 

“That’s your prerogative, I suppose.” 

“God fucking dammit,” Ben muttered. “You really are cursed with gypsy blood.” 

“I beg your pardon?” 

“Nevermind,” Ben huffed. 

“A nomadic people,” Five said. “I suppose I can see the comparison.” 

“It’s a line from this stupid poem.” 

“A poem? Did you memorize it?” 

“Huh? Yeah.” Ben could feel his anger draining away and was surprised by it. Was it because Five refused to properly defend himself? Or the fact that nothing had noticeably changed?

“Would you recite it for me?” 

Ben swallowed. “Sure, I guess. It’s just… it’s a poem that’s always reminded me of you.” 

“I’d like to hear it.” 

“Okay.” Ben cleared his throat. _“There’s a race of men that don’t fit in. A race that can’t sit still; so they break the hearts of kith and kin, and roam the world at will.”_

Ben paused, feeling embarrassed. 

“Go on,” Five said. 

_“They range the field and rove the flood,”_ Ben continued. _“And they climb the mountain’s crest; theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood, and they don’t know how to rest.”_

Ben cleared his throat again. “That’s it. That’s the poem.” 

“I see,” Five said. “It’s certainly fitting.” 

“I used to picture you as this epic explorer,” Ben said. “I thought you were out on an adventure. I admired it, but I wished you had taken me with you.”

“I would gladly bring you with me if I could,” Five said. 

“Why can’t you?” Ben said. “Tell me where you are and I can get on a bus-”

 _“No,_ Ben,” Five said. “I will not take you away from your home.” 

“But-”

“I won’t discuss this any further,” Five said. “I’m hanging up.”

“Fuck you!” Ben said. “You’re always hanging up! This time _I’m_ hanging up!” 

Ben pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at the red End Call button, but before he could actually bring himself to press it, Five hung up. 

He wanted to _scream._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Did she rumor you?! Is that it?" Diego was yelling. Probably at Luther. 

Ben could hear him from three rooms away. 

"Since when is she the boss?” Diego continued. “I’m not going to sit on my ass and wait for her to find him! I can help her track him. Hell, I’ve got more experience than she does!” 

Ben slowly approached Luther’s bedroom, straining to hear Luther’s side of the argument. 

“It’s not about experience.” Luther’s voice was more subdued. “I think Vanya made a good point about-”

“But it’s not like the last time,” Diego growled. “This has nothing to do with child services or shady organizations. It’s just _Five,_ skulking around on his own like some kind of-”

“He said he was worried about the Commission,” Luther said. “I think we should respect his decision. At least for now. Give him some time to-”

“Fuck that!” Diego said. “He should respect _my_ decision to whoop his scrawny ass.” 

Taking a deep breath, Ben knocked on the door. “Guys? Can I come in?” 

Luther opened the door, looking sheepish. “Were we too loud?” 

Diego scoffed. “What, did you want to keep him in the dark?”

“No,” Luther said. “I just meant-”

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “I just… I wanted to join the conversation.” 

The phone call with the older Five had been frustrating. And the younger Five was with Vanya, trying to explain things better than the older had despite his own limited understanding. 

“Of course,” Luther said. “Um, we were just… strategizing.” 

Diego ran a hand over his face. “Strategizing. Right.” 

“I agree with Diego,” Ben said. “I want to go to California too.” 

Diego’s face fell. _“Fuck,”_ he said. 

“What?” Ben said. 

“It might be dangerous,” Luther said. “Five thinks-”

“You don’t like missions,” Diego cut in. “You’ve always hated them.” 

Ben glared at him. “This isn’t a _mission._ ” 

“Still,” Diego said. “You… you’ve only got one trick.” 

He meant the Horror.

“I got the same combat training as everyone else,” Ben said, defensively. “I wouldn’t need to use the Horror.” 

Ben wondered if he should have hidden his distaste for the Horror when they were growing up. But it was too late to do anything about that now. 

“Even if I did have to use it, I don’t mind,” Ben said. “But it’s not like-” 

“How much did Five tell you?” Luther said. “Did he explain his theory?” 

There it was again. That feeling that he was missing something. And Luther was trying to get his story straight. 

Ben crossed his arms together. “Five told me everything.” 

Diego put his hands on Ben’s shoulders and made intense eye contact. “Hey, listen. A good hero knows when to stand down.” 

Ben scoffed. “Are you trying to _bench_ me?” 

“No!” Diego said. “I mean, yeah, but-”

“You don’t think I’m good enough?” Ben said.

“You have to understand,” Luther said. “We _just_ got you back.” 

Ben had said the same thing to Five and he flinched with the realization. 

“I’m sorry,” Diego said. “Dammit, I just-”

“I get it,” Ben said. “Whatever.” 

Diego looked crestfallen. “Ben, I just… I want you to stay here. I don’t… I…” 

“I think we should all just calm down and stay put,” Luther said. “We need to think this through.” 

Diego huffed. “But Allison gets to hop on the first plane back to California?” 

“She lives there.” Luther pointed out. “She was going to head back anyway.” 

Diego groaned. 

“A good hero knows when to stand down,” Luther added, glibly. 

Diego actually _laughed_ at that. “Touché, asshole.” 

Impulsively, Ben leaned forward to turn Diego’s hold on his shoulders into a full on hug. 

“I hate this,” Ben mumbled. “I _hate_ this.” 

Diego squeezed him. “Me too.” 

“It’s going to be okay,” Luther said. “It’s not like last time. We don’t know where Five is, but we know he’s alright.”

Diego grunted. 

“Okay?” Luther said. “Are we in agreement?” 

“Fine,” Diego muttered. 

“Ben?” Luther ruffled his hair. “You agree too?” 

“No,” Ben said. “But you’re the boss, and all that.” 

Luther blinked. 

Diego pulled back from the hug. “Uh, no,” Diego said. “He’s not the boss anymore.” 

“He’s not?” 

“We’re equals,” Luther said. “We decide things together now.” 

“Oh,” Ben said. “Sure.” 

It was a nice thought, but Ben knew that wasn’t the case. Maybe Diego and Luther were equals, but Ben knew _he_ would always be the little brother. Younger, smaller, and tiptoed around as if he could kill over at any second. 

Speaking of death. 

“Hey, has anyone told Klaus yet?” Ben said. 

_“Oh shit,”_ Diego said. 

“Is he still asleep?” Luther said. 

“I think he is!” 

“Why does he sleep all day?” Ben said. 

“He’s nocturnal,” Luther said. “I don’t know.” 

“Should I tell him?” Diego said. 

At the same time, Ben and Luther said, “No!”

Diego raised an eyebrow. 

Luther chuckled nervously. “Uh, you’re just a bit…” 

“You’re not tactful,” Ben said.

“I get it,” Diego said. “One of you do it, then.” 

“I’ll tell him,” Luther said. “You guys just… uh, sit tight.” 

And Luther shuffled out, leaving them alone in _his_ bedroom. 

“Uh,” Ben said. 

Diego put an arm over his shoulder. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.” 

“Can we go get donuts or something?” Ben said. “I need comfort food.” 

“You got it, bro,” Diego said. 

Ben smiled. It wasn’t all bad, being the younger brother. 

He just hoped Five really was alright, wherever he was. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Donuts were not as comforting as they used to be. 

"So the old man has run away from home again," Klaus said. "I mean, what else is new?" 

Diego smacked him upside the head. 

_"Ow!"_ Klaus clutched at his head with the kind of exaggeration that told Ben he wasn't really hurt. "Why is everyone so mean to me?!" 

“Cause you’re a jackass,” Diego said. 

“I second that,” Ben mumbled around a mouthful of donut. 

Klaus threw his hands up. “Am I wrong?!” 

Ben rolled his eyes. 

“It’s different this time,” Diego said. “Five wants to _protect_ us.” 

“From the big bad Commission, yeah yeah.” Klaus surreptitiously plucked the sprinkles off of his donut. “Why doesn’t he just let them take him to the future?” 

Ben coughed, and choked on his donut. 

Diego slapped him on the back. “Spit it out!” 

Ben shook his head, swallowing the food down. “What?” he croaked. 

“They didn’t tell you that part?” Klaus said. 

“Shut up,” Diego said. 

Ben crushed the rest of his donut. 

“What a waste,” Klaus said. 

“They want to take him to the future?” Ben said. “Why would they do that?” 

“Cause Five is _old,”_ Klaus said. “He doesn’t look it, but he’s supposed to be in 2050 or something.” 

Ben stared at him. 

“So what?” Diego said. “He belongs with us.” 

Ben stood. “He didn’t tell me anything about that!” 

“It’s okay, Ben,” Diego said. “We won’t let them take him. Once we find him we’re gonna-” 

“But he wouldn’t _really_ be gone,” Klaus said. “He’d be with the old versions of us. So it’s not like-”

“Shut up, Klaus!” Ben and Diego said at the same time. 

“Why do you guys keep lying to me?” Ben said. “You think I can’t handle it?” 

Klaus raised his hand. _“I_ never lied to you.” 

“You’re right,” Ben said. “Thanks.” 

“Five did it first,” Diego said. “I was just going along-”

“Since when do _you_ go along?” Klaus said. 

“Whatever,” Ben said. “I’m going to call Five again.” 

“Tell him he’s an asshole,” Klaus said. “Tell him from _me,_ yeah?” 

Ben considered him. There was something off about Klaus. The bags under his eyes, the stringy-ness of his hair, the way he picked at his food instead of eating it. Maybe Klaus hadn’t lied about anything directly, but Ben got the uneasy feeling that there was a storm brewing under the surface. 

… or Klaus was just hung over.

Either way, it was something he’d have to investigate later. 

“I’ll tell him,” Ben said. “Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?” 

Klaus shook his head. “Just that.” 

Ben nodded. “Alright.” 

There were too many mysteries in this household. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Liars. This house was full of _liars._

“Why didn’t you tell me they want to _kidnap_ you?!”

“That’s just a theory,” Five said. “If you would calm down-”

“You used to tell me all of your theories!” Ben said. “Now you’re telling everyone _but_ me?” 

“I didn’t tell _everyone.”_

“You should have told _me,”_ Ben said. “I’m the vault!”

“I knew it would upset you,” Five said. “I wanted to avoid this.” 

“Great,” Ben said. “That’s just great, so you were going to disappear without a word and let someone _else_ tell me that I won’t see you again for _thirty years.”_

“I’m _not_ going to disappear,” Five growled. “If anyone from the Commission comes near me they’re _dead.”_

“You’re not a one man army!” Ben said. “You should let us protect you!” 

“I wanted you to live your life in peace,” Five said. “I wanted-”

“What about what _I_ want?” 

“I don’t know what you expect me to say here,” Five said. “I’m sorry, alright? I’ll repeat it as many times as you need.” 

“I expect you to say you’ll come back,” Ben said. “Or that you’ll let me go with you.” 

“What about the child Five?” Five said. “You’ll abandon him?” 

“That’s not fair.”

“He loves you,” Five said. “He _needs_ you.” 

“I need him too,” Ben said. “But I also need _you.”_

“No,” Five said. “I’m superfluous.” 

“No, you aren’t!”

“I’m a goddamn redundancy,” Five said. “A clerical error in the fabric of time and space.”

 _“What?!”_ Ben said. “Is that what you think?”

“It’s what I _know.”_

“You’re wrong.” 

“Let’s agree to disagree,” Five said. 

“But I love you just as much as I love him!” Ben said. “I love you so much it fucking _hurts.”_

“I love you too,” Five said. “That’s why I have to do this. I won’t put you at risk.” 

“What if I want to put myself at risk?” Ben said. “Shouldn’t that be my choice?” 

_“Listen_ to me,” Five said. “You have a responsibility to the rest of our family. Do you realize how much it would torment them to hear you say something like that?” 

“Fine, but what if you’re wrong?” Ben said. “What if it’s all in your head?” 

“What if _what_ is all in my head?” 

“The _danger,”_ Ben said. “The Commission, what if they never show up? What if you’re leaving us for nothing?” 

“I would be perfectly happy with it, if that were true,” Five said. “But the probabilities-” 

“You can’t keep making decisions based on probabilities!” 

“I can and I will,” Five said. 

“But-”

“I’m done talking about this.”

“Don’t you _dare_ hang up on me!” 

“Fine,” Five said. “You hang up.” 

“No.” 

“We’re talking in circles.”

“I don’t care.” 

“At some point, you’ll understand,” Five said. “Maybe when you’re older.” 

“No.” 

“Fine.”

 _“Fine,”_ Ben spat. “Fine, I’ll stop torturing you! Go ahead and hang up, go back to your adventure, go back to your- your special companion that can read your mind and understand you in that perfect way that I never could!” 

_“Ben,”_ Five said. “Don’t do that.” 

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t resent me.” 

“I can and I will!” 

“Touché.” 

“I’m serious,” Ben said. “Hang up already. You’ve got my permission.” 

“I won’t hang up.” 

“I won’t hang up either.” 

“Then we’ve reached an impasse,” Five said. “Can you do me a favor?” 

“That depends,” Ben said. “What kind of favor?” 

“Will you read something?” Five said. “From one of your books.” 

Talking to Five was like walking through a minefield, but instead of lethal bombs the ground was rigged with _nostalgia_ bombs. They would hit Ben unexpectedly, flooding him with memories. 

How many times had he read to Five and Vanya when she needed a break from playing the violin? How many times had he read just for Five, because Five couldn’t sleep? 

And how many more times would he get the chance with _this_ Five?

“Which book?” Ben said. 

“One of the new Best Americans,” Five said. “Do you have a favorite story yet?” 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “There’s this one about a woman who’s trapped in this virtual reality. And she meets this guy who she really wants to see again, but because everything keeps glitching it takes her years to find him.” 

“Great,” Five said. “Read that one.” 

“Um, I’ll have to go get it from my room,” Ben said. “I’m in the attic right now.” 

“Why the attic?” 

“For privacy,” Ben said. “No one comes up here, so I started using it for phone calls.” 

“Smart,” Five said. “Do you want to hang up and call me back when you’ve collected your book?” 

“NO! I mean, no, I can just...” Ben hoped he didn’t sound like a crazy person. “I’ll run down real quick, okay? Just stay on the call.” 

“Alright,” Five said. “I’ll stay on.” 

“Thanks.” 

Ben made the awkward trip with his phone pressed against his ear. “You’re still there?”

“I’m still here,” Five said. “Take your time.” 

“You’ll always answer when I call you, right?” Ben said. “No matter where you go?” 

“I’ll always answer,” Five said. 

“Okay, good,” Ben said. “That’s good.” 

When he finally made it to his room, Ben found the book they’d been talking about and turned to his favorite story. The page was dog-eared so he could return to it. 

“Are you somewhere comfortable?” Ben said. “I’m going to start reading.” 

“I’m in a hotel room, at the moment,” Five said. “I wasn’t able to pay for it, because I look like a minor, but there were so many unused rooms I didn’t think they would notice.” 

“That’s good,” Ben said. “I’m glad you’ve got a bed to sleep on, and stuff.”

“It beats cardboard,” Five said. 

Ben flinched. _I’m not going to ask,_ he told himself. _Not. Going. To ask._

“I thought you were going to start?” Five said. 

“I am,” Ben said. “Here I go.” 

It was difficult holding onto the phone and the book at the same time, but eventually Ben figured out he could put the phone on speaker and set it down close by. When he did that the whole operation went a lot smoother, and Ben was able to read the entire short story in one sitting.

When it was over, Five said this, “I like talking to you, Ben. Don’t fool yourself into thinking otherwise. The reason I hang up is that I’m trying to keep on the move. An unaccompanied minor can’t stay in one place for long without attracting attention.” 

“That, uh, that makes a lot of sense,” Ben said. 

“Not only that, but I’m constantly juggling phone calls from the rest of our siblings,” Five said. “I had to ignore three such calls over the course of this conversation.” 

“Shit, really? You should call them back.”

“I should,” Five agreed. “But will you be alright? Have you calmed down?” 

“I’m calm,” Ben said. “And whoever was calling you is probably freaking out right now.” 

“I hope not,” Five said. “But I’m noticing you’re all very… tense, in the face of my absence.”

“Of course we’re tense!” Ben said. “You traumatized us by running away from home when we were thirteen!” 

“And it was the single worst decision I’ve ever made,” Five said. “But also the best one, because it allowed me to save the world.” 

Ben groaned. 

“In any case,” Five said. “I’ll try to be more understanding.” 

“You’re _so_ generous.” 

“Uh huh,” Five said. “Goodbye, then.” 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Ben said. “Bye.”

This time, Ben beat Five to the End Call button. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was the same laptop Old Five had been using to video chat with them before, but now it was Allison on the screen. 

“I just think we’ve run out of options,” Allison said. “I even sent out an Amber Alert, but no one has seen him.” 

Ben had half expected Power Puff Girls or the unicorn pile to be in the background behind her, but Allison wasn’t in Claire’s room. 

“You used _Amber Alert?”_ Vanya said, incredulously. “Allison, that’s for _kidnapped_ children.” 

The painting behind Allison was professional, spread out on a canvas. It was of a large group of people that were clearly a mix of different races.

“So I bent the truth a little,” Allison snapped. “Fucking sue me.” 

Ben was listening to the conversation, but he was also stuck on the painting. Was it one of Mom’s? She’d made a whole collection. 

“Whoaa,” Diego said. “Don’t take everything so _personally,_ Allison.” 

“Yeah, _Allison,”_ Klaus snickered. “Turn it down a notch.” 

“Fuck. You.” On the screen Allison jutted her chin out, stubbornly angry.

“Okay, hold on,” Luther said. “I think we all knew we’d stand a better chance if we just convinced Five to come back on his own.” 

“I’ve been calling him every day,” Vanya said. “He keeps saying ‘I know what I’m doing’ and things like that.” 

“We can’t convince him,” Allison said. “I have to Rumor him.” 

On the couch next to Ben, the younger Five was following the conversation without expression. Ben kept waiting for him to say something, but he just… he just stoically took it all in. Like he was watching a movie, something that didn’t actually involve him. 

“You know that’s not going to work,” Diego said. “As soon as it wears off he’ll leave again.” 

“Not if he runs out of juice,” Klaus said. “You can trap him if you’re smart about it!” 

“Do you guys _hear_ yourselves?” Whenever Vanya raised her voice everybody tensed, but so far nothing had shattered. “You talk about him like he’s a wild animal!” 

“We don’t have time for positive words of affirmation,” Allison said, derisively. “The Commission could swoop in and snatch him up at any second!” 

“I’ve been here for over a month now,” young Five finally spoke up. “And they haven’t shown themselves.” 

“I know,” Luther said. “But the other Five says-”

“Five says, Five says,” Klaus griped. “I’m so tired of trying to puzzle out what Five says! No offense, Five." 

Five shrugged. 

“What do _you_ think, Ben?” Diego said. “You have an opinion?” 

Everyone turned to look at him. 

“Um… no?” Ben said. 

“Is that a question?” Five asked. 

“No,” Ben said. “I just… I’m still thinking.” 

“We don’t have _time_ for thinking,” Allison said. “Ben, I love you, but-”

“That’s okay,” Ben said, quickly. “Sorry.” 

"We're still brainstorming," Luther said. "Don't worry, Ben." 

“No, she's right,” Diego said. “We can't keep sitting on our asses like this." 

"Should we sit on our faces?" Klaus said.

Diego ignored him. "I'm willing to let Allison try it her way, but when she fails-”

“You’re always so negative,” Klaus said. 

Diego threw his hands up. “Whose side are you _on,_ Klaus?!” 

“I’m on nobody’s side,” Klaus said. “I’m the devil’s advocate.” 

“Guys, _focus,”_ Allison said. 

“You can’t Rumor him anyway,” Vanya said. “He won’t let you.” 

“If I borrow someone else’s phone he’ll pick up,” Allison said. “I just need one of you to come over here.”

“That’s nefarious,” Klaus said. 

“He just might be dumb enough to fall for it,” Five said. 

“Dude,” Ben said. “You’re insulting yourself right now.” 

"Let's agree to disagree on that," Five said. 

"That's a mind fuck," Klaus said. 

“Guys, I don’t like this plan,” Vanya said. "If it doesn't work out it'll just give Five a reason to stop answering our calls." 

“At the end of the day, we need to do what’s best for Five,” Luther said. “Do you want to protect his pride or risk him getting trapped thirty years in the future?” 

Vanya groaned. 

“Luther’s right,” Allison said. “And Five would do the same for us! Right Five?” 

“Sure,” Five said. “I guess.” 

“Then it’s settled,” Allison said. “Luther, will you make the trip over here?” 

Luther nodded. "Yeah, I'll-" 

“Hold on,” Diego said. “Why are you asking _Luther?”_

“Cause Luther is big,” Klaus said. “And you are small.” 

“Fuck you.” Diego said the phrase in a nonchalant way, like it was something to get out of the way. “I’m better at long range attacks. If Five tries to sneak away again-”

“You’ll do what?” Allison said. “Throw a knife at him?” 

Diego scowled. 

“Just give it up,” Ben said. “Let Luther go.” 

Diego made eye contact with him, and Ben tried to figure out how to smile in a way that wouldn't seem mocking.

Diego took a deep breath. "Fine," he said, through gritted teeth. 

Klaus started a slow clap, full of sarcasm and pride. "That's what we call _growth_ , kids!" 

Diego punched him on the shoulder, but Klaus didn't even flinch. "I'm still working on mine," he said, instead of whining. "Give it a few years."

"Okay then!" Allison said. "I'm glad we're finally in agreement." 

"Technically, we're not all in agreement," Vanya said. 

"Right, well, I'm glad _most_ of us are," Allison said, then quickly added: "I'm hanging up!" 

The square where her image had been got replaced with an old photo of her. 

"That was such a Five power move," Klaus said. "You know what? I'm gonna end all of my phone calls that way from now on." 

"Since the meeting is over, I'm leaving too," Five said. 

"Wait-" Vanya started, but Five had already teleported. 

She sighed. 

Luther put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Five is Five," he chuckled. "Am I right?" 

Ben shook his head. "Too soon, man." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben waited until he was alone to call Allison. The phone was stuck ringing for a long time and he was starting to wonder if it was broken when she finally picked up. 

"I'm so sorry, Ben," she said. "I had my phone on silent." 

"That's okay," Ben said. "Um, thanks for answering." 

"Is everything okay?" 

"Yeah." He was sitting in the attic, the infamous spot where Allison and Luther used to sneak off to be alone together. The place was dusty and abandoned, a mess of blankets and throw pillows piled together in a careless heap. 

"Ben?" 

"Sorry," Ben said. "Was I supposed to say more?" 

There was a rustle over the line. Ben couldn't make out what it was. 

He tentatively sat down on one of the throw pillows. It was dirty, but comfy enough. 

"I forgot how quiet you are," Allison finally said. "It's kind of your default, isn't it?" 

"Is that a bad thing?" 

"No, of course not," Allison said. "It's just that I forgot." 

Fourteen years was a really long time. Almost as long as he'd been alive in the first place. Hell, _longer_ than the younger Five had been alive. 

"I keep forgetting too," Ben said. "How long you guys have lived without me." 

"Oh, Ben," Allison said. "I didn't mean to dredge that up." 

"No I just… I'm just saying. It's weird." 

"I know it is," Allison said. "I'm sorry." 

"Five said he didn't want to do this to me," Ben said. "I didn't get what he meant by that at first." 

"But now you do?" 

"Yeah." Ben decided to lay down and there was an explosion of dust motes as he disturbed more pillows. 

He coughed. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah," Ben repeated. "Sorry." 

"Were you coughing?" 

"Yeah, but I'm fine." 

_"Are_ you fine?" Allison said. "Because I'm not. I'm the opposite of fine." 

"You're right," Ben said. "I mean, me too." 

"Goddammit," Allison said. "I keep thinking about Dad's funeral. That's when Five came back, did anyone tell you that?" 

"No, it hasn't come up." 

"He just fell from the sky," Allison said. "Literally dropped down on us in an oversized suit." 

Ben tried to picture it. "Oversized because of the mistake he made?" 

"Yup. And I think I caught a glimpse of him right before it happened. The old man that he was before he walked through the portal. Just for a _split_ second." 

"What did he look like?" 

"I didn't get a good look," Allison said. "I'm not even sure if I actually saw. I think maybe I just tricked myself into _thinking_ I saw. But I was also half convinced that Five was lying about his age. That he was the same kid who ran away from us in 2002." 

"I thought that too," Ben said. "Until I spent enough time with the younger Five to notice the differences." 

"Because that would make more _sense,"_ Allison said. "And I remember I was so angry at him that day!" 

"The day Five came back?" 

"Yes! Cause he just strolled into the kitchen and started making himself a sandwich!" 

Once again, Ben tried to picture it. But instead he saw the Five that pulled him out of bed, and out of his life, in the middle of the night. 

"I would be mad too," Ben said. 

"I don't know what I was expecting," Allison said. "But he just… and I just… goddammit." 

"He was too busy trying to save the world?"

"Probably," Allison said. "But he didn't even tell us the world was ending. Not until later." 

"Typical." 

"Why is he _like_ that? Do you know?" 

Ben shifted around in his makeshift hobo bed, trying to get more comfortable while he considered the question. 

"Ben?" 

"I'm thinking," Ben said. 

The dust motes were oddly pretty. The way they gently floated in the light. 

Ben sneezed. 

"Are you getting sick?" 

"No," Ben said. 

"Uh huh," Allison said. "Get Mom to check your temperature just in case." 

"I'm not sick," Ben said. "Anyway, Five has always been like that. I think that's just how he is?" 

"Vanya says we all have different coping mechanisms for different reasons," Allison said. "I guess it's difficult to tell the difference between nature and nurture, but even just looking at nurture we all had different experiences." 

"But we grew up in the same place," Ben said. 

"Yeah, but we weren't treated the same," Allison said. "You know how Dad liked to pit us against each other." 

"I thought it was just Diego and Luther that fell for that," Ben said. "The rest of us didn't care." 

_"I_ cared," Allison said. "And Five definitely cared." 

"You think so? But he always seemed so… nonchalant." 

"He was smug," Allison said. "Because he was talented. He didn't have any of Diego's insecurity, or any of Luther's… uh, eager-to-please deal. But I think Five was kind of obsessive about pushing himself?" 

Ben considered it. The way Five had always jumped at the chance to practice teleporting, to do different things with it, to puzzle it out and do _more._

To time travel. 

"I could be wrong," Allison added. "You know him better than I do."

"You're probably not wrong," Ben said. "Even now he's obsessed with his powers. The younger Five, I mean." 

"Right, so-"

"But I don't think that has anything to do with Dad." 

"Maybe not," Allison said. 

Ben didn't like the way she said that. Like she disagreed, but wasn't willing to argue the point. 

But he didn't call her to argue about Five's feelings on Dad. 

"Listen," Ben said. "Can you convince Luther to let me go with him to L.A?" 

"Wow," Allison said. "You're taking after Diego now?" 

"You said yourself that I know Five best," Ben said. "You said he listens to me." 

"I was talking about the _younger_ Five," Allison said. "I don't think-"

"I can talk him into staying," Ben insisted. "Maybe he'll like living with you more if I'm there too?" 

"No, it'll have the opposite effect." 

Ben sat up. _"What?_ Why would it-"

"Weren't you listening? Old Five is _paranoid._ He thinks the Commission is out to get him." 

"But are they _really_ out to get him?" Ben said. "The younger Five says he's skeptical." 

"The younger Five doesn't know anything about them," Allison said. "And even if Five is wrong, he'll still _react_ as if it's a life or death situation. If you get near him he'll freak out." 

"Life or death?" Ben said. "Why would it be life or death?" 

"They have a history of being a bit messy," Allison said. "Like, they have their target or whatever, but if a civilian gets in the way they don't mind killing them." 

_"What?!_ Why would they kill them for… for…"

Ben floundered for the right words, but he didn't even know what it was the Commission actually _did._

"Oh no," Allison said. "No one told you." 

"Told me _what?"_

"About the Commission," Allison said. "About what they do." 

Ben swallowed. "Five said they protect the timeline or something." 

"But he didn't tell you how." 

A life or death situation. Civilians who got in the way would be killed. 

"They're assassins," Allison said. "I'm sorry to tell you like this." 

"Does that mean they're going to kill Five?!" Ben said. "Klaus said they just want to take him to the future." 

"Five assured everyone that they wouldn't kill him," Allison said. "But honestly? I don't know what to believe at this point." 

_Neither do I,_ Ben thought. 

What if Allison was lying? Everyone was always lying! 

"Are you okay?" Allison said. 

"I'm really tired of that question." 

"Okay, fair. Um, but are you… do you get why we need you to stay in New York?" 

"Because I'm useless," Ben muttered. 

"No, because Five is especially worried about your safety," Allison said. "I mean, we all are, but I think he would really freak out if he thought you were stepping into the line of fire." 

"But what about _me?"_ Ben said. "I'm freaking out too!" 

"I know, I'm sorry-"

"It's not _fair."_

"You're absolutely right," Allison said. "I wish things were different."

"Me too," Ben said. 

Ben hugged his knees to his chest and waited for Allison to say something more. There had to be some kind of compromise, right? Something he hadn't thought of. 

But she didn't say anything. 

"So that's it?" Ben said. "I'm just supposed to stay out of the way while you and Luther save Five?" 

"Diego agreed to stay behind too," Allison pointed out. 

"Because he thinks you're going to fail!" 

"He's wrong," Allison said. "Please give us a chance to prove him wrong?" 

"Fine," Ben said. "Then I guess I'm hanging up." 

"Okay," Allison said. "We'll talk later." 

"Fine." 

After hanging up, Ben threw his phone against the wall. 

Immediately, he picked it back up to see if it was broken, but the phone case had protected it. 

For some reason, that pissed him off. 

So then, impulsively, Ben opened the portal in his stomach and watched the Horror demolish the attic. 

The tentacles writhed around in their usual incoherent frenzy, punching holes in the ceiling and _shrieking,_ wailing with the uncontained fury and bloodlust that Ben had always hated. 

But today?

Ben was screaming too. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"First, I want to make it clear that I'm not mad," Luther said. "You broke some stuff, but stuff is replaceable. It's okay." 

They were in Dad's office again, but this time Ben was in _trouble._ It felt weird, like being at the principal's office. 

Not that Ben had ever been to an actual school, but he'd read about them and this was the part where he would be threatened with expulsion. 

"And I understand why you're upset," Luther continued. "I'm glad that you isolated yourself to… to do that. That you broke _stuff_ instead of hurting someone." 

Instead of being expelled, the protagonist would get suspended. Then they would have to spend a couple weeks in angsty solitude. 

"Are you listening?" Luther said. 

"Yeah," Ben mumbled. 

Luther sighed. "Anyway, Vanya says it's healthy.” 

“Huh?” Ben said. “What’s healthy?” 

“Venting your anger,” Luther said. “And we can fix the roof. There’s no problem there. I just-”

“Wait, you already told Vanya?” 

Luther rubbed his chin. “No. Did you not want me to tell her?” 

Vanya would probably consider his tantrum relatable. 

Ben shrugged. “You can tell her, I guess.”

Luther clasped his hands together and frowned sternly. “Listen, even though I’m not mad I still wish you had picked a better place to let loose." 

"A better place?" 

"Ben, you could have been _crushed."_

"Oh. Right." 

When he'd unleashed the Horror in the attic, the roof had sort of caved in a little. 

"The Horror protects me though," Ben said. "I don't think it does it on purpose, but I'm always the safest person in the room when I use it." 

"No, you're not," Luther said. 

"I'm not?" 

Luther avoided his eyes. "You're not." 

As if a bucket of ice had been dumped over his head, the chilling realization made Ben shudder: _I died because of the Horror._

"You alright?" Luther said. 

"Y-yeah." 

_"You died during a mission,"_ everyone would say. They all refused to say anything more on the subject.

"There's gotta be a safer way, is all I’m saying," Luther continued. "Maybe you could have used a different outlet? Like Diego with the punching bag." 

"I didn't think it through," Ben said. "I'm really sorry." 

"It's okay," Luther said. "But I want to know you'll be smart about these things while I'm gone. Do you get where I'm coming from?" 

"Yeah." Ben propped his elbows up on the desk, clasping his hands together the way Luther was doing. The gesture was grounding. 

_Why didn't you warn me?!_ Ben wanted to say. _Why didn't I know?!_

But he kept the questions to himself, for once. 

Luther reached out with his huge hand, grasping both of Ben's in one palm. 

"As soon as we've got Old Five you'll be the first person I call," Luther said. "And I'll keep calling. I'll keep you updated on every detail."

"I lost my phone," Ben mumbled. 

"Then I'll…" Luther trailed off, tilting his head. "Did you hear that?" 

Ben straightened up, straining his ears. 

Was it Five's voice? He was probably yelling at someone. 

"My hearing is still a little off," Ben said. "But I think I hear-" 

"Ben!" Five was shouting his name. He sounded a lot closer now. 

Ben and Luther both scrambled to their feet. 

"I'm in here!" Ben called. 

He strode toward the doors, but before he could pull them open Five teleported into the office and flung himself at Ben's back. 

"There you are!" Five hugged him tightly. 

"What's wrong?!" Ben tried to turn around to get a good look at him, but Five wouldn't budge. 

"It wasn't real," Five said. "It wasn't real." 

"What happened?" Luther said. "Did someone attack you?" 

Five loosened his hold enough for Ben to finally turn around. Ben made sure to hug him back. 

Five pressed his face against Ben's shoulder. "I wasn't attacked," he muttered. 

"Then what happened?" Ben said. 

He wished Five would let them see his face. 

"We can help," Luther said. "Whatever scared you-" 

"Hold _on,"_ Five said. "Wait a second." 

_Are you crying?_! Ben desperately wanted to ask, but he knew it wasn't something he could bring up in front of Luther. 

"Do you want to go to my room?" Ben said. 

"Hold _on."_ Five took a deep breath and tried to step away, but Ben tightened his hug. He didn't want to let Five go. 

Five huffed and teleported on top of Dad's desk. 

He cleared his throat and straightened out his shirt, turning to Luther. "Actually, it's good that you're here too."

Ben and Luther exchanged baffled looks. 

"It is?" Luther said. 

Five had fully composed himself. It was hard to believe he'd been freaking out just a second ago. 

"I've decided I should tell you," Five said. "In case it wasn't a hallucination." 

"Um." Luther was clearly at a loss. "Thank you?" 

"Why would you be hallucinating?" Ben said. 

Five shrugged. "That was my initial theory. But all theories are… well, they're theories." 

"What did you see?" Luther said. 

"The house was destroyed," Five said. 

Ben winced. The roof looked pretty rough from the outside. "Sorry, that was me." 

"What? No it wasn't." Five fidgeted on the desk, accidentally knocking off one of the folders. 

Luther didn't seem to mind. He was focused on Five's previous distress. "Didn't you recognize the sounds the Horror makes? I know it's scary, but it really was just Ben." 

Five shook his head. "I'm not talking about that. Jeez, I've heard the Horror plenty of times." 

"Then what-" 

"The house was _completely_ destroyed," Five said. "Like, bulldozed and missing walls kind of destroyed." 

That didn't make any sense. 

Luther thought so too. "But the house is fine?" 

"I _know,"_ Five said. "That's why I'm saying it might have been a hallucination." 

"Did you fall asleep while working on your equations?" Ben said. "Maybe it was a nightmare." 

Five pinched the bridge of his nose. "It was too vivid to be a nightmare." 

"Okay," Luther said. "Well, let's try to think this through. You saw the house destroyed. Was it like a vision? Maybe it's a new power." 

"It wasn't a vision," Five said. "I was there in the rubble. And everything was covered in ashes. As if there had been this enormous fire. A _city wide_ fire. Or world wide, potentially." 

Ben's eyes widened. "That sounds like…" 

"Like the apocalypse, yeah." Five crossed his arms together. "So you see the problem?"

"You time traveled again?" Luther said. "Did you catch the date while you were there?"

"That's the thing," Five said. "I _didn't."_

"You didn't," Ben echoed. 

"I was with Diego," Five said. "One second we're sparing in the training room and then all of a sudden he's gone and I'm buried under a ton of bricks." 

Ben winced, his own near suffocation under plaster and wood still fresh on his mind. 

But bricks were even worse. 

"So I blinked outside," Five said. "And everything is _decimated._ There's no one around for miles." 

"Wait a minute," Ben said. "How long were you there?" 

"My watch was gone," Five said. "But I think it was a couple of hours." 

Luther walked back around the desk and sat down heavily. "Shit." 

Then, as an afterthought, Five added, "My clothes were different too. I was wearing a lot of leather. A hunting hat, Dad's old aviator goggles, stuff like that." 

"We should tell the older Five," Ben said. "This could be _bad."_

 _"Or_ it was a hallucination," Five said. "Maybe I internalized those stories about the Apocalypse." 

"You said you were there for _hours,"_ Luther said. 

Five shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe it just felt that way." 

"How did you get back?" Ben said. 

"I didn't do anything," Five said. "I wanted to get all the facts straight before I tried a time jump, so I was exploring. Trying to piece together what had happened." 

"It just ended?" Luther said. "Everything randomly went back to normal?" 

"Essentially," Five said. "One second I'm walking around this barren landscape, the next I'm in the middle of traffic." 

Ben gasped. "You could have been run over!" 

Five waved this off. "My reflexes are great, I teleported before I got hit." 

"Five!" Diego's voice drifted in from the hallway. "Where the hell are you?!" 

Five rubbed at his eyes. "Great, he's gonna think I ditched him." 

"I'll tell him what happened," Luther said. "You want to take Ben and… and go cool off somewhere?" 

Five glared at him. "Why would I need to cool off?" 

_Because you've been traumatized,_ Ben thought. 

Diego started banging on the double doors. “I hear you in there!” he shouted. "Come out here, you little shit!"

"You know what?" Five said. "You're absolutely right, Luther. I should cool off before I murder that asshole." 

"You have enough juice to carry me through a portal with you?" Ben asked. 

"Of course." Five jumped off the desk and grabbed Ben by the elbow. "We can go to your room like you wanted." 

"Right, thanks." 

Having teleported with Five a handful of times already, Ben closed his eyes and braced himself for the disorientation. 

"You can open your eyes," Five said. "We're already here." 

Ben did so and watched Five gingerly stretch out on the bed. 

"Did you get hurt?" Ben said. "You're moving kind of stiffly."

"No, I'm just tired," Five said. "I'm gonna take a nap." 

"Can I nap with you?" 

"It's _your_ bed," Five grumbled. "Feel free." 

Ben got into the bed with him and for once Five was the first one to reach out, throwing an arm around Ben's waist. 

Ben tried to think of something reassuring to say, but corny lines like "I'll always be here." or "I'll protect you." felt disingenuous. 

How _could_ Ben protect him from a reality where no one existed? In the apocalypse, he would be as dead as everyone else. 

"We'll figure this out," Ben finally said. "There has to be an explanation." 

"Of course," Five said. "Don't worry, I'll start working on it after my nap." 

"I'll help," Ben said. "We can work on it together?" 

"Sure." Five gave him a reassuring squeeze, then hesitantly added, "Um, I love you." 

"I love you too, Five." 

Five nuzzled his head against Ben’s neck and Ben was reminded of one of the cats at Cat Castle, who loved affection but only on her own terms. The orange tabby was unpredictable; when Ben tried to force a hug on her she would nimbly leap away, as indignant and offended as if he’d cursed her out. 

But when she was in the mood for it, she would contentedly sleep on his lap, or rub her head against him with all the love she could muster. 

And Ben knew it was the greatest privilege he would ever receive. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"I know you'll find this hard to believe," Five said. "But that glimpse at the Apocalypse was a good sign." 

The younger Five had put his phone on speaker so Ben could listen in on their conversation. 

"Elaborate," Young Five said. 

In the end, Young Five didn't need to describe his experience to his elder. They'd both seen the same thing, at the same time. Albeit, from different sides of the continent.

"We were only there for a few hours," Old Five said. "I'll admit, I _was_ alarmed. However, the timeline reverted itself with no action taken on my part." 

"You say that like it's a good thing!" Young Five said. "I think that makes it creepier." 

"It _is_ a good thing," Old Five said. "It means the _Commission_ fixed it." 

"But what _caused_ it?" Young Five said. 

"Honestly? Also them, probably," Five said. "They must have poked around where they shouldn't have and triggered it." 

"Wow," Ben said. "If that's true that's, um, that's alarming."

"No, it's very good," Five said. "Because they went out of their way to reverse it. This shows that they're invested in humanity. They want to see it flourish, or at least progress beyond its original expiration date." 

"Expiration date?" Young Five said.

"Originally, the Commission allowed the world to end," Old Five explained. "They said it had to happen." 

"Why?" Young Five said. 

"I don't know." 

"Why would they change their minds, then?" 

"They didn't," Old Five said. "The people who made that decision were killed and the surviving employees have reshaped the organization. I'd hoped for an altruistic outlook from them, but it's nice to see it confirmed." 

Ben latched onto this bit of news like a fish to a hook. "If they're good now, doesn't that mean they won't want to bother you?" 

The younger Five next to him sighed, as if he already knew what his doppelganger's response would be. 

"Not necessarily," Old Five said. "What's good for humanity isn't automatically good for _me._ The opposite is more likely." 

Ben sagged. "Oh." 

"Here's what _I_ want to know," Young Five said. "Will this happen again? If it does, what should I do if they don't or can't fix it?" 

"Good question," Old Five said. "If it happens again you should wait at least two nights to make sure it really is permanent. Otherwise you'll be time traveling for no reason and our siblings will be alarmed by your disappearance." 

Ben gulped. 

"Alright," Young Five said. "And you'll do the same?" 

"Yes," Five said. "I also think, if those two nights pass us by, that we should stay together." 

"Together?" Young Five said. "We couldn't be farther apart." 

"I mean we should stay in the same _year,"_ Old Five said. "We'll have to go backwards, obviously, but we should pick a mutual meeting ground. A time where technology is advanced enough for us to easily communicate from a distance." 

"But after 2002," Young Five said. "I'd hate to deal with three of us." 

"Of course." 

"And before 2006," Ben added. "So that you can come home and get help from me and everyone?" 

_But especially me,_ Ben thought. He hated the idea that either of the Fives might go home while he wasn’t there to see them. 

Five gave his shoulder a squeeze, "Sure." 

Over the phone, the older Five was silent. 

"Between 2002 and 2006," Young Five said. "I won't budge on that." 

"Alright," Old Five said. "2005, then." 

"Month?" 

"Give me some time to review the probabilities," Old Five said. 

"No," Young Five said. "For all I know, we'll get shunted back to the Apocalypse at any second. We need to establish a rendezvous _now."_

"It's not like you have the precision to control what month you would land in," Old Five said. "I bet you can't even control the year." 

"Pot meet kettle!" Young Five snapped. 

"I'm going to send you a briefcase," Old Five said. "That'll take time too, so-" 

"Shut up," Young Five said. "Just pick a month." 

_This whole conversation is giving me a heart attack,_ Ben thought. _Any second now I'm going to faint like a Victorian character._

"Then you pick," Old Five said. "Since it's arbitrary." 

"Fine," Young Five said. "March, 2005." 

"It's settled," Old Five said. "But I don't think we need to worry." 

"Yeah, yeah." Young Five nudged Ben. "Is there anything you want to add?" 

Ben shook his head. 

"We're done, then," Young Five said. "You can go back to whatever you were doing." 

"Alright," Old Five said. "But I meant what I said. This is a really good sign. An overall net positive."

"That remains to be seen," Young Five said. 

"Fair enough," Old Five said. "So are you hanging up, or should I?" 

"I'll do it," Young Five said. "Bye." 

"Bye, Five," Ben added. "Um, I love you." 

For some reason, it was harder to get those words out with the older Five. 

"I love you too," Old Five said. "Stay safe." 

And the younger Five hung up with a huff. 

"That guy is such an asshole!" Five burst out. 

"He is?" Ben said. 

"He's a condescending _prick,"_ Five seethed. 

Ben laughed. "That's exactly how everyone who talks to _you_ feels. To either of you." 

"Shit." Five glared at him. "But I'm nice to _you."_

"You _are_ nice to me," Ben agreed. "And I love you for it." 

Five sighed. "I love you too." 

"Sorry," Ben said. "Are you frustrated?" 

"Aren't you?" 

"Well, yeah," Ben said. "But I'm also kind of happy?”

 _Because you’re hilariously adorable,_ Ben thought, but he knew he couldn’t say _that._

Five frowned at him, puzzled.

“Sorry,” Ben said. “My moods have been all over the place." 

"You're not high or anything, right?" Five said. "Klaus is always high and he goes from manic laughter to dramatic sulking at the drop of a hat." 

"No, I'm just… a lot has happened." 

"Whatever," Five said. "I'm going back to bed and I'm not getting up unless the world ends." 

"You're joking," Ben said. "You _just_ took a nap." 

Five threw his hands up. "I'm taking another one! Sue me, kick me, smother me with your books, whatever you do I refuse to leave this bed for the foreseeable future." 

And Five pulled the comforter over his head to emphasize his point. 

Ben smiled at his antics. The way Five usually spoke made it hard to remember, but he really was a kid. 

"Okay," Ben said. "While you're sleeping, is it okay if I read out loud?" 

_"Yes,"_ Five said, emphatically.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Therapy was something Vanya looked forward to. It was no longer frustrating or confusing. Now it was a place where Vanya and her therapist worked together to… well, to deal with her family. 

"I love Allison," Vanya said. "I really do. But I also hate her? Like, a lot." 

The therapist, Mrs. Duchemin, nodded sympathetically. 

_Nuff said,_ Klaus would have quipped. 

But Duchemin did not share the sentiment; "You have opposing conflict resolution methods." 

"Yes," Vanya said. "I know Allison means well, but she's so manipulative! That's not healthy, right?" 

"It's not healthy," Duchemin agreed. 

"I mean, _Amber Alert?_ Really?" Vanya said. "I can't believe she told them Five had been kidnapped." 

"They seem to have a lot in common."

"Who?" 

"Allison and Five." Duchemin raised her eyebrows. "Don't you think?" 

"What? No." 

Duchemin tilted her head and said nothing, so Vanya thought about it. 

"I mean," Vanya said. "they're both really stubborn. They both have a sort of 'the end justifies the means' mentality, is that what you mean?" 

"Yes," Duchemin said. "And they're both avoidant." 

"Allison's not avoidant." 

"She's not?" 

"She can be very in touch with her emotions," Vanya said. "You know she's been to counseling too? Though for her it was court ordered." 

"Because of the custody battle?'

"Yeah," Vanya said. "She's not going anymore, but I think the whole experience taught her what communication is _supposed_ to look like." 

"What is communication supposed to look like?" 

"You know, being honest and direct," Vanya said. "And she's been trying! Things were actually going really well between us before Five left." 

"Speaking of Five," Duchemin said. "How is he?" 

Vanya sighed. "He's Five. He won't listen to me." 

"I see," Duchemin said. "And how is Dolores?" 

Vanya frowned. "Uh, I don't know?" 

"He doesn't talk about her anymore?" 

"No," Vanya said. "Do you think that's a good thing?" 

"She's a benign personality," Duchemin said. "An angel on his shoulder, a voice for his conscience. If she were truly gone do you think he would absorb her opinions, or lose them?" 

Vanya squirmed in her seat. "I would prefer it if he kept them." 

"Why is that?" 

"Because she's the part of him that _knows_ he's messed up," Vanya said. "Like, she knows he's hurting himself and she tries to stop him. But maybe it’s useless? He just ignores her anyway." 

"I don't think he ignores her," Duchemin said. "He wouldn't share her thoughts with you if he did." 

"He _usually_ does, then." Vanya fiddled with the zipper on her jacket. "If he, what did you say? Absorbs her?" 

Duchemin nodded. 

"If he did that would he be better off? Would he take care of himself?" 

"I don't know," Duchemin said. "But at this point he's spent so many years disassociated it's unlikely their personalities would be able to merge." 

"Is that a bad thing?" 

"It's not a bad thing." Duchemin leaned forward. "Despite all this, I think Five has made remarkable progress." 

"Thanks to you," Vanya said. 

Duchemin shook her head. "Thanks to _you,_ Vanya. You're his rock." 

"I don't feel like his rock," Vanya said. "I feel like… like china." 

"But you've been remarkably level headed throughout this whole ordeal." 

"I've been careful," Vanya said. "Ever since I hurt Ben…" 

Duchemin nodded. 

"I've been careful," Vanya repeated. 

"And the concert?" Duchemin said. "Are rehearsals going more smoothly now?" 

"Yeah," Vanya said. "The meds helped, thanks." 

"Just be mindful," Duchemin said. "They're not a crutch. You're to use them only as needed." 

"I know," Vanya said. 

"And I hope you won't get into the habit," Duchemin said. "of medicating yourself before every performance." 

"I won't," Vanya said. "Don't worry." 

"Worry can’t be avoided.” Duchemin chuckled. “But you know what I like to say about feelings that can’t be avoided." 

"It's not about avoiding them," Vanya said, dutifully. “It’s about dealing with them in a healthy way.” 

"Yes, your actions must be measured." Duchemin smiled gently. "Don't _re-_ act. Act, but thoughtfully. Productively." 

Vanya smiled back. "I will." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He lasted three weeks. In that time he learned, through various siblings, that Allison had rushed back to California not long after their last phone call. She’d reported him as an abducted child and an Amber Alert with his name and description had been issued throughout the entire Los Angeles county. 

It had been too late. Five made a clean getaway and might have maintained it indefinitely if it weren’t for one simple mistake: he kept answering his phone. 

He never answered when _Allison_ called, of course. He wasn’t stupid. But for everyone else, Five answered. 

One day, he got a call from Luther.

“ _I heard a rumor._ ” It was Allison’s voice, but he was too slow to react. “That you teleported yourself back to my apartment.” 

The first time Five had jumped through such a ridiculous distance had been the leap from New York to Dallas Texas. At the time he had blindly thrown them all backwards in time and it had been all he could do to keep a hold of his family. He hadn't given a single thought to the matter of _location._

When they landed in Dallas, Five thought it was strange. Normally, when jumping through time, he would automatically arrive in the same location unless he put thought into it. 

The theory Five favored to explain it was that his body had instinctively tapped into the portal he'd last opened in the time space continuum. Namely, the one that had finally returned him to a pre- apocalyptic 2019. 

It was pure happenstance that the time jump had remained entangled with his last location, that of Dallas, but it opened his eyes to the possibilities. 

How far _could_ he stretch his spatial jumps? 

When he made the trip from New York to California Five finally had opportunity and excuse to experiment with his spatial jumps. In doing so he found that, so long as the attempted location was a place he had visited and could visualize in his mind, it was possible to travel up to a thousand miles per jump.

The costs had outweighed the benefits, however, and he’d decided to reserve such jumps for emergencies.

Now Five traveled by stowing away on buses or freight trains. It was simply a more practical way to move. 

And so Five was settled in the cargo hold of one such train when he answered the trap phone call from Luther.

_… rumor that you teleported yourself back to my apartment._

A blink later and Five was standing in front of Allison’s apartment complex. 

He cursed and spun around, breath labored, only for Allison’s voice to drift back out of the phone, “ _I heard a-_ ”

Five flung the phone away and tried to teleport, but he was out of juice. He broke out into a run. 

“Five!” Luther’s voice called after him. “Wait!” 

Five glanced over his shoulder. Luther was charging out of the apartment with the urgency of a man whose wife had just gone into labor. 

“Shit!” Five huffed. “F-fuck off!” 

Luther would quickly gain on him, so he had to think fast. Five made a beeline for the nearest potential crowd: a nearby Paul Smith store, which generally attracted a lot of foot traffic. 

Teenagers enjoyed loitering outside the building to take photos of themselves against the Paul Smith’s pink wall, for some reason. Five had been annoyed by this fact when sitting in the passenger seat of Allison’s car, driving by on the way to her apartment after his rescue from the Institute for Exceptional Youth. Now he seized on the memory like a drowning man gasping for oxygen. 

Five ran and hoped he was going in the right direction. 

“Five, _please_!” Luther called. 

Again, Five tried to teleport. Again, he failed. How many miles had he jumped to get back to LA? How far had he gotten before Allison ruined it? 

The building’s garish pink wall came into view and Five was relieved to see the people milling about, the crowd growing thicker as he approached. Now he could take advantage of his small stature, slipping between pedestrians like a motorcycle through traffic. 

Another glance over his shoulder showed Five that Luther’s hulking frame had no such freedom of movement. His brother could only stare helplessly over the heads of the strangers that separated them. 

Five dug his nails into his palms, determined not to fold under the weight of Luther’s visible heartbreak. He had left for the good of the family. Five knew their opinion on the issue, they’d each made their protests heard over these past three weeks, but they didn’t know what _he_ knew. There was no way to make them understand. 

Protected by the crowd, Five slowed his pace and struggled for air. His side was cramping, sweat was running into his eyes, and he’d dropped his sunglasses at some point. A young woman, who couldn’t have been older than eighteen or so, grabbed Five by the elbow and examined him.

“You alright, kid?” 

Five nodded and shook her hand off. 

“Just wait a second,” the woman- no the girl- said. “Are you in trouble?” 

He tried to answer her, but he was panting heavily. Why was it so hard to catch his breath?

“Kid?”

He shook his head. “Not-” Five could barely choke the word out. “No.” 

“Where are your parents?”

He glared at her. Tried to walk away, but she easily followed. 

“Take a deep breath,” the girl said. 

_I am!_ Five thought. _That’s all I’m doing!_

For some reason, the more he tried to breath, the less oxygen he was actually receiving. He was panting in quick little bursts now, but black spots were swimming into his field of vision. 

“You’re having a panic attack.” The girl reached for his arm again and Five flinched, warping away from her. 

He collapsed a few feet away and heard someone scream.

Multiple people began shouting at once, their voices getting garbled up in each other. Five couldn't understand what they were trying to say. 

Then hands were accosting him, grabbing and squeezing, trying to drag him off. Five lashed out at his attackers by punching, kicking, and biting as necessary. 

But he couldn't _breath_ and that impaired his ability to fight. The masses overtook him. 

And then, blissfully, he was unconscious.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I heard a rumor you were calm,” someone said. “Calm and awake, but really sleepy. You’re too tired to go anywhere. You just want to rest.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There was a cartoon on the wall in front of him. Three bobble headed figures with tiny little bodies dangling under their massive heads. 

“You’re awake, right Five?” 

Blue, red, and green. The cartoon image of three little girls, their sausage arms and legs arranged in a facsimile of some kind of action pose. 

“Five!” Allison walked in front of the wall Five had been examining. “Can you hear me?” 

“Yes.” Five nuzzled his face against the pillow under his cheek. “But 'm tired.” 

“That’s good,” Allison said. “But stay awake for a bit, okay?” 

“You said he fainted?” A man came into view next to Allison. Five didn’t recognize him. 

“Yes,” Allison said. “I think he just overexerted himself a bit. But I thought you could check-”

“I still think it’s unethical to use your hypnotic nonsense on _children,_ ” the man said. “Who knows how it’ll affect his brain development? I hate to think how many times you did this to Claire-” 

“This isn’t about Claire!” Allison said. 

They had just arrived, but Five was already tired of watching them bicker. He turned onto his back and noticed there were cartoon-y stars and planets on the ceiling. 

That’s right. This was Claire’s room. 

“I think it _is_ , Allison.” The man had an annoying voice. Five covered his ears, but he couldn’t block it out. “I can’t believe I agreed to unsupervised weekends. You said you wouldn’t use that power anymore.” 

“Please,” Allison said. “ _Please,_ just examine him. I’m worried he might be concussed or something.”

“Then you should take him to a hospital,” the man said. “I’m an _Orthodontist_ , Allison.”

“For god’s sake, Patrick-”

“Shut up,” Five muttered. “You’re too damn loud. Both of you.” 

The man- _Patrick_ , Five realized, Claire’s father- tutted reproachfully. “How old is this kid? What did you say happened to his parents?”

“I told you, he’s family.”

“Right,” Patrick said. “Like Luther is just _family._ ” 

“S _hut up,_ ” Five hissed, struggling to sit up. Why the hell was he so fucking _tired_? As he moved Five got the impression that there was a weight on his limbs, an unnatural fatigue. 

He felt Allison’s hand on his shoulder. Instead of helping him up, she pushed him back against the bed. “Hold on, Five. Lie still.” 

He meant to retort with something cutting, but the pillow under his head welcomed him with its softness.

Why was he trying to get up, anyway? He was sleepy. 

“Open your eyes, kid.” 

Five did so and was met with harsh light. He closed his eyes against it.

“Keep them open,” Patrick said. “I just need to take a quick look.” 

Five opened his eyes and glared into the light. 

“That works,” Patrick said. “Thanks.” 

The light was turned off. Five looked around the room, blinking, and realized Luther was sitting on the floor on the other side of the bed. He smiled at Five when they made eye contact. 

“He’s not concussed,” Patrick said. “But you should undo your spell. It could be masking the symptoms to a different problem.” 

“If he’s not concussed, we should let him sleep,” Allison said. “I think he just needs some rest.” 

“Allison-”

“You can go now,” Allison said. “I’ll walk you out.” 

She ushered him out of the room and Five frowned. 

He felt like he was missing something. 

“Luther.” Sitting up was a struggle, but Luther scrambled closer to help him get upright. “What’s… what happened?” 

“It’s like Allison said,” Luther said. “You overdid it.” 

“What did I overdo?” 

“A spatial jump,” Luther said. “Sorry, we didn’t know how far you were. We wouldn’t have… I’m sorry.” 

The frazzled pieces of the day's events were slowly returning. Five almost laughed out loud when he realized the mistaken assumption they must have made. They blamed the spatial jump for his… what had the girl called it? A panic attack. 

Well alright. Five wouldn’t correct them.

“Don’t be sorry,” Five said.

“Sorry.” 

Five shrugged. “It’s fine.” 

“How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” 

“Right, but… aside from that?” 

Five frowned. “Nothing else.” 

“What do you mean?”

Five pushed the fluffy pillow away from him and leaned against the bed’s headboard. 

“Allison Rumored me, didn’t she? What did she say?” 

“She was just trying to help.” 

_“What did she say?”_

“That you feel kind of sleepy but awake?” Luther said.

“What else?” 

“I don’t-”

_“What else?”_

Luther scratched his head. “Something about being calm and tired?” 

Five chuckled. “Well, that won’t stick for long.” 

“Sorry,” Luther muttered. 

“Why are you always so damn sorry?” Five said. “You act like everything's _your_ fault.” 

“I feel like I let you down,” Luther said. “First with your… with the younger you. And now. Well.”

Five regarded Luther carefully. “If I ask you to do something for me, will you do it?” 

“Not if it has to do with you leaving again."

“It doesn’t."

Good old reliable Luther, as eager to please as ever, leaned forward. “What is it?” 

“Listen carefully...”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


As promised, Luther kept him updated on the situation with Old Five. But he had to call through Young Five’s phone because the cat phone case had _not_ protected Ben’s from the destructive force of the Horror. 

Young Five gave him privacy for the call though and Ben paced around the cluttered ballroom while listening to Luther’s description of events. 

“So they thought I was abusing him,” Luther said. “I couldn’t even blame them. From their point of view they see this poor kid running for his life and then they see _me_ chasing after him…” 

“That sucks though,” Ben said. "They shouldn’t judge you just because you're big."

“Anyway, the paramedics said he had symptoms of oxygen deprivation,” Luther said. “He was also dehydrated and overall exhausted, so of course he passed out.” 

“Did they take him to a hospital?” Ben said. 

“Allison wouldn’t let them,” Luther said. “She was paranoid that the authorities would be called. She said the whole incident would look really bad and that we might lose him for good. Like, we would be considered child abusers and never be allowed to have custody of him.”

“So she Rumored the paramedics?” 

“She Rumored _everybody,”_ Luther said. “Like, she did a sort of ‘this never happened’ kind of blanket rumor. So that none of them would remember Five or be worried about him.”

“Damn,” Ben said. “But is Five okay?” 

“She made Patrick take a look at him.”

“Who?”

“Claire’s dad.”

“Oh.”

“And she put Five in a sort of trance,” Luther said. “It kept him awake but sort of zoned out? The whole thing made me really nervous, but she said she had to do it so they could make sure he didn’t have a concussion and make him drink gatorade and stuff like that.” 

“Is Claire’s dad a doctor?” 

“Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“He’s a dentist.” 

“That doesn’t count!” 

“Dentists learn the medical basics,” Luther said. “So he checked Five out. Said Five doesn’t have a concussion. His health isn’t in jeopardy or anything. He was just really, really tired and he needed electrolytes and… and sleep.” 

“So he’s asleep right now?”

“Yeah,” Luther said. “Allison is keeping an eye on him. We’ve been taking turns.” 

“That’s good.” Still pacing around the ballroom, Ben nearly tripped over something and bent down to examine it. It was a weird belt looking thing, with a cylinder sticking out of it.

Luther kept talking, but Ben was thoroughly distracted by this mysterious finding. He examined the cylinder and realized it was a type of dildo.

_A strap on! Groooooss._

“Klaus is disgusting!”

“Huh?” 

“All his stupid junk in the ballroom,” Ben said. “He’s such a pervert.” 

“Oh,” Luther said. “Do you want me to tell him to clear it out?” 

“Even if you do, it’s not like he _would,”_ Ben said. “And this stuff is too gross to be touched. I need to burn it with fire.” 

“Please don’t set the house on fire,” Luther said.

“Fiiine.” 

“Anyway, there’s something else,” Luther said. “Something… big.”

“What is it?” 

“Before I tell you,” Luther said. “you need to know that not even _Allison_ knows this yet. Five says he wants to break it to her carefully. Or, uh, ask her carefully. So you can’t tell anyone else yet, because the situation is, uh, it’s delicate.” 

“Then why are you telling me first?” 

“Because I said I would keep you updated,” Luther said. “This isn’t a secret, by the way, we’re going to tell everyone. We’ll have a family meeting, but they get hectic and you don’t always get the chance to talk during them, so I wanted to give you a head start? So that you can process the situation.” 

“Thanks,” Ben said. “Okay, I won’t tell anyone until the family meeting.” 

“I would appreciate it,” Luther said. “So Five has a theory. About the paradox.” 

“Okay…” 

“He says the biggest problem is his memory,” Luther said. “He says that, most of the time, it isn’t a big deal if there are differences. Like how we all remember that you died even though you didn’t die? And he said Mom even saw how our memories changed.”

“Yeah, she told me about that.” 

“Five calls it the Mandela Effect,” Luther said. “It’s a time traveler thing.” 

“Okaaaay,” Ben said. “What’s the problem, then?”

“So the thing is,” Luther said. “Memories are the foundation of the ego. The, uh, identity of a person.” 

“I’m with you so far.” 

“Most memories are small and losing them isn’t a big deal,” Luther said. “Or even if they’re big, like how it was really big when we lost you, if the replacement memory is similar enough to the lost memory then the individual stays the same. That’s why we’re all the same even though Five saved you. He, uh, he maintained our continuity by doing things the way he did.”

Ben frowned. 

“Still with me?” Luther said. 

“I think so.” 

“Okay,” Luther said. “So the reason there’s a paradox is because we prevented the Apocalypse. When we did that we broke Five’s continuity.” 

“What does that mean?” 

“It means that there’s not enough in common between both of the Fives,” Luther said. “Since young Five is going to grow up more normally. His psychology is going to be different than the older Five’s.”

“But what does that _mean?”_ Ben’s voice cracked. “Is… is Five going to die?” 

“No, no, no,” Luther said. “He’s not going to die.” 

“Then what’s going to happen?” 

“He thinks the Commission will want to fix it,” Luther said. “But he says they might be giving him the chance to fix it himself? That’s his new theory.”

“How is he going to fix it himself?” 

“He’s going to ask Allison to give him amnesia.” 

_“What?”_

“I know,” Luther said. “I’m sorry.” 

“You _know?_ What do you _know?!”_

“I know how you feel,” Luther said. “It’s horrible, because it means he’ll be… he’ll be sort of gone. But he won’t be gone! He’ll be safe.” 

“She won’t do it,” Ben said. “There’s no way she’ll do it.” 

“I hope she will,” Luther said. 

“How could you want that?!” 

“Because he deserves a second chance!” Luther said. “After everything he’s been through he deserves a healthy life. I didn’t like the idea at first, but I’ve had some time to think about it-”

“Fuck you!” Ben said. “We can give him a healthy life without erasing him!”

“Can we?” Luther said. “There are things about the older Five that you don’t know, Ben. Things you haven’t seen.” 

“What things?” 

“He was alone for such a long time,” Luther said. “It changed him. It hurt him.” 

“But he’s fine now,” Ben said, desperately. “He’s… he’s…” 

“It didn’t really click for me until I saw the younger Five,” Luther said. “Then I was able to see the differences.” 

“That’s just because the older Five grew up!” Ben said. “He matured and he-”

“He talks to himself,” Luther said. “He hears _voices,_ Ben.” 

_She wasn’t real and I know she wasn’t real,_ Five had said. _But she felt real._

“So?” Ben said. “Is that so wrong?” 

“Diego thinks he’s an alcoholic,” Luther said. “Vanya says he has PTSD.”

“You could say the same things about Klaus!” Ben said. “We going to erase him too?”

“It’s not just that,” Luther said. “It’s hard to explain, but Five is very… he has a hard time relating to people? He tries, but talking to him is like…”

_Talking to real people feels like speaking a foreign language._

“But…” Ben floundered for an excuse, a way to contradict what Luther was saying, but instead his stupid brain was coming up with examples that supported Luther’s assessment. 

“At the end of the day,” Luther said. “it’s between Five and Allison. Whatever they decide to do, I’m going to support it.”

“I’m _not_ going to support it,” Ben said. 

“That’s okay,” Luther said. “You don’t have to, but-”

“I’ve heard enough,” Ben said. “I think I want to hang up now.” 

“Okay,” Luther said. “Will you keep this to yourself for a little bit? Can you do that?”

“I said I would.” 

“Alright,” Luther said. “Thank you.” 

“Goodbye.” 

“Good-”

Ben hung up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Allison used two types of Rumors. The first kind involved straightforward commands.

When she gave a command the act would be carried out immediately and without hesitation. But as soon as the action had been completed Allison would lose her hold and the victim would need to be enthralled anew with a repetition of the triggering “I heard a rumor” phrase. 

She would often be interrupted at that point. Or if she wasn’t, she would eventually run out of simple commands. Likewise if she made a command that was too complicated, the listener could shake it off.

Their father had quickly caught onto the liability and had explained to a young Allison the best way to work around it: Take advantage of the victim’s suspension of disbelief. 

There the second type of Rumor was born. To use it well Allison would need to word her Rumor in a way that made the actions required of the victim sound reasonable, so that they would willfully carry out what was needed of them while maintaining a fraction of their autonomy. 

Example: when Allison had tricked the employee at the Institute for Exceptional Youth into escorting her in and out of the building. The man had gone so far as to aid and abet in Five’s escape, but he’d been under the false impression that he was following the orders of a superior. 

Similarly, the Rumor that had been used on Vanya planted a believable lie in the depths of her subconscious. The idea had remained in place for _twenty five years_ , the illusion only shattering when blatant information to the contrary presented itself. 

All this had been detailed in the old man’s notes. When he initially read through them Five had marveled at the potential his sister had to reshape a person's mind. 

Then he'd been disgusted by his own fascination. It was morbid, in a way. 

But _now?_ Now it would be useful. An elegant solution to his paradox problem. Certainly a step up from his vague "get as far away from my family as humanly possible" plan. 

He just needed Allison’s cooperation.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Absolutely not,” Allison said.

“Then I’ll kill myself,” Five said. It was a bluff, but he knew the possibility would frighten her.

“Fuck you!”

“Should I kill the doppelganger instead?” Five said. “Does that sound better to you?” 

"They both sound horrible and you know it." 

"Then _save me,_ " Five said. "It’s not the same as what Dad made you do to Vanya-" 

"I can't _believe_ you'd ask me to do something so… so…" 

"Think of it like medicine," Luther said. "It's like Five caught a weird illness and… like, with cancer patients doesn't the radiation make them really sick? But it also saves their lives." 

"An imperfect metaphor, Luther," Five said. "It's somewhat like that, sure. Just without the pain and hair loss." 

"Fuck you _both,"_ Allison said. 

Luther reached out to hold her hand. "Allison-"

"It doesn't make sense." Allison withdrew her hand from his grasp. "I thought Paradox Psychosis was a physical thing? Wouldn't it still affect them both even if… even if I do it?"

"From what I've been told the affliction is Time's way of expelling trouble makers," Five said. "It's rooted in the _mind_ because the brain is where we make our decisions, see? And all decisions, big and small, are the catalyst for potential branching paths in an individual’s personal timeline. If the mind is touched by an outside source it gets _moved_ , like when a scientist observes an electron, understand?" 

They did not understand. That much was clear from their expressions.

But Luther nodded anyway. "Right. Yeah." 

Allison furrowed her brow, turning his words over in her mind, and then proved herself intelligent by saying, "But then wouldn't _every_ time traveler catch Paradox Psychosis? Whether or not they talked to a doppelganger?" 

Five snapped his fingers and pointed at her proudly, "Good point! The reason they don't is because time is flexible. _We_ aren't, not when we divorce ourselves from Time, but when we remain _within_ Time's current we're as malleable as play-doh." 

Luther gave up pretending he understood. "Play-doh?" 

"The base material remains the same," Five explained. "But the _shape_ of the play-doh changes depending on the hands that sculpt it. Think of the hands as Time. Or Circumstance, if that makes more sense." 

"Circumstance?" Luther said. 

Allison sighed. "It doesn't make more sense, Five. None of this makes sense." 

He threw his hands up. "This is why I tried to leave!" 

"Why can't you just stay here in L.A?" Allison said. "We're so far away from the other Five already." 

"It's not just about the fabric of reality," Five said. "Though I like to think that maintaining _the fabric of reality_ would be enough motivation on its own-" 

_"Five."_

Five sighed. "It's also about the Commission." 

Luther sighed too. 

"What?" Allison said. "What about them? I thought-"

"They're an unknown entity at this point," Five said. "The only thing I _do_ know is that regardless of changes to management or staff their core mission statement should remain the same: protect the timeline." 

"I never understood that," Luther said. "What are they protecting the timeline _from_?" 

"That part is open to interpretation," Five said. "But they have software that can detect anomalies like the one my doppelganger surely created the moment he arrived in 2019. It's almost certain that they'll be motivated to act on Time's behalf if _we_ don't take pains to solve the problem ourselves." 

"Then what did you think would happen if you'd made it to Canada or wherever you were going?" Allison said. "This new idea feels like a random leap-"

"I thought someone would show up to kill me," Five said. 

Luther gaped at him. "Someone from the Commission?" 

"Yes," Five said. "Between me and the doppelganger _I'm_ the one that doesn't belong." 

"Neither of you naturally belong in 2019," Allison said. "And neither does Ben for that matter! So why would they target you and not either of them?" 

"Because my _internal_ continuity has been erased," Five said. "Humans are not as flexible as Time once we've divorced ourselves from it. A time traveler makes themselves vulnerable to paradox. _That's_ why Paradox Psychosis crops up when you encounter a doppelganger. And _that's_ why-" 

"I'm not taking your memories, Five!" 

"Then let me die!" Five shouted.

Allison's face crumbled and Five knew what was coming next. He didn't want to see it. 

He teleported to another room. There were limited options in Allison's apartment, so he ended up in her bedroom.

It took them two minutes to physically follow him, slamming the door open and bursting in as if the hallway behind them were on fire. 

Five flinched when Allison flung herself at him, embracing him in a desperate hug. 

"I'm sorry I wasn't nicer to you while I had the chance." Allison spoke quickly and Five tried to hold himself still in deference to her palpable urgency. "I'm sorry I didn't spend enough time with you, or introduce you to Claire, or-"

 _"Stop it."_ Five warped out of her arms, which had squeezed tightly enough to remind him of his earlier suffocation. "Luther, can you explain to her that amnesia is _not_ death? We all saw Vanya when she-"

"Five," Luther said. "You can't logic your way out of everything." 

Again Allison approached him, perhaps with the intention of engaging in another hug, but this time she simply hovered over him. 

They were both so damn _tall._

"Are you okay?" Allison said. "I didn't mean to scare you." 

He scoffed incredulously, taking in her smeared mascara and general dishevelment. 

"You're about as scary as a runny painting, Allison." 

She wiped at her face, chuckling, and said, "You don't have to be ashamed." 

Five scowled. "I have nothing to be ashamed of." 

Allison looked at him carefully. Then she turned to Luther. "Can you give us a minute alone?" 

Luther nodded. "But you won't… do anything yet, right? I think everyone should get a chance to talk to him before you… you know." 

Allison glared at him and Luther nodded again. "Of course you won't. Sorry." 

She waited for Luther to leave the room. Then she threw herself onto her bed with a dramatic sigh. "I'm exhausted. Are you exhausted?" 

Five shrugged. 

"I noticed this a while ago," Allison said. "But you always teleport out of hugs." 

"Not always." 

"Usually, then." 

He eyed her wearily. "So?" 

She smiled at him. "Do you want to lay down with me?" 

"No." 

"I'll give you plenty of space." Allison rolled over so that she was lying at the extreme edge of her bed. "I won't touch you." 

"I don't understand you," Five said. "What are you doing?" 

"I don't know," she said. "I'm trying to calm down. Do I seem calmer?" 

He took in her position on the bed, stretched out on her stomach with her chin propped up on her palm, elbow propped up on a pillow. 

"I suppose you seem calm," Five said. "But looks can be deceptive."

"True," Allison said. "Like yours." 

"Like mine," he agreed. 

She sat up, folding her legs into a pretzel, and groaned. "I wish I knew how to talk to you." 

"Generally, you'd simply arrange words into sentences," Five quipped. "And voice them aloud." 

She laughed. "Not what I meant, asshole." 

Five sat down at the edge of her bed. "I have trouble too." 

"You do?" 

"Vanya says I don't communicate," Five said. "Which is frustrating because I thought I did. I thought I was saying all the things that needed to be said." 

"That's really sad." 

Five smiled. "Dolores thought so too." 

Allison tilted her head. "Who?" 

That's right. Allison had never met Dolores. 

"A friend of mine," Five said. 

"A friend? Okay." Allison leaned toward him. "There's a lot I don't know about you, isn't there?"

Five shrugged. 

Slowly, Allison held out her hand, palm up. It hovered in the air between them, as uncertain as his future. 

Five raised an eyebrow. 

"Just hold my hand," Allison said. "For a little bit?" 

Five placed his palm against hers and she entwined their fingers. 

"Aaaw," Allison said. "Your hand is so small." 

He rolled his eyes and she laughed again. 

“It’s not too late, you know,” Five said. “I can still meet Claire.” 

“There’s time for that?”

“Yes.” Five gave her hand a squeeze. “There’s some time.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The family meeting was more chaotic than usual, but for once Diego wasn’t doing the yelling.

It was Klaus and Old Five.

“I’ll go to the future _with_ you!” Klaus shouted. “And so will Ben, won’t you Ben?” 

Before Ben could answer, Old Five was cussing Klaus out. Then he said, “The future was never an option, you moron! The other Five will still _be_ there, there will still be two of us!” 

Allison and Luther were no longer visible on screen. Ben didn’t know if they had walked away or if they were still sitting next to Five, but Five had leaned into the frame. “I only said that to calm Diego down!” 

“You little bastard!” Klaus shrieked. “You conniving little bastard!” 

Ben glanced at Diego, but he wasn’t reacting. He was just sitting there, looking dazed. 

Vanya tried to say something, but Ben couldn’t hear her. Neither Five nor Klaus took notice. 

“This is the only way to solve it!” Five said.

The younger Five had already left the room. Ben wasn’t surprised when Vanya finally stood up and walked out, too.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Klaus and Five were yelling at each other and Vanya wasn't reacting. She simply sat, and listened, and breathed. 

Breathing was important. Breathing was… it was important.

Vanya couldn't remember why, but she knew it was true. 

Breathing was important because Five wanted to induce amnesia on himself. He wanted to disappear.

Vanya breathed. 

"The future was never an option, you moron!" Five was finally back on the laptop. Vanya liked video chat better than phone calls. She liked being able to _see_ him, even if he was scowling. "I only said that to calm Diego down!" 

Vanya breathed. _It's important to process,_ Duchemin would say. _Don't react._

Wait a minute. "Wh-what about the past?" Vanya said, tentatively. 

Five didn't hear her. He continued bickering with Klaus and a burst of anger struck her like a pistol whip to the head. 

It threatened to shatter her carefully constructed control, so Vanya took a deep breath and stood. She mumbled a hurried goodbye and shuffled out of the room. 

Out of the room, out of the house, hell she was tempted to leave New York all together. Instead she rushed towards her apartment. 

Her new meds. They were better than the old ones and half as strong, but they got the same job done. Vanya took a taxi to get home quicker and wished the meds were _with_ her. 

She should have carried them in her pocket. She needed them on standby, from now on. For emergencies. 

That was reasonable, right? 

Because she wasn't stable. She wasn't calm, she wasn't _breathing._

"Whoa," the taxi driver said. "Little earthquake. Did ya feel it back there?" 

Vanya closed her eyes. _Breathe, dammit!_

The taxi driver gave up talking to her when he received no answer. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_“No,”_ Klaus said. “No!” 

_“Yes,”_ Five said. “I don’t fit anymore. Five Hargreeves has a different life now. A better life.” 

_“You_ are Five Hargreeves!” 

“Not anymore,” Five said. “I’m like a mutation.” 

“No, you aren’t!” 

Ben put his head in his hands. 

“I. Do. Not. Belong,” Five said. “It’s _math.”_

“It’s _bullshit!”_

 _“You’re_ bullshit!” 

They kept on like that for what felt like hours. Until Luther took the laptop away from Old Five. 

“This is all very upsetting,” Luther said. “I understand that.” 

“Fuck you!” Klaus said. 

“But I think-”

“Shut up,” Diego said. “You can’t fix this with a fucking pep talk.” 

“You’re right,” Luther said. “I’m sorry.” 

“Where’s Allison?” Diego said. “I want to talk to her." 

"She stepped out," Luther said. "She needed a breather." 

Old Five wasn't visible on the screen, but they could hear him when he said, "Where's Vanya?" 

"She _stepped out,"_ Klaus said, mockingly. "She needed a _breather._ Fucking women, am I right?" 

"Shut up, man," Diego said. 

"Can we have a vote?" Ben said. "Because I vote no." 

"Great idea!" Klaus said. "I second that vote!"

"We can't do that," Luther said. 

"Let us count the fucking vote," Klaus said. "Diego? What say you?" 

"It's no, obviously," Diego said.

"That's three for no!" Klaus did an exaggerated fist bump. "We just need one more for a majority." 

"Klaus," Luther said, gently. "Allison already agreed to do it." 

"Too bad!" Klaus said. "We're gonna vote her down!" 

"There's no point, Luther," Old Five said. "You can't reason with _Klaus,_ he's thick as a brick and twice as stupid." 

"How can I be twice as stupid when the brick in question isn't sentient?" Klaus said. "Or is this a _special_ brick?" 

"Um," Luther said. "Five left." 

"Of course he did," Diego said. "Asshole." 

Ben decided he should leave too, but when he tried to quietly sneak out of the room, Klaus latched onto his arm. 

“No, no, no,” Klaus said. “You don’t get to abandon me too.” 

“I’m going to call Five,” Ben said. “I’ll talk him out of it.” 

“You can’t talk him out of anything,” Diego said. “He’s a stubborn little shit.” 

“I can _try,_ can’t I?” Ben glared between the two of them. “I’m going to try.” 

Diego sighed. “Let him go, Klaus.” 

Instead of doing as he was told, Klaus pulled Ben into a hug. “I need _comfort,”_ he said. “I need _huggles.”_

Ben sighed and gave Klaus a squeeze, rubbing comforting circles on his back.

“I’ll give you all the fucking hugs you want,” Diego said. “Let him go.” 

“Ben is better at hugs!” Klaus said. 

“Fuck you,” Diego said. “I give great hugs.” 

“When’s the last time you hugged me?” Klaus said. “You barely tolerate it when _I_ hug _you,_ you’re almost as bad as Five!” 

They kept bickering, but Klaus finally let Ben go.

“Actually, can I borrow someone’s phone?” Ben said. “Mine is still broken.” 

Diego gave him a phone. “I’ll get you a new one,” he said. “But you can keep mine for now.” 

“Thanks.”

Diego gave him a gruff nod, then turned back to the laptop. Luther was still there, quietly watching them. 

Before Diego could address him, Klaus physically pulled him onto the couch and stretched out on top of him. “I’m going to teach you the intricacies of platonic cuddling!” 

Normally, these kinds of antics would be the highlight of the day. Ben would giggle, or join in, or take a photo. 

But it was impossible to smile today, so instead Ben shook his head and headed for the ballroom.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“How many hours do you want to waste this way?” Five said. “We can argue until we’re blue in the face, but I won’t budge.” 

“But what if you’re _wrong?”_ Ben said. “What then?” 

“That’s a risk I have to take.” 

“I hate you so much right now,” Ben said. 

“So be it.” 

“What’ll you even _do,_ afterwards?” Ben said. “Will you go to school? Like, a regular high school? Will you… will you stay with Allison?” 

“I’ll stay with Allison,” Five said. “I don’t think public education would suit me. I’ll create my own curriculum, of sorts. Much like my young counterpart.” 

“Oh, he’s still studying stuff?” 

“Of course he is,” Five said. “That’s one thing we have in common, at least. An unquenchable thirst to know _more._ To know everything there is.” 

“What if you lose that?” Ben said. “What if the new you doesn’t care?” 

“I’ll retain my fundamental personality,” Five said. “I’ll still be the same person.”

“Are you _sure?”_

“Yes,” Five said. “I’m sure.” 

“But what if-”

“Ben,” Five said. “I don’t want to fight anymore.” 

Ben pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, blinking back tears. “O-okay.” 

“I don’t have a lot of time,” Five said. “There are a few things I have to take care of before Allison Rumors me.” 

“Okay.” 

“But I’m going to call you again,” Five said. “I’m going to call you everyday, do you understand?” 

“I think so,” Ben said. 

“Good,” Five said. “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Ben said. 

“Will you do something for me?” Five said. 

“What is it?” 

“Will you check on Vanya?” Five said. “She’s not always… stable.”

“I’ll check on her,” Ben said. “Actually, maybe I’ll spend the night at her apartment tonight? Me, her, and the younger Five. Do you think she’d let us do that?” 

“No harm in asking,” Five said. “I think it’s a good idea.” 

“Then I’ll ask her.” 

“That’s good,” Five said. “You need to take care of each other, alright? This applies to everyone, but especially Vanya.” 

“I get it,” Ben said. “Don’t worry.” 

“Okay,” Five said. “I’m… I have to go.” 

“Goodbye,” Ben said. 

“Bye.” 

First Ben double checked the phone, to make sure Five had really hung up. 

Then he curled in on himself, and allowed himself to cry. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben and the younger Five wanted to have a sleepover. 

It was fine. It was good. By the time they showed up at her apartment, Vanya was calm. 

The meds helped. 

"You okay?" It was obvious that Ben had been crying, but he still showed concern for _her,_ despite his own distress. "You didn't say much during the meeting." 

"Neither did you," Vanya said. 

Ben chuckled. "They made it kind of hard to get a word in." 

"Idiots," Five said. "Both of them." 

Vanya blinked at him. "Are you including the other Five in that?" 

"Of course I am." Five rubbed at his temples. "He's irrational. His plan is stupid." 

"You think so too?!" Ben said. "Do you want to tell him? Maybe if it came from you-"

"I'm the last person he would listen to," Five said. "Anything I say gets dismissed as naiveté." 

Vanya sighed. "He does the same thing to me." 

Ben stared at her, baffled. "Huh? But you're an adult." 

"I'm also half his age," Vanya said. "So he doesn't really respect my ideas." 

_"I_ respect your ideas," Five, looking offended on her behalf.

His concern was so endearing, it made Vanya want to cry. Or hug him. Or both. Instead, she smiled at him. It was the best she could manage. "I know, Five. Don't worry." 

"Me too," Ben said. "Not just because you're older than me, by the way." 

"Thank you," Vanya murmured.

"So what do you think we should do?" Ben said. 

She knew what Ben was asking, but pretended that she didn't. "We should make s'mores," Vanya said. "And hot chocolate." 

Ben didn’t try to hide his disappointment. "Oh," he said. "Um…" 

"Great idea," Five said, quickly. "Nothing gets the brain pumping like a sugar rush." 

Vanya shook her head. "I won't scheme with you." 

Ben pouted at her, playing up his childishness. "But Vanyaaaaa." 

Normally it was cute when Ben did this. 

But not today. 

"You can call Allison if that's what you want," Vanya said. "I won't do it."

"You say 'scheme' like it's a dirty word," Five said. 

"Guys, listen to me for a sec." Vanya tried to think of a way to phrase her argument without sounding like a therapist. "I know it looks like Allison did the right thing. When she Rumored the older Five she gave us what we all wanted. She got Five back." 

Ben winced. "It was messy. Luther said… but Five is okay now." 

Vanya squinted at him, but didn't ask. Instead she made a mental note to bring it up with Luther later. 

"I don't think he's okay," Vanya said. 

"He's a lunatic," Five said. 

"No, he's not!" Ben said. "He's just stressed!" 

"He's cuckoo bananas," Five insisted. 

"No, he just-"

"Guys," Vanya said. "Can we forget about it for a little while? Can we watch a cute movie, eat a ridiculous amount of chocolate, and pretend… and comfort each other?" 

Five frowned. 

"I love cute movies," Ben said, hesitantly. "But-" 

"I'll do it," Five said. 

Five said it with the air of someone who had just resolutely agreed to march on the front lines for queen and country. 

Vanya chuckled. "You don't have to." 

"No," Five said. "I want to." 

She raised an eyebrow. 

"Fine, I want to do it for _you,"_ Five said, shrugging. "To comfort you or whatever." 

"Aaaaw," Ben said. "Will you comfort me too?" 

"Yes," Five said. 

Ben threw his arms around Five. "You're gonna make me cry again!" 

Five reacted to the sudden hug with bewilderment, eyes widening, but he patted Ben on the back and looked at Vanya, as if for further instructions. 

For her part, Vanya felt like she was watching from underwater. She could see what was happening… but she couldn't react. 

Ben was _crying._

How was he crying? He had been playfully pouting just a second ago. 

Slowly, too slowly, Vanya put her arms around both of them. It was the most awkward group hug she'd ever participated in, but Ben needed it. 

Eventually they got Ben bundled into a comfy blanket, sandwiched between them on the couch. He happily ate his s'mores and they watched _Inside Out._

The movie led to more crying from Ben, but Vanya decided this was good for him. It was healthy.

Throughout it all, Five allowed himself to be manhandled. He returned every hug he was given and seemed at ease with it. 

The other Five was different. Did that one like hugs? Did he hate them? Vanya couldn't tell. It seemed like an obligation that he tolerated. Especially since he had a limit. 

Hold on for too long and Five would dissolve. He would teleport to the side, just out of reach, and Vanya would cave in on herself; empty arms still grasping at air.


	7. October 23rd, 24th, and The Days That Weren't

_I tried to explain to those around me that anyone can be, and should be, replaceable. Why does this_ **_I_ ** _matter to_ **_you_ ** _when it means so little to myself?_

 _―_ _Yiyun Li_

  
  


"I can't go to the past either," Five said. "It's too delicate." 

She was arguing with him on the phone again. 

"It can't be _that_ delicate," she said. 

"It is," Five said. "In any case, what would be the point? I'd be alone." 

"I'd go with you," Vanya said. "Klaus would too and we could-" 

"No, Vanya." 

"But-" 

"You won't change my mind," Five said. "Is this all you called to say? I'm tired of arguing." 

"Are you going to hang up?" 

"Can I?" 

"Since when do you need permission?" 

Five didn't respond. She checked her phone: the call was still going. 

"Hello?" She said. 

"I don't want to hang up," Five said. "Can we talk about something else?" 

"I don't understand you," Vanya said. "Do you _want_ to forget everything? Are you looking forward to it?" 

"Didn't you like it?" Five said. "You seemed happier, that time." 

Vanya blinked. He meant her time on Sissy's farm. "I wasn't happier." 

"You were more confident," Five said. "You were unburdened."

"I wasn't confident!" 

She had been Confusion Incarnate. Lost, without an identity, and in a state of limbo as she waited for a potential family to claim her. To _want_ her.

At the time, every passing day felt like confirmation of her worst fear: that no one cared about her. 

_That's why you latched onto a surrogate family,_ Duchemin had said. _Sissy and Harlan needed you, and you needed to be needed._

"Either way," Five said. "It's not about what I want." 

"Then what _is_ it about?" 

"We've been over this." 

"Don't tell me it's about the fabric of reality," Vanya said. "Or the stability of the timeline, or the Commission, or any of that nonsense!" 

"It's not nonsense-"

"I've been talking to the younger Five," Vanya said. "He says you're wrong." 

"He's young," Five said, dismissively. 

She sighed, abandoning the argument. "Fine, what about Dolores?" 

"What about her?" 

"What does _she_ think?" 

Once again, Five was silent. 

_"Five."_

"I'll tell you what she thinks," Five said. "But I want to preface this by saying that she is wrong." 

Vanya straightened, heart racing. "What is she wrong about?" 

"She says… she thinks I overreacted," Five said. "When I saw my doppelganger." 

"Oh yeah?" 

"That day was a good day," Five said. "I was on my way home from the library… and then I saw him. Just nonchalantly walking on the sidewalk in the _wrong direction._ He was walking _away_ from the Academy with all the bluster and confidence of a child that wants you to think he knows what he's doing." 

"It sounds like you were triggered." 

"I was what?" 

"You were reminded of a bad memory." 

"Oh," Five said. “Yes, I suppose that’s accurate. A bad memory indeed.”

"Do you have a moment in mind?" Vanya said. 

Silence. 

She gently prodded him. "Does he remind you of the Apocalypse?" 

"No," Five said. "Of something worse." 

"What could be worse?" 

When he fell silent this time, Vanya decided to wait patiently. She was confident, for the first time in a while, that he would not hang up on her. 

"He reminds me of a nightmare," Five finally said.

"Will you describe it for me?" 

"The nightmare?" 

"Yes," Vanya said. "Is it a recurring nightmare?" 

"Yes." 

"What happens in the nightmare?" 

"I kill him," Five said. "I kill my doppelganger. Then I murder _you._ In cold blood. Everybody else too. Our whole family." 

As Mrs. Duchemin would say: There was a lot to unpack there. Vanya didn't know where to start. 

"But Dolores is wrong," Five said. "I didn't overreact. I did the sensible thing." 

"Um, you fled New York in a panic," Vanya said. "Without a phone or a wallet or anything." 

"I did the sensible thing," Five insisted. "I just botched the execution." 

"Sure," Vanya said. "But-"

"Listen," Five said. "have you read Mainländer?" 

"Mainländer?" Vanya said. "Was it part of Dad's curriculum?" 

"It wasn’t," Five said. "The old man had nothing but disdain for the pessimistic philosophers." 

Whenever Five said things like this it felt like taking a peek at an alternate dimension. One where Five and Dad sat over coffee in front of a fireplace to argue metaphysics. 

"I don't think much of Mainländer either," Five said. "Afterall, the man was only thirty four when he… but I'm getting off topic." 

"I haven't read Mainländer," Vanya said. "What do I need to know about him?" 

She could tell Five was trying to work his way up to a metaphor. 

"Mainländer believed the entire universe, from the planets to the stars to the meat on our bones, was made of God." 

Vanya tried to wrap her head around such a bizarre idea. "Like, God is a hive mind?" 

It sounded like the plot of one of Ben's sci-fi novels. 

"No, he's not sentient," Five said. "Not anymore, at least." 

"I don't understand." 

"Mainländer died before the official discovery of the Big Bang," Five said. "He wouldn't have known about the singularity, or the expansion of the universe, or entropy, but his ideas fit well with those things." 

"His ideas about _God?"_

"It's not really God," Five said. "Mainländer was an atheist. Or so he claimed, anyway." 

"So he thinks the universe is God," Vanya said. "But not the Christian God." 

"Exactly," Five said. "And the way he tells it… well, it's poetic. Like one of those ancient creation myths." 

"How does he tell it?" 

"So the idea is: before the Big Bang there was nothing," Five said. "Except there _was_ something. A dense pocket of gravity. Scientists call it the Singularity." 

She knew that much. "Right." 

"Mainländer would consider the Singularity to be God," Five said. "And the reason the Big Bang was triggered is that God wanted to die." 

"Why would he want to die?" 

"Because existence is suffering," Five said. "All the pessimistic philosophers are firm on that belief. I think they're overdramatic, but that's not the point of the story." 

Vanya knew she wasn't going to like the point that Five was leading her toward, but she prompted him to continue anyway. 

"So God wanted to die," Five said. "But he couldn't just snuff himself out. It's against his nature." 

"Okay…" 

"So instead he decided to… to disassemble himself, if you will." 

"Isn't that the same thing?" 

"What?" 

"Disassembly," Vanya said. "It sounds tidy when you say it like that, but isn't it the same as killing himself?" 

"No," Five said. "It's not the same." 

"It _is."_

"Anyway, entropy is like God's desire for-"

"Stop it," Vanya said. "I'm hanging up." 

"You are?" 

"I am." 

"I've upset you." 

"You have." 

"That wasn't my intention." 

"You always have good intentions," Vanya said. "But intentions don't matter. It's about what you _do._ It affects me, Five. You make all these decisions by yourself, but the results affect _all_ of us."

"I'm sorry," Five said. "I can… what should I do?" 

"Call Allison off," Vanya said. 

"I can't do that." 

"Yes, you can." 

Five didn't say anything. 

Neither did Vanya. 

The silence stretched out for a painful minute. Or a painful hour. It was hard to tell. 

Finally, Five said, "I thought you were hanging up?" 

"Do you want me to?" 

"If you insist on arguing the same point ad infinitum, then yes." 

"Alright," Vanya said. "Goodbye." 

"Goodbye, Vanya." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There was a swingset in the backyard. Two swings for two children, Five supposed. He tried to imitate the enthusiasm Claire displayed as she swung her legs, eagerly leveraging their momentum to increase the speed and height of her journey.

Claire was a simple child who enjoyed simple pleasures, but she was also full of curiosity. After her initial burst of energy, Claire slowed down and settled on her swing as if it were a simple chair at the kitchen table instead of a toy made to facilitate constant movement.

Five answered her questions to the best of his ability, but he had a hard enough time breaking things down into simple terms for his _adult_ siblings. When he first spoke to Claire she practically had to stop him at every other word to ask for a definition.

Still, Claire seemed to appreciate the attempt. 

“Your twin doesn’t act like a kid either,” Claire said. “But he _is_ a kid?”

“That’s right,” Five said. “And he isn’t my twin.” 

“He kind of is though.” 

“I suppose so.” 

“And so Mom is going to do the whole Men in Black flashing light thingy?” 

Five had no idea what Claire was referencing, but he knew she was talking about the amnesia Rumor he’d requested. 

“Yes,” Five said. “Because I think that will solve the paradox.” 

“But you don’t _know_ ,” Claire said. “So what will you do if it doesn’t work?” 

“If it doesn’t work I’ll think of something else,” Five said. “There’s always a solution. It just takes a bit of work to find it.” 

Claire began shuffling her feet, turning her seat so that the chains that held it up would twist and coil. When she lifted her feet off the ground the swing gently spun her back around. 

Five glanced at the house. Allison and Patrick were inside, probably bickering again. Had he cost her the hard won unsupervised weekends? Five knew his presence in L.A had baffled her ex-husband and harmed Allison’s already fragile reputation. Mostly because Patrick refused to humor the idea that Five was not the age he looked. 

“If it _does_ work,” Claire said. “Will you be my brother instead of my uncle? Or, like a cousin?”

“Do you want me to be your brother?” 

Claire grinned. “That would be pretty cool.” 

“It doesn’t matter what you call me,” Five said. “We’re family. That’s not going to change, regardless of what might happen in the future.” 

Claire laughed. “You did it again! What does ‘regardless’ mean?” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Allison came up with a story to fool the government into believing Vanya was Five's biological mother and that both of the Five's were twin brothers. 

"Don't you ever get tired?" Vanya said. "Of making up stories?" 

"Don't _you_ get tired of riding your high horse?" Allison snapped. 

Vanya sighed. 

"I'm sorry," Allison quickly added. "I shouldn't lash out at you." 

"It's okay," Vanya said. 

The laptop was propped up on a pillow. On screen, Allison looked contrite. 

"I think I get defensive because I feel guilty," Allison said. "I know this is wrong, okay? I know that. I even told myself I was done with the Rumors, but…" 

"I know," Vanya said. "I'm sorry." 

Allison fiddled with a strand of hair. "I'm as bad as Klaus, aren't I? I keep falling off the wagon." 

"It's not the same thing," Vanya said. "Look, I'll sign whatever you need me to sign. You're probably right. We need to get custody, but the situation is too unusual to explain to child services." 

"I'll stop once they're safe," Allison said. "I won't use my Rumors. Never again." 

"You don't have to," Vanya said. "Your power is a part of you. I shouldn't shame you for using it." 

"But it's dangerous," Allison said. "I'm better off quitting cold turkey." 

Vanya shook her head. "You could say the same thing about me. Should _I_ quit cold turkey? Stay on meds twenty four seven?" 

Allison winced. "Of course not." 

"We just have to be careful how we use our…. our gifts," Vanya said. "This whole delayed birth registration thing? It's a really good idea. I'm sorry for… I shouldn't have said what I said. About making up stories." 

"It was passive aggressive," Allison said. 

"I know," Vanya said. "I'm sorry.' 

Allison sighed. "Please stop apologizing." 

"Okay," Vanya said. "So, I think I'm kind of … I'm feeling a little… I'm still bitter." 

"About the amnesia thing."

"Yes! How could you agree to that?" 

"I don't like it either," Allison said. “At first I was just playing along. I wasn’t actually going to do it, but I said I would to buy some time. I wanted to make sure Five didn’t disappear on me again.” 

"But now you _are_ going to do it?" Vanya said. “Or are you still playing along?” 

Allison started to lean forward, but then thought better of it. She straightened and clasped her hands together. 

"Look…" 

"You don't really believe the fate of the world is at stake!" Vanya realized she was on the verge of yelling. She lowered her voice. "I'm not even sure if _Five_ believes that." 

"It's hard to tell," Allison said. "He’s a habitual liar." 

"Yeah, he is!" Vanya said. "Like that thing where he said the Commission wanted to take him to the future? But then he was all, 'Psych! I made that up!' What the hell?" 

"He said he wanted us to have hope," Allison said. "In case the Commission assassinated him. He liked the idea of us assuming he was safe in the future." 

"Which is _horrible,"_ Vanya said. "Wouldn't you rather know he was dead if he was dead? Instead of waiting and wondering why he never showed up again?" 

"I would rather know, yeah," Allison said. "But listen, Luther made a good point about the whole thing."

"What point?" 

"He said it doesn't matter if Five is wrong," Allison said. "I mean, obviously it matters because assassins and paradoxes and all that. But even if the Commission _isn't_ out to get him and even if the two Fives _aren't_ in danger of murdering each other… like, he said there's no harm in giving Five what he wants anyway.” 

"No harm?" Vanya echoed. _"No harm?"_

“Okay, not that there’s no harm,” Allison said. “But he thinks it would be good for Five.” 

Allison was looking at something off screen. Was she being avoidant? Or was there someone in the room with her? 

_"What?"_

"Just hear me out," Allison said, looking into the camera again. "Luther told me some things. Stuff that I didn't know about Five." 

"Like what?" 

"He told me about Dolores," Allison said. "Do you know who that is?" 

Vanya straightened. "He's not crazy." 

Allison frowned. "So you _did_ know." 

"Yeah, but my therapist says-" 

"Goddammit,” Allison said. "Listen, I love you, but if you quote your therapist at me _one more time_ I'm going to reach through this laptop and strangle you!" 

"It's called Dissociative Disorder." Vanya spoke quickly, desperate to explain. "It's caused by trauma, but he's not crazy!" 

"Dissa what?" Allison said. "Look, I googled hallucinations and… I read some stuff about schizophrenia-"

"He's not schizophrenic," Vanya said. “Or… he might be, but my therapist thinks-”

“Has your therapist _met_ him?” 

“No, but I’ve told her about him,” Vanya said. “And about Dolores, so she has theories. I tried to get him to schedule an appointment with her, but he wouldn’t do it. Still, I think he might come around eventually. He’s gotten a lot better at communicating, so… what?”

Allison tried to put on a poker face, but it was too late. Vanya had caught a glimpse of her lip curling in disbelief.

“What was that look for?” Vanya said. 

“Nothing,” Allison said. “It’s just… Five. Communicating. It’s like finding a unicorn at the zoo.” 

“I’m serious!” Vanya said. “You haven’t noticed because you haven’t been around, but Five is a lot better at it than he used to be.” 

Allison glared at her. “Haven’t been around? We’re going there now?” 

Vanya winced. “I’m not accusing you of anything. It’s not your fault you live in California.”

“You’re always accusing me of something,” Allison said. 

“I’m sorry it sounds that way. That’s not what I…” Vanya glanced down at her phone, which was vibrating, and almost clicked on the Ignore button before she saw the name on the caller ID. 

She gasped. “Five is calling me.” 

Allison’s eyes widened. “What? He never calls anyone.” 

“I know, but he is!” Vanya glanced from the laptop to the phone uncertainly. “Where is he?” 

“He’s been holed up in Claire’s room,” Allison said. “Hey, will you let me eavesdrop?” 

Vanya frowned. “That’s kind of-” 

“Please?” Allison said. “If Five is communicating, he isn’t doing it with _me._ And don’t you want me to have all the facts straight before I Rumor him? I’ll change my mind about it if… if it seems like a bad call.” 

That was all the incentive Vanya needed. She nodded tersly and answered her phone, putting it on speaker. 

“Hey,” Vanya said. “Are you okay?” 

“I’d like to apologize,” Five said. 

Vanya blinked. “Oh, um, thank you.” 

On the laptop Allison was frantically pantomiming something, but Vanya had no idea what she was trying to say. 

“I also want to make it clear that I am _not_ suicidal,” Five said. “I know I’ve become something of a… a point of discussion, in the family. The problem child, if you will. I understand why and I’m not mad, but when it was brought to my attention that I’ve been misinterpreted… I had to set the record straight.” 

Vanya watched Allison stand up, drifting out of frame. 

“Who said you were suicidal?” Vanya said. 

“That’s irrelevant,” Five said. “My point is, I’m not.” 

Allison came back, wearing headphones. She also held up a notepad that said, _Turn Off Speaker._

Vanya did so and moved her phone to her ear. 

“Did you hear me?” Five said. 

“I did,” Vanya said. “Sorry. Um, I’m glad you feel that way. I mean, I’m glad you _don’t_ feel… that way.” 

But reassurances from Five always had the opposite effect. After their last conversation Vanya had googled Philipp Mainländer. The search had revealed a morbid fact: the man had killed himself. 

The more she read about Mainländer’s beliefs, the more depressing it got. He wasn’t just a pessimistic philosopher; he thought non-existence was better than existence and that the will to live, or the pursuit of happiness, was the root of all suffering. 

“That’s all I wanted to say,” Five said. “You can go back to whatever you were doing.”

Allison had been writing something else down on her notepad. Now she held it up and it said, _Gonna Move, His Door._

“I’d rather talk to you, actually,” Vanya said. “Is that okay?” 

“Alright,” Five said. “That’s fine.” 

Vanya watched Allison’s laptop camera blur through a haze of furniture and home décor as Allison moved through her apartment. 

“I want to visit you,” Vanya said. “I know I have to file the paperwork stuff for you and the other Five, but when I’m done with that I’m going over there.” 

Allison’s face came back into view, though the angle was awkward. She was really close to the camera now. 

“I’d like that,” Five said. “But if Ben asks to come with you, you must be firm. Tell him he can’t.” 

“Why can’t he?” Vanya said. 

“He’s not like you,” Five said. “His power is unwieldy. I don’t trust him in a fight.” 

Vanya sighed. “You’re really living on a knife’s edge, aren’t you? You really think you’ll be attacked at any second.” 

“It’s likely,” Five said. “I’m not being irrational.” 

Allison was making adjustments with her laptop, trying to find a good place to put it. It made the camera blur out again. 

“But what if you _are_ being irrational?” 

“I _wish_ this was nothing more than paranoia,” Five said. “It’s a nice thought, in fact! But the reality is-”

“Five,” Vanya spoke gently, wanting to soften the blow of what she was about to say. “You’ve said yourself that reality is about perception. And we both know your perception has its flaws.” 

“I understand where you're coming from,” Five said. “But my perception is fine.” 

“But-”

“When I told you the world was ending,” Five said. “you thought I’d lost my mind. This is the same thing. Your judgement has been clouded by your complacency.” 

On the laptop, she could see Allison wince. Tired of the distraction, Vanya decided to turn the screen around. Allison would still be able to hear. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t believe you back then,” Vanya said. “But we stopped the Apocalypse. It’s over now.” 

“You don’t _know_ that.” 

“You spent so many years in crisis mode,” Vanya said. “It makes sense that you don’t know how to turn it off, but eventually you’ll have to accept that the crisis is over. You can relax now.” 

“Believe what you want,” Five said. “That’s a luxury I can’t afford.” 

“What about Dolores?” 

“What about her?” 

Vanya knew she was grasping at straws now, but she had to try. “She’s against your plan, isn’t she?” 

“I know what you’re doing,” Five said. “You’re trying to gang up on me.” 

“I just want to know what she thinks.” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Five said. “You won’t change my mind. Either of you.” 

“Don’t you see?” Vanya said. “Dolores is proof that you… she’s evidence of your own uncertainty.” 

“How do you figure?” 

“It’s like that saying,” Vanya said. “That phrase… when you say, ‘I’m of two minds on the issue’ it means you’re split down the middle. You agree and disagree. You’re not confident.” 

“Don’t conflate her thoughts with mine,” Five said. “She’s her own person.” 

“Yeah, but-” 

“She’s sentimental,” Five said. “She’s not willing to look at the big picture.” 

“Maybe you’re the one who isn’t willing to look at the _small_ picture.” 

“That doesn’t even make sense.” 

Vanya sighed. “I know.” 

Silence. Vanya bit her lip. 

_I failed,_ she thought. _He's gone._

But Five hadn't hung up yet. 

"Anyway, it's simple," Five said. "I learned from my mistakes. I've underestimated the Commission before and you know where that got me?" 

"But-" 

"Klaus was _tortured,"_ Five said. "And Diego's girlfriend was killed." 

"But you saved her!" 

"The point still stands," Five said. "They're unpredictable. I can't let my guard down." 

"You can't just… you can't stay in this state of hypervigilance for the rest of your life!" 

"I can and I will." 

"I hate it when you say that," Vanya sighed. 

“I’ll still be the same person,” Five said. “Why is that so hard for you all to understand? It’s not like I’ll be gone.” 

“Allison thinks this is better than you leaving again,” Vanya said. “But I’d rather let you travel around the world like an angsty cowboy than watch you erase yourself.”

“An angsty cowboy, huh?” Five said. “That’s a new one.” 

“Sorry,” Vanya said. “It’s stupid, but I used to associate you with old cowboy movies. You know, when I was a kid.” 

“Care to elaborate?” 

“It was the whole lone wolf thing,” Vanya said. “The cowboy would travel from town to town and save the day, but if anyone asked him to stay he wouldn’t. It looked like he _wanted_ to stay, but he thought he couldn’t because… I don’t know. There was always some vague reason.” 

“An angsty reason,” Five said, sardonically. 

“Yes.” 

“Hmm,” Five said. “Death is better than leaving.” 

“What?” 

“I suppose suicide doesn’t count,” Five said. “That’s a choice too, isn’t it?” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Nothing,” Five said. “Ignore me.” 

“I thought you said you _weren’t_ suicidal?”

“I’m not,” Five said. “I was just thinking out loud.” 

“About suicide.” 

“No.” 

“You _said-”_

“I was just thinking about something Ben said to me once,” Five said. “He said losing someone to death was better than being abandoned.”

“Ben wouldn’t say something like that,” Vanya said. 

“His phrasing was different,” Five said. “Dolores says I’ve twisted his meaning.” 

“What does she think he meant?” 

“Nevermind,” Five said. “I have to go.” 

“Wait!” Vanya said. “Can I ask one more thing?” 

“What is it?” 

“Do you hate your memories?” 

“That’s immaterial.” 

“Do you still have nightmares?” Vanya said. “You said existence is suffering. Are you… are you suffering?”

"I said no such thing." 

"But you said that stuff about God-"

 _"Mainländer_ thought existence is suffering," Five said. "Don't put his words in my mouth." 

"But _you_ said-"

"Hold on," Five said. "Just… pause." 

Vanya blinked. 

"Let me think," Five said. "Give me a minute." 

"Are you okay?" 

"Let me _think,_ I said!" 

Vanya swallowed. "Okay," she whispered. 

So she waited, gnawing at the skin on her lip, biting into it until she could taste the blood and hear the pounding of her pulse.

"I'm Sisyphus," Five said. "I used to think I was Icarus. Except, I thought I would succeed where he had failed. I thought I was exceptional." 

"Five…" 

"You asked me if I'm suffering," Five said. "The answer is no. But even if that were not the case… that’s not why I’m doing this.

“I just want to know why,” Vanya said. "I want to know what your real feelings are."

“My feelings are irrelevant,” Five said. “Why is that so hard for you to understand?” 

“You’re not a robot,” Vanya said. “You like to think you’re making choices based on logic and probability theory, but you’re _reacting._ You’re afraid and you’re not dealing with it in a healthy way.” 

“Yes, yes,” Five said. “Everything I do is unhealthy. We’ve been over this.” 

“No,” Vanya said. “Not everything. You’ve done a lot of healthy things these past few months.” 

“Sure,” Five said. 

“You helped Klaus get sober.”

“I failed to _keep_ Klaus sober.” 

“You fixed Dad’s healing serum.” 

“Because I wanted to fix Luther's body,” Five snapped. “I failed to do that, too.” 

This was new information, but Vanya decided she would process it later. She plowed on, “You helped Mom! You gave her freedoms that she never had before.” 

“Diego thinks-” 

_“You saved Ben.”_ Vanya could hear that familiar ringing in her ears, but she ignored it. "You saved _me,_ and you helped me learn control-"

“I saved you in the worst possible way!” Five shouted. “Ben too… I… I botched the job.” 

“How did you botch the job?” 

“Ben is out of place,” Five said. “He’s in the wrong time.” 

“He’s alive!” 

“Alive, sure,” Five said, bitterly. “But that’s not enough.” 

“Why isn’t it enough?” 

“I can’t even begin to explain,” Five said. “I’m hanging up.” 

“Please don’t hang up,” Vanya said. “Please… Five?” 

He was gone. Vanya sighed. 

When Allison spoke, Vanya nearly jumped out of her skin. She’s forgotten Allison was listening in. 

“I didn’t know he was doing all that.” Allison sounded congested. “I didn’t know.” 

Vanya turned the laptop back around and saw that Allison was crying. 

“Five!” Allison shouted. “Get out here!” 

“Wait,” Vanya said. “Don’t-”

“I know you can hear me!” Allison said. “Don’t ignore me!” 

In a panic, Vanya slammed her laptop shut. Her heart was racing, her ears were ringing, and when she tried to stand her legs nearly buckled beneath her. 

She was _shaking._ Why was she shaking? 

_This is an emergency,_ Vanya decided. _This counts as an emergency._

She found her pills and dry swallowed two of them. 

_I’m okay,_ Vanya thought. _Everything will be okay._

But she didn’t really believe that.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


There was a bothersome amount of paperwork involved in the adoption process. The whole headache was an issue Five had purposely avoided up to now, but Allison insisted on getting it done before she Rumored him. 

She coordinated with Vanya in New York so that both sisters would each have legal guardianship over Five and his doppelganger respectively. 

Allison was able to short cut some of the process with her Rumors, but there was one element that could not be avoided: establishing an identity to account for the presence of “twin” thirteen year olds in the Hargreeves family. 

In the end, they decided to employ a Delayed Birth Registration. 

“We’ll say you were both born in 2006,” Allison said. “And that Vanya was the mother.” 

“Vanya was seventeen in 2006,” Five muttered. 

“And teen pregnancies are very embarrassing,” Allison said. “So her mega rich and ultra conservative father hired midwives for the birth so he could hush the whole thing. It’s _genius._ ” 

“What’s _your_ part in the story?” Five said. “Secret lesbian lover?” 

Allison laughed. “On paper that would sort of look like incest. Technically it wouldn’t be, but… well, anyway I’m the kind hearted aunt who helped share the burden of raising these twins.” 

“Great,” Five said. “I just hope entwining my identity with my doppelganger’s doesn’t lead the Institute to his door.” 

“They’ve been oddly quiet haven’t they?” Allison said. “I tried looking at their website again yesterday, but it was deleted or something.” 

Five smiled, a half formed guess reignited by this new information. “Deleted, you say? Or perhaps it never existed in the first place.” 

“What?”

“I thought it was odd too,” Five said. “They seemed like a zealous lot, but I haven’t been bothered by them since my escape. What explanation is there but an absence?” 

“You’re going to have to elaborate, Five.” 

“I have a theory,” Five said. “Look, I’ll show you what I mean. Let’s go back to the Institute.” 

“You want to go _back_ to the Institute for Exceptional Youth?” Allison said. “Those lunatics put you in handcuffs!” 

“We’ll just take a look at the building,” Five said. “To check if it’s still there.” 

“Why wouldn’t it be there?”

“Time is flexible,” Five said. “Changes are made all the time. Or did you forget about the Commission?” 

“Are you saying they assassinated an entire organization?” Allison said. “And what about the kids? Did they kill the _kids_?” 

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Five said. “They would only need to kill one person. The man or woman who founded the organization, perhaps. So that it was never created.” 

“But we were _there,_ ” Allison said. “How-”

“Before we get too worked up,” Five said. “Can we go and confirm my theory?” 

Allison snatched up her car keys with a huff. “Fine. _After_ we get the Delayed Birth Registration.” 

“Of course. After that.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The Institute for Exceptional Youth was now called the “Silverlake Recreation Center.” The architecture for the building itself was mostly the same, but its purpose had been fundamentally changed. 

“Wouldn’t people notice changes like this?” Allison said. “I guess their memory gets changed too, but then why do _we_ still remember the Institute?” 

“Because we’re time travelers,” Five said. “We remember our native timeline.” 

“This _is_ my native timeline!” Allison was glaring at the rec center through her windshield like it was a war tank bulldozing her childhood home. “Why aren’t I… why…” 

“No, it isn’t.” Five put a hand on her shoulder and she looked at him in surprise. “I’m sorry, but the moment you traveled into the past you left that timeline behind.” 

“But you brought us back!”

“I did,” Five said. “But it only takes one trip to establish yourself as an outsider to Time.” 

Allison frowned. “Will this happen again? What else will disappear?” 

“It’s usually something smaller,” Five said. “For instance, you’ll remember a celebrity's death and then find out they’re actually still alive. You’ll look at a famous brand name and think it’s been spelled wrong. Things like that.” 

Allison closed her eyes and leaned her head against the steering wheel. “I think I’m having an existential crisis.” 

“This doesn’t change anything,” Five said. “If anything, we should be happy. It’s one less problem for us.” 

Allison didn’t respond. 

“Sorry,” Five said. “I don’t know what else to tell you.” 

Allison sat up. “It’s okay.” She put her key in the ignition and mechanically went about reversing out of the rec center’s parking spot. 

“Are you alright?” Five said.

“No.” 

“What do you need me to say?” 

“There’s nothing you can say to fix it, Five,” Allison said. “It’s just something else I’m going to have to learn to live with.” 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry!” Allison shouted. 

Five nodded. “Alright.” 

Allison took a deep breath. “I’m just so fucking tired of hearing that.” 

“Fair enough.” 

Allison glanced at him. 

“You should keep your eyes on the road,” Five said. 

“Look, I know we’re almost out of time,” Allison said. “You won’t let me procrastinate for much longer.” 

“We had an agreement.” 

“I know. I’m not backing out. I just need to say something.” 

“Go ahead.” 

“You’ve done a lot for me,” Allison. “You’ve done a lot for all of us. I want to say thank you.” 

Five looked out his window. “Your welcome.” 

“And I love you,” Allison said. “You know that, right?” 

“Of course I know that,” Five said. “I love you too.” 

When it came down to it, that was all that mattered. Perhaps there was more to be said, Vanya would certainly argue that point, but neither he nor Allison could figure out _what_ that More was.

So they spent the rest of that car ride in silence. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


This was the _last_ phone call. The knowledge made Ben self-conscious of every word. He struggled to speak because of it. What could he say with so little time? Everything felt like a waste. 

“It’s not the last,” Five said. “We’ll have many more phone calls between us.” 

“It’s the last with _you,”_ Ben insisted. “You won’t be you anymore, after this.” 

“In any case,” Five said. “It’ll finally be safe for you to visit.” 

Ben straightened. “Really?” 

“Yes,” Five said. “You can come over here whenever you want. For as long as you want. Allison wanted me to emphasize that point. She says she misses you.”

“I miss her too.” 

“Hell, she practically invited you to live here permanently,” Five said. “But I told her you couldn’t do that.” 

An invisible knife twisted in Ben’s gut, because he knew Five was right. The younger Five needed him _here_ and so did Vanya. So did everyone. 

But so did the _other_ Five. So did Allison. 

It was like being torn in half. 

“You still with me?” Five said. 

“I’m here,” Ben said. “Sorry.” 

“No need to be sorry,” Five said. 

“How much time is left?” 

“Don’t be conscious of it.” 

“How can I not be conscious of it?” Ben said. “It’s like you’re trying to nonchalantly drink a cup of coffee while running up a downwards escalator.” 

“I like that metaphor,” Five said. “It’s a good one.” 

Ben groaned. “I feel so stupid! I can’t think of anything good to say!” 

“Hmm,” Five said. “Déjà vu.” 

“Huh? Why?” 

“You’ve said that before,” Five said. “When you were a ghost.” 

“I did?” 

“You were always hyper-conscious of the passage of time,” Five said. “Because Klaus couldn’t maintain your form for longer than two hours. You felt rushed to say something meaningful while I could see you, but the pressure got to you. You would flounder.” 

“That’s _really_ depressing,” Ben said. 

“I know.” 

“Hey, am I different now?” Ben said. “Klaus is kind of… sometimes he seems really disappointed in me. I think it’s because he can feel the difference. Like I’m not the right Ben.” 

“You’re still the same person,” Five said. “The difference is just a handful of memories.” 

“Um, more like several years of memories,” Ben said. “And isn’t it similar to what happened to you? Like… like I lost my continuity.” 

“Don’t let Klaus’s expectations color your self-perception,” Five said. “You’re not missing anything. You’re _you._ You’re already you. And you always will be.” 

Ben sighed. “Sure.” 

“I’m serious.” 

“I know… thanks.” 

“Sometimes I wish you could see the world the way I do,” Five said. “But there are also times when I wonder… maybe the problem is me.” 

“Oh my god,” Ben said. “You’re killing me.” 

“Pardon?” 

“I’m going to _cry,”_ Ben said, sniffling. “I’m… I’m crying!” 

The damn had broken once again and Ben was left to deal with the tears and the snot and the goddamn mess. 

“I’m sorry,” Five said. “Ben? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“There’s nothing wrong with you!” Ben said. “There was never anything wrong with you!” 

“I believe you,” Five said. “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“It’s for the vault. We’ll keep that, right? Will we lose the vault?” 

“We won’t lose the vault,” Five said. “You’ll just have to explain it to me.” 

“I’m going to make Luther buy me a plane ticket,” Ben said. “I’m going over there and I’m going to hug you and I’m going to explain the vault.” 

“Thank you,” Five said. “I’d like that.” 

“Do we still have time?” Ben said. 

“We still have time,” Five said. “You can say anything. It doesn’t have to be meaningful, just say anything you need to say. It’ll… it’ll really go into a vault this time.” 

**_Ouch._ **

“Ben?” Five said. “Shit. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “It’s fine. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Five said. “And I’ll still love you, no matter what I remember. Do you believe me?”

“I believe you,” Ben lied. 

They kept talking, and Ben decided to fill the vault with more lies like that. Because he didn’t want this vault. He didn’t want a permanent one. 

Then they had to hang up. 

And Five was gone.

The Sparrow Academy had been raised to kill, yet none of them used guns. Five was reminded of that silly line Diego had shouted at bank robbers when they were children: “Guns are for sissies!”

Real men use swords, apparently. 

Five’s first impression of the Sparrow Academy was marred by the chaos of a battle with too many moving parts. There had been birds flying everywhere, ice shards as thick and lethal as blades, and- of course- there were those damn floating swords. 

Five would later wonder if the sword guy’s ability extended beyond his chosen weapon. Did he possess a far ranging telekinesis or was he limited to swords? Perhaps he could only manipulate metal, perhaps only weapons. 

In the end, speculation got them nowhere. Five discarded his curiosity. The Umbrella Academy survived to fight another day. They got away from Reginald and his flock.

And Klaus was hailed as the goddamn antichrist. Or God himself, depending on who you asked. 

The family, Umbrellas no more, became Destiny’s Disciples. The wealth and influence afforded them by Klaus’s zealots (who were _thrilled_ both by his apparent resurrection and by the novelty of a man who, after sixty long years, had not aged a day) was an indispensable shelter.

Weeks went by, but the Sparrows tracked them down. Once, twice, three times. They were hunted like animals. 

“You’ll end the world!” Ben’s doppelganger shouted at them. “You’ll destroy everything if we don’t stop you.” 

Eventually, they decided to leave the country.

What a naïve plan, that was. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Vanya’s head toppled from her shoulders as easily and violently as a bird yanking a worm from the ground. Time froze, for a second, as Five watched her body crumple. Her head rolled to a stop by his foot. 

The damn sword, dripping with her blood, flew at Five next. 

But it did not reach him. 

Instead Five _ran_ and the sword ran with him, it ran back towards Vanya’s desecrated body, ran through her neck as her head replaced itself on her shoulders, ran back towards the man- the _filthy_ Sparrow!- who had launched it. 

When Time resumed its forward march, Five grabbed the sword and yanked it from the air. He turned it around and stabbed its owner through the heart. 

He heard a girl scream, but this time it was not Vanya. It was a Sparrow, the ice girl, and she unleashed an avalanche of sharpened icicles towards him that were repelled by Vanya. The two of them seemed to cancel each other out, but Five felt the cold and shuddered with it.

“You good, bro?!” Diego called to him. 

For years Five would resent this concern, the distraction. Why couldn’t Diego keep his eyes on his own damn fight? The Horror, a writhing mass of tentacles, was bleeding and furious. Five could only guess how many times Diego had stabbed it. But the Horror persisted and took advantage of the opening Diego had given it.

Five launched himself at the tentacle that nearly crushed his brother, slicing at it with the stolen sword. 

And Vanya died _again_ while his back was turned. 

The Sparrows must have been instructed to prioritize her elimination, perhaps because she was the most powerful among them. No matter. Five would _not_ let her die. 

He rewinded time a second time. Killed the ice girl. Saved Diego. They were both fine, everyone was fine. 

But there were too many siblings to keep track of. 

He didn’t see it happen, but Klaus was killed on impact. His head cracked open when he fell. 

The worst part?

Klaus had been caught in one of Vanya’s seismic sound waves.

By the time Five put together what had happened, precious minutes had been lost. Could he rewind that far back?

Five gave it a try, but Time fought him. 

He passed out. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five woke up on the plane. Immediately, he did a head count and noted three missing siblings. 

Vanya, Klaus, and Luther. 

“Are they dead?” 

Sitting across from him on the plush seats of the fancy private plane, Allison and Diego looked as ravaged and disheartened as a pair of war torn refugees. As out of place in this setting as they were in the timeline. 

“Vanya and Luther are still alive,” Allison said, wearily. “I didn’t want to leave them, but they insisted.” 

_“What?_ Why would they-”

“She was shaking up the whole plane,” Diego said. “Couldn’t control herself.” 

“And Luther wouldn’t let her stay by herself,” Allison said. “As soon as-”

“We have to go back,” Five said. “We can’t-”

“You could have _died_ ,” Diego said. “We had to-”

“But _they_ could die!” Five said. “Klaus already-”

“Luther decided we’d be safer if we split up,” Allison said. “He said-”

“Wait.” Five unbuckled his seatbelt and stood to search the overhead compartment. “Where’s the briefcase?” 

The compartment was empty. Why was it empty?!

“The time travel briefcase?” Allison said. 

He scowled. “ _Yes,_ the time travel briefcase! Where the hell-” 

Diego reached under his seat and pulled it out. “Would you calm the fuck down? It’s right here.” 

The plane shook with a brief spell of turbulence. It was enough to unbalance him and Allison reached up to steady him. “Whoa, hey,” she said. “You should sit back down.”

Five did so, but his mind was racing. The briefcase was accounted for, which meant he still had a chance to fix this. But at what point in time should he go? When had it all gone wrong? 

“I know that look,” Diego said. “That’s your scheming face.” 

“I’m going to save him,” Five said. “I just need to figure out _when_.” 

Allison sighed. “Even if you save Klaus from… from that particular fight, we’ll still be in the same position. The Sparrows-”

“Are you saying he shouldn’t do it?!” Diego said, incredulous. 

“That’s not what I’m saying,” Allison said. “But I think we need to fix the timeline as a whole, not just-”

“We can’t fix the timeline,” Five said. “Give it up.”

“But-”

“I said _no,_ ” Five said. “Introducing a bunch of doppelgangers into the past will only make this whole mess worse.” 

It was an argument they’d already had, but Five understood her persistence. It was because of Claire. 

The daughter that no longer existed. 

Five avoided Allison’s eyes. “Look, I understand-”

“No, you don’t,” Allison said. “You’ll never understand.” 

Five sighed. “I’m sorry.” 

Diego glared at her. "Klaus is _d-dead!_ We didn't even bury him!"

"I fucking know that!" Allison bit out. "I was _there."_

"You're talking about it like you don't even…"

Five tuned out of their squabble. 

_Now is not the time for anger or grief_ , he thought. _But for planning._

So he planned. And then, he acted. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Five used the briefcase to warn his family against boarding the private plane. He described the Sparrow ambush that awaited them and, together, they tried to come up with a better plan. 

A few hours into this planning, Five was confronted by his doppelganger. “You’ve delivered your message,” the doppelganger said. “So you can go now.” 

This Five was his mirror image in every way and only three days younger. Yet still, Five was surprised by the demand. 

“I can’t leave yet,” Five said. “I need to make sure my family is safe.”

“ _My_ family,” the doppelganger said. “I’ll be the one to make sure of it.” 

“Yes, but-”

“No buts,” the doppelganger said. “You need to leave.” 

The doppelganger was sweating profusely, twitchy as a junkie, and paranoid. Five knew, on an intellectual level, that he was fairing the same. They were both falling victim to Paradox Psychosis. Yet even while knowing this, he wondered what the other Five was scheming. 

“Why are you in such a rush to be rid of me?” Five said. 

“Why are you so insistent on staying?” 

Five glared at his doppelganger and scrutinized their surroundings. The other Five (the _imposter_ , Five thought, even while knowing it was irrational) had ambushed him in the restroom. At least he’d had the decency to allow Five to carry out his business beforehand, only teleporting into the room as Five was washing his hands. 

With careful nonchalance, Five dried his hands with a towel. 

“We both want the same thing,” Five said. 

“We can’t coexist,” the imposter said. “You of all people should recognize that.” 

Five knew a threat when he heard one. He jumped a split second before the imposter sprang forward with a kitchen knife.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Later, Five would describe the event as an Act of God. It was Nature that compelled two doppelgangers to fight amongst themselves. It was Time itself, infecting their minds. 

But it was pure chance that the elder Five, of only three days, was the one to survive. 

As he looked upon his doppelganger’s corpse Five was struck by his own folly. 

“Now you’ve done it,” Five muttered. “You’ve killed yourself, you damn fool.” 

The Grandfather Paradox, the most infamous mistake a time traveler could make. Five stood alone in the bloodied bathroom and waited for the end of his own existence.

It was an end that never came. 

Tentatively, Five exited the bathroom. He returned to the dining room where his family was gathered and found them frozen in place. Some of them standing, some of them sitting, caught mid conversation.

Five’s gaze lingered on Klaus, who had been paused while chugging a bottle of scotch. 

Five sighed. “Well? Are you going to show yourself?” 

Herb stepped into the room with all the confidence of third grader brought to the principal’s office. “Hi there. Long time no see, huh?” 

Five frowned at him. “It’s been about two months since I last saw you. Not so for you, I gather?”

“It’s been about a week for me,” Herb admitted. “But as soon as I saw what happened here I _knew_. I knew for certain!” 

“The Grandfather Paradox,” Five said. “It’s bullshit, isn’t it?”

“Exactly!” Herb giggled. “The evidence was staring me right in the face, but I didn’t want to believe it. Not at first. So we kept watching, me and Dot, but still you carried on without consequence!”

Five nodded tersly. “I see.” 

“I’ll tell ya, it hit me like a hammer blow,” Herb said, laughing at his own reference. “Like a _hammer blow_ , you get it?” 

Five didn’t have the patience for this. “Will you get to the point?” 

Herb lost his smile. “Well, I thought you might be willing to help us fix the timeline. See, we lost all our field agents. And in light of this… well, _this._ ” He gestured to the room at large.

Five knew what he meant. “Alright.” 

“Alright?”

“I’ll help,” Five said. “But you understand where my priorities lie?” 

“Of course!” Herb chuckled. “Your family will come out the other side alive and well. Your niece too.” 

Again, Five nodded. “Let’s go.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The second time Five killed his own doppelganger, it was no accident. Much like the other Five had done, Five cornered him while he was in the bathroom. Unlike his deceased double, Five wasted no time on conversation. 

He slit the doppel’s throat, then stowed him in the bathtub. 

Five took his time washing the blood from his hands. Then he straightened his tie, smoothed back his hair, and exited the bathroom. 

He was back on Sissy’s farm, just moments after the whole affair with Lila and the Handler. The latter was dead, the former escaped, and his family was preparing to return to 2019.

“Listen up.” It wasn’t always easy to get their attention, but today they were frazzled. They needed his direction. “We’re not going to 2019 yet.” 

“What do you mean?” Luther said. “You were just saying-”

“We just need to make a quick pit stop,” Five said. “We’re going to visit 1955. For a few minutes, that’s all. To let Herb and his people straighten some things out.” 

“Dude, Herb _just_ left,” Diego said. “He said we could use the briefcase to get back to the future.” 

"I know what he said," Five growled. "But Herb is an idiot." 

Five brandished a pneumatic tube, taking out the message Herb had sent him back with. 

"After he left, Herb realized his mistake and sent us instructions," Five explained. "I'm sure he's embarrassed about the slip up, but the man has spent years as a cog in the machine. He's not accustomed to thinking about the bigger picture." 

Allison took the slip of paper from him to read herself while Diego fumed, trying to read over her shoulder. 

Klaus yawned. "The future, the past, same difference at this point. Let's just _go."_

"It's not the same difference," Luther said. "1955? I don't get it." 

"It's only for a few minutes?" Vanya said. "Why can't we spend those minutes waiting here?" 

She was eager to get more time with Sissy, even an extra few minutes. 

Five sighed. "We can't spend them here. We need to go to 1955." 

"But-"

Five slammed his fist against the wall. "No buts! We're going." 

They were annoyed with him, but they went along. Five was grateful for that. 

At the Commission office, Herb was there to greet them. He laughed that nervous little laugh of his and shook their hands, apologizing for the "mix up" and holding their attention. 

Five, meanwhile, furtively slipped out of the room. 

He had five more trips to make.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A gun is clean. A gun is _humane_. The victim is dead before they know it. If you shoot them in the head, they'll have no time for pain or fear or regret. 

Klaus is first and Five couldn't help but wonder: Was there a version of Ben watching? What would he think of this cold hearted betrayal? 

"He was a doppelganger," Five said. "The real Klaus is fine. He's safe." 

_Ben won't believe you_ , Dolores said. 

_"You’ll destroy everything,"_ Ben had said. 

But that wasn't Ben either. 

Five shook his head. "I'll keep them safe," Five said. "And I'll fix you… I'll…" 

_Four more_ , Dolores said. 

"Right." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Vanya was about to get hit by a car. Instinctively, Five pulled her out of the way. 

"Five!" She hugged him. "I was so confused, I woke up _falling_ and-" She winced. "My ears won't stop ringing." 

The white suit she was wearing reminded him of _that day_ and Five winced too. "That'll wear off." 

She squeezed him more tightly and Five realized she was trembling. "I'm so sorry," she said. "God, I'm _so_ sorry." 

Ah. This Vanya had retained her memories.

"I'm sorry too," Five said. 

He shot her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A part of him didn't believe it was possible. Familiar paranoia crept in and Five wondered if he had been tricked. Did Herb _really_ intend to preserve his family? Or did he believe the world was _meant_ to end, like the Handler had?

Would Five return only to discover his family was gone? 

But there they stood, gathered around the tiny man who now led the Commission. 

They were fine. 

They were alive. 

_You can calm down now_ , Dolores said. _You saved them._

"That remains to be seen," Five said. 

Allison glanced at him. "What does?" 

"The future," Five said. "Alright, is everybody ready?" 

Klaus sighed theatrically. "We done _been_ ready!" 

Herb smiled around at them. "It was great to meet you all," he said. "But if all goes well, you'll never see me again." 

Diego clapped him on the shoulder. "Keep it real, man." 

Five changed the date on the briefcase to April 1st, 2019. 

_Gather around, children._

"Gather around," he said. "I mean, c'mon. Get closer." 

"We know the drill by now," Vanya laughed. 

They clustered together, holding hands for good measure, and Five opened the briefcase. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The Academy had been returned to itself. On the mantle, a doppelganger smirked down at Five in sardonic congratulations. 

_You'll end the world one day,_ the doppel said. _Just watch, you'll destroy everything._

Luther startled Five with a hug. "We're finally home!" He cheered. 

Five teleported out of the hold and straightened his tie.

"Yes," Five said. "We're home." 

He watched his siblings laugh and hug one another, watched Allison call her ex-husband to ask after her daughter, then wandered outside. 

Ben's statue was broken, still. 

"We're home," Five repeated. "Almost all of us." 

_You'll save him too,_ Dolores said. _You've still got the briefcase._

"Of course," Five said. "But I'll have to be careful. The timeline is so fragile." 

_Time is on your side,_ Dolores said. _You can be methodical. Sketch out a probability map._

Five nodded tersely. "Time is on my side."


	8. November and December 2019

_We didn't choose this life. We're just living it._

_― Five Hargreeves_

  
  


It was a strange situation and an even stranger family. What made things all the more difficult was the distance. Allison’s siblings lived in New York, so staying on good terms with them involved a lot of phone calls. 

_They’re_ **_your_ ** _siblings too._

There it was again. That voice. It sounded like a woman. When it spoke, it even sounded reasonable... at times. But Five knew better. It was an auditory hallucination. 

_Both can be true,_ it said. _Please, don’t call me an ‘it’. I’m Dolores._

“Shut up,” Five said. 

She did not shut up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Building a robot was Five’s idea. 

At first it had been about Mom. Luther wanted to understand how she worked and Five had emphasized the mechanics of her body, so that they could repair her in case she was ever injured in a fight. If she lost an arm, say, Luther would know how to build a new one from scratch. 

_“We’ve never seen her in action,”_ Five had said. _“But Dad programmed her to defend the house against intruders. That’ll be useful if the Commission turns up.”_

Even before the younger Five had arrived from 2002, the older was always preparing for a potential war against the Commission.

And Luther was proud to share the burden with him.

 _“I’m better with software,”_ Five had said. _“You’re in charge of hardware, alright?”_

Luther took to the “hardware” side of things like a fish to water. Five said he was talented, a natural, which was a pleasant surprise. Mr. Ruby had said the same about boxing, but Luther knew talent had nothing to do with it. He was cheating. The other fighters didn’t have super strength. They never stood a chance. 

And beating people up for sport and money felt scummy. Hell, even beating up _criminals_ felt scummy now.

Building things was the opposite. It was pure, in a way. It was almost heroic. 

He tried to explain it to the younger Five. 

“Dad said the world needed us, right?” Luther said. “Because we have all these powers, so it’s our responsibility to use them to defend the masses.” 

The younger Five was examining the robot leg, fiddling with the knee joint. 

“But the thing is, the criminals are also part of the masses,” Luther said. “Like, a guy doesn’t just wake up one day and decide to rob a bank because he’s an ass- because he’s mean.” 

Five rolled his eyes. “You can say ‘asshole.’ I’m not a four year old.” 

“Right,” Luther said. “Sorry. Anyway, the people who rob banks, they’re not… they’re not assholes. They’re desperate people. Usually.”

“But sometimes they _are_ assholes,” Five said. “Some of them are career criminals and they don’t even need the money.” 

“Some of them,” Luther admitted. “But you can’t tell just by looking, right? It’s… the world is complex.” 

“Besides, even if the robbers _are_ desperate,” Five said. “Does that mean we just let them steal? What about the people they’ve stolen from? Aren’t _they_ desperate people, once they’ve lost everything?” 

“If they’re civilians,” Luther said. “But a bank doesn't actually lose anything. An insurance company will recoup their loss.”

“Recoup,” Five repeated. 

“Yeah,” Luther said. “They reimburse them.”

Five glared at him. 

“I know,” Luther said. “I was mad about it too, when I first found out.” 

“What?” Five said. “Why?” 

“Because Dad sent us to so many banks!” Luther said. “And they didn’t even need us. He should have sent us to do, I don’t know, hurricane relief aid? Or, or, to help firemen? My strength is really useful in disaster zones because I can lift cars and building debris off of people.” 

“Reimburse,” Five repeated. “So insurance companies... the banks are imbursing them.” 

Luther blinked. “Imbursing? What does that mean?” 

Five pointed the robot leg at him like a sword. “A coup is a mutiny!” 

“Huh? Like… a pirate mutiny?” 

Five shook the robot leg in obvious frustration. “The hell does any of this have to do with building extra robots?” 

Luther gently tugged the leg out of Five’s hands. “Hold on,” he said. “First we should… um… address your anger.” 

One of the good things about the younger Five: he was easy to understand. Whatever he was feeling, Luther could _see_ it.

“I’m _not_ angry,” Five said. 

Luther tried for a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to lie.” 

Five huffed. 

“The thing with the banks,” Luther said. “it kind of feels like a betrayal, doesn’t it? We thought we were saving them from criminals, but we were just saving the insurance company from losing a little bit of money.”

As Luther spoke, he noticed Five was gradually relaxing. He looked thoughtful, instead of angry. 

“And they have a _lot_ of money,” Luther added. “It really doesn’t matter if they lose a bit. It’s their job! We were wasting our time instead of helping people who actually needed us.”

Five frowned at his shoes. Luther decided to shut up and wait patiently for a response. Five deserved time to grapple with this awful reality.

After a moment, Five straightened up and announced, “I’m going to ask you a question.”

Luther grinned. “Great! Go ahead.” 

“So the insurance company,” Five said. “It has all this money, which it gives to the bank to… to reimburse them for unexpected… losses.” 

“Yeah?” Luther said. “That wasn’t really a question.” 

“Okay, here’s the question,” Five said. “Where does the insurance company get the money from? Why does it have to pay the bank?” 

_“Oh,”_ Luther said, chuckling. “The banks pay them every month. The insurance, it's like a safety net. It can be used for all sorts of stuff. Like, if there was a tornado and it tore the roof off of the building, the insurance money would fix it.”

Five nodded. “Understood.” 

“Sorry,” Luther said. “I forget Dad never taught us anything about finances. I must have confused you.”

Five’s hands briefly flickered with blue light, but it was just for a second. He shoved them into his pockets when he realized Luther was looking.

“I wasn’t confused,” Five muttered. “Look, are we done here? Can I go now?” 

When they were younger, Luther thought the teleporting was random. He was starting to realize it wasn’t random at all. Most of the time, Five blinked away when he was embarrassed. 

“Thank you for asking,” Luther said. “Yes, you can go.” 

Five didn’t need to be told twice. Immediately, he warped away. 

Luther was left alone with the robot leg. He looked down at it and realized he forgot to tell Five what his point was: building things is better than catching criminals. 

_I’ll tell him next time,_ he thought. 

It took a while, but he finally found Mom in the garden. 

These days, she switched hobbies faster than Ben switched genres, but Five had finally figured out her pattern: Mom was a builder. She loved to make things, whether it was food, or art, or- apparently- plants. 

“Hello there,” Mom said. “Did you need something, dear?” 

She was dressed in overalls and kneeling in soil, but her smile was the same as it had always been. She was still Mom. 

Five cleared his throat. “Mother, I have a headache.” 

“Ah.” Mom stood up and regarded him. “Would you like to take a nap?” 

“Yes, please.”

Mom smiled. “Sweetie. I want you to know something.” 

“Yeah?” 

Mom carefully removed her gardening gloves, then put her hand on his shoulder. 

“Five,” Mom said. “You don’t need permission to take a nap.” 

“I don’t?” 

“No, dear,” Mom said. “It doesn’t matter what time it is.” 

“Oh,” Five said. “That’s… right. Of course.” 

“So you go right ahead,” Mom said. “Take a nap whenever you’d like.” 

“Thank you,” Five said. “I mean… yes.” 

At this knowledge, it was tempting to teleport immediately... but that would have been rude.

“I’m going now,” Five announced. 

“Okay,” Mom said. “I love you.” 

“Love you too,” Five said. “Um, disappearing in three… two… one.” 

He left.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The best room in the house was the library. The stuff in there was different from the books available at the public library. Old and delicate, most of them were considered 'heirlooms.' 

Dad would have flipped, if he knew Ben was reading them. 

_I hope he's fitfully writhing in his grave,_ Ben thought. _I hope his ghost is watching._

The only downside to the library was that everyone knew that was where they could find him. Five, especially, would pop in and expect Ben to drop whatever he was reading to play with him. 

When Ben complained to Vanya she said boundaries were important. Important and valid and not even a little bit mean. 

Today, Ben psyched himself up to repeat the script she'd given him if and when Five appeared. 

_I'll be gentle, yet firm,_ Ben thought. _I'll be softly strict. Like Mom._

But most of the day went by and Five never showed up. What was he doing? Who was he hanging out with? 

_He doesn't love me anymore,_ Ben thought. _I got too greedy with the sleepovers and now he hates me._

But that was stupid… or was it? 

Later, Ben would tell Vanya he'd just forgotten the lines from the boundary script. In actuality, when Five finally showed up Ben was too relieved to scold him. 

"Ben," Five said, stiffly. "I'm going to bed." 

Ben blinked. "Now?" 

Five crossed his arms together. "Now." 

Ben glanced out the window and tried to guess the time. The sun was on its way down, but it was still visible. 

"It's pretty early?" Ben said. 

"I've seen Luther go to bed as early as 9 p.m," Five said. "So I've determined that 'evening' is an acceptable time for sleeping." 

Ben frowned. "Uh, I'm pretty sure it's nowhere near 9 p.m."

Five stomped his foot down dramatically. "I don't care! You can't stop me!" 

_He's being so mean to me these days,_ Ben thought. _I should use Vanya's script after all. Or should I?_

"I won't stop you," Ben said. "It's not like I'm Number One. Why are you even telling me?" 

Five glared at him. "Because. I shall be appropriating your bed." 

Ben grinned. "I thought you didn't want to sleep there anymore? You said my mattress has too many springs in it." 

"Yes," Five said. "But your blanket is softer. It's a fair exchange." 

_Can I go too?_ Ben thought. _Is this an invitation?_

"Hmm," Ben said. "I guess it's a good thing I'm in here." 

"Why?" 

"So that you can sleep in peace," Ben said, testing the waters. "Didn't you say-" 

"No," Five said. "That's… no." 

"No?" 

Five's scowl deepened. 

_So he wants me to come?_ Ben thought. _Or is he mad at me because he can tell I want to?_

"Why are you mad?" Ben said. 

"I'm _not_ mad," Five said. 

Ben tilted his head. "Why aren't you going to sleep?" 

_Because you want me to come, right? Right?_

Five scoffed. "Didn't you say it was too early? Which is it?" 

_Ah, my brother,_ Ben thought. _What a fun little puzzle._

"Hmm," Ben said. "Well, anyway, I guess it's progress that you're letting me know you're going to use my room." 

Five rolled his eyes. 

_The heck!_ Ben thought. _He never used to roll his eyes at me!_

"Level two," Ben said, stiffly. "Is where you start asking for permission." 

Five stared at him, mouth agape. "You… you don't want me in your room anymore?" 

"Huh?" 

"You don't want me in your room?" Five looked absolutely devastated by this news. 

_Fuck yes!_ Ben thought. _He needs me too!_

"No," Ben said. "It's just, Vanya says I should set boundaries, but… oh." 

Five covered his face with his hands. He always did that when he was trying not to cry. 

Immediately, Ben gave him a hug. Five was frozen, but he always got like that when he was embarrassed, so Ben just did the Mom thing and rubbed circles into his back. 

He did that for a couple of minutes, until Five blinked a few feet to the left. 

"Apologies," Five said, gruffly. "I don't know what has come over me." 

"That's okay," Ben said, gently. "Can I go with you? To sleep?" 

Five shoved his hands into his pockets and glared at the ceiling. "You tired?" 

"I am absolutely exhausted," Ben said, eagerly. "I wanna sleep for twelve hours." 

Five nodded cordially. "Understood." 

He held out his hand and Ben took it. 

They teleported. 

Then, when they were in bed, Five flopped on top of him, shoving his arms underneath Ben’s body and squeezing tightly. 

_Aaaaw,_ Ben thought. _He loves me._

Ben ran his hands through Five’s hair, humming a cute song. And they stayed like that for a long while. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a very rude awakening. 

Klaus fell out of bed and stared up into the charming, yet decidedly angry, face of his youngest brother and realized: 

_The little bugger pushed me off the bed._

"Ooooow," Klaus said. "Just… ouch. My bones have been _bruised."_

"Get up," Five said. 

Blanket still tangled around his legs, Klaus reached down to pointedly pull it up over his head.

Five tried to pull the blanket off, but Klaus had a tight hold. 

"Just get _up,"_ Five growled. 

"I politely refuse," Klaus said.

"It's daytime," Five insisted. "You have to get up when it's time to get up." 

"Who died and made _you_ the sleep police?" 

"I'm serious," Five said. "This is unacceptable behavior, Number Four." 

"Wooow," Klaus said. "Just… I am speechless. I am without words." 

"The day _you're_ without words," Five said. "is the day _I'm_ without brains." 

Klaus giggled. 

"You're already awake," Five said. "So get up." 

"Nooo," Klaus said. "Nope, nope, nope." 

"Why not?" 

"Becaaause," Klaus said. "there's still a chance I can get back under." 

"Under?" 

"Yeah," Klaus said. "Under the sandman's gentle bosom." 

"What?" Five said. "The sandman wouldn't have a bosom." 

"Why wouldn't he?" 

"He's a _man."_ Five finally snatched the blanket away, the little monster. 

"Oh my sweet summer child," Klaus said. "There exist in the world men with bosoms. One day, you will understand this." 

"Okay, first of all," Five said. "We were born in autumn. Secondly, you're wrong."

For some reason, this was the funniest thing Klaus had heard in months. He laughed his ass off. 

Which, of course, offended Five. 

But a kick to the shoulder from a snooty thirteen year old in suspenders was _not_ the cure to the giggles Five seemed to hope it would be. 

Instead, it added fuel to the fire and Klaus laughed so hard he nearly suffocated.

"Are you high?"

 _"Hey,"_ Klaus gasped. "I resent that accusation, sir." 

"Do you?" Five said. "I found your stupid stash, so if anyone should be resenting anyone it's _me."_

That finally did the trick. The laughter petered out. 

Klaus cleared his throat. "Okay, but in my defense… my therapist says weed is fine in moderation? As long as I don't-" 

"Then why are you sleeping all day?" 

"Huh?" 

"It's 12 o'clock!" Five said. "It's daytime." 

"Uh, yes," Klaus said. "But I was out until, like, 4 a.m. Don't you think I deserve my beauty sleep?" 

"If you got home earlier," Five said. "You could wake up earlier." 

"Nah," Klaus said. "I'm a vampire." 

"That's stupid!" 

"Tough." 

"Listen," Five said. "You're freaking Ben out." 

"Oh?" Klaus said. "This is news to me." 

"So stop it," Five said. "Start acting normal."

"How about no?" Klaus said. "If Ben has a problem, he should talk to me himself." 

"He doesn't like confrontation," Five said. "Everyone knows that." 

"Trust me," Klaus said. "He'll grow into the most confrontational bastard you ever met." 

"Ugh," Five said. "Why do you have to be so childish?" 

"Hmm," Klaus said. "Maybe 'cause I'm an adult? So I get to be as childish as I damn well please."

"Fuck you," Five said. 

"Oh _my,"_ Klaus said. "Please don't. That's incestuous."

Five wrinkled his adorable little nose. "Why are you so gross all the time?"

"Why are you so stuffy all the time?" 

"Why are you so _braindead?"_

"Why are you so _bitter?"_

"Well, why are you so… so…" Five looked just about ready to explode with frustration. 

Klaus finally sat up. "C'mon, little buddy. Let me have it." 

"Why are you so _depressed?"_ Five shouted.

Klaus blinked. 

"Everything is better now," Five said. "Isn't it? Dad is gone, gay marriage is legal, um… you can wear whatever clothes you want?" 

Klaus stared at him. 

"Isn't it good?" Five said. "You don't make any sense. You should be happy." 

_Shit,_ Klaus thought. _I need a couple years to process that._

"Klaus?" 

Klaus swallowed. "Um… I do not have an answer for you." 

"Why not?" 

"Because free will is an illusion?" Klaus said. "And, um… the world is ugly?" 

_Plus, Old Five went the way of the dodo bird,_ Klaus thought. _And the new Old Five hates me, so he must have secretly hated me all along._

"Forget it," Five said. "This is pointless." 

Five vanished and the blanket he'd been holding fluttered sadly to the ground.

"Love you too," Klaus murmured.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The more he learned about the Hargreeves, the odder they seemed. They'd all been adopted and, allegedly, had each been born on the same day under fantastical circumstances. Himself included. 

_It's not that fantastical,_ Dolores said. _You certainly can't find it all that hard to believe, considering your own abilities?_

Teleporting was as natural as breathing. Five often forgot it was an unusual power, but Dolores was always… available… to remind him of his own warped perception. 

_I just think it bears repeating,_ Dolores said. _You're unique. And The Umbrella Academy shares this with you._

"I don't think they like being referred to as the 'Umbrella Academy'," Five said. "Shouldn't you use their family name?" 

_You mean_ **_your_ ** _family name?_

"Right," Five said. "I use it so rarely, I forget it's also my last name." 

_Reasonable,_ Dolores said. _Under these circumstances._

The circumstances in question: selective amnesia. His life, as he currently knew it, began on October 24th, 2019. 

Allison had been reluctant to explain the circumstances, but Five knew this much: she herself had implemented the memory loss. Her own ability involved a type of hypnosis and she'd used it under his orders. 

_Why_ had he required such a thing? 

No one would say. 

_What_ had he decided to forget? 

His entire life, apparently. A life that had stretched the span of either fifty nine or thirteen years, depending on who he asked. 

_It's complicated,_ Dolores said. _Both are accurate, in different ways._

"I guess I'm Schrodinger's boy," Five said. "A walking anomaly." 

And a doppelganger, but Five didn't like to devote thought to that… abnormality. His alternate self remained in New York and Five did not interact with him. 

On one occasion, and one occasion only, he asked Allison to reverse the mysterious hypnosis. More than anything else, it was curiosity that prompted him to suggest it. 

"Absolutely not," Allison said. 

"Why not?" 

"You told me not to." 

"Now I'm telling you the opposite." 

Allison groaned. "You warned about this. You said your own curiosity would get the better of you, but that… that I have to be firm." 

"Why?" 

"I'm only telling you because you… you told me to," Allison said. "Before. You said it was the only thing that would convince you to give up." 

"Alright," Five said. "What is 'it' exactly?" 

"You threatened to kill yourself," Allison said. "If I undo the Rumor, you'll… you'll do that." 

Five frowned. 

Allison wasn't looking at him. She glared at her hands, jaw set, and a single tear delicately escaped from the corner of her eye. 

"I see," Five said. "I won't bring it up again." 

"Thank you," she said, tightly. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Determinism is bullshit,_ Five told himself. _The Grandfather Paradox is bullshit, destiny is bullshit, and so is Thanksgiving._

He angrily cut into his food. 

Allison noticed. "Do you miss Ben and Vanya? They'll be back for the real Thanksgiving next week." 

They were both in California with the other Five. 

Five stuffed a mouthful of turkey into his mouth and shrugged. What made a holiday 'real' anyway? It was just an arbitrary date on a calendar. 

"He knows that," Diego said. "Leave him alone." 

But Allison wouldn't let it lie. "Didn't you miss me? I haven't seen you all month." 

Five rolled his eyes and took his time chewing and swallowing his food. 

"I missed you a lot," Allison added. 

"I di-" Five started, but then cut himself off. 

_I didn't miss you,_ he wanted to lie. But that would be childish. 

"The month went by fast," Five said, instead. "It was gone in a blink." 

"We've been keeping busy," Luther chimed in. "We all have our own projects, right Five?" 

Klaus slammed his glass down, sloshing wine all over the table cloth. "Speaking of projects!" He exclaimed. "You have to catch my act before you go back, Allie!" 

Allison let Klaus capture her attention, allowing Five to continue his meal in peace.

But he was conscious of her gaze, now. 

Five loosened his grip on the utensils, carefully schooling his expression into something more polite.

Whatever existential crisis he might be having, there was no need to take it out on Allison. 

Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to mimic her faux holiday cheer. 

Allison was an actor for a reason. She had thrown herself into the rituals of cooking and decorating with Mom the moment she stepped foot in New York, as eager to celebrate family and together-ness as Five's doppelganger was to forget his troubled past. 

_Whatever,_ Five thought. _I'll be better than him._

Starting with this simple gesture of goodwill:

"I _did_ miss you, Allison," Five announced. "I'm glad you're here." 

Allison beamed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


On the last day of her visit, Allison knocked on Five's door. 

"Goodbye hug?" She said, sheepishly opening her arms. 

He nodded tersly, and approached. 

Allison stood in place, waiting, her arms still open. "Aren't you going to hug me?" 

Five rubbed the back of his neck, inching closer. "I thought… alright." 

Usually people hugged _him._ Oftentimes, without warning. But Allison made no move to do so, forcing him to gingerly put his arms around her before she clasped him tightly. 

"Will you be okay?" She whispered. 

"Of course," Five said. "Why wouldn't I be?" 

"Does it bother you?" She rubbed circles into his back, like Mom often did. "That everyone is going to L.A. with me?" 

"Why would that bother me?" 

"Because you can't go," Allison said. "It would bother _me,_ if I was you." 

Her hug was lingering too long, becoming awkward, but Five resisted the urge to pull away. 

"You're not me," Five muttered.

"Will you be okay with Diego?" Allison said. 

"Why _wouldn't_ I-"

"Because you've never been alone with him." 

"What?" Five said. "Yes, I have." 

"I mean the adult Diego," Allison said. 

"I've been alone with him." 

"Okay, but not for this long," Allison said. "Five days is a long-"

"What exactly do you think is going to happen?" Five said. "Do you expect him to stab me to death while your back is turned?" 

Allison squeezed him more tightly, nearly forcing all the air out of his lungs. "I don't know! You guys don't get along, right?" 

"What?" Five said. "That's not true." 

"Are you sure?" Allison said. 

_"Yes,_ Allison." Five huffed. "Though I still don't understand why he's even bothering to stay behind. I told him he should go with everyone else." 

"And leave you unsupervised?" 

"I'm not a child." 

Allison finally released him from the hug, pulling back to look at him. "Um, but you literally _are?"_

Five waved this off. "You know what I mean." 

"Uh huh." Allison pinched his cheek. "What an adorable adult you are!' 

"Shut up." Five smacked her hand away. "It's not like the adult Five is any better off, looks wise." 

Five immediately regretted directly referencing his doppelganger, alarmed to watch Allison's face crumple in distress. 

"Sorry," he said. "Um, I didn't mean…" 

But what didn't he mean? To step on a landmine, Five supposed. 

Allison blinked and her smile was back in full force. The Hollywood smile, Klaus called it. 

"You're not wrong," Allison said, chuckling lightly. "He's an adorable adult too!" 

_An adult who erased his memories a month ago,_ Five thought. _In a desperate bid to 'preserve the timeline' supposedly._

If you took the old man at his word.

"How's he been?" Five said. "No one wants to talk about it." 

Allison leaned against the door frame. "He's good. Settled in. Um, he gets along with Claire." 

"That's good," Five said.

"He likes that she comes every weekend," Allison said. "But I'm not sure if that has anything to do with _her_ or just that he knows he can expect her?" 

"What do you mean?" 

Allison shrugged. "He's kind of OCD?" 

"How do you mean?"

"He doesn't like surprises," Allison said. "He plans out his whole week and then he… he wants to do the same thing every week?"

 _Hmm,_ Five thought. _Is that his age showing or one of those trauma symptoms Vanya was carrying on about?_

"Is that just him?" Allison asked. "You're not like that?"

Five shook his head. "No." 

"It's okay if you are," Allison said. "Um, and I don't _literally_ mean OCD. Because it's not like I'm in a position to be diagnosing anyone."

"Don't worry," Five said. "I'm normal." 

Allison frowned. "You don't have to be." 

"What, you think I'm strange? I haven't been traumatized by anything." 

"Five." Allison spoke in that gentle way that immediately put Five on the defensive. "We've all been traumatized in different ways. There's nothing wrong with that." 

Five bristled. "I don't know who you're trying to speak for," he said. "But _I've_ never been traumatized." 

"Five-"

"Don't you have a flight to catch?" Five said. "What time does the plane leave?" 

Allison smirked. "3 a.m." 

Five frowned, looking at his watch. It was 9:48 p.m. 

"Plenty of time," Allison quipped. 

Five gritted his teeth. "You should get there early. Or at least go and make sure everyone's properly packed. Klaus is a procrastinator." 

"Uh huh," Allison said. "I'm not going to do that, but I'll leave you alone." 

He sighed. "I…" 

"No worries!" Allison backed out of his room and pointed awkward finger guns at him. "I'll stop bugging you, no hard feelings." 

"I… wait," Five said. "Um… so the other Five. He hasn't noticed anything odd?" 

Allison tapped her chin. "Odd? Besides the amnesia?"

"Yes, besides that."

"Nope," Allison said. "Why, is there something I should look out for?" 

_Just doomsday,_ Five thought. 

But that brief glimpse at an apocalyptic wasteland was over and done with. Five hadn't seen it a second time, so why would the doppelganger? 

"I was just wondering," Five said. "I can't think of anything in particular." 

"Hmm," Allison said. "But you'll call me if you _do_ think of something, right?" 

"Sure." 

"I'm serious," Allison said. "Or you… you can also call the other Five. Didn't you guys exchange numbers?"

"We did," Five said. "But we haven't spoken since the Rumor." 

"Right," Allison said. "Of course." 

"Is that wrong?" Five said. 

"No," Allison said. "I'm sure it's awkward." 

"It was already awkward," Five said. "But now there's simply nothing for us to discuss." 

"Fair enough!" Allison said. "So then… would you kill me if I asked for another hug?" 

Five rolled his eyes, but put his arms around her. "You've gotten sentimental in your old age." 

Allison pretended to take offense, huffing indignantly. "Excuse you!" She said. "I'm at the top of my prime." 

"Sure," Five said. "And I'm the tallest in the family." 

Allison laughed. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Thanksgiving. The big one. The family holiday to end all family holidays. 

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't bitter. Of course he was bitter. This was _supposed_ to be their first year together, but then Five had to go and erase his memories like a goddamn lunatic. 

Diego sighed. 

"It's not _my_ fault," Five grumbled. "Don't you look at me like that." 

"I fucking know," Diego said. "You think I can't tell you two apart?" 

Now _Five_ sighed. 

"Listen," Diego said. "My… my friend invited me to her house for Thanksgiving." 

"What friend?" Five said. "The lady Detective?" 

"Yeah," Diego said. "It's just her and her old man, so… they said the more the merrier. Or whatever." 

"Oh yeah?" Five said. "You have fun with that." 

"The fuck," Diego said. "You're coming too, doofus." 

"The hell I am," Five said. 

"C'mon," Diego said. "Can't you do me a solid? Just this once?" 

"You don't have to babysit," Five said. "Mom's still here." 

And everyone else was in California, celebrating Thanksgiving with the new Old Five. 

Like the boot licking dumbasses they were. 

"Mom is coming with us," Diego said. 

"Fuck you," Five said. "She would hate that." 

Diego frowned. "What? No, she wouldn't." 

Five scowled. "Did you even _ask_ her? Or you just decided you'd bring her along like a pretty accessory?" 

Diego blinked. He hadn't asked her. Yet. 

"Imbecile," Five said. "Mom can't _eat._ That's the entire point of Thanksgiving, isn't it? You really going to make her sit at a table with a couple of strangers and, what, expect her to politely smile at them while they stuff themselves?" 

"Uh," Diego said. "Um, but… shit." 

"Uh huh," Five said. "You go ahead and ask her. Bet she'll say no." 

"Thanksgiving is- is important though," Diego mumbled. "Like… symbolically?" 

"We already _had_ a symbolic Thanksgiving," Five said. "Wasn't that the whole point of Allison's visit?" 

"Yeah, but-" 

"Nope," Five said. "Not another word." 

Diego glared at him. "Listen you arrogant little-" 

Five teleported. 

"God fucking dammit," Diego said. "Fuck you too!"

 _It's fine,_ Diego thought. _The little turd wouldn't leave the house… right?_

To be sure, Diego decided to call him. 

Five answered immediately. "Fuck off," he said. "I'm in the kitchen." 

"Alright," Diego said. "Just checking." 

Five didn't respond. Diego looked at his phone. The call had already ended.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


To be _double_ sure, Diego went to the kitchen. He heard Five and Mom's voices, though, and lingered out of sight. 

"They should make up their minds," Five was saying. "Are you a person or aren't you?" 

"Sweetie," Mom said. "You don't have to get offended on my behalf." 

"Excuse you," Five said. "I do what I want." 

Mom giggled. "You're such a stubborn young man!" 

"I'm a _practical_ young man," Five said. "I just think-" 

Diego covered his ears and backed away as quietly as possible, grinning to himself.

Eavesdropping was a scummy thing to do, after all, so he wouldn't do it. 

_I'm better than that,_ Diego thought. _I'm not like Klaus, for fuck's sake._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


With such a large family, Five was at a loss. Most of them were in New York, much to his relief, but they were ruthless in their efforts to "maintain a relationship." 

Five left his phone on silent because it rang too much. He had given up on every single ringtone in the phone's selection, ultimately deciding the sound was unnecessary. 

Whenever his phone rang, the screen would light up, and it always leapt out in his peripheral vision. He would answer and not suffer the incessant ringing for even a moment. 

Yet each time someone called, Five debated… did he _have_ to answer?

 _You don't remember,_ Dolores said. _But you love them. If you'd just take the time to reacquaint-_

"I'm tired of your nagging," Five said. "Do you have an off button?" 

Allison, who had been quietly reading through one of her scripts on the other side of the room, looked over at him with a puzzled frown. "Excuse me?" 

"Not you," Five said. 

Looking alarmed, Allison stood up. "Then who?" she demanded. 

_Lie,_ Dolores said. _Answer the call: quick!_

The urgency in her voice sent an adrenaline spike through him. Five quickly did as he was told. 

Allison strode towards him and he held up his phone nonchalantly. 

The caller: a nice enough girl. Her name was Vanya. Her voice drifted out through the phone's speaker, "Hello? Five?" 

Allison chuckled nervously. "Oh… I thought… don't be rude to Vanya." 

Five pressed the phone to his ear. "I apologize for my rudeness." 

"It's okay," Vanya said. "Um, how are you?" 

"Good," Five said. 

Allison nodded to herself, sighed, and returned to her previous seat. It was a beautiful lounge chair; the type that brought to mind a fictional protagonist who would lay down in existential angst, pontificating to a therapist of some kind. 

Five squinted at the lounge chair, an association tickling the back of his mind. 

Vanya was speaking, but the words floated over his head like a… like advice from a therapist, which he… wanted to ignore…

Five glared at the lounge chair. 

Then Dolores said, _forget about the chair!_

Five wished he could _see_ Dolores. See her, shove her, get rid of her. She was becoming a nuisance. 

_I'm sorry,_ Dolores said. _But you mustn't… you have to be careful. Allison knows who I am, but she was hoping I would disappear._

"Why?" 

"Huh?" Vanya said. "Like, why would I want to do that? It's just… it's simple. It's because I care about you." 

_Careful,_ Dolores chided. _Don't respond to me out loud._

"Um," Five said. "Can I call you back?" 

"Sure!" Vanya said, with the kind of painfully fake cheerfulness that sent a pang through Five's chest. A vague _ache._ "No problem at all, I must have interrupted something?" 

"Actually," Five said. "You… you did, but I… I'm going to switch tracks." 

"You are?" 

"Yes," Five said. "And I'd like to apologize again. I… that was very rude of me. I changed my mind. About calling you back." 

"You… you _won't_ call me back?" 

"Huh?" Five said. "No, I mean, I won't hang up. Let's keep talking." 

"You shouldn't force yourself," Vanya said "I know time management is very important to you." 

"Time management?" 

"Yeah, like..." Every time they spoke, Vanya had a stilted way of speaking. Was this natural for her, or his fault? 

"Um, you don't remember... but you've always been the type to try to..." 

There were many pauses involved in Vanya's speech patterns and Five was struggling to adapt to them, waiting impatiently for her to finish a thought. 

"To schedule things?" Vanya said. "You said you would assign different tasks to different days of the week and interruptions kind of… um, they irritate you." 

"I see," Five said. "That's not a bad idea." 

"Yeah?" 

"A routine sounds nice," Five said. "Stabilizing. These past few weeks have been… chaos." 

_"Oh,"_ Vanya said. "I'm so sorry. You must be… frustrated." 

"That's alright," Five said. 

"And I'm sorry about Thanksgiving," Vanya said. 

"Oh?" Five said. "What about Thanksgiving?" 

"There were too many of us," Vanya said. "Right? Wasn't it overwhelming?" 

She wasn't wrong, not entirely, but Five scowled at his knees. Something was _nagging_ him. A feeling he couldn't name. 

"It was certainly… an experience," Five said. "But it was nice to meet you all, of course." 

"We'll do it differently for Christmas," Vanya said. "It'll just be me and Luther. I mean, for the pre-Christmas part. Like how me and Ben went over by ourselves a week before Thanksgiving? But, um, for _actual_ Christmas Allison will fly back to you and she's only going to take Ben with her this time. So… we'll do, like, a switch." 

"A switch," Five echoed. 

"Trading places," Vanya said. "Switching me and Luther with Allison and Ben." 

Five pinched the bridge of his nose. Which one was Luther again? 

_The tallest one,_ Dolores said. 

Five straightened. Distracted by concern for Vanya, he'd forgotten Dolores.

 _I dip in and out,_ Dolores said. _Sorry, don't mind me._

"How can I _not_ -" Five cut himself off and finished the thought internally: _not mind you?!_

"What?" Vanya said. "How can you not... what?" 

"I'm sorry," Five said. "I have a headache." 

"Oh," Vanya said. "Do you… you're going to hang up?" 

"Yes," Five said. "If that's… can I do that?" 

"Of course," Vanya said. "I'll talk to you later." 

"Wait," Five said. "Can we schedule these calls?" 

"Huh?" 

"You said I would schedule things," Five said. "Can't we do that, with this?" 

"I guess we can," Vanya said. "When do you want me to call?" 

"I'm not sure," Five said. "Give me a few days to think about it. I'll draw up a schedule, but I'd like to consider… um."

"The probabilities?" 

"Huh?" 

"That's what you usually say," Vanya said. "Sorry. Is that not the word you were looking for?" 

Five rubbed at his chin. "It's… no, it's the wrong word. Maybe logistics. Or, I'd like to… hmm." 

_Why is the English language so inadequate?_ Five wondered.

 _Every language is inadequate,_ Dolores said. _English isn't any better or worse._

"Nevermind," Five said. "Just… I'll get back to you." 

"Okay," Vanya said. "I love you." 

Five blinked. 

_Say it back!_

There was that urgency again.

"I love you too," Five said. "Um, goodbye." 

And he quickly hung up. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Oh, to be a father of four,” Klaus said. “What hardships you must endure! What weight! Oh, the responsibilities. The-” 

“Shut up,” Diego said. 

Luther had recruited them to help him find Five and Ben, who weren’t answering their phones. 

“I get that it’s a running joke,” Luther said. “But why a father of _four?_ We're a family of eight."

"You mean _nine,"_ Diego said. "Don't forget Mom." 

“Allison and Old Five are in California,” Klaus said. “So they don’t count. And Vanya doesn’t live with us, so she doesn’t count either.” 

“I’m gonna move out,” Diego said. “As soon as I find a way to earn money _on my own,_ I’m gonna-” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Klaus said. “We’ve heard it all before.” 

“Can we stay focused?” Luther said. “Vanya’s not picking up her phone either. I’m starting to worry she might be in trouble too.” 

"Yessir, Number One, sir," Klaus said. 

Diego rolled his eyes.

They were walking around the nearest dog park. It was a place Five and Ben often went to because a lot of the owners would let Ben pet their dogs. 

Then Luther’s phone rang. It was Five. 

“I saw the texts and missed calls,” Five said. “Ben and Vanya, likewise. I have taken it upon myself to apologize on their behalf.” 

“Oh,” Luther said. He glanced at Klaus and Diego. “It’s Five. He says he's with Ben and Vanya.” 

“What the fuck,” Diego said.

“You’ll be wanting an explanation,” Five said. “Here it is: we silenced our cellphones as per Cinemark's strict movie viewing policy.” 

Luther blinked. “Oh…” 

“However,” Five said. “Vanya would like to express her regret that we did not warn you beforehand.” 

“That’s okay,” Luther said. “I’m glad you’re safe.” 

Klaus started laughing and Diego didn't take it well. He tried to hit Klaus, who dodged expertly. 

“And _I_ would like to express my annoyance,” Five said. “How long has it been since you first called me?” 

“Um, I think it’s been-”

“I’ll tell you,” Five said. “According to my phone, it’s been exactly forty three minutes since you called me. The _first_ time.” 

“You usually answer,” Luther said, defensively. 

Diego was chasing Klaus around the park, which just made him laugh harder. Luther could hear it clear as day, even as they got farther away. 

“Uh huh,” Five said. “Next time, wait two hours. No, wait three hours. _Then_ you can panic.” 

“But what if-”

“No buts,” Five said. “This is ridiculous. Klaus texted us too, did you know that? He said you organized a search party.” 

“A small one,” Luther said. “Just a… a casual sort of search party.” 

“Right,” Five said. “Well, you found us. Congratulations.” 

“Tell Vanya I’m sorry,” Luther said. “And Ben too… Five?” 

Luther looked at his phone. Five had hung up.

“Mother,” Five said. “I… I’d like to take a nap.” 

Today, Mom was building a massive sculpture. It was the largest one yet and rather impressive, but Five politely averted his gaze from it. 

Luther said it wasn’t a bad statue. It wasn’t filthy, but… it sort of almost looked naked.

“Can I ask you a question?” Mom said. 

Five glared at the ceiling. “Yes.” 

“Are you upset, dear?” 

“No,” Five said. “I am _not_ upset.” 

“I see,” Mom said. “Do you want me to ask your brothers to leave you alone while you nap?” 

_“Yes,”_ Five said. 

“Alright,” Mom said. “Is there anything else I can do for you?” 

_Don’t you dare ask!_ Five thought. _You filthy pervert! Don’t act like Oedipus_!

Stiffly, Five said, “No, ma’am.” 

“Alright, sweetie,” Mom said. “Enjoy your nap.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Vanya's apartment was the new favorite hang out spot. It was like a little oasis, away from the sadness and chaos that often boiled under the surface at the academy.

Also, Vanya was a great audience.

"Then she said 'I've always wanted a threesome with two dudes!' as if I was somehow offering?" 

Vanya was on the edge of her seat. "And then what did you say?"

"I said 'Námbre, your boyfriend is as straight as Barack Obama is black, so I'm not touching that man with a ten foot pole!" 

Klaus mimed delicately poking at the aforementioned straight man. "Cause, you know, I value my life?" 

"More Spanish?" Vanya said. _"Námbre'_ is Spanish, right? What does it mean?" 

"I got it from Jesús," Klaus said. "He says it's like 'nah bitch' and 'I'm so sure' rolled into one sassy little word." 

"Which one is Jesús again?" 

"He's the fuck buddy with the lesbian roommates," Klaus said. "The three of them have that four year old." 

"Oh," Vanya said. "Are they, um, a throuple?" 

"No, he just supplied the seedling," Klaus said. "Like, he's fond of the tyke, but he's not her dad. He's her uncle." 

"Right," Vanya said. "But… yeah, like, what's with all the threesomes these days? People keep bringing them up." 

"It's the bisexual stigma," Klaus said.

"There's a stigma? Here in 2020?" Vanya frowned thoughtfully. "I thought all that stuff was gone now." 

"Oh honey," Klaus said. "You have been _sheltered."_

Vanya shifted uncomfortably. "I never acted on my attraction to women before Sissy. I would just assume every woman I met was straight?" 

"That's so sad," Klaus said. "I'll find you a super tiny violin so you can play a sad song about your repressed sexuality."

Vanya rolled her eyes. "I'm not repressed anymore, Klaus." 

"Righto," Klaus said. "A sad song on your regular violin, then?" 

Vanya straightened up like a bloodhound and looked towards the front door a solid three seconds before the doorbell actually rang. 

"Wow," Klaus said. "You really do have super hearing." 

Vanya sighed. "It's Five." 

"How do you know?" 

"His spatial jumps," Vanya said. "They make a distinctive sound." 

The doorbell rang again. 

Vanya stood up and straightened out her back like a warrior princess preparing for battle. 

"Uh," Klaus said. "You want _me_ to get the door? You can hide in the bathroom."

"No, no," Vanya said. "Um, I'm just not looking forward to the boundaries talk." 

Klaus smirked. "My, my, my. I sure picked a good day to come over." 

Insistent knocking on the door now, then Five shouted, "I can hear voices! I know you're home, Vanya!" 

"Please," Vanya whispered. _"Please,_ don't antagonize him." 

"Are you having a date?" Five called. "Should I come back tomorrow?" 

Klaus laughed. 

"Just a second!" Vanya called back. 

Then she urgently whispered. "Maybe _you_ should hide in the bathroom?" 

"No way," Klaus said. "I gotta see the boundaries talk." 

Vanya groaned. 

"It's Klaus, isn't it?" Five said. "Dammit, can I just blink inside? Why are you making me wait?" 

Sighing warily, Vanya hurried towards the door. 

Klaus followed and gave Five a cheerful wave once the door was finally opened. 

"See?" Five said. "I followed the rules. I stayed outside." 

"Thank you," Vanya said. "But, um, I have a new stipulation for you." 

"You guys are so stiff," Klaus said. "Is this a friendship or a business deal?"

"Shut up, Klaus," Five said. "What stipulation?" 

"You have to call ahead," Vanya said. "And we have to agree on a date and time. You can't decide you want to see me on your own and then just turn up out of the blue like this." 

Five squinted at her. "That what Klaus did?" 

"Yeah, dude," Klaus said. "I'm a scholar and a gentleman." 

"He always lets me know," Vanya said. "So… do you think you can do it? I still love you, but-" 

"I get it," Five said. "Consider it done." 

"Really?" 

Five crossed his arms together. _"Yes."_

"Thank you," Vanya said. "Sorry." 

Five sighed. "Then I guess I'll be going." 

"Aaaaw," Klaus said. "But you just got here." 

"Please don't go," Vanya said. "I just, I needed to let you know. For future reference. But that doesn't mean I want you to leave." 

Five pursed his lips. 

"Please stay?" Vanya said. "Pretty please?"

"Fine," Five said. "I'll stay." 

"Hell yeah," Klaus said. "Let's get this party _started."_

Five and Vanya both stared at him. 

They were basically the least fun pair of siblings in the family, but Klaus decided that was okay. He'd be fun enough on his own to make up for it.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"And that's how I found out 9/11 never happened," Klaus said. "Crazy, huh?"

"But the twin towers are still gone," Vanya said. "They're… they _are_ gone, right? I think I would have noticed if they'd re-appeared." 

"In this timeline," Five said. "they were never built in the first place. That's why they're still gone."

"Oh shit," Klaus said. "That makes so much sense!" 

"Wait," Vanya said. "Did 9/11 not happen because the towers weren't built? Or was there still a plane hijacking?" 

"The planes were still hijacked," Five said. "Remember how there were two of them? One landed in a field in D.C. That didn't change, but the other plane overshot New York." 

Klaus grinned and pointed at Five. "What he said. Look at our little boy genius, spitting facts." 

Klaus tried to ruffle Five's hair, but Five saw it coming and teleported a bit to the left to dodge. 

"But how did it end up overshooting New York?" Vanya said. "Where did it land?" 

"It landed in the harbor," Five said. "As for how, I can only guess. Maybe the Commission interfered directly, but it could have been a butterfly effect."

"What a world we live in!" Klaus said. "All our tragedies getting solved for us."

"It was still a tragedy," Five said. "Since some of the passengers died. But it was small scale, so it was quickly forgotten. Though the irritation of airport security theater was still put into effect."

"I see," Klaus said. "Well anyway, I wish someone had told me sooner. I fucking bombed that night." 

"You shouldn't be making 9/11 jokes in the first place," Vanya said. "It's hurtful." 

"Not anymore, it's not," Five muttered. 

"Riiiight," Klaus said. "And I'll never do it again, sis. 9/11 has been officially banned." 

Vanya nodded absently. Most of her attention was on Five, so Klaus decided the oasis had been contaminated.

"My, my," Klaus said. "Look at the time. I just remembered I have a dick appointment in ten minutes from now." 

Five huffed. "Don't be-" 

"It's my right as an American citizen," Klaus said. "to be as gross or crass or childish as I want." 

"Um," Vanya said. "Yes?" 

"But I digress," Klaus said. "I've gotta skedaddle. Don't miss me too much. We shall meet again." 

"Uh huh," Five said. "Run along, then." 

Klaus grinned. "You two have fun now, ya hear?" 

He moonwalked backwards towards the door, shooting at them with his most awkward finger guns. 

After closing it behind him, Klaus pressed his ear against the crack in the door and held his breath. 

"Klaus hates me," Five said. 

_Damn,_ Klaus said. _Right out the gate, shots fired._

"He doesn't hate you," Vanya said. "He just… you're a little mean to him?" 

"When am I mean to him?" 

"Like… always?"

 _"He's_ mean to _me,"_ Five said. "He wasn't like this in 2002." 

_Hmm,_ Klaus thought. _Maybe I don't want to hear this._

"We've changed, Five," Vanya said. "We grew up without you." 

"Like that's _my_ fault?" 

_Shots fired!_ Klaus gasped softly to himself. 

"Wait," Vanya said. "I heard something." 

_Shit!_ Klaus thought. _Super hearing!_

Not wanting to be murdered for his crimes against humanity, Klaus ran for his life.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was a normal stake out. Sort of. The main difference was: someone was paying him to do it. 

Diego had toyed with the idea of being a Private Investigator plenty of times, but he'd always felt scummy about the money part. 

Back before… everything… he'd had a decent enough paycheck working at Al's Gym. Plus, more freedom to investigate what he wanted, how he wanted, when he wanted. A win, win, win.

But _now_ he was living in his goddamn childhood bedroom on _Luther's_ dime. 

That was just plain old unacceptable. 

So the P.I thing. The pay was dogshit, so far, but down the road it might get better. The plan was simple: Just build a solid reputation, establish a steady stream of clients, then move out of the fucking house. 

Simple.

So tonight, Diego was stalking a stalker. 

_Same as any other stakeout,_ Diego thought. _And this lowlife is a shit stain anyway._

Like most stakeouts, it was about patience. It was about keeping your guard up, for hours on end, in case your target made a move. 

Usually, Diego kept his phone on silent. 

Silence was _important_ on a stake out. 

However, this time, the piercing wail of a fucking cellphone broke the silence like a goddamn baby that had lost its binky. 

Diego scrambled for his phone, cursing to himself, but then discovered: his phone was not ringing. 

The sound cut off on its own and Diego tensed. Was it the stalker? Did that fucker get the drop on him? 

"Well, this is embarrassing." 

Diego spun around to glare into the shadows of the backseat. 

"What the _fuck,"_ Diego snarled. "You scared the shit out of me!" 

Five sat up and nonchalantly dusted himself off. 

"Explain yourself," Diego said. 

Five pursed his lips. "I have a perfectly reasonable explanation." 

Diego crossed his arms together. "Uh huh." 

The ringing went off again and Five made the universal _just a moment_ gesture with his index finger, then put the phone to his ear. 

"Apologies," Five said. "I pressed the wrong button, earlier. I didn't mean to ignore your call." 

Diego huffed. 

"No," Five said. "I'll be home soon, I just wanted to hang out with Vanya for a bit." 

Five winced. 

Diego could hear Ben's voice, high pitched and angry. 

"Okay fine," Five said. "I'm actually with Diego." 

_Give him shit, Ben,_ Diego thought. _Little weasel._

"I'm not lying this time," Five said. "Look, I'll put you on speaker." 

Five held his phone out towards Diego. 

"Say hello," Five demanded. 

Diego smirked and mimed zipping his lips shut. 

"I'm going to tell Luther," Ben said. "He's going to… uh, he'll do something?" 

_Luther will do fuck all,_ Diego thought, sighing. _That idiot is too soft._

_"Say_ something, Diego," Five growled. 

Diego shook his head, still smirking. 

"Since when do you lie to _me?"_ Ben said. 

"Since you became a tattle tale," Five said. 

"That's not true!"

"You _just_ said you were going to rat me out to Luther," Five said. "So which is it? Are you a vault or are you an alarm?" 

Diego sighed and turned back around, glaring out the windshield. 

What was he doing, getting distracted like this? He had a fucking job to do. 

"I won't tell Luther," Ben said. "But can you please tell me where you are? It's going to get dark soon. It's… I'm worried." 

"Don't be worried, Ben," Diego said, without looking at Five. "He's with me. We're at Patch's place."

 _"Oh,"_ Ben said. "Why didn't you just say so?" 

"Because Diego's an asshole," Five said. "He wanted to watch us squirm." 

Diego rolled his eyes. 

"Okay," Ben said. "I'm sorry for being clingy." 

"You don't need to be sorry," Five said. "Just… I'll be back in time for… I'll…" 

Diego glanced back. 

Five was glowering at his phone. 

"I get it," Ben said. "Thanks." 

"See you later," Five said. "I'm hanging up, alright?" 

"See you later," Ben said. 

Five pressed the end call button and shoved his phone into his pocket. 

"Okay, listen," Five said. "Let me be Number Two."

"The fuck?" 

"I'll be your Number Two," Five insisted. "You're in charge, hmm? Doesn't that work?" 

Diego squinted at him. 

"C'mon," Five said. "It's free labor!" 

"You're a minor," Diego said. "This sick fuck, in that house right there? He's a domestic abuser." 

"So what?" Five said. "I've killed a man." 

Diego winced. 

"I've killed _three_ men," Five said. "The first was at that museum-" 

"I get it," Diego said. "But this isn't like the Umbrella Academy missions." 

"Isn't it?" Five said. "You've got the same fucking domino mask." 

Diego sighed. 

"Think of it like an audition," Five said. "If my performance is... inadequate, you just, you can fire me." 

Diego groaned. 

"If I'm a shit Number Two," Five said. "Then you can bench me. I won't bother you again. Unless you ask for help, that is. In which case, I'm always happy to oblige." 

"I _know_ you're happy to fucking oblige," Diego snapped. "That's the whole… fuck." 

"The whole _what?"_ Five said. "Is this about Allison?" 

Diego shook his head. "Listen up. On a stake out, silence is king." 

"That so?" 

"Yes," Diego said. "So shut the fuck up." 

"Yessir," Five said. "As you command, Number One."

"Uh huh," Diego said. "And cut the sarcasm." 

Five smirked. "Will do." 

  
  
  
  
  


“Would you shut up about the bank robberies?" Five said. "I don't care about the money. Insurance or no insurance, it doesn't matter.”

Five was angrily washing the dishes. Luther was drying.

“It _does_ matter,” Luther said. “The missions were important to you. They were important to all of us.”

“Not to Klaus,” Five said. "Not to Ben." 

Five roughly tossed a clean mug at him and Luther scrambled to catch it.

“They hated missions,” Five said. “But it. Doesn’t. Matter.” 

Diego added a dirty plate to the pile and Five grabbed it eagerly, scrubbing at the crusted cheese stain as if _it_ was a bank robber.

“It’s in the past,” Luther agreed. “But Allison says it still has an effect on us. And Vanya thinks-” 

“Good for them!” Five snapped. “Good for all of you. Sit in a circle and process your feelings, for all I care. Just leave me out of it.” 

“Whoa there,” Diego said. “It sounds like you’ve got feelings that need to be processed too.” 

“The hell I do,” Five said. 

Luther made eye contact with Diego and tried to communicate- with his facial expression, so Five wouldn’t notice- that Diego should be careful with his words. 

Diego nodded somberly, then said, “I call bullshit.” 

Luther sighed. 

“Oh yeah?” Five said. “Then why are _you_ still running around in a domino mask? Got any feelings about _that?”_

Diego grinned. “Cause I’m a hero. End of story.” 

“Hey, Diego,” Luther said. “I think Mom wanted to show you her sculpture.” 

Before Diego could respond, Five said, “Mom can wait.” He put down the dirty plate and looked at Diego with the intensity of a kid who's spotted a pirate ship. "I want in. On more of your vigilante stuff.” 

Shit. Allison said this might happen. 

Diego tried to back out of the kitchen. “So Mom’s looking for me? I better go help her with her… with her sculpture.” 

Five teleported behind him, blocking the exit. 

"Hold on," Luther said. "Five, you shouldn't-"

Diego kicked out, swiping Five's legs out from under him. Luther winced, but Five teleported mid fall and blinked onto Diego's back, gripping his neck in a choke hold. 

"Guys!" Luther said. "Don't fight!" 

He easily pulled Five off of Diego, but Five teleported again. He reappeared on the kitchen counter, one foot landing in the sink. 

There was a faint cracking sound and Five looked down to assess the damage. 

He'd stepped on the plate in the sink, breaking it in half. 

"Shit," Five said. 

"Goddammit," Diego said. "You see what you did?" 

"It's okay," Luther said. "Let's calm down and-"

"It's _your_ fault!" Five said. "If you weren't such a coward, you wouldn't be running to your mommy in the first place!" 

"Fuck you!" Diego said. "You're the one who-"

 _"Stop,"_ Luther said, firmly. "Diego, get out of here." 

"Yeah, _Diego,"_ Five sneered. "Number One gave you an order." 

Diego glared at them both. "Fine," he said. "But not because Luther told me to."

He stomped out of the kitchen. 

Luther took a deep breath. “Five-” 

“I can fix it,” Five said. “Or, I’ll replace it.” 

“Huh?” 

“The _plate,”_ Five said. 

“Oh. I’m not worried about the plate.” Tentatively, Luther grabbed Five from under the armpits and lifted him off the counter. 

Surprisingly, Five allowed it. 

Luther set him back on his feet and examined the broken plate. It had split into three big pieces, but there were probably smaller bits hidden under the soap suds. 

“I’ll clean this up,” Luther said. “It was an accident, so you don’t have to worry about it.” 

_“I_ should clean it up,” Five said. 

“No, you might cut yourself,” Luther said. “Just let me-” 

“I’m not an infant!” Five said. “Just because you're older now-"

“I don't think you're an infant,” Luther said. “I just-” 

“You keep treating me like one!” Five growled. "It's _demeaning."_

Luther had seen Five angry plenty of times, but this felt different. Especially when Five suddenly shoved his hands over his face, pressing them against his eyeballs as if he wanted to shove them inside his skull. 

“I’m sorry,” Luther said. “I didn’t mean to.” 

“Fuck you,” Five said. 

“Listen,” Luther said. “Can we circle back to the robot?” 

Five was holding himself completely still. He still had his hands over his face. 

“I don’t care about the robot,” Five muttered. 

“I just thought...” Luther tried to think of a way to put it, a way that would sound appealing to Five. “I thought you could help me with it? You’re smart.” 

“The other Five is already helping you,” Five said. “You don’t need _my_ help.” 

“I know,” Luther said. “But-”

“What’s it for, anyway?” Five slowly put his hands down, shoving them in his pockets. “We’ve already got Mom.” 

“It’s just… it’s a fun project?” Luther said. “Five said-”

“But wait,” Five said, snapping his fingers. “I just realized: I _still_ don’t care.” 

“You keep saying that,” Luther said. 

“Because it’s true,” Five said. 

“But-”

“Anyway,” Five said. “I have my own projects.” 

“Oh yeah? What kind of projects?”

“The kind,” Five said. “that are none of your damn business.” 

Luther sighed. “I wish you wouldn’t curse so much.” 

“Everyone else curses,” Five said. “You don’t give a crap when _they_ do it.” 

“Now you’re just adding them on purpose,” Luther said. 

“Yes, I fucking am,” Five said. “As is my right. It's my goddamn right to curse.” 

_He really is a teenager,_ Luther thought. 

“You know what?” Luther said. “You make a good point.” 

Five squinted at him. “I do?” 

“Yes,” Luther said. “So… so have at it. Curse like a pirate.” 

Five rolled his eyes. “Pirates suck.” 

“They do?” Luther said. “I thought you and Ben-”

“No,” Five said. “That’s over.” 

“Why is it, uh, over?” Luther said. 

“Klaus ruined it,” Five said. “He said pirates are gay and they… I’m not a homophobe, by the way. Pirates can do whatever they want. Below deck, above deck, on fucking land. I don't care." 

"I don't think you're a homophobe," Luther said. "Klaus doesn't either, he just likes to throw the word around. He thinks it's funny." 

"Well, _I_ told _him,"_ Five said. "That even if the pirates were straight, or bisexual or whatever fucking word Klaus feels like using to _also describe bisexuals_ … either way, I'm not a pirate." 

"Okay," Luther said. "I'll try to remember that." 

"Pirates are vile," Five insisted. "I would rather not associate with them.” 

Luther rubbed at the back of his head. "I wouldn't make you? Associate with them, I mean."

Five cleared his throat. “Anyway, see to it that this mess gets cleaned up.” 

He gestured to the broken plate and the rest of the dirty dishes.

“I’ve got more important things to do,” Five added. “So I’ll be going.” 

Luther blinked. “Um, okay? See you later.” 

Five nodded, then teleported. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The next day, Five proudly presented Luther with an armful of plastic plates. 

“Plastic,” Five said. “is more practical.” 

“How much did these cost?” Luther said. “Did you use your allowance?” 

“Don’t worry about that,” Five said. “So here’s what I’m thinking, we get rid of all the ceramic plates and bowls and we-”

“I get where you’re coming from,” Luther said. “But that was a one time thing. You don’t have to worry about breaking more plates. Because you won’t be fighting in the house anymore. Right?” 

Five avoided eye contact. “I think preemptive measures are… it’s smarter.” 

“But-”

“And what’s the difference?” Five said. “What’s so great about ceramic plates?” 

“I guess it doesn’t matter,” Luther said. “We can switch to plastic, but-”

“Great,” Five said. “I’ll get bowls too, just give me a few days.” 

“You ran out of money?” Luther said. 

“So?” Five said. “You give me more every week.” 

“Look, it’s nice of you,” Luther said. “to want to, uh, contribute to the household, but that’s not what your allowance is for. You could have just talked to me and I would have-”

“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” Five interrupted with a pointed frown. “While we’re at it, we should get Mom a better easel. Hers is alright, but I saw one at the store that was bigger. It also had all this other stuff, like drawers that she could keep her brushes and paints in. It was just… it was better.” 

“Wow,” Luther said. “That’s… that’s really ni- I mean, that’s a great idea.” 

“I know,” Five said, grinning.

“Which store was it?” Luther said. “Wait, who took you to a store?” 

Five clasped his hands behind his back and shrugged. 

“Did you go by yourself?” Luther said. 

“I plead the fifth,” Five said. 

“Fiiiive,” Luther groaned. “I thought we agreed-” 

Five warped away without warning this time. 

Luther sighed.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Patch was worried about Five. 

"I just haven't seen him around," Patch said. "Is he doing okay? Behaving himself?" 

"Not seeing him is proof isn't it?" Diego said. "He's not driving anymore." 

_Because Baby Five doesn't know how to drive,_ Diego thought. _But she doesn't need to know there's two of them._

"It isn't necessarily proof," Patch said. "He could still be, like, grieving." 

"Grieving?" Diego said. "Why would he be grieving?" 

Patch frowned. "Diego, it hasn't been that long since your Dad died." 

Diego scowled. "So?" 

"I know you were estranged," Patch said. "But wasn't Five still living with him? It must have been… more fresh." 

Diego tilted his head. "Uh." 

"It didn't even occur to you?" 

Diego shrugged. 

"Of course not," Patch said. "Why am I even surprised?" 

"But Five hated him," Diego said. "We all did. So, it was like: good riddance." 

"Maybe," Patch said. "But grief is complicated." 

"What's so complicated?" Diego said. "Five has the run of the house now. He does whatever he wants. He's fine." 

"I hope so," Patch said. 

Diego ran a hand through his hair. "Do you… did you want to see him?" 

Patch shoved her hands in her pockets. "I just can't stop thinking about that day." 

"What day?" 

"The day I met him," Patch said. "At the motel, remember?" 

_Shit,_ Diego thought. _The hell is she talking about?_

"When Klaus was kidnapped by those thugs," Patch said. "I was trying to find him for you, but before I could go in Five showed up and moved me." 

_Fuck!_ Diego thought. _The day she didn't die!_

"Um," Diego said. "Right. Just… just moved you?" 

"With his powers," Patch said. "The teleport jump. I knew about your family in theory, but it was still strange to see it in action. I guess that's why it left such an impression." 

He tried to ask nonchalantly, "Where did he put you?" 

"Hmm?" 

"When he moved you," Diego said. "Also, you just… you just let him?" 

"He jumped me to the police station," Patch said. "It was the most baffling thing. I just see this random little boy walk up to me and he grabs my elbow and then _whoosh._ We're at the station." 

"Pretty rude," Diego said, swallowing around the lump in his throat. 

"I guess so," Patch said. "But after the jump he says 'Look, I couldn't let you stay there.' and then he just disappeared." 

Diego nodded solemnly. 

"Later, I learned his name," Patch said. "He became infamous at the station. The prodigy thirteen year old that insisted on driving." 

Diego cleared his throat. "You wanna see him?" 

"Sure?" Patch said. "I don't… and do what?" 

"I dunno," Diego said. "We can take him somewhere. Uh… miniature golf?" 

Patch chuckled. "Nah." 

"B-bowling?" 

She studied him. "Are you okay?" 

Diego sighed. "Nevermind. It's the wrong Five anyway." 

"What do you mean?" 

Diego rubbed the back of his neck and searched for the right words. A way to explain the fucked up chaos that was his family. 

"Th-they… th-th-they..." 

Diego groaned in frustration. 

"It's okay," Patch said. "You can tell me later." 

Diego nodded stoically. 

"Bowling sounds fun," Patch said. 

"Good," Diego said. "I'll ask him." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"How dare you!" Five was yelling. "You can't censor me!" 

When Five was yelling, it was time to guess. Where was his voice coming from? This time around, it sounded like he was downstairs.

Later, when Klaus teased him for running, Ben would deny it. He would say, "I walked very quickly" towards what was sure to be an eventful argument. 

But there wasn't an argument. Just Vanya, standing alone with her eyes closed, hugging herself. 

"You okay?" Ben said. 

"Yes." Vanya was getting quicker with her recovery time. She was already loosening her limbs. She opened her eyes. "Um, I accidentally offended him." 

"I noticed." 

"Help?" 

Ben gave her a hug. 

"Aw," Vanya said. "Thank you, but I kind of want help with Five." 

Embarrassed, Ben let go. Vanya took his hand, though, and gave it a squeeze. 

Klaus sauntered over. "Another tantrum?" 

"Don't call it that," Vanya said. 

"Can you leave us alone?" Ben said. 

"Why?" Klaus said. 

It was so easy to offend Klaus. Ben tried to think of a way to say 'You might make things worse' that wouldn't come off as… judgemental. 

_He's always accusing me of being judgmental,_ Ben thought, frowning balefully.

"We are working through the problem," Vanya said. "And your skills are not required. Yet." 

Klaus grinned. "Say no more." 

He lazily saluted, then left. 

"Oh my god," Ben said. "You're the Klaus whisperer." 

Vanya laughed. "And you're the Five whisperer." 

"Am I?" Ben said, grinning. "Naaah." 

"I seriously think you are," Vanya said. "Or, at least, you understand Baby Five better than me." 

"Really?" Ben said. "But he's the easy one." 

Vanya shrugged. "I find Old Five easier." 

"Maybe it's cause _you're_ old," Ben teased. 

"Haha," Vanya said. "Maybe." 

"Anyway," Ben said. "What happened?" 

"I was trying to give him advice," Vanya said. "He was feeling guilty about his fight with Diego, so I just… I wanted to help." 

"Okay," Ben said. "But what did you say?" 

"I told him he needs to tailor his words," Vanya said. 

"Uh oh," Ben said. 

"Why?" Vanya said. "What's so wrong with that?" 

"Um…" Ben tried to think of a way to explain it. 

_It's ironic,_ Ben thought. _I know thousands of words, but I suck at using them._

"I just think," Vanya said. "that negative words breed negativity. So, I said he should use synonyms. Nicer ones." 

"Did you tell him to stop cussing?" 

Vanya frowned. "Not this time." 

"Cause he hates that," Ben said. "He hates being told he’s not allowed to say something." 

"But _why?"_ Vanya said. "He used to… he's always liked _pretty_ words." 

"Elegant words," Ben said. "Yeah, I know. But, like, it reminds him of Dad." 

"What does?" Vanya said. 

“Remember when Dad told us ‘mostest’ isn’t a word?” Ben said. “He said it was childish. He said it wasn’t allowed.” 

Vanya sighed. “Right. Damn.” 

“So you can’t say cussing is forbidden,” Ben said. “Or that words aren’t real, or that-”

“He triggered me,” Vanya said, scowling. 

“What did he do?” 

Vanya ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “He said I was killing him.” 

Ben winced. “Oh. Um, I know why you don’t like that one, but-” 

“He hates me,” Vanya groaned. “He thinks I’m a bitch and he-”

“Whoa!” Ben said. “It’s a positive word!” 

Vanya blinked. “Huh?” 

“He got it from me,” Ben said. “Sorry. He thinks it means overwhelmed with happiness.” 

Vanya squinted at him. “Overwhelmed with happiness?” 

“Yeah,” Ben said. “The confusing kind of happiness. Like, a happiness you don’t know what to do with? That’s how I usually use it anyway and Five copies me, so… Vanya?” 

She had covered her mouth with her hands. 

“You okay?” Ben said. 

Eyes glistening, Vanya whispered, “I think you killed me.” 

Ben beamed. “Exactly!” 

Vanya nodded stiffly, then abruptly walked off. Ben assumed she was going to look for Five, so he didn’t follow. 

_I am the craftiest wordsmith,_ Ben thought. _The cleverest interlocutor._

Ben nodded proudly to himself, walking back down the hallway like a chancellor at court, and almost didn’t notice Diego poking his head out of his room. 

“The fuck,” Diego sighed. “Is that little shit done picking fights?” 

Ben grinned. “Probably not. But fear not! I am the Five translator.” 

Diego leaned against his door and scowled.

“I’m not stupid. I _know_ what ‘pernicious’ means. I just think he’s being an arrogant little dick and he-”

“Ah, ah, ah,” Ben said. “There are many nuances here that you’re not grasping.” 

Diego scoffed. “You too? Why do you guys have to talk like…” 

“Like what?” 

“Like _Dad.”_

Ben flinched. 

“Shit,” Diego said. “I didn’t mean it. I take it back-”

“You _did,”_ Ben said. “You did too!” 

“I’m a dumbass!” Diego insisted. “I’m an asshole and I-”

“Nincompoop,” Ben said. “That’s what you are.” 

Diego blinked. “Uh… that’s a new one.” 

“Dad hated it,” Ben said. “It made us giggle because it had the word ‘poop’ in it. He said it wasn’t allowed.” 

Diego scowled. “Dad _would_ say that.” 

“Cause he was stupid,” Ben said. “He was obsessed with, like, high society politeness.” 

“Yeah,” Diego said. “I guess… yeah. Five isn’t like that. He's the rudest son of a bitch I ever met.”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “So fuck you.” 

“Fuck me,” Diego agreed. “You’re right, bro.” 

Ben crossed his arms together. “I deserve a hug.” 

“Oh shit,” Diego said. “Um, yes sir.” 

With the kind of awkwardness that never failed to be hilarious, Diego tentatively put his arms around Ben. 

“I deserve back rubs,” Ben said.

“I got you,” Diego said. “That’s easy.” 

“Then you’re going to do the same for Five,” Ben said. “And you’re going to grovel.” 

Diego groaned. “I hate groveling.” 

“As you should.” 

Diego chuckled nervously. “That’s what makes it a punishment, I guess.” 

Ben felt himself loosening up as Diego massaged gruff circles into his back. Mom would have been gentler, but it was still nice. 

Finally, Ben snaked his own arms around Diego and buried his face in the crook of Diego’s neck. 

“Hmmm,” Ben said. “So you feel better now, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Diego said. “Um, less guilty.” 

“Repentance is important,” Ben said. “Cause, like, Vanya says it’s um…” 

“Closure?” Diego said. 

“Yeah!” Ben said. “Closure.” 

Sighing deeply, Diego ruffled Ben’s hair. “Man, you’re the most mature guy in this house.” 

“I should be Number One,” Ben teased. 

Diego laughed. “Yeah, yeah.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Bowling was hella awkward and Klaus was no help. 

"This is the cutest double date," Klaus whispered. "that I have _ever_ been on." 

Up at the bowling lane, Five was lecturing Patch about momentum and the laws of motion or some shit. He claimed math was the key to all his perfect strikes. 

"And aren't they so precious together?" Klaus went on. "She looks ready to adopt him." 

"Shut up," Diego said.

"All you need is an accounting degree," Klaus said. "And you'd have the perfect little nuclear family. You'd-" 

"Okay, first of all," Five said, strolling towards them with a lazy smirk. "Diego's too dumb for college." 

"Fuck you too," Diego muttered. 

"Secondly," Five said. "Ben already decided. Luther's the family dad. And we already have Mom as a mom, so-" 

"Oh _my,"_ Klaus said. "Incestuous!" 

Five scowled. "Don't make me smack you." 

Behind Five, Patch managed to get a strike on her second turn. 

"Yeah, baby!" Patch cheered. "You were right!" 

She practicality skipped towards Five and they high-fived each other. 

"Precious," Klaus said. "Wholesome. The most-" 

"That's it," Five said. "I'm smacking you." 

Diego beat him to it, lightly slapping Klaus upside the head. 

Klaus pouted. "Nobody loves me." 

"Aw," Patch said. "That can't be true?" 

"It's true," Five said. 

Diego glared at the ceiling. "I love you, alright? I love both of you." 

Klaus gasped. "Did ya hear that Five?!" 

Five rolled his eyes. 

Klaus tried to pull Five into a hug, but Five teleported back towards the bowling lane. 

"Let us love you!" Klaus called, chasing after him. 

Five jumped again, even further away this time.

"Let me cuddle you!" Klaus said. "You know you want to!" 

Patch chuckled. "You've got a great family." 

Diego shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah." 

"Is something bothering you?" Patch said.

"Nah," Diego said. "Uh, would it freak you out if I L bomb you too?" 

Patch smirked. "Is that what we're calling it now?" 

Diego cleared his throat. "I love you. I was a coward, before. But I loved you back then and I still love you now." 

Patch laughed. 

"The fuck," Diego grumbled. "Don't laugh at me." 

She gave him a head pat. "I can probably work my way up to loving you again. Maybe." 

"Maybe?" 

"Yep," Patch said. "Take it or leave it." 

Diego pursed his lips. "That sounds… fair." 

Five suddenly appeared on Diego's lap.

"Shit," Five said. "Miscalculated." 

Impulsively, Diego put his arms around the little turd and gave him a squeeze. 

"Hey!" Five said. "Fuck off!" 

His hands glowed blue, but nothing happened. He remained where he was and Diego smirked. 

"Out of juice, then?" Diego said. "Guess you're shit out of luck." 

"I can and will bite you," Five said.

Diego chuckled, and held his hands up and away. 

Five stood up and primly dusted himself off.

"No fair!" Klaus called. "That was _my_ win. I deserve that hug!"

Five flipped him off. 

"The most precious," Patch said. "The wholesome-est." 

Klaus grinned at her. "Somebody _gets_ me." 

"Yeah, yeah," Diego said. "Whose turn is it?" 

"Numero dos," Klaus said, saluting him. 

"Got it," Diego said. "Watch me kick ass." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He did not kick ass. By the end of the game Five won with Patch coming in second and Klaus third. 

On the car ride home, Klaus wouldn't shut up about it. 

"Don't pout," Klaus said. "You're too cute when you pout." 

"Don't quote Mom at me, jackass." 

"Such a sore loser," Five said. "How have you survived life's failures all these years?"

"I'm not a sore loser," Diego said. _"You're_ a sore winner."

Five scoffed. 

"Who wants ice cream?" Klaus said. "Something _really_ choco-licious." 

"Choco-licious," Five echoed. "Hmm." 

"Fine," Diego said. "We can stop by the store." 

"Fuck yeah!" Klaus said. "You're the best!" 

"Yeah, yeah." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


For most of winter, the snow seemed depressing. Watching people make snow angels, or go sledding, or- god forbid- build snowmen made Klaus want to pick up a hot poker and stab everything until it melted. 

But then one day… those feelings were just gone. 

_Mostly_ gone anyway. 

Soon the snow would be gone too, so Klaus had to do something. 

He found Five alone in the academy library. 

"Sooooo," Klaus said. "Just you and me today, huh?" 

Five didn't even look up from his book. He just grunted. 

"Cause everyone else is out," Klaus said. "Everyone else is living _life."_

Five frowned. "Mom too?" 

"Yep," Klaus said. "This place is a ghost town." 

"Go haunt the halls, then." 

"Listen," Klaus said. "How much do you love me?" 

Five finally looked up. "Not even a little bit." 

Klaus mimed being shot in the heart, complete with dramatic collapse. 

"Leave me alone," Five said. "You have lots of friends." 

Klaus scrambled back up, leaning against Five's armchair.

"But Fiiiiive," Klaus said. "I only have one of _you."_

Five did not find this as funny as Klaus did. He scowled. 

"Okay fine," Klaus said. "But it doesn't snow in California."

"So?" 

"I'm on a mission," Klaus said. "Should you choose to help me, we will achieve great things." 

"What great things?" 

"The _greatest_ thing," Klaus said. "The best thing you can achieve in the winter!" 

"Don't beat around the bush," Five grumbled. "What do you _want?"_

"This is more than a want," Klaus said. "This is the _need_ of a desperate man. This is the single most important favor I will ever ask of you." 

"But-" 

"Should you refuse me," Klaus said. "I will die. I'll never recover." 

Five tilted his head. "What's the favor?" 

"Help me build a snowman," Klaus said. 

"Wow," Five said. "You almost had me." 

"Hey now," Klaus said. "This is serious business." 

"Sure it is," Five said. 

"It's for emotional recovery," Klaus said. "And, like, catharsis?" 

Five rolled his eyes. 

"Five, I'll _die."_

"You can get someone else to-" 

"No one else is home," Klaus said. "It falls to _you."_

"Time will pass," Five said. "Someone will show up, so wait like a good boy." 

Klaus grinned. Baby Five was finally picking up the lingo. 

"I cannot!" Klaus said. "I refuse! I'll collapse in on myself with longing, I'll crumple under the weight of-"

"Will it take long?" Five said. 

"Nope!" Klaus said. "We'll do a snowman speedrun. We'll fast track this bitch." 

Five huffed. 

"Is it the cold?" Klaus said. "I noticed you never go outside." 

"I go out," Five said. "Yesterday I went to-"

"But you skipped the _outside,_ didn't you?" Klaus said. "You jumped from one indoor place to another indoor place." 

Five shifted in his seat, lifting his book in front of his face to block Klaus from looking at him. 

"Aaaaw," Klaus said. "The cold is too much for our little Five to handle? Nevermind then, I'll wait for someone with a stronger constitution." 

"Fuck off," Five said. "My constitution is just fine." 

"Is it?" Klaus said. "Then, will you brave the elements? For me?" 

Five put his book down. "Fiiiine." 

_"Yes!"_ Klaus kissed Five on the forehead too quickly for Five to react. "I _love_ you!" 

"Yeah, yeah." Five grumpily wiped at his forehead. "Dress warmly."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Holiday logistics were a headache.

“I’m sorry I ditched you for Thanksgiving,” Ben said. “I know I was supposed to come back earlier than I did… but I feel like I barely get to see the other Five as it is.” 

Vanya and Luther were already in L.A. Essentially, every time Allison was in New York, someone made sure to trade places with her.

“How many times are you going to make me repeat myself?” Five said. “It’s arbitrary. You should have gone early for Christmas too.” 

Allison snuck up from behind Ben and surprised him with a hug. “But then _I_ wouldn’t get to see him!” 

She tickled him and Ben giggled, swatting her hands away. “Hey! You’d have seen me for the dinner with Patrick’s family.” 

_“If_ you stuck around for that,” Allison said. “Thanksgiving was such a disaster, I wouldn’t even blame you for skipping out.” 

“Well, now I _have_ to go,” Ben said. “Since I’m here for fake Christmas.” 

Five rolled his eyes. “Fake Christmas, real Christmas, do you hear yourselves? It doesn’t _matter_ what the date is.” 

“I know,” Ben said. “And anyway, it’s kind of nice? We get twice the holidays. Which is like… twice what we had to start with.” 

At the corner of the room, Diego was setting up the ornaments on the Christmas tree; he looked over his shoulder. “I thought you guys were going to help?”

Five sighed, stooping down to scrutinize the tangled string of lights. “I’ll untangle this, I guess.” 

“I’m going to make cookies with Mom,” Allison said. “So… look forward to that!” 

She dashed out of the room with all the energy of a mischievous child. 

“Don’t burn them!” Ben called after her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The decorations had been dealt with, presents bought and wrapped, and any other petty little request tolerated: from Klaus’s impromptu snowball fight to building a ridiculously large gingerbread house with Diego. Five did what was required of him and enjoyed it, probably. 

But at the back of his mind, he couldn’t shake the suspicion that he was being scrutinized. His every word analyzed, his expressions interpreted for hidden meaning. 

It was that damn doppelganger. Whatever his reasoning, he’d exhibited an alarming degree of self-worth issues before his… reset. Suicidal tendencies, in fact, if Klaus was to be believed.

That particular tidbit had been wrestled out of him nearly two months after The Event. But even now, it certainly explained some things. 

_But why is their worry being applied to_ **me** _,_ Five thought. _It’s not like I’m acting the same._

Allison was the worst offender, by far. 

“Do you still have those suspenders I bought you?” 

“No, Allison,” Five said. “I threw them off the Empire State building.” 

“It’s just that,” Allison twirled a long strand of hair between her fingers. “I’ve never seen you wear them.” 

“I thought you hated them,” Five huffed. 

“I was just joking!” Allison said. “I loved them.” 

Five raised his eyebrows at her. 

“Okay, so I didn’t _love_ them,” Allison said. “But… like, you shouldn’t worry about what I think. You liked them, right? So you should wear them.” 

“I do wear them,” Five lied. “It’s not my fault you aren’t here when I’m wearing them.” 

She bit her lip. “Is it Klaus? Did he tease you?” 

Five could feel his face heating up at the reminder and glared at her. “Did Ben put you up to this?” 

“No, no, no,” Allison said. “I just… I, uh… they really grew on me. I wanted to see you in them.” 

“Liar,” Five said, calmly. “Would you quit your worrying? I’m not like...”

Like the other Five, he’d almost said, but he decided he’d rather not discuss that. 

“I’m not a kid,” Five said, instead. “I don’t need you to… to do whatever you’re trying to do.” 

“I’m not trying to do anything.” 

_“Liar.”_

“Okay, I’m worried about you!” Allison said. “You just, you tend to bottle things up and-”

“I think you’re confused,” Five said. “I’ve never done that.” 

“But you-”

 _“I’ve_ never done that,” Five said, pointedly. 

Allison deflated. “I know,” she said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to compare.” 

“You’re making mountains out of molehills,” Five said. “But fine, you want to see me in suspenders? I’ll wear the suspenders. I’ll even wear one of those stupid bowties Klaus bought for me.” 

“You don’t have to.”

“They’ll go well with my ugly sweater,” Five said. “Did Mom tell you? She made one for everyone.” 

Allison chuckled weakly. “Yeah, mine is Grinch themed.” 

“So there,” Five said. “Problem solved.” 

Allison flinched.  
  
 _“What?”_ Five said. 

“Nothing,” she said, quickly. 

“What _is_ it?” Five said. 

“It’s just…” Allison put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing meaningfully. “You know you don’t have to solve problems for me? For any of us?” 

Five tilted his head at her and retraced the thread of their conversation, knowing enough by now to realize he'd triggered her. 

"It's… a figure of speech," Five said, carefully. 

Allison smiled at him. It was a strained smile, without her usual polish.

"Five," Allison said. "If you… I know you like to help. It's not a bad thing. You're a little hero, you know?" 

He scoffed. 

"Please, hear me out," Allison said. "I know you think-"

"Are you a mind reader?" 

"Huh?" 

"You claim to know what I think," Five said. "What I feel, what I like. You seem so certain of it. A new ability, hmm? I suppose congratulations are in order." 

Her smile melted like a snowflake on the tongue and there was a part of Five that squirmed, a part that reminded him he was supposed to be _better_ than this. 

But he carried on anyway. "Don't ever tell me what _you_ think I'm thinking," Five said. "There's nothing I hate more." 

Allison removed her hand from his shoulder, looking contrite. "You're right. I'm sorry." 

He nodded cordially. "It's fine." 

He expected her to say something more, but instead Allison simply stared at him, looking… grief-stricken. Five fought off the urge to teleport into another room.

 _You scare us when you do that,_ Vanya had said. 

"Look,” Five said. "I'm not… mad." 

"It's okay if you are," Allison said. "You don't have to suppress your emotions." 

He rolled his eyes. “You sound like Vanya.” 

“Good!” Allison said. “We should all be more like Vanya.” 

Five ran a hand over his face. “Oookay. This clearly has nothing to do with suspenders.” 

“Sorry,” Allison said. “I should be more direct.” 

He waved his hand at her: _go on._

“I just… I worry about you,” Allison said. “I know you don’t have the same trauma as the other Five, but you still have the same personality. The same… bad habits.” 

“Again, you sound like Vanya.” 

“I think it’s because of Dad,” Allison said, in a rush. “I mean, he messed us all up, right? We’re _all_ messed up.” 

“What’s your point?” 

“Just that, if _you_ ever need help,” Allison said. “you should say so? Or, if you think someone _else_ needs help, it’s good to help! But you should recruit some of us to help you help? It doesn’t necessarily have to be me, by the way. I know I’m not around, and all.” 

Five rubbed at his temples, trying to untangle her verbal diarrhea.

“There’s so many of us!” Allison continued. “We’re our own little army, so why would you do everything by yourself, right?” 

“You’re still confusing me with-” 

“I just want you to keep it in mind,” Allison said. “For the future? If anything comes up. But also… the suspenders.” 

“Why are you so obsessed with the damn suspenders?” Five snapped. 

“I’m almost done,” Allison said. “Let me finish.” 

He groaned. 

“I appreciate that you’re willing to wear them for me,” Allison said. “It’s nice of you, but that misses the point. I want you to wear them because _you_ like them. And I don’t want you to wear the bowties. You hate the bowties.” 

He frowned at her. 

“You _said_ you hated the bowties,” Allison amended. 

“I did,” Five said. 

“Also, they’re awful,” Allison added. 

Five chuckled. “They are.” 

“So anyway…” Allison fiddled with her bracelet. “Do you want some hot chocolate? I was thinking we could do a Christmas movie marathon, but I kn- but I noticed you have trouble sitting still for that long, so we could also just, um, we could put the movies on in the background and, like… oh! We could have a dance party.” 

Five grinned. “A dance party, eh? I won’t pay attention to the movie that way.”

“Then we’ll listen to Christmas music,” Allison said. “I don’t know." 

“I’ll spill the hot chocolate.” 

“We’ll drink it first,” Allison said. _“Then_ dance?”

“Hmm.” Five tapped his chin. “But I want to hear _Halloween_ music.”

That startled a laugh out of her. “What? There’s no such thing.”

“There is too,” Five said. “Monster Mash, that Michael Jackson song… uh, and the jingle from that one cereal commercial. It was Halloween cereal, or something.” 

“The entire _Nightmare Before Christmas_ soundtrack!” Ben called from outside the door. 

Five blinked to the door and opened it. “You’re always eavesdropping!” 

“I was walking by!” Ben said. 

“Liar,” Allison said fondly, grinning at him. 

“Anyway, it’s the perfect movie and we have to show it to Five,” Ben said. “You haven’t seen it yet, right Five?” 

“I haven’t seen it yet,” Five said. “But don’t think I didn’t notice _Christmas_ in the title.” 

“It’s also about Halloween,” Ben said. “So it’s, like, a compromise. A holiday hybrid.” 

“Uh huh,” Five said. “But Allison seems to think I’m incapable of sitting through an entire movie.”

“I said movie _marathon,”_ Allison said. “That would be at least four movies, which was my original idea, until I realized you’re too fidgety.” 

“I’m not fidgety,” Five said. 

“You _are_ though,” Ben said. “You're the most fidgety person I’ve ever met.”

“I can sit through four movies,” Five said. “I could sit through _ten_ movies.” 

“Oh boy,” Allison said. “You reverse psychology’d him.” 

“I’m an evil genius,” Ben said. 

Five waggled a finger at him. “No, _I’m_ generous.” 

“Aaaaw,” Ben said. “What Christmas spirit!”

Allison clapped her hands together. “So we’re seeing Nightmare Before Christmas, right? Are we still doing hot chocolate?” 

_“Yes,”_ Five and Ben said, at the same time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The worst part about living at home again was the utter chaos. 

Sometimes you walk in the door and right into a goddamn screaming match. 

"How could you _say_ that?!" Ben was yelling. "You just had to ruin it!" 

Klaus was cackling that sinister little weasel laugh. It was kind of nostalgic sounding, but also really annoying.

"They're gay icons!" Klaus said, giggling. "It's not _my_ fault." 

"I'm gonna kill you!" Ben shouted. "I'm going to literally murder you and no one will mourn your loss!" 

Diego heard them long before he saw them running past the entryway and up the stairs. 

"I'm un-killable!" Klaus said. "I'm a vampire!" 

Five materialized at the bottom of the stairs and sighed, rubbing his temples. 

"The hell are they fighting about?" Diego said.

"Klaus ruined pirates," Five said. "Ben was… attached. But now it's over."

"Ruined them?" Diego said. "By calling them gay icons?" 

Five avoided eye contact. "I'm not a homophobe. It's not about _who_ they do it with. Boy or girl, I don't care." 

"Do what with?" 

Five shifted on his feet. "Never you mind."

He disappeared in his usual spark of blue. 

"Fuck you too," Diego muttered.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Ben wanted to watch Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.

"Goddammit, Ben," Five said. "We've talked about this." 

"But they added zombies," Ben said. 

"I'm with Five," Klaus said. "I love ya, Benny, but I can't handle another Jane Austen phase." 

Ben pouted. 

"There are tons of zombie movies," Five said. "Pick any one of them."

"Ooooh!" Klaus raised his hand and waved it in the air. "I vote for Shaun of the Dead!" 

"Noooo," Ben whined. "I hate that one." 

"This is hopeless," Five said. "We might as well pick three separate movies and watch them on our own." 

Klaus tutted. "Now you're just being negative." 

"Forget the zombies," Ben said. "Let's go with something else." 

Klaus smirked. "Pirates of the Caribbean?" 

Five wrinkled his nose. 

"Too soon," Ben said. 

"Aw, c'mon," Klaus said. "Jack Sparrow is practically celibate. He goes the whole movie without a love interest." 

Five turned to Ben. "Is he lying?" 

"No sir," Ben said. "It's true. Jack Sparrow is above romance." 

"He don't need no man," Klaus said. "Miss Swann on the other hand-" 

"There aren't any sex scenes," Ben quickly interrupted. "It's a child friendly movie." 

Five huffed. 

"The pirates are practically zombies," Klaus said. "They're cursed and undead." 

_That_ caught Five's interest. He was kind of obsessed with undead characters lately. 

"We'll watch it," Five said. "On one condition." 

"What's that?" Klaus said. 

"If there are any songs," Five said. "You're forbidden from singing along." 

"That's easy," Klaus said. "Right Ben?" 

"Very do-able," Ben agreed. "Very easy." 

"Glad we're in agreement," Five said. 

Later, Klaus broke his word. He just couldn't resist yo ho-ing along when the opportunity presented itself. 

Five rolled his eyes, but didn't even bother to commit violence.

 _He secretly loves me,_ Klaus thought. _We all know it's true._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


On New Year's Eve, Five took advantage of the fact that he had everyone gathered in the same room. 

Or, almost everyone. Vanya and Klaus were still in California. 

"I want at least one example from each of you," Five said. "of something you've noticed that's different from your native timeline." 

Allison, in her usual fashion, wanted to shift the conversation to lighter topics. "Can't we do New Years resolutions instead? You know, like a _normal_ family?" 

"Sure," Five said. "After you name an anomaly, you can share your resolution." 

Luther raised his hand. "Can I go first? I have an example." 

"Is your example about Hillary Clinton?" Diego said. "Cause that's cheating, that one is too obvious." 

Five noted the name down in his notebook. "The former First Lady?" 

"I remember her," Ben said. "What happened, is she supposed to be dead? Or, is she dead and she's supposed to be alive? Old Five said that was the most common Mandela effect." 

"She's not supposed to be dead," Diego said. "She lost the election, originally."

"Election?" Ben said. "What, for president?!"

"Ben, do you mind sitting this one out?" Five said. "You and I, we're in the same boat here." 

"Actually, it happened after you both got here," Allison said. "Hillary became president in 2016, but… it _just_ happened. _This_ timeline was overwritten again."

 _"Shit,"_ Five said, making a note of it. "When exactly? And why didn't anyone tell me?"

"Actually, it happened in November," Luther said. "Right before Thanksgiving. That's when I noticed it." 

"None of you watch the fucking news," Diego said. "It happened on November 8th." 

"You're sure of that?" Five said. "Would you stake your life on it?" 

"Whoa," Allison said. "Dial it back." 

"I _would_ stake my life on it," Diego said.

"Would you?" Allison said. "Because I'm pretty sure it was November 6th when I noticed it." 

"You said it just happened!" Diego huffed. "Don't go changing your story!" 

Luther frowned at Diego. "Guys-"

"November _did_ just happen," Allison said. 

"Who was president before?" Ben said. "Wow, I should pay more attention to politics." 

"It was two _months_ ago," Diego growled. "You can't say it just-" 

"Shut up!" Five said, sternly.

Surprisingly, they did. 

Five cleared his throat. "I'm going to count that as Diego's example." 

"No way," Diego said. "I've got something better." 

Five smiled. "I'm all ears." 

"There was all this drama around supers," Diego said. "Especially with the younger kids with powers. Like, it was becoming a talking point with politicians." 

Ben bounced excitedly. "What the heck! There are more of us?!" 

This was new information to Five too. 

_"Again,"_ Five growled. "Why is this the first I'm hearing about this?"

"Hold on," Diego said. "It gets worse." 

"Do you have to talk about this _today?"_ Allison said. 

"Yes," Five and Diego said. 

Then Five motioned for him to continue. 

"So there was all this drama," Diego said. "Cause supers used to be rare, but they were starting to become common. Or, I think most of them used to hide. But all of a sudden, they were coming out of the woodwork. It made law enforcement nervous. And, you know, those religious nuts. That's why it got political." 

"That _does_ sound bad," Ben said. 

"They were just concerned about the criminal element," Luther said. "Some of those supers were using their powers to steal or vandalize people's property." 

Allison sighed. 

"So what happened?" Five said. "How did it get worse?" 

"It disappeared," Diego said. "The whole drama. The talking points. None of it is being mentioned anymore." 

Diego leaned forward, clearly enjoying his little audience. "So I did some digging. Back in October, that's when shit really hit the fan. A bunch of arrests. A riot in D.C. Now? It never happened. And those supers? They're gone." 

Ben gasped. "They're dead?!" 

Diego shrugged. "They were never arrested. Dunno if they're dead." 

"That's probably because the Institute is gone," Allison said. "I'd be in a better mood too, without all that harassment." 

Five had been writing down the key points, but now he paused to squint at Allison. 

"Your turn," he said. "Tell me about this institute." 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Every crumb of information was a puzzle piece, but instead of creating a clearer picture it just made Five realize his puzzle was _humongous._ What little he knew, it was a fraction of a _corner_ piece. It was a puzzle piece to a puzzle piece to a puzzle piece. 

How could these changes potentially add up to the Apocalypse? What was the commission _doing_ to the timeline? What was their goal?

 _"They're invested in humanity,"_ the other Five had said. 

Five found this hard to believe. 

"... and I'm also considering a role in a TV show," Allison was saying. "It would be a really big commitment. Like, years of work. But if I'm committed to being more responsible this year what better proof is there than signing a six year contract?" 

_Six years,_ Five thought. _Will the world end in six years? Sooner? Later? Next week?_

"What's the show about?" Luther said. 

"It's kind of a Star Trek rip off," Allison said. "Or maybe Star Wars. Something like that." 

"You're committed alright," Diego said. 

_Will it be permanent next time?_ Five wondered.

"The first season is already out," Allison said. "I've been meaning to watch it. Anyway, I really like the schedule. I would have weekends off. That's rare in Hollywood."

"That's really good," Luther said. "For Claire and you and… and old Five." 

_Does OCD Five like the schedule?_ Five wanted to ask, but he also resented his own curiosity. 

He had not spoken to the other Five since their phone call about the Apocalypse. Before the memory wipe.

 _I should call him,_ Five thought. _Ask him if he saw-_

Ben elbowed him, gesturing at Allison. 

"Um," Five said. "You won't be the protagonist?" 

"Not this time," Allison said. "But being a supporting character has a lot of advantages. It's a steady enough paycheck, but less hours on set."

Five nodded. 

"So what about you, Five?" Allison said. "What's your New Year's Resolution?" 

"Oh, I don't know," Five said. "Figured I'd start small. Save the world." 

Ben laughed. "Then move on to bigger and better things with the rest of the galaxy?" 

"This isn't a joke, guys," Diego said. "This is an important year." 

"It is?" Luther said. 

"Why's it important?" Ben said. 

_"You know,"_ Diego said, gesturing at Ben, then turning to Five. "You know."

Allison nodded, chuckling. "Mhm. Yes." 

"Uh huh," Five said. "Love you too, Diego." 

"Oh!" Ben said. "Aaaaw, me too!" 

Diego blushed, sputtering. 

"Anyway, I might go to college," Ben said. "Does that count as a resolution? But I'm not sure because then I wouldn't get to go to California as often, right? That would suck."

"You can enroll in online courses," Luther said. "Or, some classes only meet up once a week. If you plan carefully, you can make it work." 

"Since when are _you_ a college expert?" Diego muttered, giving Luther the ol' side eye. 

"I've been looking into it," Luther said. 

"We still haven't heard Five's resolution," Allison said. "Can we get a serious answer please?" 

Five tutted. "Fine. I want to work on my powers." 

Allison gave him a Look. 

"What's wrong with that?" Five said. 

"Don't you want to do any normal kid stuff?" Allison said. "Like, pick up an interesting hobby?" 

"What's more interesting than time travel?" 

Now _Ben_ gave him a Look, but his was decidedly anxious. "You… but you…" 

"You're not allowed to time travel!" Diego said. 

"I thought we agreed," Luther said. "that you'd stay in 2019… I mean, 2020." 

"I'm not going anywhere," Five said. "There's just this trick I've been trying to crack. Something the other Five told me about." 

"What kind of trick?" Allison said. 

"He called it Rewind," Five said, motioning in a circle with an index finger. "He'd go back a few seconds. A quick rewind. Said it was better than jumping through time because there's no doppelgangers to deal with." 

_And it has the potential to reverse emergency or any injury._ Five decided they'd be uncomfortable knowing that, given the implications, so he kept it to himself. 

Everyone stared at him, flabbergasted. 

"I didn't know he could do that," Luther said. 

Five shrugged. "Maybe he can't, anymore."

"Wait a minute," Allison said. "When did he use that power? Did he give you any examples of the situations he used it for?" 

"Nope," Five said. "Just the technicals." 

_Technicals like: 'You can bring someone back from the dead.'_

They _definitely_ didn't need to know that. The situation would have been different from the thing with Ben. 

"That's so creepy," Diego breathed. "He could have had the same conversations over and over again. To get it how he wanted. Like Groundhog's day." 

"Hardly," Five said. "That would be a ridiculous waste of energy." 

"He definitely didn't do that," Luther agreed. "I think conversations would have gone a lot smoother if he had." 

Diego chuckled. "Damn. That's a great point, Luth." 

Allison looked disturbed. "You should have told us sooner. Before…" 

Five sighed. "And _you_ should have told me about President Clinton!" 

"They don't call her Clinton," Diego said. "It confuses her with her husband." 

"Really?" Ben said. "So then it's President Hillary?" 

"It sounds a little weird," Luther said. "So I would just say her full name, if I had to talk about her." 

"Um, guys?" Ben said. "We missed the ball drop." 

Five glanced at the TV, which had been muted. They had indeed missed the ball drop. 

"That's just great," Allison said. "Happy fucking New Year. _So_ glad I spent the real one here." 

"What's your problem?" Diego said. 

"Five is my problem!" Allison snapped. "He's going to get himself killed one day!" 

"Which Five?" Five said, sardonically. 

"Why can't you just settle into a normal life?" Allison said. "Why are you always putting yourself in danger?" 

"Since when is using my own power so dangerous?" Five said. "You use yours all the time." 

Allison bit her lip. "If I stopped using mine would you stop using yours?" 

"No." 

"I don't mean teleporting," Allison said. "That part is fine." 

_"Is_ it fine?" Five snapped. "Or will you all panic if I leave the room unexpectedly?" 

Luther winced. "I never panic…"

Allison half rose out of her seat, reaching out with her hand, which hovered near Five with uncertainty. Like she wanted to make a grab for him, but knew better. 

"Five-"

"Then I guess it's fine if I leave now, right?" Five said. "It's official, we're in 2020. The holidays are over." 

"Listen here," Diego said. "You can't-" 

"I _can,"_ Five said. "So I will." 

And he left the room. 

Later, when there were knocks on his bedroom door, Five left that room too. He left and he left and he left again, until they got tired of looking for him. Until they finally went to sleep and Ben was the last one awake, waiting like he always did. 

"You're back." Ben looked relieved, as if this was a pleasant surprise.

"I don't want to talk about it," Five said. 

"That's okay," Ben said. "You must be exhausted." 

Five nodded, and they got into bed. 

Minutes passed in blissful silence, but then Ben whispered, "Can I just say one thing?" 

Five groaned. 

"Just one," Ben said. 

"Clearly, I can't stop you." 

"I think Allison is scared for you," Ben said. "That's all. Because she loves you." 

"She's mixing me up with the other Five," Five said. "She should save her worry for _him."_

"I don't think that's it," Ben said. "I think she's more worried about you than him." 

"That makes no sense," Five said.

"Sorry," Ben said. "I don't know how to explain it. It's just a hunch, anyway. I could be wrong."

Five grunted.

"But anyway," Ben continued. "Tomorrow's her last day in New York. Can you try to be nice before she goes back?" 

"So far, you've said at least _three_ different things," Five huffed. 

"Sorry," Ben murmured. "But please? Be nice to her tomorrow?" 

"I've _been_ nice," Five muttered. "I've been nothing but nice, but she still looks at me like I'm…" 

_Like I'm a crazy person,_ Five thought. _Like I'm going to run out in front of a car._

"Tomorrow's her last day," Ben repeated.

"I'll be nice," Five said. 

"Thank you."

"Go to sleep already," Five added.

"Yessir," Ben said. "Love you." 

"Love you too." 

And that was how the New Year finally began. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I added the third "pâro" chapter to the July and August section of this here chronology. 
> 
> This probably won't be the first time I have to make an edit like that. Cause sometimes I don't realize we need a scene of that type until after I've already posted a chapter on here? 
> 
> Anyway, yep. I added it in.


End file.
